Why Lord of the Rings SUCKS

[Blair Bennett]

Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken?

Oft have I wondered the very same.

The background music wasn't nearly funky enough for me.

I'm certain Peter Jackson has some sort of personal vendetta against the Beegees.

 

[geldonyetich]

It's a lot of fun to start BSing around with friends about funny reasons why you hate something that you really all enjoy, but I have to say that seeing this on a forum, it just looks tacky. It doesn't quite make the translation. Partly because you're up against the inherent lack of support for hearing the sarcasm in text forum (not to mention multi-lingual boundaries). Partly because, when you get right down to it, inventing make-believe reasons to hate something great isn't all that clever (unless the reasons are, in themselves, clever - like many on that list).

 

[Enigmers]

This one was great:

Magic Mechanics.

Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need three magical staffs, not two.

I wonder who these "experts" are.

This one's great too:

Homage or theft X?

The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.

I saw the Matrix before I saw The Fellowship of the Ring, so I couldn't think anything other than HOLY BALLS IT'S AGENT SMITH!" (who is also V)

 

[Superkatt]

Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I just thought this would be something fun to do.

Gold: The Stretchy Element. The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.

it is actually mentoioned several times in the books that the ring actually do change in diameter. Its told that it sometimes felt really tight around your finger and other times it just fell of. it is by all means a magical ring.

 

[Tdc2182]

The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.

World of Warcraft came out in 2004. LOTRs came out in 2001. Who stole from whom now?

Racism. Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?

Well, seeing how the bad guys are all white also, don't think you can call racism on that.

Gold: The Stretchy Element. The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.

Seeing how the ring is made for someone who was practically a God, is it so hard to believe the illusion. Plus, when Saurons finger gets chopped off and the human picks it up, it gets noticably smaller, as in the movie is showing us that it gets smaller. Something symbolizing the illusion maybe?

Violence. Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting.[/b]

You know the big battle that goes down in the end of the movie? The one in the forest?

This is how it goes down in the book. Aragon raises his sword and rushes into the fray. Next sentence the battle is over and they rush towards Boromir with arrows in him. That long 5 minute action scene wasn't even a sentence in the book.

 

[skips]

Spoiler

Leopard, Harkonnen64, Tdc2182

Whoosh.

 

[Griphphin]

The worst part of the Xbox 360 is the blatant false advertising. I'm not the first one in my group of friends that's actually had to buy their own turntable just because Microsoft doesn't have the foresight to check that all part are included in each package!

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken?

Oft have I wondered the very same.

If Walken were Frodo, Sauron's forces would have taken 10 steps back for every one Frodo took forwards.

Read Shamus's DM of the Rings comics http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612 Its like 160 pages, but each of them is gold.

 

[LightspeedJack]

snip

Dude this is a joke thread. Read the OP before posting!!

 

[Tdc2182]

snip

Dude this is a joke thread. Read the OP before posting!!

I read the OP.

And then I decided it wasn't funny, so I ruined it for him

 

[Regiment]

All the books are just another lame adaptation. The LOTR video games did all right, so they made movies based on those. What, we need another version of the same story now?

Still neat how the characters in the movies look just like the ones in the games, though. They got some pretty similar-looking actors.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

snip

Dude this is a joke thread. Read the OP before posting!!

I read the OP.

And then I decided it wasn't funny, so I ruined it for him

Ruin what now?

 

[Tdc2182]

snip

Dude this is a joke thread. Read the OP before posting!!

I read the OP.

And then I decided it wasn't funny, so I ruined it for him

Ruin what now?

Don't you worry son. Just keep the look out for the police