Women Troubles

[SEXTON HALE]

I think I know you're problem here.
All you need to do is coose the renegade option some of the time.
Screw paragon renegade guys get all the ladies.
Just look at garrus vakarian he stole tali right out from me.

 

[sethisjimmy]

The way you listed your favorite anime after your long list of problems reminds me of the end of this video:

 

[Paragon Fury]

The way you listed your favorite anime after your long list of problems reminds me of the end of this video:

I'm....not quite sure I get that video.

 

[the_dude_abides]

I don't mean to be rude OP but to put it bluntly your whole approach and thinking to getting a partner is flawed. I know this because I was in the same position four or five years ago. But I turned my life around through some pretty drastic changes.

Firstly, I know you like anime and videogames and thats fine BUT you need to try broadening your horizons. I used to pay videogames day and night which meant I couldn't relate to anyone outside my small circle of mates. Forget videogames, footballs considered a 'cool' interest but if thats a mans ONLY interest people outside his clique are going to find him boring. Try learning to play an instrument or learning a foreign language. Learn about art or cars. Go travelling. Broaden your horizons. Experiment. Not only will you have more to talk about with others but more importantly, you'll feel better for it and this will show.

Secondly, and I cannot stress this enough, DON'T approach girls at this specific time with the intention of making them your future wife. You've admitted you lack basic social skills and confidence, THATS what you should be working on. Instead of thinking about how having a girlfriend would be awesome think about what YOU can offer them. Don't define yourself by your lack of relationships, define yourself by the type of individual YOU are personally. Practise socialising and you'll find it getting easier. I started by striking up short conversations at the bus stop or a small shop with the owner and worked my way up in perceived difficulty various scenarios.

Thirdly, for the love of God don't take the advice of people telling you to go to anime conventions exclusively to find a girl. Just because you both love anime doesnt mean you are in any way compatible. My girlfriend and I have totally different interests yet we've been together for over a year and still going strong. Don't limit yourself to such a small percentage of the female population

 

[the_dude_abides]

[/quote]Take it from me - cars are one of the very worst topics to talk to women about. They typically have next to no interest in the deeper details of the automobile.[/quote]

I've met women who love cars and love talking about them. But that wasn't really my point. My point was to learn new hobbies and experience new things not to primarily impress a woman or even your mates but for yourself. People will perceive you as you perceive yourself.

 

[Paragon Fury]

The way you listed your favorite anime after your long list of problems reminds me of the end of this video:

I'm....not quite sure I get that video.

In vitro fertilisation? It's biologically possible to be a father without having had sexual intercourse; it's just very, very rare.

Learn about art or cars.

Take it from me - cars are one of the very worst topics to talk to women about. They typically have next to no interest in the deeper details of the automobile.

I mean I understood the video....but I just don't "get" it.

 

[Phasmal]

I mean I understood the video....but I just don't "get" it.

I don't get why the only posts you reply to are the silly ones. =P

Uh, what? How does that answer my question? We have 40% females, why aren't we seeing any female posts about similar things? Or are you trying to say that women aren't bad at relationships, only men are?

because it seems your assuming that just because people play games it makes them bad with relationships

and is a girl honestly going to wonder if shes going to be alone all her life when theres a million threads about "gamer girls" and how some guys wish they could find gamer girls..

...I don't know

I really really fucking hate the obsession some gamers have with finding the "gamer girl", it makes them look like the only thing they want out of a relationship is a second player they can have sex with.

Well.... that is a bonus.
Plus I think its nice to be with someone who is accepting of your hobby, especially if you spend a lot of your time playing.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I mean I understood the video....but I just don't "get" it.

I don't get why the only posts you reply to are the silly ones. =P

Because while I don't want the thread to die, I'm not quite up to answering or properly responding to the more serious ones yet.

That and there are a few posts here which are just kind of "dead-end" posts which don't leave a lot of room for responding.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I mean I understood the video....but I just don't "get" it.

I don't get why the only posts you reply to are the silly ones. =P

Uh, what? How does that answer my question? We have 40% females, why aren't we seeing any female posts about similar things? Or are you trying to say that women aren't bad at relationships, only men are?

because it seems your assuming that just because people play games it makes them bad with relationships

and is a girl honestly going to wonder if shes going to be alone all her life when theres a million threads about "gamer girls" and how some guys wish they could find gamer girls..

...I don't know

I really really fucking hate the obsession some gamers have with finding the "gamer girl", it makes them look like the only thing they want out of a relationship is a second player they can have sex with.

Well.... that is a bonus.
Plus I think its nice to be with someone who is accepting of your hobby, especially if you spend a lot of your time playing.

As a bonus, yes, of course I would have no trouble if my partner was a gamer. What I meant is the "Oh my god, she is holding a joystick, must be the love of my life" mentality. I would gladly give up video games for the love of my life rather than settle to live with someone who plays video games but is mediocre at everything else.

I wouldn't. Anyone who asks me to give up the hobbies I love, is not the love of my life.

 

[Ragsnstitches]

What I don't get is why you care so much that you get a girlfriend. Is that SO important in your life? I can understand meeting someone and wanting to be in a relationship with them. What I don't get is such an urgent desire to have a girlfriend in and of itself. Some desire sure. But that people make it sound like it's ruining their lives that they don't? Seems very unreasonable.

It's social pressure. Look at almost anything in TV, movies, novels - everywhere you are shown, that being single is just this undesireable, temporary phase until the next wild romance. And if you are single, you better do something about it quick or you end as the pathetic loser.
Couple that with the social "stigma" you get for being a virgin after a certain age, especially man, and you see why so many are desperate for a girlfriend.

Yes, but I don't get why people get to the point they do without seeing past all that shit. A little introspection on their motives would serve them well. I used to care more before I really thought about why I cared.

I'm going to hazard a guess that the OP is somewhat reclusive in general (can't be sure unless he tells us), not just towards women. I don't mean that in any cruel way, since this was an issue I had for a few years. Even if I'm wrong this post might still be relevant.

The problem with being "dangerously" reclusive (as was my case) is that the major influencing factor in your life is media. And modern media is poison. It is a horrible learning apparatus, since its 80% bullshit and 20% fantasy. I would also say that Anime is likely the worst influence in this regard, especially as a westerner. Why? Because Anime (even those "slice of life" anime) are, far more often then not, a complete fantasy that obscures or ignores real expectations... and this is coming from a very different culture too, resulting in a very alien and inappropriate influence.

This isn't a rant against anime, I like anime... not as much as I used to, but I do like it. Again this is just an experience I had. A few years ago I was in a pretty low point in my life and I withdrew from... well, everything. Films, games, comics, books... all these things were, seemingly, keeping me sane during this time, but due to almost entirely cutting out social contact it started to warp my perceptions.

During a phase of reading and watching a few too many romances, my brain (I'd say heart, but that's not technically correct) literally started feeling a longing for a relationship (I was 21 so it wasn't a bizarre notion). I didn't think much of it at first, but after breaking out of the slump I was in I suddenly realised how bizarre some of my idle fantasies were. If I was to approach any sane person with this frame of mind I would have sent them running... I was quite literally deluded.

I did a double take on certain things I've done up to the point of lucidity, and I ended up scrapping a dozen stories (i'm a wannabe writer and an animator in training) that were just creepy in retrospect.

I was shocked about how much reclusion affected me and how badly media warped my mind (even biological urges were skewed). I was revolted. A lesson was learned (and an idea for a thesis was formed) during this time.

What made me realise just how off my view on life became, was just by interacting with other people. The more I reintegrated with people the more fallacies were shown for what they were.

I needed counseling to get out of the worst of the damage, and I still go to counselling as I find myself questioning my rationality sometimes and I need another person, not family, to verify my rationales integrity.

So in conclusion, and in response to your comment, I only have this to say. Introspection requires a reference... if that reference is bad then your views get skewed. You quite literally become delusional. There is no natural baseline for us to run off of as we, as people, are products of our environment (more or less).

EDIT: "Quite Literally" must be my word for the day.

 

[BringBackBuck]

OP, I think you are really overestimating the effect your enjoyment of anime has on people.

When women write up a list of "deal breakers" in potential partners, things like: must have same religion, own hair and teeth, financially stable, not an alcoholic or drug taker generally go on the list.
Many people you would meet in a social situation (other than some sort of anime convention) and talk to about anime would actually have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Most people won't think your particular taste in anime is weird, they won't distinguish between good anime, bad anime, perverted creepy anime, or whatever it is you are watching (those videos are blocked for my country so I don't know what the are, but I'll assume they are kind of creepy).

That doesn't mean you should hide it, it just means it's not a great conversation topic.

Her: "So what do you like to do?"
Paragon Fury: "I like anime"
Her: "what's that?"
Paragon Fury: "a style of animated cartoon that originated from Japan intended mostly for adults"
Her: "Oh. Right."
Paragon Fury: "So what do you like to do?"
Her: "[insert some obscure girly shit that you've never heard of]"
Paragon Fury: "I don't know what that is, what exactly is a Kardashian?"

And then the conversation continues since now your talking about her, or the local band playing in the pub you're in, or the coffee in the coffee shop where you are chatting to her, or the weather outside... etc. My point is you're not going to spend 20 minutes describing the difference between the finer points of Cat Planet Cuites and Witchhunter Robin, because she simply doesn't care.

It's quite possible that she could be the love of your life and the two of you get married and live together for 60 years, and during that whole time she still never gives a fuck about your love for anime, to her its just a hobby you have that doesn't interest her.

When I first met my wife I was about 20 hours into Final Fantasy X. During those next few weeks I must have put 60 more hours into that game, though god knows how given the amount of hours we spent shagging. Man those were good times, shit I miss the hours we spent in that apartment. where was I going with this point?.. Oh that's right - we've been together for 10 years and she has never played video games with me or asked me about them, anymore than I go shoe shopping with her or listen to her gossiping with her friends. We have similar values, similar intellect, compatible sense of humour, and are compatible in bed. I think having separate interests is nothing but healthy for adults


I would have replied sooner but got distracted by this post

OP you should get some sun... [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf02SGcMPvo#t=0m20s]

How have I never heard of this band? WTF they have been around 10 years? I enjoyed this song and have just bought a few songs. Thanks for putting me onto The National

 

[Paragon Fury]

I'll try to respond to as many of the posts I can here.

Yes, I know those three anime were full of boobs - and Sekirei and CPC kind of are. So is Witchblade, but then it also actually the story and characters to back it up, so its less fanservice than one might think. And yes, I do like boobs, particularly larger ones. I always have, but I never let it dictate anything I do - at least I hope not.

I have tried finding anime/video game conventions and the like, but they simply don't go on over this side of the country, except in NYC - which means I couldn't go if I wanted to. There were no anime/game clubs at university - and most of the people who like those kinds of things at school weren't very accepting of new people, and a few of them even Jurgen from WH40K would've avoided.

As for women not being a different species - while yes, technically true, the gulf of difference in experience and interaction may as well make it true. And when most of your interactions with females your own age over the course of your life have been negative, that just makes things worse. Sure, I got over it, but that doesn't make things any easier.

And yes, money does matter because it is one of the biggest influences of your SES (SocioEconomic Status) which is directly linked to your ability to find, attract and get along with potenial mates/members of the other gender. While you might argue that it isn't the determining factor, there is absolutely zero way for you to truthfully argue that anyone benefits from being financially stunted in social situations.

While I have been to therapy, I can't say it really helped - it was the university's free therapy, and it really just one of those talking therapies. While it brought up some interesting things (IE: that I might anime and things like that as symptoms rather than causes), I can't really say it solved anything.

For the age thing, while some people say I will have plenty of time, I have a hard time agreeing. This is the in people's lives where the important things get done, or the groundwork for them to be done gets laid. It might seem like cold math, but odds, particularly for men, first entering or finding a good relationship as they get much older do not improve - neither do women's, but men get much worse - which isn't good news.

 

[Phasmal]

As for women not being a different species - while yes, technically true, the gulf of difference in experience and interaction may as well make it true. And when most of your interactions with females your own age over the course of your life have been negative, that just makes things worse. Sure, I got over it, but that doesn't make things any easier.

*sigh*
What does that have to do with anything?
Were the interactions you had bad because the people you were having them with were women?
I'm guessing no.
When a bunch of guys are dicks to you, do you think `Oh, my experiences with men are bad.` or do you think `those guys are dicks`? Women are individuals. Stop lumping us together.

And yes, money does matter because it is one of the biggest influences of your SES (SocioEconomic Status) which is directly linked to your ability to find, attract and get along with potenial mates/members of the other gender. While you might argue that it isn't the determining factor, there is absolutely zero way for you to truthfully argue that anyone benefits from being financially stunted in social situations.

Well, yeah. There's not a whole lot to do when you've got no money, but internet dating exists, why not try that?
Also, stop talking about relationships like they're a case of maths. That's not going to get any ladies hot in the downstairs.

As for peoples chances going down with age, I heard they go up again after a certain age cause of divorces (but that's not got anything to do with this).

My adivce- Try internet dating, try not to get bummed if it doesn't work for you straight away, work on yourself, don't judge a gender as a whole.

 

[prophecy2514]

My advice: you gotta crawl before you can run.

it seems like as a young bloke you missed out on the vital skill of making new friends with people (not male or female, people) be at your own fault or not.

The disability of not being able to converse with (and make friends with) women stems from this - not your like of obscure anime or any other personality trait.

Try and make some more male friends first (the how has already been extensively covered). Don't worry about girls or being in a relationship with one. If you learn how to make new friends, these things will come as an extension.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I have tried finding anime/video game conventions and the like, but they simply don't go on over this side of the country, except in NYC - which means I couldn't go if I wanted to. There were no anime/game clubs at university - and most of the people who like those kinds of things at school weren't very accepting of new people, and a few of them even Jurgen from WH40K would've avoided.

Are you further south than NYC? cause if not there is: Anime Boston in Boston, PAX East in Boston, Connecticon in Hartford, ComiCONN in Trumbull CT, just to name a few.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I can't get to any of those - no car, and no one willing to drive.

That and I'm pretty sure the PAXes are sold out before the last one is even over.