"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

[geK0]

I don't have a girlfriend, because many of the traits I find attractive in a woman tend to be common among lesbians : \

What can I say? I like a woman who wears the proverbial pants.

As for the actual topic of this thread; yea I get that a lot to, and I find it a little annoying, especially when I'm offered "help" to find a girlfriend : \

 

[Raggedstar]

With me, most of this comes from family, you know, in the "aww, our special little angel needs a special little beau" sort of way. Haven't got to the point where friends say it, mostly because my friends actually understand this stuff x___x. I've been repeatedly kept in a car alone (or in a room alone), being given a talk of how wonderful relationships are and how no one deserves dying alone. They don't believe in asexuality, but more "you haven't met the right someone yet". I hardly see how that's a factor. I mean, I look at a guy regardless of looks or personality and look at them the same way as I would any other human (at the most. At the least any old lamp post). Just not programmed for intimate relationships, especially sexual ones. That's fine. I like being alone (or with a few friends). I just wish people would get it though their skulls. I doubt they mean anything bad, but it feels a bit invasive.

Hell, they would love it if I admitted I was a lesbian (and squee if I was pregnant as opposed to my current self that hated kids since...well...I was a kid). Nothing against homosexuality at all, but it's baffling to me that gays/lesbians are more accepted in my family than the very idea of asexuality 0____0.
(then again, my dad's dad was one child out of 9, each child averaging about 2-3 kids, and their kids averaging 1-oh geeze my head is spinning)

 

[nexus]

There is definitely a lot of prejudice for single people. Yes, really. Especially if someone is a virgin. If you're outed as a "virgin" in the workplace, then you can expect to be made fun of or be treated with less respect. It doesn't always happen, but it is honestly to be expected in a lot of situations.

What's to be done in a situation like that? Nothing. People in society are encouraged to look down on single people or virgins. Even though it's well known that people commit suicide for being bullied as a virgin... it's still "okay". What happens if you're made fun of for this? You're told that you shouldn't have said anything and it's your fault for not keeping it a secret. You would be better off saying you were gay, as you would have some level of societal protection then.

Yea.

What it comes down to is people are just animals. Many people are just cruel unless specifically told to do otherwise, or they lack a certain level of empathy that prevents them from being insensitive. Unless someone tells them, "Hey, what you're doing is wrong.", they will just continue doing so. Other people out there won't stop doing it until they're both told it's wrong and a consequence is set.

 

[NinjaSniperAssassin]

I get the "You're such a nice guy, you deserve a nice girl" line.

but after one very, very, very bad experience and one that just didn't go anywhere, I just don't really care for the moment. I'm sure this will change when someone catches my eye again (This sounds weird, but I can get infatuated off simply meeting someone once. It's strange.)

It's funny, this is basically exactly me. One horrible experience, one that amounted to nothing, and now I'm just not overly bothered with trying to find someone. Of course, this is probably due to all the girls I've been interested in recently (that is, in the last year) being taken. I figure the universe is trying to tell me it's not my time, and really, who am I to argue with the universe?

 

[Spade Lead]

Because relationships are fun.

They are, in fact, the only thing more fun than casual sex.

 

[NoeL]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

Sorry for barging in mid-conversation, but it's called 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs]'. The basic idea is that people don't tend to seek the higher order needs until they've satisfied the ones beneath it (for example, if someone wants to both guard their property AND take a dump, they're going to prioritise taking that dump and won't care too much about guarding their property until they've 'satisfied' that need).

Not exactly what the guy said (that everything comes from these needs), but "psychologically healthy" people will try to satisfy those needs before jumping on The Escapist.

 

[White Lightning]

Because girls are dumb and have cooties.

Probably because that's how the media portrays how people should live.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Having a girlfriend is not a sign of being in a relationship/sex. It also shows that you are a social person and can meet girls/get out a lot/know how to meet people/etc. Its a sign of social ability as well as just being about sex. It's considered odd to have little to no relationships.

 

[Yopaz]

Some guys get all the luck . You get girls throwing pussy at you and you don't take it . I want your life . Mine is void of women offering me pussy on a platter . I'm totally jelous .

I hope this helps somewhat

I know I'm not a woman, but still... it's a pussy on a platter.

That guy is adorable! Finally someone on the internet offers pussy on a platter and comes through.

OT: Just do what I do when people ask me about my romance life. I always tell them I got 5 girlfriends. They're all in my freezer and I have taken parts from each and them to make one perfect girl. It stops all serious conversation and the topic wont be brought up for some time.

 

[Baron_Rouge]

Well, relationships might not be essential for all people, but I think it's safe to say they're essential for most. There are a lot of people out there who need relationships to feel happy, and even if they don't need one, I'd say most people want one. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people who don't, but they are in the minority, and so all they're doing when they say that is assuming you're in the majority, which is a pretty reasonable assumption. I suspect it'd probably (unconsciously) work something like this: Most people want a girlfriend, you're statistically a part of the group "most people", you could get a girlfriend, why don't you have one? That assumption may be wrong, but it's certainly not unreasonable to make.

 

[mysecondlife]

I dunno, single people get that a lot, not just guys.

I think most people just automatically think the best thing to be is paired up, which it might not be for everybody.
Still, I wouldn't take it personally.
I always thought of the `why don't you have a girl/boyfriend thing` was a compliment but I guess it depends.

For me, it would be a compliment if you get it from stranger and rather annoying if you get that question from someone like your parents.

 

[Neksar]

Because I'm an antisocial **** who has no feel for social cues in any way, shape, or form, and am not very fit. That said, I also have only dated one woman, who left me so jaded after four years that I'm far too reluctant to allow myself to trust like that again. Two years later, here I sit, actually preferring to avoid the silliness that is the dating scene. The women I know disgust me with the extent to which they manipulate the emotions of their potential suitors. I understand that, to them, it is all good fun and part of the game, but I prefer more transparency.

As an extension of that, I'd prefer to be in a stable financial situation first; working as a lab tech while earning a masters' in chemistry. Women who are blunt and/or transparent also tend to like people with more money than the amount I earn TAing and tutoring. On the other hand, as mentioned above, I'm pretty cool with being single.

 

[Murais]

My family has started to ask me if I am gay. I suppose being a theatre major who graduated from a male-only high school doesn't help my case.

Honestly, there were long bouts of time where I had the poor me's about not being in a relationship, especially when I became so good at being the third wheel amongst my friend circles that I could have made a career of it.

Now that I'm older and know myself a little better, I understand why: I'm picky. Very picky. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, but I soon began to realize that I was subconsciously rebuffing all of the women I wasn't interested in. I accumulated a lot of apologies to make after I made that discovery. I hurt a lot of feelings unwittingly.

I still get a little ego-hurt when I get the kind of question you describe, but it subsides much more quickly now when I realize that it is a choice and not a consequence. If you're the kind of person who doesn't settle, you shouldn't feel bad about it. Likewise, the suppositions of others on your social status because of your relationship status should be treated with equal irreverence. If you know why you're still single, and you're happy (or at least accepting) with the reasons you are single, then it doesn't really matter what people think out loud in your direction.

The questions will come, because they always do. But your conviction and commitment to yourself and your self-expression through a healthy, happy relationship should not falter. That conviction is the best shield you will ever have against the onslaught of the curious, and the subversion of your own doubts.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Because relationships are fun.

Fun. Lets just forget about all the fighting and more than likely eventual breakup and awkward period.
Not that I would know, that just seems to be the only thing I ever see. I can't see how any of the perks make up for that.

 

[Neksar]

Another random thought - does anyone else have an inkling about how weird it is that, at least in America, there's an emphasis on individualism, but the idea of a marriage/relationship culture seems to suggest that you're weird for not seeking your own happiness before seeking it in someone else?

captcha: have an inkling. Felt like I needed to incorporate it into the post.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

This question is partly answered when you look at the contents of the posts. Most of them scream "I'm right and you're not!!!" (including this one, and yours). Wanting to move up in some mode of the cultural hierarchy is part of how we acquire mates and survive.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I am not handsome, in shape, or particularly smart. People have told me I'm boring (though since those days I've grown and people say I'm awesome). Alas, online nobody responds, or if they do they won't go out with me, and if they say they will, they'll typically turn around and suddenly - and conveniently - have a boyfriend the next day, or come up with excuses not to meet. And in real life, I've yet to meet anyone single AND willing. In fact I can count maybe 4 who were actually single when I met them. Just four. One I only sort-of fancied, sometimes, and not strongly. The rest don't interest me at all, which is typical of the single women I do meet, which are both rare and don't have any common interests.

OT: I hear you, man. I only find drunk/loose/uninteresting women, and I don't want that. People do like how I've managed to "wait" so long, even though I don't have a choice in the matter. I think it's because I'm over 25 that it's somewhat admirable.

I now have a degree and a driver's licence, which will probably help in future. I also don't care about getting a girlfriend any more, which means I'm supposed to have found someone by now - you know, "The moment you stop looking, you find someone". Well I've stopped looking and it hasn't happened yet. But maybe it's because I looked for about 8 years, and it'll thus take a proportionate amount of time before someone finds me. Or whatever.

 

[Not Matt]

mom? what are you doing on he escapist?

you don't NEED one it's just nice to to have one.
the girl in your life will always be better then a life without your girl. she will make you a better person and will introduce you to new things. girlfriends are like candy, you don't need one. you want one. therefor you get one. yay



side note:

Hmm... I pick up random girls in the library, is easier than a bar. 1: costs less and 2: easier to talk to each other.

it works *kisses thekasp on the top of his head* you're a genius. it is easier to talk and they are more intellectual (and it cost less). thank you

 

[Captain Anon]

because i'm overweight and a gamer nerd and i go to a disabled school plus i don't care about what i wear.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

(Responding to OP not title)

Because it is an achievement, and for some people, incredibly hard. You don't necessarily see it that way because apparently you're alright with talking to people and basically have your pick. Not everyone does, and from that perspective it's strange that you don't exercise that skill.