Why is it when someones relationships (or lack of) go bad, they blame the entire sex

[intheweeds]

If it is the end of a long line of relationships, which all end in relatively the same way, someone could easily deflect the blame on the sex which frequently hurts them; rather than themself who probably is the real reason the relationships don't last.

That's precisely my point, people REFUSE to blame themselves for the failures in their past relationships.

I've been in quite a few before meeting "the one for me", I realised that they obviously weren't the sort of personalities that fit my own, but I wasn't afraid to admit the mistakes I made as well.

I don't get this idea of "all my relationships went wrong, the whole sex are a bunch of liars, cheats, coniving, sly, etc etc etc"

Yes, I know people who are like this, even when the guy was obviously a dick to start with.

I have no way to explain it, but I had drawn a conclusion from it. Since everyone seems to feel the opposite after dating someone, then the only way to get a girl to like me is for them to date me.

I actually know a girl who became a lesbian after several bad relationships with guys, but that's probably more to do with psychology than misandry.

HAHAHAHA seriously? She was bi beforehand. People do not BECOME lesbian.

Haha, on the contrary, guys are less inclined to go gay unless they were ACTUALLY gay, but I've known some females to try their hand at going gay because men they dated let them down.

I don't quite get that mentality either ¬_¬ Over the years, 4 of my female friends have miraculously discovered they were bi and revealed it to everyone. They have a habit now of saying how great it is to date other women instead of men and how things are working out, yet none of them is in a steady relationship with a female yet, which is exactly what they were looking for from guys. I find that odd.

seriously? Tell me you are joking. Please don't speak about things you clearly know nothing about.

I cannot begin to explain why you are so very wrong as it would take a few hours of me finding and posting all the academic research and quotes from prominent lgbt groups, but seriously.

OK i can begin to explain. everyone is on a spectrum. there is no pure gay or pure straight and gender is a societal construct. Because of nature of gender, males and females are different in their acceptance of questioning their own sexuality. Please feel free to google the works of Judith Halberstam or Bobby Noble (to start scratching the surface).

Please don't purport to have any clue what was/is going through the minds of these 4 girls you speak of. You don't know what they think about their sexuality now, then or ever. Nor should you be speaking to it.

Edit: Sorry to get all bitchy, but as a gay woman myself, this is actually a very big deal.

 

[Chogg Van Helsing]

My relationships(all two of them) went south directly after the girl moved in. Why? Because i do poorly with change in my personal space. Felt like my apartment was being invaded as she moved my furniture around, rearranged my food, tried to box up/throw out my models, put a layer of pillows on my bed, started using my razor, spilled orange soda on my arm chair, sitting in MY armchair, and leaving laundry everywhere. Give or take a few happenings they were just like that. Was i totally at fault? No but i should have been able to spot the crazy underneath 50 layers of disguise.

Well she had no right to move your shit/try get rid of it. She should be catering to you if she moves in, not her taking over and you deal with it.

OP: People hate to be wrong/proved infallible, so naturally set out to try and say it's not them.

 

[iphonerose]

Because people are subjective as opposed to objective on matters such as relationships. People tend to form opinions based on experiences. 'our social world is painted in the colours of available, APPLICABLE and accessible crayons'.
Also, people form construals (how a person perceives a social situation) and if these are formed via the self esteem approach, people often distort perceptions of the world to preserve their self esteem

 

[Raikov]

I prefer blaming myself. That way, it's a lot easier to punch the asshole responsible ^_^

 

[intheweeds]

My relationships(all two of them) went south directly after the girl moved in. Why? Because i do poorly with change in my personal space. Felt like my apartment was being invaded as she moved my furniture around, rearranged my food, tried to box up/throw out my models, put a layer of pillows on my bed, started using my razor, spilled orange soda on my arm chair, sitting in MY armchair, and leaving laundry everywhere. Give or take a few happenings they were just like that. Was i totally at fault? No but i should have been able to spot the crazy underneath 50 layers of disguise.

Well she had no right to move your shit/try get rid of it. She should be catering to you if she moves in, not her taking over and you deal with it.

OP: People hate to be wrong/proved infallible, so naturally set out to try and say it's not them.

That's the thing. I was raised to deal with it. She says jump you jump while doing whatever else is needed. Too bad i dropped that plan when i moved out.

It would have been better for you both to move into a third 'our' apartment. That way everything is equal from the start, but if you can't deal with the thought of losing your independent space, then maybe it's not the best time to move in together at all. This is the rule i made up for myself after i was burned a few times by the same thing. Maybe you weren't ready to share space with these girls?

 

[OtherSideofSky]

Yeah, I've seen this happen. Observing it was one of the things that led to my misanthropy. Anyone who makes judgments so utterly devoid of reason and method are clearly unsuitable company and unfit to function.

 

[artanis_neravar]

If it is the end of a long line of relationships, which all end in relatively the same way, someone could easily deflect the blame on the sex which frequently hurts them; rather than themself who probably is the real reason the relationships don't last.

That's precisely my point, people REFUSE to blame themselves for the failures in their past relationships.

I've been in quite a few before meeting "the one for me", I realised that they obviously weren't the sort of personalities that fit my own, but I wasn't afraid to admit the mistakes I made as well.

I don't get this idea of "all my relationships went wrong, the whole sex are a bunch of liars, cheats, coniving, sly, etc etc etc"

Yes, I know people who are like this, even when the guy was obviously a dick to start with.

I have no way to explain it, but I had drawn a conclusion from it. Since everyone seems to feel the opposite after dating someone, then the only way to get a girl to like me is for them to date me.

I actually know a girl who became a lesbian after several bad relationships with guys, but that's probably more to do with psychology than misandry.

HAHAHAHA seriously? She was bi beforehand. People do not BECOME lesbian.

Haha, on the contrary, guys are less inclined to go gay unless they were ACTUALLY gay, but I've known some females to try their hand at going gay because men they dated let them down.

I don't quite get that mentality either ¬_¬ Over the years, 4 of my female friends have miraculously discovered they were bi and revealed it to everyone. They have a habit now of saying how great it is to date other women instead of men and how things are working out, yet none of them is in a steady relationship with a female yet, which is exactly what they were looking for from guys. I find that odd.

seriously? Tell me you are joking. Please don't speak about things you clearly know nothing about.

I cannot begin to explain why you are so very wrong as it would take a few hours of me finding and posting all the academic research and quotes from prominent lgbt groups, but seriously.

OK i can begin to explain. everyone is on a spectrum. there is no pure gay or pure straight and gender is a societal construct. Because of nature of gender, males and females are different in their acceptance of questioning their own sexuality. Please feel free to google the works of Judith Halberstam or Bobby Noble (to start scratching the surface).

Please don't purport to have any clue what was/is going through the minds of these 4 girls you speak of. You don't know what they think about their sexuality now, then or ever. Nor should you be speaking to it.

Edit: Sorry to get all bitchy, but as a gay woman myself, this is actually a very big deal.

You may not become lesbian but you could have suppressed the feeling so deep that it took a bunch of shitty guys to make you realize that you are. That being said I have a former roommate who is dating a girl who was "Completely lesbian" before she met him, and was the kind of person who bitched at other girls for being confused about their sexuality, and claiming that you can't be bi, you are either lesbian or straight and you can never switch between the two, and now, surprise surprise she is into dudes.

EDIT: sorry for the little rant I just really can't stand her

 

[pulse2]

seriously? Tell me you are joking. Please don't speak about things you clearly know nothing about.

I cannot begin to explain why you are so very wrong as it would take a few hours of me finding and posting all the academic research and quotes from prominent lgbt groups, but seriously.

OK i can begin to explain. everyone is on a spectrum. there is no pure gay or pure straight and gender is a societal construct. Because of nature of gender, males and females are different in their acceptance of questioning their own sexuality. Please feel free to google the works of Judith Halberstam or Bobby Noble (to start scratching the surface).

Please don't purport to have any clue what was/is going through the minds of these 4 girls you speak of. You don't know what they think about their sexuality now, then or ever. Nor should you be speaking to it.

I'll be the first to admit I don't know the ins and outs of bi-sexuality, but I DO know that we were all born with it as a natural instinct and later define what we desire from sexes. I like to think of myself as a liberal, I have no issues with it if your attempt is to make me sound like the bad one here, I just found it VERY sudden considering the problems they've had with guys.

I fully understand that they may have been bi previously, that's not so much the issue at hand, its the fact that they used the hatred they found for males to realise that they were bi and start dating females as well. There are friends I have who are openly gay or bisexual and they didn't need to hate men or women to realise that, they simply stopped denying who they truly are and are now much happier because of it or didn't deny who they were to begin with.

That wasn't really the point I was getting at anyway, I was specifically talking about how they compare their realtionships now with women to what they used to have with men, to which they've all SAID that females haven't cheated on them or lied to them, but there's a difference, they are in open relationships now, that's very different to the closed relationships they wanted from the guys they were previously dating. I don't understand how the two realtionship status' can be compared.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Are you kidding me? Have you ever been the "easy-to-talk-to guy" of all of your female friends? Yeah well, apparently I'm that times a thousand because every time one of my friend's relationships end badly I have to hear about the idiocy and stupid nature of my own gender for about three hours.

 

[intheweeds]

You may not become lesbian but you could have suppressed the feeling so deep that it took a bunch of shitty guys to make you realize that you are. That being said I have a former roommate who is dating a girl who was "Completely lesbian" before she met him, and was the kind of person who bitched at other girls for being confused about their sexuality, and claiming that you can't be bi, you are either lesbian or straight and you can never switch between the two, and now, surprise surprise she is into dudes.

EDIT: sorry for the little rant I just really can't stand her

I completely agree with you about this. Also, I hate this girl you're talking about too it turns out! Lesbians that think like that are a pox on the community. They are everywhere though! They refuse to date 'bi' girls because they don't believe there is such a thing and if you aren't gay then you are not serious. There are lesbian circles where you can't even admit to thinking a guy might be good looking without someone trying to tear up your 'lesbian card'. This is stupid though and thankfully on the out, but still a big deal.

Those that are saying their 'so-called bi' friends can't get girls -
the girl this poster is talking about is why. Her and every other her across the world.

The fact that she is now dating a guy makes her worse. Now she's a hypocrite too.

 

[Nudu]

Because people are not rational.

They are excellent at rationalizing the irrational, however.

 

[SilentCom]

I don't have enough experience to make an effective argument but I would doubt that it would always occur in that manner. Some people, when their relationships go bad, will only blame the one that betrayed them. At least, I'm assuming. You are correct in the sense that some people will blame the entire opposite sex, but I'm saying that it isn't always like that.

Now, the reasoning behind the blame of the entire opposite sex may just be the betrayed lashing out due to their emotional pain and general feelings of distrust. They may feel that since one person of the opposite sex betrayed them, then the rest is quite capable and likely will do the same thing. I find this logic flawed, should it be correct, and is a generalization based upon one experience. It still happens though.

 

[RaikuFA]

think about this...

high school girl decides for shit and giggles to accuse a guy of rape just because hes ugly. starts spreading rumors that this guy rapes women. friends doubt him with the female members of the group. no girl even wants to date him no matter what. hes excluded from all social events that his friends go to(prom, dances, class trips etc.). since he never had a proper social life/dating life he cant maintain a sucessful relationship nor can he trust anyone he befriends. now you tell me its not justified for this guy to hate women

 

[sergnb]

A male gets betrayed by his wife, he blames all women in the world for his wife's choices, a female dates idiots and blames all men for her poor choices in dating material.

I don't quite get it and I've been coming across people like this a lot recently, more so than usual (Is it because of the recession? Lol)

There are groups and threads about "All men being cheaters, liars, etc" and "All women being spiteful, picking only the cool guys, etc".

I'm not sure how one gets to that state of mentality, even to the point where someone feels they have the right to go on a mass murder spree because things in their relationship didn't go the way they wanted to.

So here's the questions, do you know people who are like this? Where do you think that state of mind comes from and why blame others for things they / and former their partner(s) did wrong?

It's because our animal instints and our human morals and codes of conduct collide with each other.

When hunting for a mate to procreate with, the specimen usually targets the well-fit, good looking type of individuals. These individuals, who are used to be hunted, develop awful conducts, those whom an animal in its position would develop in its situation. After an extended time of relationship, the hunter realises its choice was not good, as the individual it decided to mate with was an awful one, and decides to leave him.

Forgetting about the past events, the hunter procceeds to go at this noble endeavour again, maybe thinking "perhaps this time it will be different".

Rinse & Repeat x100 times and there you have your answer as to why this happens. Plus, add the globalization and social networking, and while in the past you didn't hear about these relationship problems, NOW YOU DO ALL THE TIME, WETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

I hope that explains the situation in a family friendly manner

 

[sergnb]

think about this...

high school girl decides for shit and giggles to accuse a guy of rape just because hes ugly. starts spreading rumors that this guy rapes women. friends doubt him with the female members of the group. no girl even wants to date him no matter what. hes excluded from all social events that his friends go to(prom, dances, class trips etc.). since he never had a proper social life/dating life he cant maintain a sucessful relationship nor can he trust anyone he befriends. now you tell me its not justified for this guy to hate women

You know, that shit is illegal. You can sue the crap outta someone doing that.

Options that this male (I'm assuming it's you) could partake:

1. Sue the *****. Get money. Restore reputation.
2. Move out to different city (maybe for work?). Erase all proof and contact with anyone that has ever heard about this false accusation. Procceed to enjoy a new life.
3. Smack her in front of everyone and force her to say it's a lie (not recommended, worse consequences could endure)

 

[pulse2]

A male gets betrayed by his wife, he blames all women in the world for his wife's choices, a female dates idiots and blames all men for her poor choices in dating material.

I don't quite get it and I've been coming across people like this a lot recently, more so than usual (Is it because of the recession? Lol)

There are groups and threads about "All men being cheaters, liars, etc" and "All women being spiteful, picking only the cool guys, etc".

I'm not sure how one gets to that state of mentality, even to the point where someone feels they have the right to go on a mass murder spree because things in their relationship didn't go the way they wanted to.

So here's the questions, do you know people who are like this? Where do you think that state of mind comes from and why blame others for things they / and former their partner(s) did wrong?

It's because our animal instints and our human morals and codes of conduct collide with each other.

When hunting for a mate to procreate with, the specimen usually targets the well-fit, good looking type of individuals. These individuals, who are used to be hunted, develop awful conducts, those whom an animal in its position would develop in its situation. After an extended time of relationship, the hunter realises its choice was not good, as the individual it decided to mate with was an awful one, and decides to leave him.

Forgetting about the past events, the hunter procceeds to go at this noble course of actions again, maybe thinking "perhaps this time it will be different".

Rinse & Repeat x100 times and there you have your answer as to why this happens. Plus, add the globalization and social networking, and while in the past you didn't hear about these relationship problems, NOW YOU DO ALL THE TIME, WETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

Lol, but I don't understand how someone can date 3 people and then judge the entire sex based on that little experience.

Its like carrying out a survey to prove that everyone is scared of horror movies, finding 3 people who happen to be scared and saying "yes, this is proof!" Not its not! And just because someone else over the internet is having the same trouble as that person, doesn't mean that its happening to everyone, the number of people in a forum agreeing with you isn't even 1% of the entire human race, lol