"Winning" someone's love

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm with:

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

This fellow. Winning someones love, to me, implies that love has a price. Which to me it does not, for it's priceless. ♥


Thus I earn. ♥

I am very pleased that we agree on this Aylaine. My problem, however, is that I tend to give mine away too easily.

 

[deathzero021]

i don't think you CAN win someones love. it's not a damn competition. f***ing jocks. It usually will grow naturally only through a positive relationship and someone that just grows on you. As long as 2 people like each other and are some what interested in each other, than spend a lot of time together, i think it will naturally come about. it isn't magic, it's really just getting comfortable and attached to someone. Once you are, you'll care for them, love them and not want to lose them. That's how humans are, very attachable. (at least most are - sometimes you get the people with a 5 second attention span or the people who treat others as objects, but that's not the topic we have here)

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm with:

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

This fellow. Winning someones love, to me, implies that love has a price. Which to me it does not, for it's priceless. ♥


Thus I earn. ♥

I am very pleased that we agree on this Aylaine. My problem, however, is that I tend to give mine away too easily.

You've tried being more cautious about it, I take it?

Yes, but my heart tends to have a mind of it's own.

 

[bleys2487]

Last time I tried to 'win' a guy's love by always being there, being supportive, helping him through his problems (court, etc.) I got completely screwed over and used while he went and had secret affairs with multiple women.

Sooooooo, no. Not big on it. I'm big on being faithful.

Don't get me wrong. Some things are worth fighting for and sometimes you have to. That's cool. B


But, if you're making that person fight through waves and waves of utter bull and you know that and you're putting them through it, no, you're absolutely not worth the fight. People do this all the time. It's not worth it.

 

[Xman490]

Every time I've tried to win somebodies love, I completely failed.

If a girl doesn't like you, ask out a thousand more and maybe you'll find somebody who does...

Have you ever had the feeling that it's like gambling on a machine that may be rigged? I have.

Have you ever had the feeling that parents and similar people lie when they say you are still attractive despite romantic disappointments? I have.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm with:

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

This fellow. Winning someones love, to me, implies that love has a price. Which to me it does not, for it's priceless. ♥


Thus I earn. ♥

I am very pleased that we agree on this Aylaine. My problem, however, is that I tend to give mine away too easily.

You've tried being more cautious about it, I take it?

Yes, but my heart tends to have a mind of it's own.

Not many people can control how they feel, especially when it comes to things like that. All you can do is try your best, hoping for results. Giving it your all ensures that you know deep down that you did try to make it work. ♥

Except I don't know that. I'm constantly filled with self-doubt and the feeling that I somehow failed the object of my affections.

EDIT: Just realized that that was a poor choice of words. Correction: the subject of my affections... no that doesn't work either. Um... the person to whom I was devoted.

 

[blackrave]

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

^This

Also I always considered "winning" princess a cheap premise

My favorite fairy tales involved
*king being pissed by princess and marrying her to random guy, to teach her a lesson. then this random guy end up actually decent/rich/brave person that saves kingdom and improves relationship with his new spouse
*princess being kidnapped, saved by hero, hero being injured and being incapacitated. while princess and hero are unconscious, villain comes, takes princess to king and claims being the one who saved her, and demanding marriage, princess demands "proper" waiting period and during it hero comes and deals with villain
*princess marrying in spite with random dude and then [check 1st example]
*girl saving/getting the prince for a change

See there are examples of different tales

 

[SlaveNumber23]

This might be a good time to point out that the commonness of "winning someone's love" in stories isn't necessarily a reflection on society but rather that it would make for a rather boring story if the woman fell for the guy straight away! To be interesting a story has to have tension some way and having to win someone's love is a tried and tested way of doing so.

Exactly, to make an interesting story you have to give your characters a 'challenge' to overcome and 'winning' the affections of a love interest is a very easy one to pull off. You aren't meant to take it seriously as advice for real life, its merely something manufactured to create entertainment, this is one of those examples where 'that shit only happens in the movies' is relevant.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

^This

Also I always considered "winning" princess a cheap premise

My favorite fairy tales involved
*king being pissed by princess and marrying her to random guy, to teach her a lesson. then this random guy end up actually decent/rich/brave person that saves kingdom and improves relationship with his new spouse
*princess being kidnapped, saved by hero, hero being injured and being incapacitated. while princess and hero are unconscious, villain comes, takes princess to king and claims being the one who saved her, and demanding marriage, princess demands "proper" waiting period and during it hero comes and deals with villain
*princess marrying in spite with random dude and then [check 1st example]
*girl saving/getting the prince for a change

See there are examples of different tales

I don't think I'm familiar with any tales like those. Please give me some examples.

 

[MortisLegio]

I have held many in my heart, but none of them would hold me in their arms

OT: Though it has already been posted I think it's more about "earning" her affection than "winning" it.

 

[blackrave]

I don't think I'm familiar with any tales like those. Please give me some examples.

I need to go to my parents house, then dig through my childhood books to find right ones, then find exact fairy tales
Too much hassle, so sorry, no particular examples
But I mostly read german and french fairy tales, so look into those

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm with:

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

This fellow. Winning someones love, to me, implies that love has a price. Which to me it does not, for it's priceless. ♥


Thus I earn. ♥

I am very pleased that we agree on this Aylaine. My problem, however, is that I tend to give mine away too easily.

You've tried being more cautious about it, I take it?

Yes, but my heart tends to have a mind of it's own.

Not many people can control how they feel, especially when it comes to things like that. All you can do is try your best, hoping for results. Giving it your all ensures that you know deep down that you did try to make it work. ♥

Except I don't know that. I'm constantly filled with self-doubt and the feeling that I somehow failed the object of my affections.

EDIT: Just realized that that was a poor choice of words. Correction: the subject of my affections... no that doesn't work either. Um... the person to whom I was devoted.

What fuels that doubt though? Is it something the devotee says, or is it something else?

I honestly don't know, but somehow 9 times out of 10 whenever a relationship fails for me I'm always feel that it's somehow my fault. The only exceptions being when the girl clearly threw my heart on the floor an stomped on it.

 

[Mr.Squishy]

I am a man whose primary sources of enjoyment are Fantasy, Science Fiction (Playing the new Xcom and lovehating it so hard right now) and candy-colored equines.
And yet, it is most of the traditional love stories that I find silly or baffling (well, that and people's love of *watching* sports. Playing them, however, rocks.)
Romantic comedies and chick flicks tend to be the top offenders, but I'll admit OP's example has caused me several moments of 'wat' and 'this...doesn't seem...right'.

 

[Hagi]

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

I'd go one step further, love should be given not earned or won.

Whether or not you receive it isn't up to you. You can't earn it, you can't win it. It's completely up to the other.

Whether or not you give it however is up to you. And then you can only wait and see if the other also gives theirs.

If so, then hey you've found love. If not, no use crying about it and take yours back even if it hurts.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

I'd go one step further, love should be given not earned or won.

Whether or not you receive it isn't up to you. You can't earn it, you can't win it. It's completely up to the other.

Whether or not you give it however is up to you. And then you can only wait and see if the other also gives theirs.

If so, then hey you've found love. If not, no use crying about it and take yours back even if it hurts.

Well I figured it was earned by giving the other person a reason to love you back or at least trying to. But I suppose you're right.

I'm with:

I like to think of it more as "earning" rather than "winning," but that's just me.

This fellow. Winning someones love, to me, implies that love has a price. Which to me it does not, for it's priceless. ♥


Thus I earn. ♥

I am very pleased that we agree on this Aylaine. My problem, however, is that I tend to give mine away too easily.

You've tried being more cautious about it, I take it?

Yes, but my heart tends to have a mind of it's own.

Not many people can control how they feel, especially when it comes to things like that. All you can do is try your best, hoping for results. Giving it your all ensures that you know deep down that you did try to make it work. ♥

Except I don't know that. I'm constantly filled with self-doubt and the feeling that I somehow failed the object of my affections.

EDIT: Just realized that that was a poor choice of words. Correction: the subject of my affections... no that doesn't work either. Um... the person to whom I was devoted.

What fuels that doubt though? Is it something the devotee says, or is it something else?

I honestly don't know, but somehow 9 times out of 10 whenever a relationship fails for me I'm always feel that it's somehow my fault. The only exceptions being when the girl clearly threw my heart on the floor an stomped on it.

Hum. I'll have to talk to you about this in private. I might have some insight. ^-^

Any insight at all would be helpful.

 

[HardkorSB]

So a lot of movies, books, hell, even games, especially those dating simulators, empathise "winning" someone's love; in fact it's a rather common view throughout society, with deep roots in various fables and legends. As such, my query; why these mad mating rituals?

Perhaps I should explain. If we are to take the stereotypical example of a boy trying to win the girl of his dreams (probably defeating some evil arch nemesis along the way whilst performing a rocking guitar solo), the story usually goes that she initially shows no interest for him, perhaps even disdain, thus prompting him to impress her through various spectacles of supposed affection. In the end, she'll fall for him due to all his wacky, cloying attempts at romance, cut to kisses and wedding scene, the end.

Now, why the hell are we supposed to coerce relationships into existence via such efforts? Granted, love at first sight is far more moronic, but what good will ever come of forcing someone to become infatuated with you? Is this just the modern adaptation of someone pre-historic mating ritual where Grog crushes Trog's head and gives Groggina a flower so that they may procreate?

However, since all my romantic emotions and other lovey-dovey sentiments could barely fill the average teaspoon (and even then they'd be dissolved by my corrosive cynicism), I ask you, fellow escapists; what good comes of forcing love? Should it not grow naturally?

It's called storytelling.
It's presenting a simplified version of reality for the purpose of telling a story.
Stories like this are popular because there are a lot of people who have that person they fancy but is out of their reach. They want to be able to perform these various spectacles of affection to make that person fancy them back.
Of course, in fiction, things are going to be EXTREME so that the story can be more exciting.
Haven't you ever fantasized about getting something/someone you couldn't or is your life so great that you always get what you want?

Whether or not you receive it isn't up to you. You can't earn it, you can't win it. It's completely up to the other.

It's not completely up to the other and you can earn it.
One of the most important factors in a long lasting relationship (and, to me, love doesn't really happen all of a sudden, that first couple of months is just attraction) is compromise. You're sharing your life with another person. If you won't put any effort into it and sacrifice certain things (sometimes, a lot of things), you might lose that person. That's how you "earn" love.