Women, and their attraction to jerks.

[Catinks]

okay, i also like to think myself as being a 'nice guy'. but im also a bit of a nerd as well. im in high school myself and i hear similar stories and the such, but not many about physical abuse.

now, what alot of people on this forum post have said about the 'nice guys' not having the balls to ask the girls out in the first place is true, but this happens because the 'nice guys' are intimidated by the 'jerks' so they dont ask the girls out. dont ask me how they are intimidated.

yes, your right about the whole 'niceguys dont take rejection easily' whoever said that, but personally i dont take rejection the wrong way, sure i might feel like shit after, but i dont go hide in a dark corner and cry the night away (and yes i have a freind who started crying after being rejected and i mean no harm or negetive infiction to it may concern)

also, as a finish, what do people think of the high-school 'sluts'? (aka the girl whos been out with EVERYONE) theres one at my school, it kinda pisses me off at the fact that shes basically got a new boy friend for every second day of the week... (and yes, i went out with her... for like less than 24 hours)

so, yeah, i agree with your point, but not all the way. just mixing in my opinion...

 

[crazypsyko666]

Can I ask one question out of curiosity. Why is it always the male's task to do the courting and never the female?

Oh, they do. You just never see it. The ones that have been around know who won't say no to sex. Then they'll grab them (and fuck their brains out). They'll also leave when they're done. Then, there are the nice, quiet ones who will sit in the corner and wait for you to do it. Sound familiar?

I've never understood the preppy/jock aspect of society, though. I tried dating into it once. Couldn't stand it. I felt like I was in the middle of a chess game full of idiots with more at stake and less point to it. Their behavior (AKA: what you see on TV) is something that I will never understand.

 

[armaina]

Can I ask one question out of curiosity. Why is it always the male's task to do the courting and never the female?

Heh in my case I was the one that approached my boyfriend, I turned down anyone that approached me. I just didn't like the position it put me in to be asked.

 

[Arenari]

DISCLAIMER: This doesn't apply to all girls, but a lot of the ones I know. Also, I'm in high school. So my pool is a bit shallow, but I hear similar stories from my mother about a few of her friends.

So, I just read the facebook status of a woman scorned, stating how much she hates this guy and blah blah because he hurt her. This status ended with "Guy are all the same." Correction. Guys girls like are all the same.

The point of this topic is to try and understand why girls seem to be attracted to the "bad boys" and then blame the guy when they hurt them. I like to think I'm a nice guy, a bit of a nerd though, but then these jerks (guys you can tell are jerks just by looking at them) are the ones who get the girls, often to fulfill their jerkish appearance by, well, being a jerk. Now, being a high school student, I hear many stories. In the last year alone I've heard this similar story 4 times (only counting first person stories), from different girls, 2 of which I had liked at the time. I've heard stories of cheating, stories of arguments, these guys using them for sex, just about the only thing (thank god) is physical abuse.

So I ask you, the wonderful women of the Escapist, why? Why are you (or your friends) so attracted to these guys, when are so many more good guys out there who won't hurt you (or your friends). Someone please help my understand this.

Gee, this is taking me back down a particularly pianful piece of memory lane. My first girlfriend, (I've only had 2, both lasted one month each), dumped me for a guy which you just described.

 

[NoblePhilistineFox]

This status ended with "Guy are all the same." Correction. Guys girls like are all the same.

*clears throat*
[HEADING=1]F*CKIN RIGHTS!!!![/HEADING]
com'ere you
*brotherly hugs you*

 

[LordWalter]

snip

*puts on shades, lights cigarette* Sorry, I'd respond to your post but my keyboard is blocked my several naked women begging for me to devalue them as human beings. brb.

[sarcasm]Thanks for advancing the conversation. [/sarcasm]

*Shoves an old lady into the street, dusts off leather jacket* Sorry, I'd advance the conversation but I'm still too busy having sex with all of these women.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

So I ask you, the wonderful women of the Escapist, why? Why are you (or your friends) so attracted to these guys, when are so many more good guys out there who won't hurt you (or your friends). Someone please help my understand this.

Women who date jerks fall into three categories: confused, resigned, or jerks themselves.

Confused women mistake recklessness, selfishness, and domination for spontaneity, independence, and confidence. If you turn the volume down on your average jerk, he tends to project a lot of the qualities most women find highly attractive. If he stays in that acceptable range for at least the majority of their time together, his girl will be more or less fooled. If she hears otherwise, she will dismiss it. She has to see it for herself, and even even then she might join the second group - the resigned.

The resigned have accepted the fact that their guys are jerks. They don't approve of asshole behavior when it arises, and they do their best to mitigate or prevent it. In other words, they have settled. Either they're hopeful the guy matures with age, or they're fearful that they might not attract a similarly capable mate - because jerks are, for the most part, highly capable with regard to themselves and their significant others. Either way, it will take a serious fuck up for these women to consider breaking things off.

And don't forget the jerks who date jerks. Some girls, despite all outside appearances, are jerks themselves. They're impolite or indecent or, frankly, bitchy, only they don't have the balls (I couldn't think of a less hilariously inappropriate term, sorry) to do it themselves. So they latch on to a guy who will happily act a prick for two. The gals seem sweet, but they're wolves in sheep's clothing. They not only approve of their jerk guys - they relish them.

Long story, short: you can be a very nice guy and kill it with the ladies, but you have to be genuinely confident, spontaneous, and independent. If you can manage a balance without trending too far into jerkdom, you'll find some pretty amazing girls gravitating towards you.

 

[Daipire]

Oh by the way, bag girls out about minor stuff only, like Twilight and trashy tv series.
Don't bring up religion unless you're SURE they're an atheist, and don't bag out somebody's taste in music.
Ever.
Seriously that's a crucial part of somebody's identity right there and they'll feel hurt rather than teased.

By jove, he's got it!

Coulda used that gem about a week ago :S

 

[Blair Bennett]

I don't think us women actually find those kinds of personality traits attractive. It's definitely a stereotype that a personality befitting an asshole is something that women find attractive. I can't think of any that I know that would put up with someone being a jerk, let alone get off on it, and I sure as hell don't. Perhaps we're missing perspective. Perhaps us women like men who are assholes to everyone and everything...except for us?

 

[sirkai007]

Because the nice guys (or the ones I know that are good people) are mostly classed as "losers" and are extremely shy around girls. If more of the "nice guys" start to get used to the presence of girls, then the guys that you call "jerks" will start to lose their appeal.

I call Bull shit!

 

[Zeromaeus]

I have a fun story to tell.
The tale of my first girlfriend.
As can be assumed, I was always the nice guy. I was always cordial, always kind. I was, and still am, the kind of guy who would do favors for near-to-random strangers just because it was a nice thing to do. In my last year of high-school, I found myself enamored with a nice girl in one of my classes. I had known her for a year or two before then, but I had really started to like her. One day I pulled myself together and asked her to one of the school dances. She said yes. Happy times followed. We hung out a lot and talked even more. It never went past that, but I was happy the way it was. After the dance, I asked her to prom, which also was received positively.
Now here comes the twist. There was always this guy. I guess you could call him my rival. Ever since elementary school the two of us were butting heads, so to speak. Usually in the form of him beating the hell out of me and the two of us being at the top of our class. The major difference between the two of us was that I was meek and nice where he was bold and mean. By my senior year, however, he was mostly phased out of my life. I was in higher level classes than him, so we almost never saw each other. He fell out of my field of vision, so to speak.
Anyway, this guy, let's call him Green, was in the same class as me and my girlfriend, who I'll call Blue. Anyway, Green had a thing for Blue so he was always trying to hang out with us when me and Sue were together. Gradually, between that first dance and prom, Blue and Green started hanging out a lot. I saw it and, in the back of my mind, I knew exactly what was happening, but I let it pass, because I didn't want to be the jealous boyfriend. Blue was her own person and she had friends. I wasn't going to let my grudge against Green let me get jealous or act rashly just because they were friends. Well, we went to prom together. She spent nearly the entire prom night with him. I knew what had happened and I was already prepared for it when a week later I got the "let's be friends" talk.
Honestly, I found that kind of messed up.
Ah, well, I've moved on. I just hope I can find the right person some day.

Edited so that it was actually a fun story.

 

[Calatar]

Can I ask one question out of curiosity. Why is it always the male's task to do the courting and never the female?

Well, it's just a cultural trend. "How things are done." Pretty sexist idea (hailing back to the middle ages, or possibly even further) which is deeply ingrained in popular culture. Basically though, this one's up to girls to change. My sister was proactive, and she has gotten the guys she liked. No reason a girl can't ask out a guy.

I had to be the one to ask with my girlfriend though. She insisted on it. I think the idea of being asked out is flattering, and people prefer to be the ones being flattered, so there's little incentive for women to change the way things are. Asking out a guy is akin to admitting that you're not good enough to be randomly asked out, and thus is a demerit to your self-esteem. Thus, to maintain self-esteem, girls prefer to maintain the status-quo.

That is my psychoanalysis of the situation.

 

[Zeromaeus]

Oops. Posted again...

 

[Kortney]

Jocks and guys who work out and wear trendy clothes aren't always jerks, and nerds aren't always quiet and nice. News flash.

 

[blalien]

Can I ask one question out of curiosity. Why is it always the male's task to do the courting and never the female?

Thank you! Hey, girls in high school, tired of dating jerks? Why don't you go up to the math nerds and ask one of them to a movie? I'll bet he'll be a lot nicer to you than the running back.

 

[Blair Bennett]

The perspective you're missing is that of the average woman.
You're posting on The Escapist. You are not the average woman.

Ahh, too true. Perhaps it's something to do with a perceived level of confidence? A lot of the assholes that can get women probably know that they're...well, assholes who can get women. The people who I see being nice are those who are more humbled, and don't consider themselves the paragon of man, and are maybe less likely to act on romantic interest. If more men who were genuinely decent people began to act with more confidence, I have a feeling that the stereotype that woman are into jerks would cease to exist, save only for those helpless few who honestly think they can base a healthy relationship on emotional abuse and incompatibility.

 

[Daipire]

And why do girls (for me, the term 'women' conjures up old up-tight ladies) like dogs so much?

Mind you, I'm not complaining, I've got an awesome dog.
It's just I feel I have to compete with something that pisses on the carpet for a girl's attention!