Hello, I actually have a question for this topic thread, and after sort of checking it out on the internet, i have not been able to find an answer to my question, so I hope one of you could help me out here. Before anyone bashes me, know that I am not a bad person, and I do not go out and arbitrarily harm any person or thing, sometimes though unknowingly to myself, I do manipulate people, but try to recognize it.
Basically my thing is this, I hold no value towards human life whatsoever. It doesnt stop with humans, it goes for animals as well. When I see a homeless person, an obese person, a disabled person, or a person in need, I have realized I feel no empathy, inside i feel nothing for them. If someone was starving, or being hurt, I would firstly think that it has nothing to do with me, and I am an outside observer. Even when I was in the military, I held little compassion for anyone. Out of the military it is even less.
A few months ago, I was in a relationship with a girl who loved me very much, but I did not love her back, I thought I did, but I instead liked the things she could give to me (the sexual aspects, cooking, taking care of me, etc.). Every time I went away to visit friends, I would hook up with quite a few people (making out or touching) and a few times I did cheat, but never felt bad about it, I actually found it almost funny, because in some cases, she knew the girls I was fooling around with. Even though I know that society classifies this as bad, I do not see it as so.
Also, the program I studied in university was Global Studies, where by we looked at development and governmental development strategies, and still yet, i could not feel empathy, I even support sweat shops because the statistical evidence shows that they are good to an economy and people.
I was walking down the Streets of Toronto (the biggest city in Canada) and someone stopped me about some sort of program that helps people in third world nations, and the way she posed her question, I actually inadvertently laughed in her face, needless to say she was shocked.
I dont think I have ever felt love, and if I have it has been for things such as the military, or beer, or partying. Never for a person, matter of fact, I enjoy manipulating people into liking me.
To go even further into this, the part I am least compassionate about is religion. I hold no disdain against a certain religion, but more so to all of them. I attend services and laugh inside at how people can sit in this building believeing that if they mutter some words, some divine being will reach out to them, it is really incredibly ridiculous to me. I went a few times just for the laughter inside.
I know that all of this seems incredibly bad in societies eyes, hell, i will say even crime does not phase me, if I knew how to make money from it, I would. I am not a bad person, people who know me will say that I am a kind person, an outgoing person, and a trusting and loyal person. My mother will say I am selfish, arrogant, and self-absorbed, but I think this is because I am so much like her.
My question then to this community is why. Why do I think like this, why do I believe this. I was never beaten or starved, never psychologically traumatized. In fact, when I was young I lived in a poorer area, then moved into a rich area so i have lived both lives, I was well fed, well educated, worked at a library so I always read, always did sports, I am a normal person, but I have these thoughts. Why?
