Why I think "Gamer Girls" shouldn't hide.

[Daveman]

It is kind of annoying when you run into those guys IRL who don't believe girl gamers exist, but I think any guy who thinks about it properly will realise we are there, just hidden.

In fairness you do tend to be a bit of a yeti/sasquatch-like creature where all you have to go on is people's accounts of actually meeting one. I hadn't met any until a couple of years ago. From what I've seen it's less about girls getting shit from guys about playing games (because frankly we love that shit) and more about them getting shit from other girls. My girlfriend always gets shit from her friends for being "one of the guys" too much just because she, like me and my mates, has watched some anime and has played Rome Total War.

 

[kypsilon]

It seems to me that if you want a more vocal and active "girl community" than you're used to it would be better to appeal not to the ladies who are already out there and gaming away, but to fellow male gamers who are against the rampant douchebaggery of juvenile boys and misogynist men. Rather than reacting badly to a girl on the other end of the mic, we might--as men--try and treat them like goddamned people and fellow gamers instead of hounding them because of our own personal issues.

Game on kids.

 

[Phasmal]

It is kind of annoying when you run into those guys IRL who don't believe girl gamers exist, but I think any guy who thinks about it properly will realise we are there, just hidden.

In fairness you do tend to be a bit of a yeti/sasquatch-like creature where all you have to go on is people's accounts of actually meeting one. I hadn't met any until a couple of years ago. From what I've seen it's less about girls getting shit from guys about playing games (because frankly we love that shit) and more about them getting shit from other girls. My girlfriend always gets shit from her friends for being "one of the guys" too much just because she, like me and my mates, has watched some anime and has played Rome Total War.

How dare you, I look nothing like a yeti!

As for that, many other women don't understand my hobby, but they've never tried to get me to stop. They're not gonna shout at me for it.
Some guys like that I play games, other guys don't. Some guys refuse to believe it. Some guys freeze up when I mention playing games.

It's a confusing experience.
Just imagine doing something you love doing, just doing it normally by yourself for years. Then people start acting weird when you talk about it. They treat you like a unicorn, or a dog that learned to talk. Or they tell you that you shouldn't be doing it, it's not for you and you're ruining it. Some people insist you don't even exist, and when you say you do they look at you like you are something they stepped on and tell you that you're either faking it or you don't count. You only want to do it to please them, (because you would spend your time and money doing something you hated for the approval of others, naturally).
Think how quickly that would get annoying.

 

[Jinxzy]

snip.

I apologize if I have caused offense. You don't need help and that's probably the best thing but not everyone is as thick skinned as you. You state that you've always found it easy but there are those who find it very hard and persist. Even in this very thread. And I think they deserve support.

To a lot of people Gender does matter. Stating it shouldn't doesn't make it go away. You only brush over the problem. It's acknowledgement but it's passive and it allows it to continue. I believe that by openly supporting the people who have it harder than us we can enrich their experience and make "Game Culture" a haven for all. It's idealistic but it's what I choose to believe.

I'm sorry, you didn't cause me any offense at all. My post may have sounded a bit harsh or defensive but it wasn't intended to. Thats what I get for typing something up early in the morning with no tea. Trust me I may have made it sounds so easy for me but it wasn't easy getting to the point right now to let things roll off.

I personally don't think the this problems of harassment/comments from people will ever stop. It's the internet, people tend to feel invincible on the internet which makes them say/do what ever they want. I would love to be in a gaming community where everyone was happy and friendly, but that will never happen sadly. You need to find the people, like yourself and stick with those types of people. You seem like a nice reasonable guy that's not going to spew the hate the internet brings. You do need to have a thicker skin for online gaming because everyone isn't going to like you, someone people are going to hate you, and someone is going to make it there mission to personally make you unhappy.

Trust me I will support anyone that's into gaming, wants to be in the gamer community and I will never spew the hate that people like to. My boyfriend laughs at me some times because I always try to make friends with everyone, he's right I can't be friend with everyone. You just need to find people that are like yourself that are nice enough to actually try to be a good person on the internet.

 

[Daveman]

It is kind of annoying when you run into those guys IRL who don't believe girl gamers exist, but I think any guy who thinks about it properly will realise we are there, just hidden.

In fairness you do tend to be a bit of a yeti/sasquatch-like creature where all you have to go on is people's accounts of actually meeting one. I hadn't met any until a couple of years ago. From what I've seen it's less about girls getting shit from guys about playing games (because frankly we love that shit) and more about them getting shit from other girls. My girlfriend always gets shit from her friends for being "one of the guys" too much just because she, like me and my mates, has watched some anime and has played Rome Total War.

How dare you, I look nothing like a yeti!

As for that, many other women don't understand my hobby, but they've never tried to get me to stop. They're not gonna shout at me for it.
Some guys like that I play games, other guys don't. Some guys refuse to believe it. Some guys freeze up when I mention playing games.

It's a confusing experience.
Just imagine doing something you love doing, just doing it normally by yourself for years. Then people start acting weird when you talk about it. They treat you like a unicorn, or a dog that learned to talk. Or they tell you that you shouldn't be doing it, it's not for you and you're ruining it. Some people insist you don't even exist, and when you say you do they look at you like you are something they stepped on and tell you that you're either faking it or you don't count. You only want to do it to please them, (because you would spend your time and money doing something you hated for the approval of others, naturally).
Think how quickly that would get annoying.

Heh, I was hoping for a response from "yeti"...

Yeah, I can understand how that would be annoying, I just really don't understand the guys' reactions. Whenever I meet somebody with a similar "niche" interest my only reaction is excitement... so maybe the unicorn thing is kind of apt, but I wouldn't limit that to the ladies with niche interests. I just don't meet many nerds.

 

[Anthony Corrigan]

It is kind of annoying when you run into those guys IRL who don't believe girl gamers exist, but I think any guy who thinks about it properly will realise we are there, just hidden.

In fairness you do tend to be a bit of a yeti/sasquatch-like creature where all you have to go on is people's accounts of actually meeting one. I hadn't met any until a couple of years ago. From what I've seen it's less about girls getting shit from guys about playing games (because frankly we love that shit) and more about them getting shit from other girls. My girlfriend always gets shit from her friends for being "one of the guys" too much just because she, like me and my mates, has watched some anime and has played Rome Total War.

How dare you, I look nothing like a yeti!

As for that, many other women don't understand my hobby, but they've never tried to get me to stop. They're not gonna shout at me for it.
Some guys like that I play games, other guys don't. Some guys refuse to believe it. Some guys freeze up when I mention playing games.

It's a confusing experience.
Just imagine doing something you love doing, just doing it normally by yourself for years. Then people start acting weird when you talk about it. They treat you like a unicorn, or a dog that learned to talk. Or they tell you that you shouldn't be doing it, it's not for you and you're ruining it. Some people insist you don't even exist, and when you say you do they look at you like you are something they stepped on and tell you that you're either faking it or you don't count. You only want to do it to please them, (because you would spend your time and money doing something you hated for the approval of others, naturally).
Think how quickly that would get annoying.

I just going to point this out because everyone seems to overlook it, you ever think that the reason guys freeze up when you tell them in real life your a gamer is because you just became a lot more attractive in there eyes? Most people are attracted to people who have similar interests and so girls who are into the same sorts of games that guys are would be more attractive. I love that my partner is a gamer, makes it so much easier to justify buying the PS4 and she bought me my PS3 for my birthday. Hell I even bought 2 pledges of the new Shroud of the Avatar game so we can play together because we have different but complementary game styles especially for a game like that.

 

[EstrogenicMuscle]

I've luckily never met an anime nerd that thinks that girls and women who play video games. Perhaps they exist, but I've never met one. Probably because playing games and watching anime is practically the same thing to us old anime geeks. For goodness sake you can't go anywhere on the internet to talk about Kingdom Hearts without half of the people discussing the subject being female.

If someone doesn't know that women or girls who play video games don't exist, they must have their head in the sand. Or are going out of their way to ignore loads of games popular with women. Again, Kingdom Hearts is just one video game with a huge female fanbase.

I mean, yeah, if you're the type of person who say "eww, Kingdom Hearts, that's for icky homosexuals. I'm going to go play Duke Nukem, like a MAN!". Then yeah, you're probably not all that likely to find a "gurl" who shares your exact taste in video games. Because you've purposely tried to make your gaming hobby a macho thing. But a lot of games have a rather large and hard to not see female fanbase.

Oh yeah, and all the bullying in online gaming is pretty stupid.

 

[Miss G.]

I just going to point this out because everyone seems to overlook it, you ever think that the reason guys freeze up when you tell them in real life your a gamer is because you just became a lot more attractive in there eyes? Most people are attracted to people who have similar interests and so girls who are into the same sorts of games that guys are would be more attractive. I love that my partner is a gamer, makes it so much easier to justify buying the PS4 and she bought me my PS3 for my birthday. Hell I even bought 2 pledges of the new Shroud of the Avatar game so we can play together because we have different but complementary game styles especially for a game like that.

If that's the case, the sexist/creepy remarks and stuff wouldn't make me feel like I just walked unwittingly into the bad part of town and got caught on gang turf or like I ruined a 'sacred' place by merely existing where only 'men' are supposed to tread when all I wanted to do was play a game.

 

[Something Amyss]

Your missing my point. I want them to be called "fake gamers" because i dont like the term "fake gamer girl" being aimed specifically at females. Both genders can be fake its that simple.

You're missing my point. Doing that is utterly meaningless because it's still going to be leveled specifically at women because that's what people mean by "fake gamer," period.

In short, I didn't miss your point. I pointed out why this change in diction is pointless unless one also changes the conditions. I don't get why this is so hard for people.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Online gaming communities, by default, are cesspools. If there's enough hostility, ignorance, and idiocy to completely put off someone like me, a white male, I can only imagine how it must feel to be female or non-white in those circumstances.

I understand some of the hostility directed towards the female gamers who exploit their gender to advantage, but that's pretty damn small potatoes next to the overall negative experience leveled at female gamers as a whole. I can imagine myself, continually put upon in that fashion, to react in a similar way - taking what I can get however I can get it because fuck those guys.

In an ideal world, we'd have a lot more mechanisms for isolating and ostracizing people who run their mouths online. You don't get to sit at the bar harassing women all night. Eventually a bouncer throws your ass out. Would be nice to see that same sort of speedy enforcement in online spaces as well.

 

[Azure23]

Sooooo I suppose this isn't EXACTLY relevant but I did kinda want to brag and since we're on the topic of girl gamers....... So my girlfriend can kick my ass at any iPhone game that exists, like Tiny Wings, Super Crate Box, Temple Run, whatever. But she never bought a console and didn't have a computer that could play games effectively. One day I bring my ps3 over to her house, I tell her that we're gonna play Borderlands 2 instead of watching Dawn Of the Dead (again, ugh). She is not initially excited. Cut to three hours later and I'm the one who wants to stop while she's dead set on completing the next quest. I created a monster. Last time I brought my ps3 over to continue our borderlands game (playthrough 2 by now) she asked if I'd brought Bioshock Infinite, which she'd read about and knew I'd gotten (because everyone knew because I shouted it from the top of a mountain). Anyway, I hadn't, she was miffed, and I was ecstatic. She's a big fan of the bucking bronco+ charge combo nowadays. Now the reason I was so happy is not because I'd just created the nerdy sex goddess that my thirteen year old self always wanted (although I totally had, bonus) but because we had discovered another shared interest. Before when I wanted some game time she would always sit next to me and read a book, occasionally glancing up when I'd point out some visually stunning piece of digital artistry. But there was no real engagement. Now we're experiencing the same things, talking about them, problem solving together, and it's absolutely wonderful. Go gaming couples!

On the gender issue side of things, I see two problems that stand in the way of equal status for girl gamers, and one of them is pretty much insurmountable unfortunately.
The first is that your average male gamer is used to having things marketed to him. Look at typical video game protagonists and you find the expected plethora of square jawed manly men doing manly things. Booth babes (hate that phrase, haven't found a better one yet though) are the logical extreme of this. Now, because developers (usually at the behest of their publishers and producers) use sex to sell video games, your average gaming male expects that. He sees an attractive woman seemingly interested in video games and expects a trick, a sales pitch, or a lack of actual enthusiasm on her part. "What, Jessica Nigri dressed up as Juliet Starling!? She must be getting a huge paycheck for that! It couldn't be that she's just looking forward to the game!" If I got a chance to be the official cosplay face of saaaay- Booker Dewitt, I'd pounce on that shit! Luckily I think that this attitude will pass as gaming matures as a medium and diversity continues to improve (both in the industry and player base). Unfortunately, I think the second problem is a much larger one, maybe too large. And that's the entire way the English language is built. Bear with me here, think of all the gendered insults we have. There are so many that its what we go to first. Likewise, when some angry asshole who just got his head blown off in CoD three times in a row by xxXFemmeFatale420Xxx. What does he do? He goes right to the insults based on her sexuality, attractiveness, or dependence (on a man, I would guess). It's a societal problem and won't change without serious strides in the feminist movement (yay!) or a complete overhaul of our language.

And if you're one of those people, guy or gal, who thinks that there is some unspoken "requirement" in order to be a fan of something? Shut the fuck up, who do you think you are? Some kind of bullshit cultural gatekeeper, trying to keep things "pure" for only the "real" fans? Try to be inclusive, it's how good communities of fans form.

Sorry for the long post, didn't mean to type all that but it kinda came pouring out. Hope you stuck with it til the end and I'd love to hear some replies.

Edit: I fucking love Kingdom Hearts, the second one in particular, that game got me through some seriously dark shit. Some people above mentioned it and I just kinda wanted to throw out some KH love.

 

[Phasmal]

I just going to point this out because everyone seems to overlook it, you ever think that the reason guys freeze up when you tell them in real life your a gamer is because you just became a lot more attractive in there eyes? Most people are attracted to people who have similar interests and so girls who are into the same sorts of games that guys are would be more attractive. I love that my partner is a gamer, makes it so much easier to justify buying the PS4 and she bought me my PS3 for my birthday. Hell I even bought 2 pledges of the new Shroud of the Avatar game so we can play together because we have different but complementary game styles especially for a game like that.

If the freeze was accompanied by a `I have just seen you descending the stairs in a beautiful gown` type look, I would probably say maybe.
But the look is usually akin to `I'm pretty sure you just grew a third eye`.

Some of my male gamer friends have said that they think sometimes people get mad at female gamers because they themselves would like a girl who plays games but know it is unlikely so they get angry and then mean.
I'm not sure I agree with that, cause I mean, it's like pulling a girl's hair because you like her. It's stupid.
Not to mention, can you really just be attracted to someone because they play games? =/

 

[Anthony Corrigan]

I just going to point this out because everyone seems to overlook it, you ever think that the reason guys freeze up when you tell them in real life your a gamer is because you just became a lot more attractive in there eyes? Most people are attracted to people who have similar interests and so girls who are into the same sorts of games that guys are would be more attractive. I love that my partner is a gamer, makes it so much easier to justify buying the PS4 and she bought me my PS3 for my birthday. Hell I even bought 2 pledges of the new Shroud of the Avatar game so we can play together because we have different but complementary game styles especially for a game like that.

If the freeze was accompanied by a `I have just seen you descending the stairs in a beautiful gown` type look, I would probably say maybe.
But the look is usually akin to `I'm pretty sure you just grew a third eye`.

Some of my male gamer friends have said that they think sometimes people get mad at female gamers because they themselves would like a girl who plays games but know it is unlikely so they get angry and then mean.
I'm not sure I agree with that, cause I mean, it's like pulling a girl's hair because you like her. It's stupid.
Not to mention, can you really just be attracted to someone because they play games? =/

People do all sorts of weird things, especially young people, dad showed mum he liked her by putting laboratory mice in her hair

As for just being attracted to someone due to one thing? well a lot of women seem to be able to be atracted to someone based purely on the size of someones bank account so who knows

 

[Phasmal]

People do all sorts of weird things, especially young people, dad showed mum he liked her by putting laboratory mice in her hair

As for just being attracted to someone due to one thing? well a lot of women seem to be able to be atracted to someone based purely on the size of someones bank account so who knows

Well gee thanks. That's not really helpful.
And when these ladies (as if guys don't do this) are `attracted to someone due to their bank account`? Who do we demonise?
So guys who want girls just cause they're gamers are a new type of `gold digger`?

 

[FunnyBunny]

Whatever happened to 'a person that just happens to like playing games?'

Why is everyone so obsessed with making cultures and identities out of every little thing?

Playing games is not a culture, it's barely even a hobby.

I wonder, too. Whoever started using the term gamer? If you like playing games, fine, but that's just one aspect of your life or even one of many ways you prefer to spend your own free time. But gamer? You don't call yourself chess player unless you play it as a career, you just know how to play chess. You aren't dancer because you go to a club, you just happen to dance. You don't call yourself porn-star, unless it's for money, if you take photos or videos of it for fun. Sure, I suspect being gamer means you do nothing else apart from playing games - but then it also means you are that kind of human that has no hygiene, avoids human contact and is generally the one to be beaten all through his (or her, lol) school years. Then I object to be called gamer at all. I play games but that's not the only thing I do in my free time. Why should I be called even gamer, not mentioning girl gamer? I go out and have some drinks - does it make me alcoholic? Lol, this whole discussion is wrong in it's core. It's not only wrong about girl gamers, but also gamers as such. Unless you play games professionally, no one has a right to call himself/herself gamer. If you happen to play games 8 0r more hours a day, well then, that doesn't make you a gamer, it's just sad and it shows you need a help. Lol.

 

[I.Muir]

I was talking to a colleague of mine the other day and he claimed he had never met a "Girl Gamer" I told him that there are tons of Women of all ages that play all kinds of games. In my life I have always met them, from FPS's to Simulators, RPG's to RTS's and Puzzle Platforms, there is a Girl for every Game. This got me thinking about the politics of gaming and gender.

The big issue among Men is they don't know them or don't believe "Girl Gamer's" exist. It's a short trip to the internet to find a reason why they don't just come out and admit it, they're being bullied for what they like to do, sound familiar? For all those fella's out there that may not know any gals that partake of the gaming and for those gals who are comfortable with their gaming and wonder if some of their friends might enjoy it too: They might want to open up but feel like they don't have the right because of the millions of people who love to scrutinize them for what they are. Have you asked? Because it's OUR responsibility to support them.

Now "Real Gamers" is a term I hear (read) a lot but I think it's B.S. "Fake Girls Gamers" are like Santa or Jason Voorhees THEY DO NOT EXIST. I spend all day with people who play games of all kinds and I have never seen one, not so much as a blurry photograph of one has been seen by me. If you think you've met one, consult the advice above and ask because you will be surprised.

I don't want this to turn into a thesis so I'll cut my message short with this closing bit.

The world is opening it's arms to things that were once considered lame. Why not open our arms too and embrace the world? "Gamer" is not a mantle for the chosen it's a flag for people to get behind. So Women, don't be afraid to join the rest of us in the "Gamers" club. Yes it will be tough but people like me will always strive to make it easier for you, so you can help the community grow and all "Gamers" everywhere can enjoy the full extent of this new age for gaming.

Their gender does not play a significant role in multi player games.
The rest is simply covered by do not be a dick on the internet.
It is not my responsibility to support anybody regardless of gender.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Unless you play games professionally, no one has a right to call himself/herself gamer.

Technically you have the right to call yourself whatever you want. You could even change your name to Metta World Peace, and people can't do much more about it than roll their eyes.

As for the term gamer, it is colloquially understood to mean "a person who plays games", and a quick glance at an online dictionary shows me this has become an official designation for the term as well.

 

[FunnyBunny]

Technically you have the right to call yourself whatever you want. You could even change your name to Metta World Peace, and people can't do much more about it than roll their eyes.

As for the term gamer, it is colloquially understood to mean "a person who plays games", and a quick glance at an online dictionary shows me this has become an official designation for the term as well.

Technically everyone can be an emperor of Rome but common sense and some laws (or better to say, pressure) of society assure these emperors get locked up in asylums pretty quickly, lol.

As for the term gamer, I understand it is now officially meaning that, but I struggle to see the relevance of it. Even per logic it's wrong, see my examples in my above post you quoted from. A person who plays games is just that, a person that plays games. You don't become trader just because you trade sometimes or sell or buy something at some point of your life. I can see why gamer came to be an accepted term but it's wrong (that it did become to be official). It's just a nice label invented to make it feel fashionable, but in spite of the fact I play, sometimes, few hours a day (and then I don't play at all for years for lack of time or mood), I am not gamer, nerd, geek or whatnot.

If you want, gamer could perhaps mean someone who is totally into games, does nothing else, it affects all his or her lifestyle - but then, in spite of false politeness or hypocritical political correctness, we all know what these people are - social outcasts, disfunctional people unable of even limited social contact. That's why "gamer" in a meaning of heavily addicted person in my culture is not accepted, nevermind the fact it's not called gamer at all. You either play games for fun or are heavily ADDICTED to playing games. You certainly don't call both groups by the same term. No one wants to have whatsover with the latter, and if you're not suicidal you won't ever mention the fact yourself, to friends, family, at work. The level of ostracism of those who really are addicted to playing is total.

Yes, I can see why it's in the dictionary now - but there really is no logical need to lump everyone into this category, in order to dilute the negative meaning of the term just to make it somehow acceptable on a broader social scale. And if you chain this up with gamer girl label, it's just a pile of trash, really. Not mntioning the original title of this forum, Why Gamer Girls Shouldn't Hide. Lol, this is triple chain of suspect logical sequence, gamer - girl gamer - girl gamers shouldn't hide - so one just wonders if the world really has no other problems at all? I don't hide, but how can I come into limelight if I am not gamer at all anyway?

 

[FunnyBunny]

Technically you have the right to call yourself whatever you want. You could even change your name to Metta World Peace, and people can't do much more about it than roll their eyes.

As for the term gamer, it is colloquially understood to mean "a person who plays games", and a quick glance at an online dictionary shows me this has become an official designation for the term as well.

Technically everyone can be an emperor of Rome but common sense and some laws (or better to say, pressure) of society assure these emperors get locked up in asylums pretty quickly, lol.

As for the term gamer, I understand it is now officially meaning that, but I struggle to see the relevance of it. Even per logic it's wrong, see my examples in my above post you quoted from. A person who plays games is just that, a person that plays games. You don't become trader just because you trade sometimes or sell or buy something at some point of your life. I can see why gamer came to be an accepted term but it's wrong (that it did become to be official). It's just a nice label invented to make it feel fashionable, but in spite of the fact I play, sometimes, few hours a day (and then I don't play at all for years for lack of time or mood), I am not gamer, nerd, geek or whatnot.

If you want, gamer could perhaps mean someone who is totally into games, does nothing else, it affects all his or her lifestyle - but then, in spite of false politeness or hypocritical political correctness, we all know what these people are - social outcasts, disfunctional people unable of even limited social contact. That's why "gamer" in a meaning of heavily addicted person in my culture is not accepted, nevermind the fact it's not called gamer at all. You either play games for fun or are heavily ADDICTED to playing games. You certainly don't call both groups by the same term. No one wants to have whatsover with the latter, and if you're not suicidal you won't ever mention the fact yourself, to friends, family, at work. The level of ostracism of those who really are addicted to playing is total.

Yes, I can see why it's in the dictionary now - but there really is no logical need to lump everyone into this category, in order to dilute the negative meaning of the term just to make it somehow acceptable on a broader social scale. And if you chain this up with gamer girl label, it's just a pile of trash, really. Not mentioning the original title of this forum, Why Gamer Girls Shouldn't Hide. Lol, this is triple chain of suspect logical sequence, gamer - girl gamer - girl gamers shouldn't hide - so one just wonders if the world really has no other problems at all? Let's all just put to shame those trolls/ogres/idiots mentioned by girls or guys above or press for better games or be generally more polite with each other (it's generally the best to start with one's self, lol), but in the end, I don't hide - but how can I come into limelight if I am not gamer at all anyway?

 

[Anthony Corrigan]

Umm why? If asked what I do for fun then gamer is a perfectly acceptable description, the same as if I still played cricket saying I was a cricketer would be acceptable or that I was a football player if I still played football or the fact that I'm a camper because I love to get away and go camping. Lables are only bad when they are used negatively or imposed on people, when you chose them and use them as positives for yourself there is nothing wrong with them.