Where would you build your evil fortress?

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Shocksplicer

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lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.

And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.

And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!

Why? Because I can.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:

My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
*Eyes narrow* We meet at last. My Arch Nemesis!

So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.

UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg

If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
AHA! You FOOL! In destroying all the Corgis in the world you have only helped me in my TRUE plan.
For you see...
I AM REALLY A CAT PERSON!
MWAHAHAHHA!
UNLEASH THE RUSSIAN BLUES! SEND THE BRITISH SHORTHAIRS INTO THE FLANKS!
 

Aprilgold

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shrekfan246 said:
Aprilgold said:
I would build a Outer Haven built for Space to suit Big Bosses's original intentions, so soldiers after war can just kill each other in the streets of this space ship.

Of course thats the cover up and the real base is on the lowest floor with the only way to get in would be through a hall with no cover and with at least a hundred robot snipers that will kill you, along with twenty human snipers when the robots break so that no one can get to my room. ALSO, FUCK AIR DUCTS BEING OPENABLE, THEY HAVE TO HAVE TO BE BUILT INTO THE SHIP TO STOP THOSE FUCKERS FROM CRAWLING THROUGH IT!

Which will be the headquarters that hold a weapon of mass gayness, a bomb that will not kill or destroy, but will change straight people who are straight into gay people to stop over population.

All of my minions will be wearing balaclavas and speedo is the only thing their wearing other then their head. Also, their all males to prevent lady spies.
But the only thing one needs to counter all of those snipers is plenty of pentazemin, field rations, chaff grenades, and their own sniper rifle. And everyone knows that human guards are stupid enough to be prone to following random footprints in a perfect pattern, staring intently at the ground with such intense tunnel vision that horses wearing those blinder things would be impressed. Or, if the hall is large enough and empty enough (and provided the walls are made of some sort of material that reverberates), one could simply knock against the wall to lure the guards one by one around a corner to their doom. Especially since halls are almost never just straight and narrow paths from one location to another.

And everyone knows that anyone with the balls to infiltrate that base in the first place is probably asexual, who is more interested in his SOCOM than a half-naked lady-person.
Halls to long for them to hear someone crossing over carpet [ha, no metal *****, just carpet] and their all straight but only gay magazines are in the thing, take it trying to fool my guards.

Snake is asexual IS A LIE! He totally looks at all the chicks asses, theres a damn puzzle about it for gods sake.

Also, your assuming that snake can throw a chaff down about a 300 foot fucking hallway. Yes I have schematics for the lowest level and its essentially a 300 foot hallway that branches to my office, the bathroom and a gym / cafeteria.
 

shrekfan246

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May 26, 2011
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Aprilgold said:
Halls to long for them to hear someone crossing over carpet [ha, no metal *****, just carpet] and their all straight but only gay magazines are in the thing, take it trying to fool my guards.

Snake is asexual IS A LIE! He totally looks at all the chicks asses, theres a damn puzzle about it for gods sake.

Also, your assuming that snake can throw a chaff down about a 300 foot fucking hallway. Yes I have schematics for the lowest level and its essentially a 300 foot hallway that branches to my office, the bathroom and a gym / cafeteria.
Well, to be fair, seeing a gay porno magazine would still make a straight henchman get all weirded out and would probably distract him for a few moments while he tried to get rid of it, unless he had been conditioned to be used to seeing them.

And Meryl doesn't count. 'Cause she was one of those lady spies you claim aren't going to be around.

And if the hallway is completely straight, then... well, unless you have all of the henchmen bunched up at the opposite end of the hallway to wherever one would enter, it would still only take a matter of time to take all of them out. If they are all bunched up, that's a pretty large hallway and a few well-placed RPGs would take care of them.
 

regalphantom

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I would build my evil villain fortress underneath all the existing evil villain fortresses that are underneath the white house. Its the perfect plan, because if anybody suspects where my base is, they will have to fight through several different secret evil organizations just to get to me (For those who are wondering, the fortresses beneath the white house belong too, in descending order of closeness to the surface: The Free Masons, the Illuminati, Walt Disney Corporation, the Church of Scientology, the Super Illuminati, and the Underpants Gnomes (Stage 4, GLOBAL DOMINATION)).

But in all seriousness, I would either go underneath a large urban center, particularly a region that would be incredibly difficult to block off from public access, or somewhere mountainous, which, while being defensible, simultaneously offers a large number of escape routes should things go wrong. If technology would allow, I'd go with something outside of this dimension, or at least out of phase with it, as accessing it would be extremely difficult for those without the relevant technologies, yet extremely easy to escape should the need arise. As a note, if I do go the extra-reality route, I would do the following.

1. Never Bring Prisoners back to my main fortress. It would only allow one of them to escape with the technology required to access my realm.

2. I would include several failsafe mechanisms in any tech I have to hand out to underlings to prevent tampering and attempts at reverse engineering.

3. I would maintain bases of operation in realspace. This allows me to keep troops, supplies, and other necessities for evilness in the real world, preventing the need for widespread issue of advanced tech and the need for frequent trips too and from realspace, which may carry some risk, such as detection or the creation of a more stable dimensional bridge.

4. My fortress would be far away from my access point to the alternate dimension if at all possible. That way, even if enemies phase into my dimension, they are still going to have to figure out where my fort is and infiltrate it.
 

Aprilgold

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shrekfan246 said:
Aprilgold said:
Halls to long for them to hear someone crossing over carpet [ha, no metal *****, just carpet] and their all straight but only gay magazines are in the thing, take it trying to fool my guards.

Snake is asexual IS A LIE! He totally looks at all the chicks asses, theres a damn puzzle about it for gods sake.

Also, your assuming that snake can throw a chaff down about a 300 foot fucking hallway. Yes I have schematics for the lowest level and its essentially a 300 foot hallway that branches to my office, the bathroom and a gym / cafeteria.
Well, to be fair, seeing a gay porno magazine would still make a straight henchman get all weirded out and would probably distract him for a few moments while he tried to get rid of it, unless he had been conditioned to be used to seeing them.

And Meryl doesn't count. 'Cause she was one of those lady spies you claim aren't going to be around.

And if the hallway is completely straight, then... well, unless you have all of the henchmen bunched up at the opposite end of the hallway to wherever one would enter, it would still only take a matter of time to take all of them out. If they are all bunched up, that's a pretty large hallway and a few well-placed RPGs would take care of them.
The main thing I've forgotten is that the actual henchman won't be there until a robot is destroyed, essentially their taking the place of 20 robots if those 20 get destroyed out of the 100. The hallway ends in a T to give you a better example.

On their training, it would be the same training as MGS henchmen, so they would just overlook the homo mag.
 

shrekfan246

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May 26, 2011
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Aprilgold said:
The main thing I've forgotten is that the actual henchman won't be there until a robot is destroyed, essentially their taking the place of 20 robots if those 20 get destroyed out of the 100. The hallway ends in a T to give you a better example.

On their training, it would be the same training as MGS henchmen, so they would just overlook the homo mag.
I suspect that if you really want to prevent Solid Snake intrusions into your evil fortress, you might want to invest in a better training plan than the MGS Henchmen plan. The Hallway of Henchmen might prove to be a challenge, but it would still be surmountable by any Solid Snake worth his salt.

[sub][sub]By the way, this conversation made my night. Ahh, I love Metal Gear Solid so much.[/sub][/sub]
 

lacktheknack

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Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.

And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.

And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!

Why? Because I can.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:

My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
*Eyes narrow* We meet at last. My Arch Nemesis!

So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.

UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg

If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
AHA! You FOOL! In destroying all the Corgis in the world you have only helped me in my TRUE plan.
For you see...
I AM REALLY A CAT PERSON!
MWAHAHAHHA!
UNLEASH THE RUSSIAN BLUES! SEND THE BRITISH SHORTHAIRS INTO THE FLANKS!
But what you don't REALIZE is that I am of a hive mind, hive soul, and hive digestive tract with my lovely Pomeranians!

EVEN AS WE (blargh) SPEAK, I AM VOMITING (blargh) ALL YOUR CORGIS INTO MY (blargh) PERSONAL ARMY.

(blargh) My avatar confirms this. Q.E.D, bitches! (blargh)
 

Aprilgold

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shrekfan246 said:
Aprilgold said:
The main thing I've forgotten is that the actual henchman won't be there until a robot is destroyed, essentially their taking the place of 20 robots if those 20 get destroyed out of the 100. The hallway ends in a T to give you a better example.

On their training, it would be the same training as MGS henchmen, so they would just overlook the homo mag.
I suspect that if you really want to prevent Solid Snake intrusions into your evil fortress, you might want to invest in a better training plan than the MGS Henchmen plan. The Hallway of Henchmen might prove to be a challenge, but it would still be surmountable by any Solid Snake worth his salt.

[sub][sub]By the way, this conversation made my night. Ahh, I love Metal Gear Solid so much.[/sub][/sub]
Yes but it has to be beatable for fun. Also, since the top floors are nothing but fighting good luck getting through there with the controls of MGS 1 things.
 

Shocksplicer

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lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.

And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.

And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!

Why? Because I can.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:

My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
*Eyes narrow* We meet at last. My Arch Nemesis!

So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.

UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg

If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
AHA! You FOOL! In destroying all the Corgis in the world you have only helped me in my TRUE plan.
For you see...
I AM REALLY A CAT PERSON!
MWAHAHAHHA!
UNLEASH THE RUSSIAN BLUES! SEND THE BRITISH SHORTHAIRS INTO THE FLANKS!
But what you don't REALIZE is that I am of a hive mind, hive soul, and hive digestive tract with my lovely Pomeranians!

EVEN AS WE (blargh) SPEAK, I AM VOMITING (blargh) ALL YOUR CORGIS INTO MY (blargh) PERSONAL ARMY.

(blargh) My avatar confirms this. Q.E.D, bitches! (blargh)
Your Canine Cannon Fodder cannot hope to withstand the cuteness of my SUPER ROBOT KITTENS! SEND IN THE 16 FOOT TALL Q-TEE MCWHISKERS THAT SHOOTS RAINBOW LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!
 

shrekfan246

Not actually a Japanese pop star
May 26, 2011
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Aprilgold said:
Yes but it has to be beatable for fun. Also, since the top floors are nothing but fighting good luck getting through there with the controls of MGS 1 things.
... fair enough, you've got me there. Especially if his eyes superimpose themselves on the ceilings of whatever room he happens to be in unless he's specifically trying to aim at something. But the biggest question is... will the secret weapon hidden in your headquarters be... Metal Gear!?!?!?
 

Aprilgold

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shrekfan246 said:
Aprilgold said:
Yes but it has to be beatable for fun. Also, since the top floors are nothing but fighting good luck getting through there with the controls of MGS 1 things.
... fair enough, you've got me there. Especially if his eyes superimpose themselves on the ceilings of whatever room he happens to be in unless he's specifically trying to aim at something. But the biggest question is... will the secret weapon hidden in your headquarters be... Metal Gear!?!?!?
It will be a Metal Gear that focuses on shooting bombs and lasers that turn people into homosexuals or lesbians then horny so that they can not fire back without feeling awkward and gays and lesbians into straight people to fix the overpopulation on Earth.

Just imagine ray with a much more colorful rainbow palette. And yes, it will be my desk.
 

rutger5000

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Pripryat. A whole city already build for me and housing for my army. I'll use some jodium tablets to prevent any effects from staying in a slightly (by now it's slightly) radioativly contaminated area. Most people that will try to oppose me will fear Pripryat as almost everyone fear almost everything that is even remotely connected to radioactivity, and my soldiers probably won't make it past 60 and be relativly healthy before that. So I get relativly soldiers without worrying about their pensions, also insurrections are easily to suppress just threaten to with-hold the jodium tablets. Of course the jodium tablets lower soldiers get are in fact placebos.
 

Sidiron

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lacktheknack said:
Operating under video game logic:

It's a common assumption in game development that no one EVER looks up, so an airship would work.
Gosh darn it, there I was thinking my airship would be uncontested in the skies of Europe and overseas. -Ponders with his pipe- Would the good gentleman be interested in joining together in the spirit of conquest, with my word of honour that I shall depart to the luminiferous aether once the subjugation of this globe is complete?

Also, my fellow Escapists, have we descended to such depths that we are going to be using children as shields for our diabolical schemes? Who will fear us once we have executed the mandatory sacrifices?? Shame on you. :p
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
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Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
lacktheknack said:
Shocksplicer said:
I'd make mine a lovely little cottage...
On Olympus Mons.

And My guards would be adorable little Corgis...
With Gatling Guns.

And My Great Plan would be to systematically destroy each and every copy of Pride and Prejudice in the world!

Why? Because I can.
But - But - Pride and Prejudice is the only romance novel I like! D:

My Great Plan is now officially to feed all the world's corgis to the world's Pomeranians.
*Eyes narrow* We meet at last. My Arch Nemesis!

So... it has come to THIS. It's the corgis versus the 600 page romance novels.

UNLEASH THE FLYING POMERANIANS!

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a7/fe/a7fe85ffba8fce27b185dd4ea46bc6ff_h.jpg

If we do this right, they might make a movie out of it!
AHA! You FOOL! In destroying all the Corgis in the world you have only helped me in my TRUE plan.
For you see...
I AM REALLY A CAT PERSON!
MWAHAHAHHA!
UNLEASH THE RUSSIAN BLUES! SEND THE BRITISH SHORTHAIRS INTO THE FLANKS!
But what you don't REALIZE is that I am of a hive mind, hive soul, and hive digestive tract with my lovely Pomeranians!

EVEN AS WE (blargh) SPEAK, I AM VOMITING (blargh) ALL YOUR CORGIS INTO MY (blargh) PERSONAL ARMY.

(blargh) My avatar confirms this. Q.E.D, bitches! (blargh)
Your Canine Cannon Fodder cannot hope to withstand the cuteness of my SUPER ROBOT KITTENS! SEND IN THE 16 FOOT TALL Q-TEE MCWHISKERS THAT SHOOTS RAINBOW LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!
<img width=300>http://d4k7s9ho8qact.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/giantCorgi1.jpg?9d7bd4

Checkmate.

(Do you know how bloody hard this thing was to vomit?)
 

rutger5000

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Surpheal said:
In the heart of the Supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy, made of a special material that would prevent it from being crushed down into its great dark, unyielding maw. I would then build up the New Grox Empire near the galactic core, with the eventual target of my great plan being the Earth.

Then I would invade with my mighty armada, and bring my genius plan to fruition.

The theft of all of the sodium chloride on and in the Earth.
Wait salt, I don't get it. Sodium is Natrium in English right?
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
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Sidiron said:
lacktheknack said:
Operating under video game logic:

It's a common assumption in game development that no one EVER looks up, so an airship would work.
Gosh darn it, there I was thinking my airship would be uncontested in the skies of Europe and overseas. -Ponders with his pipe- Would the good gentleman be interested in joining together in the spirit of conquest, with my word of honour that I shall depart to the luminiferous aether once the subjugation of this globe is complete?
Aight, give me a second here, I'm busy vomiting corgis to protect the romance novels.

(Thread: Bookmarked)
 

Sidiron

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lacktheknack said:
Aight, give me a second here, I'm busy vomiting corgis to protect the romance novels.
One would never wish to impose upon your time, if you are otherwise engaged. Although if the good old isle of Blighty is going to succumb to a sea of Pomeranians and Corgis engaging in canine warfare, my Airship and I will be subjugating Berlin.

Aprilgold said:
It will be a Metal Gear that focuses on shooting bombs and lasers that turn people into homosexuals or lesbians then horny so that they can not fire back without feeling awkward and gays and lesbians into straight people to fix the overpopulation on Earth.

Just imagine ray with a much more colorful rainbow palette. And yes, it will be my desk.


Would it then be called Bondage Gear??
 

Aprilgold

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Sidiron said:
lacktheknack said:
Aight, give me a second here, I'm busy vomiting corgis to protect the romance novels.
One would never wish to impose upon your time, if you are otherwise engaged. Although if the good old isle of Blighty is going to succumb to a sea of Pomeranians and Corgis engaging in canine warfare, my Airship and I will be subjugating Berlin.

Aprilgold said:
It will be a Metal Gear that focuses on shooting bombs and lasers that turn people into homosexuals or lesbians then horny so that they can not fire back without feeling awkward and gays and lesbians into straight people to fix the overpopulation on Earth.

Just imagine ray with a much more colorful rainbow palette. And yes, it will be my desk.


Would it then be called Bondage Gear??
I was thinking of adding nets but it would just be to much.
 

keiji_Maeda

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Surpheal said:
In the heart of the Supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy, made of a special material that would prevent it from being crushed down into its great dark, unyielding maw. I would then build up the New Grox Empire near the galactic core, with the eventual target of my great plan being the Earth.

Then I would invade with my mighty armada, and bring my genius plan to fruition.

The theft of all of the sodium chloride on and in the Earth.
Wouldn't surpriose me if the reapers in mass effect 3 the revised ending actually had this changed to as their modus operandi...