When's it okay to dislike "special" people?

[spartan231490]

At my job, the people who take care of emptying trash cans are the kind of people we call "special" nowadays to be considerate. One of them annoys the heck out of me. His way of speaking is annoying -- he speaks like a schoolyard bully whoadopts a mocking tone of voice and repeats what the bullying victim's said. He makes stupid jokes. He sometimes shoves people as a joke (that I don't find the least bit funny). Luckily, he's never shoved me so far, probably because I stay away from him.

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

Of course you're not, and anyone who says you are is a dick. You dislike him because of the way he behaves, not because he's special. Also, while they might be entirely different people if they weren't special, you can't tell that. Normal and even gifted people can be inconsiderate or loud, and just like not every "normal" person has the same personality, not every "special" person does either. No person's personality is wholly determined by anything so simple as whether they are "special" or not.

 

[LadyLightning]

You don't have to explain it to him, in fact, I would recommend not confronting him with it at all. I would go straight to his supervisor and report him, citing the right of anyone he's shoved to file assault charges, and then subtly hint that employees being found guilty of multiple counts of assault probably looks like shit on the company profile.

It doesn't matter how dumb someone is, or whether or not there's a genetic reason for him to be dumb. Actions are what matters, not the intent behind them, and you should not be expected to witness or be the victim of daily assault at work. If this person doesn't understand that you don't just shove and hit people for no good reason, then he doesn't deserve to keep his job.

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

If my disability was to punch people repeatedly across the face, you do not have to grin an bare it.

HOW EV ER (broken apart for EM PHA SIS)

I think it is someone's job - maybe not yours, but someone's - to take my face punching disability and help me. I think by disliking me for punching you across the face uncontrollably you make my life a little worse. You need to find a way to help mould my face punching it a positive thing, whether it be by making sure I understand that what I'm doing is wrong, by making sure I'm isolated in some way, or... you know. You have no responsibility to tolerate my actions, but you do have one to aid me, because I'm as much a victim of this disability as you are now. We're in this together, for thick and for thin. And I ain't gonna help myself.

 

[Fox12]

Some of the best people I've ever known were mentally or physically handicapped.

Some of the biggest assholes I ever knew were handicapped too. To the point where they would physically abuse those around them, despite knowing better, because they knew they could get away with it. It's fine to hate those people, they're horrible people.

 

[GonzoGamer]

he speaks like a schoolyard bully whoadopts a mocking tone of voice and repeats what the bullying victim's said. He makes stupid jokes. He sometimes shoves people as a joke (that I don't find the least bit funny). Luckily, he's never shoved me so far, probably because I stay away from him.

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

Don't feel bad. In my HS the only bullies were the "special" kids and we would fuck with them back. I remember crazy gluing one kid who would always take random swings at me and other kids. Just don't assume all "special" people are like that (no shit) because a couple of the nicest kids I ever met were on the short bus too. Everyone has disadvantages, not everyone's bitter about theirs.

 

[PinkiePyro]

"special" or not its perfectly okay to dislike someone due to past behavior...particularly someone being a jerk

just like everyone some "special" people are jerks some are plain annoying and some are nice..

Saying that, I once lived with my ex and his friend (to cut costs etc) who was autistic who was the biggest bellend I've ever known. He'd regularly try pass it off as his autism but I know it wasn't as severe as he made out and I know autistic people knew the difference between right and wrong which he didn't. He was screaming and shouting at me putting a plate in the sink and calling me all sorts of names, then tried smashing up the house. My ex asked him to apologise to me later and he just said, "well no because I've got Aspergers."
One time me and my ex had a massive argument, I went downstairs to sit on the sofa and cry so he came down later and watched me cry while sniggering. I've never known an autistic person be as horrible as him.

He couldn't excuse himself as much as he tried. The day we moved out I had some serious words with him.

.. okay as I am someone who has Aspergers I can confirm that guy was a asshat!

yes.. Aspergers is a form of autism but we are really high functioning we may have issues with talking face to face and dealing with stress but NONE of that behavior you describe is Aspergers related (well screaming could be but not over a plate)and even if it was its no excuse young aspies can some times wreck stuff during panic attacks but as an adult he would know when one was coming on and know how to prevent it (I have been attack free for 14 years)and even if it was a panic attack he still should apologise for it.

if you see him ever again please hit him and tell him to stop being a dick and making us other aspies look bad (if he even has it)

 

[Bestival]

South Park said this pretty well in the Deathcamp For Tolerance episode; Just because you tolerate something/one doesn't mean you have to like them...
If the guy's being a dick, by all means hate him for being a dick. Just don't call him a retard to try and hurt his feelings when he goes over the line sometime, just call him an asshole like you would anyone else.

 

[Godhead]

It's ok to not like someone for being a dick. But I'd like to think that it's not ok to not like someone just because they're mentally handicapped.

 

[Davey Woo]

I find I have less of a problem with 'special' people and more of a problem with their carers.
When I was at school there were a few kids in the year that had autism of varying severity. One or two had quite severe autism and were obviously very anxious socially and found it difficult to learn, and they were very dependent on the one-to-one care they received, on the other hand, a couple of the kids had seemingly minor autism and could easily hold conversations with people and were fine studying in the subjects they enjoyed. The problem I had was that the carers treated all of the autistic children in the same way, as if they were incredibly needy and couldn't handle anything on their own, I remember thinking at the time that, with the more able kids, if they had just been treated the same as other 'normal' kids, then their autism would not have had anywhere near the same impact on their school life as it was having, all just because their carers essentially treated them like very young children, rather than the teenagers that they were.

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me. Now I'm all for inclusiveness, however in this case, I don't think the guy was even really capable of understanding what was going on in the movie, so why was he there? I can't help but feel like it was just the carers who wanted to see the movie, and the only time they had was whilst they were at work, so they just brought along these disabled people to kill two birds with one stone, and it just pissed me off.

Anyway, long story short, I think I just hate people, indiscriminately.

 

[Gunner 51]

You raise a rather interesting question there, Queen Michael.

I've had a mixed bag of experiences with special people, some of them are the nicest folks around, people who could be Mr Rogers in disguise. The kinds of people who would bend over backwards and appreciate the kinds of people "normal" people would take for granted. Real princes among men.

And others who are completely rude, arrogant and use their disability as a shield to make themselves untouchable from being called out for being arsewipes.

I'll admit, my first experience with the disabled folks was one with a girl called Pearl. She was wheelchair-bound and one of the nastiest children I'd ever come across. She would routinely bully or scream obscenities other children and if you didn't get out of her way, she'd use her wheelchair as a battering ram or a steam-roller. If you took her to task, she'd lie to teachers and say that you were hitting her and they would believer her every freakin' time. She was practically Angelica Pickles in a wheelchair.

Pearl had soured my view on the disabled for many, many years. But when I met more disabled people, I realised that they were every bit as varied as everyone else.

But one thing I object to is referring to them as special, because they're pretty much the same as anyone else really. No better or worse than anyone.

Embrace the cool ones, bollocks to the arseholes. And above all, don't let the bastards get you down.

 

[Eamar]

It's ok to not like someone for being a dick. But I'd like to think that it's not ok to not like someone just because they're mentally handicapped.

The difficulty being discussed is that sometimes people act like dicks or behave deeply inappropriately because they're mentally handicapped. It's not always easy to judge whether someone's just being a dick or if it's down to their disability, particularly if you don't know them all that well.

I totally agree with your sentiment, but it's often really not that simple.

 

[Eamar]

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me.

Oh man, that's a tough situation. I'll admit my heart has sunk on several occasions when I've sat down in the cinema only to hear a special needs person shouting out. I always feel a pang of guilt right afterwards, because they have exactly the same right to be there as I do... but at the same time, there are certain situations where certain codes of conduct are required, and keeping quiet in the cinema is one of them.

While I wouldn't usually suggest segregation, I really do think dedicated screenings for people with those sorts of problems would be the best solution. Lots of places do special autism-friendly screenings and they seem to have been well-received, after all.

 

[Davey Woo]

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me.

Oh man, that's a tough situation. I'll admit my heart has sunk on several occasions when I've sat down in the cinema only to hear a special needs person shouting out. I always feel a pang of guilt right afterwards, because they have exactly the same right to be there as I do... but at the same time, there are certain situations where certain codes of conduct are required, and keeping quiet in the cinema is one of them.

While I wouldn't usually suggest segregation, I really do think dedicated screenings for people with those sorts of problems would be the best solution. Lots of places do special autism-friendly screenings and they seem to have been well-received, after all.

What I struggle with, is are they even capable of ENJOYING the film? Like, if you haven't got the mental capacity to be stop yourself from randomly groaning and shouting, have you got the ability to understand what's going on in the cinema? and if not then WHY bring them? Other than for the reason I stated, because its actually the carers that want to see it and they have no time to outside of their caring hours.

 

[Eamar]

What I struggle with, is are they even capable of ENJOYING the film? Like, if you haven't got the mental capacity to be stop yourself from randomly groaning and shouting, have you got the ability to understand what's going on in the cinema?

I think that's straying into dangerous territory, as it varies massively from case to case. It's perfectly possible for people to be unable to control their speech while still functioning completely normally mentally (think Tourrette's Syndrome), and the same can be true for cerebral palsy, where the yelling might be a response to the pain that's common with the condition. I don't know enough to make a blanket judgement though.

 

[Mr. Eff_v1legacy]

It's fine to dislike anyone you want. You have no obligation to anyone. Why should you feel bad about it?

I think it's pretty sad that this needs to be discussed.