"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

[ImBigBob]

I've noticed lately that people have met me and automatically assume I have a girlfriend. "You're handsome and smart and funny. Why don't you have one?" It's like they're saying "I know you're not a loser, and only single guys are losers". Yeah, with a college degree and a well-paying job I've accomplished a lot with my life before I've even hit 25. So people are shocked when I say I don't have one.

It's not because I particularly LIKE being single. I've just never met a girl who made me want to be with her. I find that the only girls who ever flirt with me are either slutty/ditzy/drunk, which I really don't find attractive. Yet some friends act like I'm an idiot for not going for the easy lay. On the other hand, every girl I find myself attracted to turns out to already have a boyfriend (at least, that's what they tell me when I ask them out).

Why is society so obsessed with relationships and sex? I've seen people suggest sex as an intrinsic need that humans have, but I've done just fine without it. I highly doubt going to a bar and picking up some random girl is going to make me feel better about my life.

Captcha: Stand And Deliver

 

[Zantos]

That's being a little bit hyperbolic. You could interpret it as being the "All single guys are losers" thing, but it's probably more just a compliment. In fact, if they start off with handsome, smart and funny, it is. Why not just tell them you haven't found the right girl yet, rather than getting defensive? And as for the easy lay thing, some people are idiots, come up with something snarky like "Well, I'm well above her league, so I thought I'd leave her for you". Banter!

Essentially, I think you're overthinking this. Assuming that you'd have a girlfriend is, in a slightly perverse way, a compliment. And telling them that you're waiting for the right girl is a perfectly good thing to do.

 

[A Satanic Panda]

Because relationships are fun.

 

[Phasmal]

I dunno, single people get that a lot, not just guys.

I think most people just automatically think the best thing to be is paired up, which it might not be for everybody.
Still, I wouldn't take it personally.
I always thought of the `why don't you have a girl/boyfriend thing` was a compliment but I guess it depends.

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

Yeah, interesting.
I'm a decent looking, decent dressing and smart guy and I don't exactly have problems with girls. For me it boils down to much the same as you; I just haven't met anyone who really interests me. And the one girl I've met at Uni so far far that DOES just isn't worth my time [which is a shame, but whatever].
Meh, quality over quantity I guess eh haha.
I dunno, I haven't been in a proper relationship in over 2 years. I guess a part of that has to do with the fact that I was left distraught after my ex broke up with me. But that's neither here nor there.

But yeah, the big thing nowadays is just...not meeting the right girl. But hey, I'm sure she'll come along someday. And if not, I'll die surrounded by red wine, cats and peanut butter sandwiches.

 

[ohnoitsabear]

Just tell them that you're gay. Not only will they stop bugging you about getting a girlfriend, but they'll also feel really terrible about asking in the first place. It's a perfect plan that has no possible unintended consequences!

 

[Esotera]

Because couples are vengeful, spiteful shells of human beings, that feel the need to project their collective inadequacies on everyone who isn't single.

Ok, slightly less dramatic than that first sentence, but most couples are very happy together and find it strange that not everyone in the world is together. There seems to be a massive social taboo against voluntarily staying single as well.

 

[Musette]

I feel like it has to do with the fact that a lot of people tend to see finding a partner as part of the typical progression of life and that you're doing something wrong if you're not following it the exact way people think it should go. It's possible that some of them might be feeling a dissonance between the fact that you're successful/attractive and the thought that not being in a relationship indicates the exact opposite to some people.

I'm not a fan of pressuring people to change their standards, since if you're not attracted to someone, you can't really do much to change that (sure, there's secondary attraction, but there has to be some degree of success in the relationship before hitting that point I believe). I'm sure you'll eventually find someone you're attracted to that is also single (who hopefully will be attracted to you as well) and you'll be all the happier for it.

I find that it's an unfortunate side effect of the sexual revolution is that there is this expectation that everyone needs to have sex, to the point that some think of it as a biological need like food and sleep. Unfortunately, some people now think that there is a certain "normal" standard of sexuality/sexual activity and judge others from deviating from it, which is why you'll hear insults like "prude," "slut," "can't get laid," and "whore". In reality, sexuality isn't really built to be standardized, since everyone's sexuality is unique to some extent. I have yet to find a model of sexuality that I completely agree with, with the closest being the AVEN Triangle, since it accounts for gender preferences and strength of the attraction experienced, but even that one isn't really compatible with certain sexual identities (particularly ones that go outside the gender binary, such as pansexuality).

I feel that it is most important to just go the pace you want to go when it comes to relationships. Be proud of your successes, as they are probably more interesting and unique than checking "got a girlfriend" off your list of things to do anyways.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

The only girls I've ever met who ask me why I don't have a girlfriend are girls who are attracted to me. They do the whole thing where they grab your arm, look up at you and go "oh, why don't you have a girlfriend?".

To me it seems like you're just insecure, and I'm absolutely not saying that you are a loser, but perhaps you feel like you are. Therefore you project your feelings onto what others say. You feel the need to tell us that you're not a loser because you have a job, an education, good looks and brains. You tell us that you don't have a girlfriend, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because there is something wrong with the girls that make themselves available to you. It seems like you're rationalising.

And to the actual question. I'd say sex is absolutely one of our needs. So much of what we do is in the end based on attracting someone of the opposite sex, or the same sex. But even in that case I have to believe it is drawn from the same instinct. If I had to guess, our main basic, animalistic draws are procreation, nourishment and security. We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

 

[Artina89]

People do ask me why I don't have a boyfriend, and I have to respond by saying that I enjoy being single, and I spend too much time at work to bother investing in a long term relationship. One boyfriend split up with me because I "studied too much" when I was at uni and didn't answer his texts straight away. I guess I am too self centered to bother with a relationship, at least at the moment. As for why society puts a lot of stow on relationships, Atrocious Joystick got it pretty much spot on.

 

[Hagi]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

 

[krazykidd]

Some guys get all the luck . You get girls throwing pussy at you and you don't take it . I want your life . Mine is void of women offering me pussy on a platter . I'm totally jelous .

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

Okay fine, add Entertainment to that list. Eating, fucking, security and entertainment. Posting on the internet is entertainment.

I'm not saying human psychology is simple. Just because at the most basic version it could be explained away by relatively few basic desires doesn't mean it's simple. Everything that you can touch, including us, is made up of some combination or other of some of the 118 elements. Doesn't mean matter is a simple thing.

 

[Hagi]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

Okay fine, add Entertainment to that list. Eating, fucking, security and entertainment. Posting on the internet is entertainment.

I'm not saying human psychology is simple. Just because at the most basic version it could be explained away by relatively few basic desires doesn't mean it's simple. Everything that you can touch, including us, is made up of some combination or other of some of the 118 elements. Doesn't mean matter is a simple thing.

Except human psychology isn't at the most basic version made up out of simple desires. It's made up out of neurons, hormones and all the other things that make up our nervous system.

Those desires come only way after all of that. They're not at our basis. They're simply resulting patterns that occur somewhat frequently.

There's no status bars in your brain with a small finite number of 'needs'. This isn't the Sims. There's no 'need to fuck neuron' at our centre that lights up whenever we haven't gotten laid for a while.

You don't get horny out of a need to fuck. You just get horny. Which happened to lead to fucking and procreation, so getting horny stuck around. As easily evidenced by the much used ability to get rid of horniness without any fucking, masturbation.

 

[Hagi]

Some guys get all the luck . You get girls throwing pussy at you and you don't take it . I want your life . Mine is void of women offering me pussy on a platter . I'm totally jelous .

I hope this helps somewhat

I know I'm not a woman, but still... it's a pussy on a platter.

 

[rosac]

I get the "You're such a nice guy, you deserve a nice girl" line.

but after one very, very, very bad experience and one that just didn't go anywhere, I just don't really care for the moment. I'm sure this will change when someone catches my eye again (This sounds weird, but I can get infatuated off simply meeting someone once. It's strange.)

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

Snippety

The reason you get horny is because your body wants to get down and dirty. If you don't get any it will go away on its own, sure. That doesn't mean horniness isn't entirely linked to a want for sex. And masturbation is just simulated sex.

And you do have "status bars". They don't float over your head but that doesn't mean they're not there. What do you think hunger and thirst is? It's your internal "status bars" telling you that you have a need that needs being filled. Sex and security have similar but less obvious "status bars". Healthy humans do want to have sex and we want to feel the security that comes with being part of a group that you can rely on. If we don't get one of these we do feel "bad". You feel lonely or you feel frustrated.

That in the end everything everywhere comes downs to atoms (I know there are smaller particles) in the end doesn't matter. We are an animal and like every animal we have instincts. The drive to procreate (sex) is one of these instincts.

 

[Pfheonix]

Meh. I don't get that often, but I do have a reason: I don't have the financial means, nor do I really care to have one... Odd, considering, but I just don't want to put in the time.

Oh. And I'm not particularly fit at the moment, having put on about 30 pounds my freshman year. Girls don't flock at the guy with budding stretch marks... TMI FOR THE WIN!