Why do so many marriages fail today?

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Robert Ewing

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Mar 2, 2011
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Modern society doesn't frown upon it as it once did

Hectic lives that westerners live cause many, many tensions

There is usually no real downsides to a divorce.

People fall out of love

Its more financially viable to be single

The person finds someone else

Marriage seems to be rushed these days, people get married without the proper experience in the field.

pop culture almost encourages you to be single so you can 'have fun.'

I personally love the idea of being married, I would very much like to be married someday. I don't see myself as ever wanting a divorce, as i'm sure i'll marry a person I want to be married to.
 

Kuroneko97

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Aug 1, 2010
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I will look and take from my brother, who is 25 with a 21-year old wife, married for 3 years, and currently have a 3-month-old daughter.

What my brother has told me is that marriage requires a lot of compromise. Not that often do you get exactly what you want, and you'll often have to settle for something that you both or only one agrees on. I see that they often argue and tease each other, and then have romantic moments in front of me (Do not want), but he also told me this.

"Marriage means that you both trust each other and care for each other. If my car broke down in the highway at 4 A.M., I trust that my wife will come and get me no matter what. Similarly, if her car brakes down in the highway at 4 A.M., I'm getting up and getting her."

I guess the point of this quote is that from what I know, marriage means that you love each other enough to make it through a few hard times and help the other when one is down. Aren't the wedding vows "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health"? This is coming from someone who has never even gone on a date (damn my nerdy ways), but I suppose most people aren't willing to stick it out when they realize marriage isn't just being together with your love. It means making sacrifices to make them happy, and them doing the same.

When my sister-in-law had to be admitted into a mental hospital, my brother made the hour-long trip every day to see her so she wouldn't be alone. I remember how worried she was when my brother had appendicitis, and went into surgery. He does the chores she doesn't like, and she does the chores he doesn't like. I guess not that many people these days are willing do work things out when things don't seem great anymore. Instead of dealing with the stress and demands of marriage, most people would rather end it and look for someone else. I don't think there's a such thing as a "perfect" marriage. But if you want it to be close, you have to make a few compromises, communicate, and see if you can find a way to make it work. Instead of shoving the round block into the triangle hole, work it out until it goes in the circular hole.

Yes, I know that last metaphor was stupid. Sorry for the text wall.
 

tstilwell

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Oct 10, 2009
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The post written by "TestECull" is a misquote. The above selection attributed to me was actually written by member "Biosophilogical".

Which was good, but I obviously didn't remember writing it and I was racking my brain trying to remember. Biosophilogical's views are not my own.

Thank you.
 

FamoFunk

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Mar 10, 2010
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People are lazy and won't fight for anything anymore, they take the easy way out which is divorce.
A few arguments? Divorce! Have a tought time? Divorce!

It's just the simple answer and quick fix for when something go wrong, instead of trying, first, to work on it.
 

aba1

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Mar 18, 2010
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SillyBear said:
ShakyFt Slasher said:
An absence of God and waiting for sex until marriage, this is my belief.
Because nothing is better than finding out your wife and you aren't sexually compatible just after you married her. That helps things along just great!
hahahaha I was just thinking that
 

Victor Cross

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Feb 25, 2011
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Years ago, marriage was considered a sacred thing, and divorces were WAY less common. Personally, even with all of society's problems, old and new, I think marriages today are just as shaky as they were back then, but since divorce is now considered more acceptable, we now see more unhappy couples actually going through the process of splitting up.
 

Pheonixe

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Aug 23, 2010
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Kids. At a certain point in (most) marriages, the whole "Let's have kids!" thought enters the mind of one person or another. Then doubt really settles in with "Do I REALLY want to have kids with this wo/man?" Assuming they do, babies and toddlers and kids are little shits and a GIGANTIC fucking stress economically and psychologically. Not to mention the lack of sleep. Sleep is pretty damn important.

With divorce not quite being the social suicide it was back in the day, there's less reason to stick around. Couples who try to stay together "just for the kids" are prolly gonna hate their spouses and themselves even more by the end of it all.
 

Electric Alpaca

What's on the menu?
May 2, 2011
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Religion and social opinions baring less weight, with the addition of awareness and empowerment also.

Basically - there isn't as much shame as there used to be in the act, with women also not having to just sit in the kitchen waiting for their husbands to get back home to beat the stress out of them.

Additionally, easier data collecting and reporting methods will seem to show a a greater rise by virtue of the informing process.
 

shitoutonme

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May 26, 2011
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Phasmal said:
Most of these replies see divorce as a terrible, terrible thing.
My parent's divorce was great.
My dad was abusive and he and my mum just hated each other, now they are no longer married they eveventually got talking and now get along as friends
There are more divorces now because people dont have to stay in a relationship they aren't happy with, I dont see how that is a bad thing.
This.

Afuckingmen, sir. Preach, preach, preach!
 

Gigano

Whose Eyes Are Those Eyes?
Oct 15, 2009
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Well, widespread social acceptance, high and ever increasing ideals for and gradually expectations to one's love life failing to be met, less tolerance for hardship and abuse, a much greater selection available (particularly through the internet), and an ever greater focus on youth and novelty - something that obviously won't remain forever in a marriage - as ideals for romance and eroticism.

But above all because now you actually and realistically can do so without ruining the prospect of a decent livelihood. Where it used to be that one part of the marriage had no education or economy on their own, the vast rise in standards of living have ensured that both parties are now often quite capable of taking care of themselves - and of any children - on their own too. Without such economic chains in place the more emotional factors are allowed a greater field to play on, and those seldom scream "100 % monogamous attraction to one person forever".
 

Seventh Actuality

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Apr 23, 2010
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People are no more selfish, short-sighted or filled with "unrealistic expectations" than they've ever been, and all of the hand-wringing wannabe cultural commentators claiming they are make me want to drive needles into the little pink bits under my eyeballs. Marriages were never happier, they were just mistakes that were harder to rectify. Luckily, all of the actual reasons behind the numbers (and the reasons it is mostly a sign of positive change) have been covered by the smarter people already. Woot!

One thing I will say is that while I think the social changes and freedoms that have led to marriage's decline are unambiguously good, people should not have kids unless they're certain they can make it stick. Once you bring children into the equation, your personal freedom and happiness takes a back seat (although as an above poster showed, divorce can still be a very good thing even if a child is involved). And there aren't enough obscenities in the world for people who have children to try fixing a dud relationship...
 

Helmutye

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Sep 5, 2009
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I think at least part of the reason is that the whole reason behind marriage in the US and Western Europe has changed. I was struck by this while watching an episode of the National Geographic Show "Taboo," which discussed cultures where the goals of marriage are very different. We in the West have this idea today that marriage is about Love. This is actually a very rare, relatively new idea. Marriages of the past were more about organizing society, dividing up the labor, and providing for future generations. In many cultures marriage is almost entirely an economic decision--not necessarily in the gold-digger sense, but in the sense that, in many traditional cultures, there is a certain amount of work that needs to be done, and if it's not done, there will be suffering and/or death.

For example, let's say we have a culture based around home gardening and livestock raising. In order to achieve adequate nutrition from the available resources, you must maintain a garden with X crops, you must care for the animals, you must maintain your shelter and the shelter of the animals, and you must protect your property from thieves and raiders. One person cannot do all of that by themselves. So in order to survive, you have to get married so you can share the work--you might take care of the animals and your spouse takes care of the garden. Kids make the work that much easier, and ensure that the civilization is preserved, so it makes sense for people to pair off in units that can produce children. This is not so much about love as it is survival--spouses are almost more like coworkers than life partners! Love might develop over time, but as far as society goes it is largely irrelevant--so long as your household works well together, the marriage is a success.

But today, we don't need spouses for survival. It is very easy to survive and have a fine life without getting married at all--in fact, it is almost easier to survive on your own than with someone else. You can rent or buy a suitable dwelling on one income, pay people to do any maintenance you are unable to do yourself, afford prepared food for yourself, and enjoy ample leisure time to do whatever you want. You can even raise kids alone without too much trouble, what with daycare and welfare and all the support networks that exist (being a single parent is no picnic, but it is very possible--in the old days it simply could not be done because of time and work requirements). The only reason we have left to get married is for Love and Happiness. And these are fickle things. They comes and go unpredictably, they rarely exist in a true form until many, many years together, and because love and happiness are all we are interested in, if we feel like we're not happy enough or we aren't in love enough, we simply leave and find someone else in hopes that they will make us happier and make us feel more love.
 

xdom125x

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Dec 14, 2010
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I don't think marriages failing is anything new. I think marriages have been failing since the creation of marriage. The only difference now is that there is a relatively easy way out of a terrible marriage. Unfortunately people use that way out way more than they should. They get divorces when they should work through their problems. (Note: I am not saying that divorce isn't sometimes necessary)
 

ReservoirAngel

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Nov 6, 2010
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Well obviously its because more and more states are legalising same-sex marriage. You may laugh, but those homosexuals turn married men gay you know.