White Knight Complex?

[SpectacularWebHead]

Well, Recently I've been thinking about the things I act and the stuff I do. I do a lot of stuff for other people, I help people where possible, and I always jump into arguments when I feel someone is being bullied or ignored. I always feel like It's my responsibility to help others, even if it means I put myself in harms way. And because of that, People tend to either like me or just not have an opinion one way or another. Which is nice, really.

But I've just started worrying if it's not really my business, and whether jumping in and helping isn't always the best thing I can do. I recently broke up a fight between two guys and found out that the fight had happened because the guy I helped had beaten up the other guys little brother. If I had known, I don't know if I would have done what I did. True, no-one got hurt, but... I don't know.

Basically, I want to know if I should change, or if what I'm doing is wrong. Am I doing the right thing, Or am do I just have a hero complex?

(Captcha is up up and away. It's toying with me!)

 

[BloatedGuppy]

The very fact you're even cognizant of the fact you might have a hero complex is probably fair evidence that you do.

Seriously though, there are worse complexes to have.

 

[BlazeRaider]

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to do good. I think there is a difference between genuinely trying to stop any bad things you see happening and simply playing hero. If the incident with the two fighting men teaches you anything, I feel that it's that you should approach situations more openly with the idea that what you are seeing may not necessarily be what it seems. If you can help people then do so if you want to, but don't forget that by being an outsider you may not be privy to all the information to make an informed decision. I guess what I'm generally trying to say is: trying to help people is not a problem, just be more careful about it, and don't forget sometimes there are problems you just can't help in, that people have to solve themselves.

 

[SpectacularWebHead]

Hmm. Maybe I should get some tights...

 

[Geekiest]

Wanting to help people is always admirable. And I think that preventing physical violence should always be a goal. The fight you broke up? Probably a good thing you did. Because it shouldn't have happened in the first place. When someone you know gets hurt, you should GO TO THE POLICE. Getting in a fight so you can end up arrested too is called letting emotions overrun good sense. The guy who started the fight was being an idiot. It shouldn't be rewarded with approval from those around him.

That said, setting good personal boundaries and getting yourself some education so you know when you're being helpful and when you're enabling would probably be a good first step toward tempering some of your concerns and any possible negative impact you might have. I come from a 12-step household. Sometimes the worst thing you can do for someone is help, because that means they never get to learn from their mistakes. But really? Some books on applicable behaviors could be helpful. Addiction being one of the most common you'll run into where 'help' and 'hurt' are often the same thing. Educating yourself can only grant you more confidence to help people with self-assurance that what you're doing is the right thing, and make you more effective in the long-run.

 

[JimB]

But I've just started worrying if it's not really my business, and whether jumping in and helping isn't always the best thing I can do.

I would rather be wrong while trying to do the right thing than fail to do the right thing for fear I might be wrong. The former is regrettable; the latter is just cowardly.

 

[Rawne1980]

Met someone like you once a while ago.

Got into a fight outside a pub (that one wasn't my fault .... for a change) and in jumped a bloke to split it up.

People who jump into an already going fight are either brave or very stupid in my books.

Anyway ... he ended up with a broken nose. I had to drive him to hospital because I felt guilty about hitting him. Now the bugger is one of my closest friends.

The way he looks at it is the same way JimB above does. He'd rather stop someone from getting hurt and risk being wrong than walk off and regret it if anyone did get seriously hurt.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I think you just need to develop your judgement skill better as in assests the situation more (think before you acted).

Also ask yourself one thing, are you help others for genuie belief or is it an underlining as helping other is given you an ego boost (feeling good about yourself for helping others only).

 

[Terratina.]

Don't be stupid, whenever you get a thought to help someone, think about whether it'll harm you in any way. Weigh out the pros and cons. People don't need a hero, they need you - alive.

 

[Slash Dementia]

I used to be like this a lot. No matter what the problem, I would 'have' to be there to help. The turning point to that was when I was trying to be there for a friend who was really depressed. She told me that I'm not doing any good by always trying to help. That sometimes people just don't need or want help. What good was I really even doing? Sure, in some cases--like the one with the bully--it's often good to help, but in others...people just have to sort it out themselves. Now, I just tell myself "if they need my help, they'll ask" or I weigh the pros and cons, like Terratina said.

Anyway, if you feel like the question of "should I change" should even be asked, maybe tells you that you should at least tone it down a little bit.

 

[JimB]

If you see something that you believe is wrong, then you have to either take action against it or admit that you have no conviction in your belief. I know it's a harsh word, but "cowardly" is the only one I can think of to describe that, because we seem to be talking about a refusal to have faith in oneself because anything less than absolute omniscience leads to an unacceptable risk of being wrong.

 

[JimB]

If I understand you, Mortai Gravesend, then now we're just arguing about what level of action is appropriate to what level of reflection and research, and how these apply to time-sensitive situations. I think I'll bow out of that conversation; I dislike creating regulations for hypothetical and subjective variables.

 

[Conn1496]

This is one of those situations where you can only really say "As long as you meant well". As long as you try to be good, there's nothing wrong with you.

 

[Substitute Troll]

Well, Recently I've been thinking about the things I act and the stuff I do. I do a lot of stuff for other people, I help people where possible, and I always jump into arguments when I feel someone is being bullied or ignored. I always feel like It's my responsibility to help others, even if it means I put myself in harms way. And because of that, People tend to either like me or just not have an opinion one way or another. Which is nice, really.

But I've just started worrying if it's not really my business, and whether jumping in and helping isn't always the best thing I can do. I recently broke up a fight between two guys and found out that the fight had happened because the guy I helped had beaten up the other guys little brother. If I had known, I don't know if I would have done what I did. True, no-one got hurt, but... I don't know.

Basically, I want to know if I should change, or if what I'm doing is wrong. Am I doing the right thing, Or am do I just have a hero complex?

(Captcha is up up and away. It's toying with me!)

The truth of it is that you're actually not a selfless person. You're a selfish bastard. Oh don't worry, we all are. You see, for you, helping others is like a drug, albeit not a toxic one. I'm not big on science but my theory would be that for you, helping others stimulates the pleasure center in your brain, releasing endorphins into your body, causing you to like the act of helping others. It's not a defect or an uncommon thing, it's just something that could become a weakness if you don't have anything to compensate with.

 

[Karhukonna]

You don't need a reason to help people. Being helpful isn't exactly a bad thing to do. I wouldn't worry until you start ignoring your own needs. Always look out for number one and you'll be fine.

 

[Mavriked]

Don't change yourself unless you believe that you would be better without the complex. Everyone is different and the only reason any of them should change is for themselves, screw everyone else. This life is for you, but remember some things do have consequences and those consequenses would be the reason to change. For example, girl picks a fight with a bro, do you... A)Defend her actions when the bro turns to fight you, B)Pretend you don't know her, C)Leave the scene in order to protect your delicate face. I choose C, but perhaps with your hero complex you would choose A and end up in a pointless fight.