Why is it almost taboo to enjoy being alone?

[Eri]

Over the past couple weeks I've had two people condemn me for this.

One, my sister. We fought over the phone about something and she tried to pull the "Well at least I don't spend all my time by myself, I actually have friends!" I recognize the fact that, in general, she is pretty stupid. That said, I have friends that I hang out with, but I enjoy alone time. I dabble in dating but it is not my priority.

I had another person I was arguing with try to tell me, "oh yeah well I'm married and have kids, you just spend your sad time alone with no gf". Uh, and?

Why is that bad? In the past I've had other people mention it, not just these two. I have my own place, a job that is only a step or two away from my dream job. As far as my job is concerned, I do a hell of a lot more for the community (the people) than anyone I know of.

But since I enjoy alone time when I'm free, I'm a "basement virgin"? Apparently.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

If the only weapon someone can use against you is that they're 'more social', they're generally compensating for not actually having anything interesting to say.


I love being alone quite often too, just so I can do my own thing. I've also been in a relationship with the same woman for 9 years.

Ignore the naysayers.

 

[DoPo]

Hey you know how after they catch a serial killer, all their neighbours say "Oh he was such a nice quiet boy"? That's why - because if you want to be alone, that means you are a murderer and just want to pile more bodies in your home. Unless you are Dexter

Spoiler: this one, of course

or probably Superman (he is known for having a Fortress of Solitude). Still, if you are, I suspect people would actually want to spend more time with you.

Yeah, I can't think of any other reasons.

 

[Terminate421]

Because apparently in everyone's world. The loners are usually the fucked up psychopaths that are completely batshit crazy and are also possible terrorists for just wanting to play a videogame instead of dance to what ever shit music is made nowadays with friends.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

I've also been engaged to the same woman for 9 years.

So you're the one who stole my cloning machine?

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

No one tells me I spend too much time alone.

Although that's possibly because I spend 95% of my time by myself so they don't get the chance to... but if I wasn't alone that much I'd probably have to wear pants more often.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I've also been engaged to the same woman for 9 years.

So you're the one who stole my cloning machine?

Now the secret is out, you must be dealt with...

*cocks rifle*

Stand still a bit.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Hey you know how after they catch a serial killer, all their neighbours say "Oh he was such a nice quiet boy"? That's why - because if you want to be alone, that means you are a murderer and just want to pile more bodies in your home.

Although it is true that after you turn out to be a rapist or murderer, your friends will say you're a great person and you could never have done it, the vast majority of those crimes are committed by someone the victim knew.

So, people encouraging socialability are clearly just trying to promote a culture in which they will have more victims.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Because apparently in everyone's world. The loners are usually the fucked up psychopaths that are completely batshit crazy and are also possible terrorists for just wanting to play a videogame instead of dance to what ever shit music is made nowadays with friends.

Which is really funny if you think about it, because if there's one thing we (in the general sense of the term) know about serial killers, it's that they tend to be quite sociable, even charming. It's how they manage to get their victims to trust them enough to come in for the kill, not to mention meet them in the first place. Although I guess the profile of a home grown terrorist would be less sociable than that of a serial killer, if people were thinking of that.

OT: OP, here's a question: what did you say right before they used the "well at least I have friends" insult? Because in my experience, it's a retort that people use when they feel insulted. I'm not saying you did insult them (or that if you did, whatever you said wasn't true), just saying I've never seen it used preemptively past about the tenth grade.

As for why people don't like it, well, humans are social creatures. If you really do have friends that you hang out with on occasion, it sounds like the people who insulted you are over-stating the weirdness. But it really would be weird if you had absolutely no IRL friends, and no desire to have any. I know I was miserable while I was living on campus, isolated from my friends back home, and having a hell of a time meeting new ones, and most of my hobbies are plenty of fun even alone.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

I've also been engaged to the same woman for 9 years.

So you're the one who stole my cloning machine?

Now the secret is out, you must be dealt with...

*cocks rifle*

Stand still a bit.

*warms up steampunk chaingun that fires venomous snakes*

Yeah, Mad Scientist here... wanna try that again? Properly this time.

 

[Zantos]

There's a distinct difference between enjoys alone time and doesn't like to be around others. People who would prefer to seal themselves off and never have to interact with another person, yeah, that's weird. That said, so are people that have to spend all their time around others, probably because they aren't very good company. So long as you're skirting in between the two in a "I like to see my friends and family, but also like time to myself manner", then there's no problem.

 

[Casual Shinji]

If that's the only insult they can throw at you, you should probably take it as a compliment.

 

[DoPo]

Because apparently in everyone's world. The loners are usually the fucked up psychopaths that are completely batshit crazy and are also possible terrorists for just wanting to play a videogame instead of dance to what ever shit music is made nowadays with friends.

Which is really funny if you think about it, because if there's one thing we (in the general sense of the term) know about serial killers, it's that they tend to be quite sociable, even charming. It's how they manage to get their victims to trust them enough to come in for the kill, not to mention meet them in the first place. Although I guess the profile of a home grown terrorist would be less sociable than that of a serial killer, if people were thinking of that.

Then the other people - they are all murderers!

 

[Goofguy]

I read this interesting article the other day about the perceived stigma of being single. The jist of it is that society has forced us to view being single as being in-between relationships.

Hollywood's romantic comedies always depict the happy endings as the protagonist walking off in to the sunset with his/her love interest (more specifically, their "soul-mate"); the single people tend to be portrayed as loners, losers or man-children. The basement dweller apparently only becomes a fully functional member of society once he/she meets the right person.

As much as I like Judd Apatow's movies, The 40 Year Old Virgin really proves this point. The 3 other guys from the store are these cool dudes you'd want to hang out with (despite their own issues and insecurities) while Steve Carrell plays a virgin nerd with few social skills. He puts himself in all these awkward social situations and feels continually pressured to be more like the others. Even if he is happy in the end and has found his perfect woman, he has essentially shed everything from his past life because he should be ashamed of being a virgin, owning action figures and not knowing how to drive.

Furthermore, one of the first questions we tend to be asked when playing catch-up is if we're seeing anyone, like it's a measurement of our success in life. Sure, it's just small talk but there's always this comparison being done. The single 30 year old can be perceived as being less successful than the one who is married with kids.

All this to say, "screw it and don't worry about it". If you're happy with your life, don't let others try to convince you otherwise.

 

[lRookiel]

My parents nag me to "get some friends" and "get a girlfriend" all the fucking time. I have friends, GREAT friends and just because they are abroad/online friends that isn't good enough according to my family.

I'm not a "Social" person that makes me a geek or a loser in the eyes of others...Why Dafuq should I care?

 

[Professor Lupin Madblood]

"Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god." - Aristotle

People tend to jump to conclusions and lump loners in with the beasts, regardless of whether they're close to gods or not. Honestly, it's just that a lot of people enjoy being with friends and other people so much that they can't conceive how anyone would prefer being alone, even with context.

A year or two ago, my drama class was using our high school's auditorium to perform our summative scenes and stuff, and I sat alone off to one side, because I despise sitting next to people in theatres and auditoriums. One of my classmates approached me, and the exchange went something like this:

Him: "Hey, mind if I sit next to you?"
Me: "Um . . . I, um . . . why?"
Him: "I just saw you sitting all alone, and I figured you'd want some company."
Me: "But I like sitting alone."
Him: "Yeah, but come on, man, you're all by yourself."
Me: "But I wanted to be like that."
Him: "How?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "How could you want to sit like that?"
Me: "I just prefer sitting alone."

There followed an awkward pause before he excused himself and went to sit with some of his other friends, who couldn't have been more than four or five metres away.

Some people just really don't understand how others could prefer sitting alone, despite the fact that we were there to watch a performance, and socializing would have been impolite.

 

[MiskWisk]

I really have no idea why people assume being alone is a bad thing. I don't mind company but I won't go out of my way like some people do for it. I'll admit that I have a problem with people in that when someone hangs around with me I feel obliged to make a conversation but that just makes me feel awkward. Besides, I like to be able to just sit and think about stuff.

 

[deathzero021]

ive been in some huge discussions about this topic...

and all i can think of is that, because it is extremely common for people to find happiness or at least want to find happiness in a relationship, that most people just find it too unusual for someone to be happy alone. Normal people will find these people as being weird and abnormal, and more importantly, they cannot understand them and we know what that does to most people, they hate/fear what they dont understand and so they assume there is something wrong with this person, they that are in denial or various other things, which may or may not be true but how can the normal person truly know? they are just saying ignorant things because they can not understand how those people really feel. and because of that, i just let it go.

For me, i can only be happy in a good relationship. In a way i envy people who can enjoy being alone. i do agree that i think they might be missing out on such a wonderful thing but if they dont enjoy it the way that i do, than thats okay. i have no problem with those people or their choice.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I like my alone time. That being said, I do sometimes wish I had someone to spend time with, unfortunately social situations terrify me.