Why can't I have fun any more? How to get it back?

[Cowabungaa]

It's been something I've been asking myself for a while now, with a particulary heavy dose today. Things I usually love or at least like I just stopped caring about. Funny youtube videos, cool shows, good games, good books, going to the theatres. I just can't be bothered with anything! I just stare at my screen, dicking around. And when I boot up a game I seem to do it for the habit of it, not really enjoying it.

It doesn't seem to be a random case of boredom either, it's been going on for ages now and it really pisses me off. I used to be so passionate about things. New releases, booting up one of my favourite games, seeing a new movie. It's been months since I really could be bothered to do any of that, or when I did it it barely phased me.

So, does anyone recognise this? That is, something like this outside of a random, normal boredom spell. It's so incredibly frustrating, I don't really know where it comes from and I have no idea how to fix it. It's like I've lost this spark inside me and I don't know how to get it back.

For the record, yes I'm already seeing a psychologist for various issues, have been seeing several ones for about a year and a half now. I've adressed this as well, but nothing has come out of it yet, other things are more important she thinks. She might be right, but that doesn't make this any less frustrating. It's like I'm waisting my days, not truly living.

If you need any additional information, ask away.

 

[Melian]

This happens to me as well in periods. One day, I wake up, boot my computer and nothing interests me. Not funny pages, not my favourite games, nothing! And it can last really long too. My fix for this is usually to find something else away from the computer to occupy my time with. I tend to go nuts with training and/or reading a lot, and then after a few days of forced exile from the computer I usually get my enthusiasm back. But sometimes that doesn't help at all either. So I don't know, I guess for you it would be good to find out why you get bored with everything. Is it because it's too much normal day routine, then maybe a holiday would help? I hope any of this helps you, I feel like I've rambled a bit.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I've tried a little holiday some time ago, but it didn't help one bit, which disappointed me a lot I must add. I tried going to the gym too, but that didn't help either, though I do keep doing that for health reasons.

But it's not really in periods either, I've been having this for almost a year now, maybe longer but my memory is flaky at best. Sometimes it's worse, like today which made me make this topic in the first place, and sometimes it's manageable. But it's always there, this feeling that I'm just not enjoying myself as I know I could.

But I recognise your idea though, that routine may be causing this. Thought so myself, it's why I went on that little holiday on the first place. Yet each time I try something new, it either becomes routine or it doesn't do anything except offer a very momentary refuge. Hence that I now think that it lies deeper than routine.

 

[Melian]

Yeah, it doesn't sound very easy! :/
It does seem like there something more major behind, but I'm not exactly a shrink... It would probably be a good thing to try to figure out why you feel like this?
Are all things equally boring to you? Maybe you could try focusing on the things that are sort of fun and ignore the ones that you find really dreary?

Edit: Maybe the clue to solving this is in that not one part needs to be handled, but several? Yeah, I don't know, this may be the drunken me not making much sense.

 

[gritch]

I've always found that doing something really exciting can sometimes pull me out a boredom spell, though I will admit I've never had one as serious as the one you're describing. It might sound odd but I'd suggest doing something like riding a roller coaster - the biggest scariest one you can get to. Maybe the sudden influx of fear will help break this spell of your's.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Yeah I'm definitely trying to figure it out, if it keeps being this severe I'll ask if we (as in my psychologist and me) can devote that session to this problem.

Anyway, yeah when this is particulary severe everything is equally dull to me. My favourite books, my favourite games, my favourite shows, somehow they all barely touch me. When it's less severe I can enjoy myself somewhat, but there's always this nagging feeling in my head that basically goes "You're not really loving this, are you?"

It changes from time to time, but basically I always somehow notice that it's not as it's used to be, as if the passion is gone.

Edit: Maybe the clue to solving this is in that not one part needs to be handled, but several? Yeah, I don't know, this may be the drunken me not making much sense.

Care to explain that a little more? That is the "several parts" thing not the drunken part Though do share that story if you wish.

I've always found that doing something really exciting can sometimes pull me out a boredom spell, though I will admit I've never had one as serious as the one you're describing. It might sound odd but I'd suggest doing something like riding a roller coaster - the biggest scariest one you can get to. Maybe the sudden influx of fear will help break this spell of your's.

Good tip, be it not that I tried that out too. I was soooo excited but ended up being extremely disappointed. You should've seen the picture of me and my 11 year old sister while we were in the fastest roller coaster in Holland, one that launches you with about 90 km/h and has all kinds of crazy loops and twists and whatnot. We had the most bored faces you can imagine.

Even better was the fact that this was my sister's first roller coaster ride ever. And she wasn't even remotely phased by it. Yeah.

 

[Melian]

Heh, well I just thought that maybe it's not that one thing is troubling you, maybe it's several things? Maybe your holiday needs to be a bit more extensive? I don't know, it feels like a problem that persists for as long as yours can't simply be because of one thing. Either that, or you need a more major change in your life. I know I sometimes feel like just... I don't know, just going out and doing something ridiculously stupid just to get some color in my life. And the drunkeness isn't that interesting, just me, a bottle of wine, my nosy cats and nothing more interesting to do on a saturday than browsing the forum.

Edit: And I just thought of one thing: Whenever I get bored with everything, I feel the need to be creative and make something with my hands. I don't know, it might be the artist that lurks inside me, but drawing, writing or anything that creates something seems to relive my funk. Dunno if it works for you...

 

[Cowabungaa]

le snip

Care to pass some of that wine on? I could use some. Or some whiskey. If only my cats were nosy at the moment, they always are on the wrong moments. Then again, they're cats, they're supposed to do that.

*ahem*

Anyway, your reasoning is a sound one, yeah I can get behind it. Problem is of course identifying those parts. Routine is one I reckon, it doesn't help that I'm stuck in this incredibly mindnumbing job. The promise of a better future is also still vague. Yeah I want to go back to school, one reason I'm seeing that psychologist actually, but that's still far off and very unclear. So I'm just kinda twiddeling my thumbs and going through the motions.

I tried shaking up that routine in different ways too, for example I've been going to a gaming club every now and then, hell we might even get a D&D group on the road. Something I always dreamed of! Yet even that doesn't seem to get my flame going as I thought it would. It's so weird.

Also, thanks for the creativity tip. I would love to do that really, sometimes I get these random bursts of creativity where I get beautiful ideas for characters and stories and costumes and whatnot in my mind and I wished I could write and/or draw them down, but my hands just won't comply. It's balls. The last spark I had has been quite a while ago too...bah.

 

[Melian]

*stretches out bottle* sorry, it doesn't seem to want to pass through the screen... Oh well, I tried at least! ^^ My cats are too nosy, they never seem to leave me alone...

Yeah, a crappy job can do that to you. It's not easy enjoying life when you know you have to spend approx. 8 hours a day doing something that bores you to tears. That's probably one part of your problem. Maybe getting some sort of plan of what you want to do would help for a while? I dunno, planning always makes me feel better when I feel stressed out or bothered by something.
I recognize that, it's really horrible when you've been wanting to do something for a long while and then when you finally get to do it your enthusiasm just sort of... fades. I think that it'll still be good for you, and maybe you'll get some enthusiasm back simply by doing something different and fun, even if it isn't as fun as you assumed it would be?
Agreed on that, I hate when you really want to draw/write something and it just doesn't flow from your mind to your fingers like it ought to... Music really helps me in this matter, might work for you to?

 

[Cowabungaa]

le snip

I'll just have to do it brave it sober then!

Funny how I read your post while this this [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTsD2FjmLsw] was playing, and yeah, it did kinda flow back into me. Music works indeed, though only momentarely, but heej it's a kick-start. Not for creativity though, I've never really did anything creatively so not even music suddenly gives my hands the ability to draw beautifully. Damn shame...

And yes, I am indeed going through with that, though I'm not visiting the game club as often as I used to. Lately I just can't be bothered to make the trip. It's all so...meh.

It doesn't help either that lately I'm not really feeling the energy and spine to really make changes either. Your holiday tip was a good one, but I can't phantom myself going on holiday alone (last trip I took was with my niece, never doing that again...) or anything like that.

 

[Melian]

Hehe ^^

Yeah, there's just something about listening to the right kind of good music that makes things better. And being good at creative things is a very relative thing, the most important thing is that you enjoy it! I like singing off-key to my favourite music, no matter that it sounds like shit! ^^ (not that anyone can hear me- except for bf and the cats-, but still...)

Recognize that feeling. Apathy is really hard to escape from without proper motivation, and sometimes motivation really doesn't want to come. Good that you're trying at least, that's half the work!

And major changes are difficult, otherwise they probably wouldn't be worth the effort... I think. The main thing is that you at least try. Maybe a change of small things would help a little?

Edit: Good tunes btw, I really love the Mass Effect 1 & 2 OST, best game music since Deus Ex. ^^

 

[Cowabungaa]

I hope so, I already tried to follow up on that advice and change quite a few of little things; the way I dress, going out of the house at least a wee bit more, expand my musical, literal, cinematographic and gaming horizons, go to the gym, buy the book you need to get your driver's license, etc.

And I've been rather succesful in all those things, yet my mindset hasn't changed. It's so very very weird. I'm trying, yeah, but no matter how much I try, it ain't doing me any good. The motivation still ain't coming. Where could I get that?

 

[Melian]

Hmm, that's so hard to say. But the question to me is: are you doing those things because you were recommended to, or are you doing them because you want to? I just think that if you want to change your mindset it should probably be through something you yourself have chosen. To me it has always been important to do things because I wanted to, it actually made a lot of difference. But motivation is hard. I tend to retreat to comforting things when I feel really dreary, but it doesn't really help in the long run. I'm sorry, I wish I could help more. :/

 

[Cowabungaa]

Hmm, that's so hard to say. But the question to me is: are you doing those things because you were recommended to, or are you doing them because you want to? I just think that if you want to change your mindset it should probably be through something you yourself have chosen. To me it has always been important to do things because I wanted to, it actually made a lot of difference. But motivation is hard. I tend to retreat to comforting things when I feel really dreary, but it doesn't really help in the long run. I'm sorry, I wish I could help more. :/

Mel has a big point here. Your results will be much better if you chose to try new things because you made the decision to. You can always consider recommendations, but going just off of that isn't going to work most of the time. You have to, on some level, want to try it, experience it and just do it in order to feel any substantial feelings because of it.

You both have a point indeed, and I very much want to do the things I really want to. Thing is, this apathy that has drained the fun and excitement out of everything has also drained me of any decisive powers. I've tried to escape from it by making those small changes, but it has never enabled me to really make proper decisions I can stand behind.

It doesn't help either that the major decisions I've made in the past were all horrible failures (as I've already told you in the past Aylaine), that doesn't do one's trust in oneself much good.

 

[Melian]

Yeah, it's a bit of an evil circle. I know it's really hard to try to drudge up enough energy to even get started on anything, but I'm guessing that's what you have to do anyway. And hey,we all make ridiculously stupid decisions once in a while, doesn't mean that every decision will turn out badly. I think trying to get out of the mindset would be good (easier said than done) and just... I don't know, try. (Or, in the immortal words of Yoda: Do, not try! XD)

 

[Mr. Google]

are you on any kinds of anti depressants? sometimes those can make you go through life very...blandy like a zombie in a way. or if you arent maybe you are clinically depressed?

 

[Fr]anc[is]

What is your friend situation like? Anyone to drag you out of the house? The right people can make all the difference. Last summer was my best semester ever because I made a really awesome friend, I actually wanted to go to class (and this was environmental biology, which involves going outside in summer in the HEAT, and I'm a freaking polar bear). I know you can't just order a friend online, but if you've got cool people, maybe hang out with them? I'm no stranger to the zombie mood, and it can help.

 

[Cowabungaa]

are you on any kinds of anti depressants? sometimes those can make you go through life very...blandy like a zombie in a way. or if you arent maybe you are clinically depressed?

My psychologist says there are signs of depression, but nothing that can't be handled without anti-depressants. So I ain't on them either.

anc[is]What is your friend situation like? Anyone to drag you out of the house? The right people can make all the difference. Last summer was my best semester ever because I made a really awesome friend, I actually wanted to go to class (and this was environmental biology, which involves going outside in summer in the HEAT, and I'm a freaking polar bear). I know you can't just order a friend online, but if you've got cool people, maybe hang out with them? I'm no stranger to the zombie mood, and it can help.

Nope, sadly I've got no friends to speak of.

 

[Melian]

Are your psychologist offering you any other kind of help, that is to say not pharmaceutical? There are really many different types of treatments that can help, with less side-effects and that are less invasive than drugs.