Why do I feel... Happy?

[Daniel Allsopp]

I am 19, 20 in January. I have suffered depression since around 13. During last March, I broke up with my girlfriend of over 3 years. Shortly after, in my messed up state, I chased off my only friend.

So why is it, despite being alone, despite everything, I feel happier?

Now I have gotten over the break up, why am I more optimistic? Why is it, sometimes, I feel warm inside? I've never felt like this, not even when I was with my ex.

It's strange... Logic tells me I should be worse than ever, and until recently I was.

Fuckin' humans, how do they work?

 

[tzimize]

Bi-polar much?

Also: Who the hell knows. Humans are wierd as hell. I'm depressed a lot. Got a GF I love more than anything, a decent job that pays well, a lot of spare time and a nice family (no kids of my own). Who the hell knows how we work :|

 

[Silva]

Joy can be completely separate from the material goods you own and social constructs that you experience like relationships.

It is more a part of seeing the beauty of life, or contentment in your place, even if that position is lonely and dire. Sometimes losing everything can, ironically, bring joy to people.

After all, with great power comes great responsibility. Being in a weakened state can lead to the surrendering of those responsibilities, which is in its way a kind of freedom.

But you CAN aspire to take that joy back into the world of material goods and social relationships. You can have both. It's just a balancing act between working and living within Western systems and a real understanding of what joy is and how you can cement it in your mindset.

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

Because i'm here!
...
sorry for that.
Uh... maybe it's just your way of dealing with it.
Like i hide my lonliness behind a rather chirpy persona, so i feel i have friends.
Becuase my real friends are shit friends.

 

[DrDango]

is it possible you just don't like people or now that now you have nothing to lose you feel like your free to do what you want as you want. hell if i had that kind of freedom i'd only wear clothes for the occasional beer run stick my cock in all sorts of wonderful things.

 

[Pariah87]

I can't tell you why it happens, I just know it happened to me aswell so I can relate. I dropped to some real lows between 16 and 18 but for some reason I just kept pushing through and over time, without realising, it became easier and easier.

It's certainly not a bad thing. Low points will return but they will become shorter and more infrequent. Your confusion about why you didn't feel this way with your ex is expected but from my experience and the experience of others I've known who've had depression, you can have the best partner in the world but if you're in a dark place they won't help. The problem wasn't them, the problem wasn't anything they could change or help, it's solely in our own minds which only we can overcome or tell when things are getting better.

Sadly that means people we could have been close with in good times get pushed to the wayside or pushed away when things are bad. It's incredibly difficult for people who do not feel the way you feel to understand, especially if they have never felt it at all. It's hard on them and hard on yourself to try and maintain a relationship with them on any level. Sometimes we just need to cut ourselves off from people so we can look to ourselves, which seems to have worked in your case.

Enjoy these new feelings (I say new, they feel new when they have been absent for so long), work on finding who you are, your place in the world and then when you are happy with yourself, bring other people in.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Fuckin' humans, how do they work?

In strange, strange ways - stranger than magnets even.

Was the relationship an unhappy one?

Sometimes being single again can be a wonderfully freeing experience, like starting a whole new life afresh.

Enjoy your happy feelings and I wish you many more

 

[Kyoufuu]

I am 19, 20 in January. I have suffered depression since around 13. During last March, I broke up with my girlfriend of over 3 years. Shortly after, in my messed up state, I chased off my only friend.

So why is it, despite being alone, despite everything, I feel happier?

Now I have gotten over the break up, why am I more optimistic? Why is it, sometimes, I feel warm inside? I've never felt like this, not even when I was with my ex.

It's strange... Logic tells me I should be worse than ever, and until recently I was.

Fuckin' humans, how do they work?

Have you been watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic lately? It had that effect on me, helped me get over my ex girlfriend after about 6 months of absolutely no progress on that front. Probably why I'm such a diehard fan, considering it really helped me.

 

[GraveeKing]

Bi-polar.
Or you're what I like to call 'numb' (no emoness intended), the idea being that you can't feel certain emotions - usually because they're so strong your mind just blots it out. I've seen it happen quite a few times before, and experienced it myself a couple of times.
I find that you'll either be numb for so long you become truly happy because you simply forget about the old problems or you can see a professional who can help you let it all out.
Personally, just try not to think about everything - your mind will keep you in shape, it'll release a couple of fun chemicals and you'll feel better in no time.... eventually.

 

[Stasisesque]

Either your depressive state is over and you're experiencing hypomania. OR, your depressive state is over and that's it, it's over.

It's pretty easy to tell which is happening. Are you bi-polar II? If the answer is anything but "yes", you're simply not depressed anymore. Go outside and enjoy life etc.

 

[Brandon237]

Hey, enjoy it, maybe it is some kind of acceptance, shit has been bad, but it isn't getting worse, and you are free, there is nothing tying you down, if you wanted to start a cheese company in Timbuktu right now, you could damn-well do it. You have got nothing of the old stress, so now you can really do whatever you like and not even have eye-brows raised.

And yes, people are too F***ing complicated

 

[GruntOwner]

You have a clean slate, and you're old enough and ugly enough to make full use of it... Did I say ugly? I meant wise. That or bi-polar. Bi-polar seems pretty popular at the moment.

 

[Jonluw]

Perhaps the reason you broke up with your girlfriend and chased off your friend was that they were bad friends and not exactly doing wonders for yout mental health?

 

[Neverhoodian]

You...feel...h...a...p...p...y?

/Earthbound reference

In all seriousness, it could be any number of factors. Perhaps the onset of warmer weather helped? I know one woman who becomes depressed every winter due partly to the cold weather and lack of sunlight.

Unless of course you live south of the equator.

Perhaps the freedom of being single again without pursuing any relationships is serving as a catalyst. You don't have to worry about working your schedule around your former girlfriend anymore, so you have more time to do what you want.

It could signify any number of mental/psychological states like bi-polar tendencies. Heck, maybe your psyche just got tired of being depressed all the time. Stranger things have happened. These are all just pure speculation, of course.

In any event, consider yourself fortunate to be in such high spirits.

 

[Mr Companion]

Because your mental welfare now no longer revolves around other people and you feel you have taken control of your life? People dont need as much human contact as they think, in the same way they don't need as much food as they eat.

 

[Nenad]

My guess is bad girlfriend and bad friend.

 

[Dyme]

I am socially awkward, study something I really might fail, I live alone 500km away from my family, don't have friends since I was 15 (am 20 now). But since I live alone I've been so happy that I actually have to hide it, to not seem even more weird than I am. Nothing annoys me. Doubt life will ever be as good again.

 

[Whateveralot]

It doesn't matter what causes it. However, you should take this as an oppertunity.

 

[similar.squirrel]

You're probably just more comfortable on your own. I'm the exact opposite, despite being extremely socially awkward.

That, or you're bipolar and everything is going to go to shit in a few days.