Worst BDay. EVER!

[Saltyk]

So my birthday was Sunday. Really didn't care, but I'd at least like it to be not bad. Yeah, I know that's poor English, so sue me.

So, I just chilled most of the day, ordered a pizza, because I didn't feel like cooking. At least not what I had, which would take a few hours. And got ready for my girlfriend to come get me and go to a comedy show.

Here's what sucks. For the last few weeks she has become kind of distant. She's come to the conclusion that we are not compatible. Basically, she's too independent and I want to help and be there for her (really everyone to be honest).

So, she arrives and gives me a card, 10 dollars (to buy something at the club), and a ticket to get in. I wanted a kiss, not really sure where things were at the moment. She told me she just wanted to go out as friends. This pretty much crushed me. I considered just saying bye and shutting the door, for a moment. Instead, I told her I had to set the alarm and I would be right out. The rest of the night isn't too important. Though, I did tell her I couldn't be "just friends" before I left.

So, I just got off the phone with her, and she stills feels the same way. I'm not sure what to do. I'm crushed. Heartbroken. I'm not sure that I can be just friends, IF I even want to.

Do I remain friends and hope things work out? Do I just accept friendship? Do I decide that its a relationship or nothing and just abandon this? I'm not sure what to do. Keep in mind, I've been intimate with this person multiple times and we had a relationship for about 5 or 6 months (not sure off the top of my head) and talked for about 3 months before that.

And, yeah, that this has become kinda final on my birthday feels like insult to injury...

 

[khaimera]

I think you should not be friends with her, yet. Give it some time and see how you feel. I think that since you're asking this, you don;t want to do what she has asked, otherwise you would have just complied with her.

She is a jackass for doing this to you on your birthday. There's no excuse for it, and I'm sorry it happened.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Did she know it was your birthday? If she did, she knew fully how much this would hurt you, otherwise she wouldn't have done it.

Fuck her. She decided to do this to you, knowing it was your birthday. What kind of a friend does that?

 

[LemonMelon]

My mother was admitted to the hospital due to cancer-related symptoms on my birthday this year. . happy birthday tooo meee.

You can't force someone to love you. Don't get down on your hands and knees and beg for her to love you. Just accept the way she feels. Let her know that you love her, but if you really love her you want her to be happy. Tell her you just want her to do what's best for her, but that you still have love for her. Just let her go if that's what she really wants to do.

 

[Composer]

accept friendship
but act as though you dont care either way
going by my past experiences, itll piss her off to no extent

 

[Deviltongue]

In the immortal words of Slaughterhouse: Muhfucka move on.

 

[Saltyk]

I think you should not be friends with her, yet. Give it some time and see how you feel. I think that since you're asking this, you don;t want to do what she has asked, otherwise you would have just complied with her.

She is a jackass for doing this to you on your birthday. There's no excuse for it, and I'm sorry it happened.

To be fair, it's not like she just sprang it on me. Said something to this effect last weekend, but it didn't seem like she was committed, at the time, and I had hoped she wouldn't feel that way with a little more time. Rather it's NOW official. And you're right I don't want to comply with what she asked, at least not at this moment.

Did she know it was your birthday? If she did, she knew fully how much this would hurt you, otherwise she wouldn't have done it.

Fuck her. She decided to do this to you, knowing it was your birthday. What kind of a friend does that?

Yeah, she knew it was my birthday, but I'd rather her not lie to me about having feelings for me. Still hurts, though.

My mother was admitted to the hospital due to cancer-related symptoms on my birthday this year. . happy birthday tooo meee.

You can't force someone to love you. Don't get down on your hands and knees and beg for her to love you. Just accept the way she feels. Let her know that you love her, but if you really love her you want her to be happy. Tell her you just want her to do what's best for her, but that you still have love for her. Just let her go if that's what she really wants to do.

I'm sorry about your mother. I hope she's okay.

The thing is she still wants to be friends. According to her, I'm a great person, but our personalities don't mesh well in a relationship. She's convinced we aren't compatible. I'm not convinced of that.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

My birthday this year, my entire family forgot. They remebered to celebrate all of theirs alright.

 

[khaimera]

To be fair, it's not like she just sprang it on me. Said something to this effect last weekend, but it didn't seem like she was committed, at the time, and I had hoped she wouldn't feel that way with a little more time. Rather it's NOW official. And you're right I don't want to comply with what she asked, at least not at this moment./quote]

Well, if she told you this last week, than its not such a mean move. Relationships almost always get awkward near the end. I know, its happened to me a few times. Its worse when you live together and then split.

Just play lots of video games, enjoy more time with friends than before, and tell her you need some space.

 

[LemonMelon]

I'm sorry about your mother. I hope she's okay.

The thing is she still wants to be friends. According to her, I'm a great person, but our personalities don't mesh well in a relationship. She's convinced we aren't compatible. I'm not convinced of that.

Not going for the pity. Just sharing in on the shitty birthday experience. But thank you, I appreciate it.

See, the thing is you don't HAVE to be convinced of that. If she's convinced of that, then that's all that needs to happen for a relationship to be over. If she's the girl of your dreams and you think you guys were just beautiful together, then once she learns you accept her leaving you she'll feel something for you again if she really loves you. Girls are all about the forbidden fruit. If you throw your love and want of her at her, she's going to see you as pathetic.

 

[Saltyk]

Well, if she told you this last week, than its not such a mean move. Relationships almost always get awkward near the end. I know, its happened to me a few times. Its worse when you live together and then split.

Just play lots of video games, enjoy more time with friends than before, and tell her you need some space.

Yeah, just sucks. We don't live together, but we're not far from each other. Like 5 miles away. Plus, my family loves her. Sometimes I swear they like her more than me.

I should be going to see a friend out of state this weekend. Hopefully that'll help.

Not going for the pity. Just sharing in on the shitty birthday experience. But thank you, I appreciate it.

See, the thing is you don't HAVE to be convinced of that. If she's convinced of that, then that's all that needs to happen for a relationship to be over. If she's the girl of your dreams and you think you guys were just beautiful together, then once she learns you accept her leaving you she'll feel something for you again if she really loves you. Girls are all about the forbidden fruit. If you throw your love and want of her at her, she's going to see you as pathetic.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like I was offering pity, just condolences.

That's a pretty good point. I'm going to sleep on it. See how I feel in the morning. I wasn't completely unprepared for this, so I'm not feeling as bad as I did even a little while ago.

Still not sure what I want, but I do appreciate the feedback from everyone. Thanks!

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

I say prepare for the worst, but try to sort things out.
She definitely could've picked a better day though.

 

[helldragonX]

I wouldn't be friends with her, give it some time, tell her you need some space to adjust, and then after a while if you feel like it pursue a friendship with her.

 

[Doctor What]

My father walked out of my life on my tenth birthday. I haven't seen him in almost a decade.

My advice, get used to sucky birthdays. They're only exciting for little kids.

 

[Datsle]

op sounds way too familiar. Wasnt my birthday and we'd be together for nearly 4 years. But nothing compares to that feeling no matter what day it is. And honestly if you loved her, and still do, you couldnt be friends with her for quite some time. Happy b.day tho. Id buy you a beer if youd come to norway!

 

[Layz92]

Crap, man... I thought my birthday problem was bad (got the flu, GF was at that "certain time" on the calender and I promised her I would help her move house that day). You have completely blown me out of the water with that.

As for your problem, no, you can not "be friends" so soon after a relationship. Maybe in a couple of months but make sure you leave a definite cooling off period if it truly ends.

My advice would be: Give some space but do not break of contact (still ask her how her day was etc and maintain a caring presence but don't go in for "deep" conversations unless SHE really needs to). It is cliched to say but if it really is love then why not give it a chance, regrets are a *****. Also try and get her to think about this "personalities not meshing" stuff. Sounds like it came out of some rubbish $2 self help book or Oprah/Dr. Phil to me, try and get her thinking more about if she truly enjoys being with you sharing in each others lives. A true relationship is something that transcends petty "oooo he likes rock but I like pop" stuff. After all that if she decides to give it a miss... well bad luck my friend, I'll raise a glass to your future good fortunes.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

My B days tomorrow and i had my party saturday.
Called over a few friends played halo reach and other games and ordered 5 pizzas.
Got 105 dollars from my friends and had a fun time.
Sorry that you didn't have a great birthday man.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

My father walked out of my life on my tenth birthday. I haven't seen him in almost a decade.

My advice, get used to sucky birthdays. They're only exciting for little kids.

We all have those times man.
I remember for my 5th birthday i had the party at Burgerking (bad location i know) and only 1 friend and his brother showed up.
Worst birthday ever.

 

[TheRundownRabbit]

Be friends, keep what chance you have left of re-continuing the relationship instead of tossing it away.

 

[DemonicVixen]

-snip-

Well granted i wasnt ditched on my birthday, but was only a month away. After a 7 month rocky relationship it was ended.

My mum died in January, his gran died not long later, i was running a house on my own and trying to persuade him to get away from his stressful life and family by living with me. I needed someone close to me, and since my family arnt very close-knit anymore, meant he was the only one i could rely on and trust. He was bitter and sour and cold over his own problems and wouldnt even let me try to help, or even to just tell me the problem (whether id understand them or not at least it would be off his chest)... anyway, he came in to college late, said we needed to talk, and at break, told me he felt it best to stay friends, yet he also said "im not saying completely split up, just taking a break." Yet it became clear through the rest of the day that the relationship WAS split up "until a future time maybe".
That night i sent him an email saying that we didnt have to break up, but that maybe we needed space, so a few days appart might help, opposite ends of the classroom, no calls/txts unless needed etc.... Well of course, the email was ignored and i told him fine, we'd break up...OK, we are still friends although he can still drive me up the wall and p**S me off but thats life and i guess its better this way then living in misery with a failing relationship.

So i guess, yes it wasnt on my birthday, but seeing as id just lost the closest person to me, was still pretty vunerable with noone to turn to... I felt like id been kicked in the face,stabbed in the chest, then left out on the street to die. Might sound extreme but its true. Granted, with the help of a new person in my life, ive moved on happily and am now coming up to the 6month mark without ANY hasstle, and we are due to be married in 2012.

Yes it hurts, worse that it was on your birthday... forget the "intimate relationship" part because your not the first for that and realise that maybe its best to stay friends. She's obviously unhappy, and you cant force her to stay with you if she doesnt want to, you have to support her and show you still care but from a distance. If you play your cards right, you could well be her BEST friend.