Worst BDay. EVER!

[EeveeElectro]

On your birthday was just mean. I'd stay friends, but if she wants to be a dick like that don't bother.
The best thing is to remain neutral with her. I probably wouldn't talk to her unless she spoke first, you should hopefully get over here quickly.
When I tried breaking up with my ex he tried telling me "No! We're not breaking up!" I tried not to laugh and ignored. At the end of the day, it's her choice and it's a shame you can't change someone's feeling.

 

[Still Life]

You can do better.

 

[CincoDeMayo]

Give it some time before you decide whether to be friends or not, if you rush it you'll just remind yourself that you still love her. I've made the same mistake with a girl I was together with for 2 years, so the best tip I can give you is to keep a distance for a few months, let the feelings settle in and take the time you need to accept the new situation. After that you can make the decision, and if you decide that you want to remain friends with her I wish you the best of luck, because it can be hard with all the history between the two of you.

 

[lee1287]

kill her? My advice, or do her sister. And or mother.

In all seriousness, just forget her, not worth the time of day if she lets you go on your birthday. Mean *****.

 

[lambsheep]

Who does that on your Bday, and I am having the same problem too, the girl ive been out with was becoming distant and we broke up. We became freinds afterwoods, but being "just" friends is a bit awkward. We are still moving apart even more, if you really care do what im going to do, stop being freinds and try to move on.

 

[Aurgelmir]

Do I remain friends and hope things work out?

NO!
Punish her for crushing your heart.

If you can't have her as a girlfriend, she can't have you as a friend. Simple as that.
It't not meant as a threat, it's called living with your choices.

Sure you like her, and want her and all that. But she wants you to be her mental *****.

Let me specify:

She want's to "remain friends" because you probably make her fill some mental need for her, but not enough to be your girlfriend. That means she can get all the friend stuff from you, and all the sex and arm candy from someone else.

She was the one that is breaking up with you, so she should be loosing here, not you. She had her chance of having you as a friend, she declined that chance... to bad for you.

 

[TheReactorSings]

My birthday was yesterday. I spent four hours of it waiting to get tested for HIV. Then I got lost on the subway. (It wasn't so terrible, actually.)

Anyway, sorry to hear about the girlfriend, but if she has different ideas about your relationship then they were going to come out sooner or later. A guy I know recently got dumped while he was on holiday with his girlfriend in Italy; he'd just got a job in London and was planning on moving in with her. If there's a moral, I guess it's that life isn't overly concerned about good timing.

 

[Blackadder51]

Dont remain friends cut of all contact.

If you dont, it will get a lot worse emotionally and you will do something you regret.

Ex's that dump you, can't be friends.

Sorry to be a dick mate, but i have learned.

 

[standokan]

You can do better.

Your avatar can't get better though
OT you deserve more than that, what she did was even worse then breaking up on valantines day

 

[Saltyk]

op sounds way too familiar. Wasnt my birthday and we'd be together for nearly 4 years. But nothing compares to that feeling no matter what day it is. And honestly if you loved her, and still do, you couldnt be friends with her for quite some time. Happy b.day tho. Id buy you a beer if youd come to norway!

I'll hop on a plane this weekend!
/joke

My father walked out of my life on my tenth birthday. I haven't seen him in almost a decade.

My advice, get used to sucky birthdays. They're only exciting for little kids.

Yeah, it's definately starting to seem that way. Maybe I'll just tell everyone to forget it next year. (Even my grandma who always fixes a special dinner for people around their birthdays)

Really sorry about your dad, though. Really crappy thing to do to a ten year old.

Crap, man... I thought my birthday problem was bad (got the flu, GF was at that "certain time" on the calender and I promised her I would help her move house that day). You have completely blown me out of the water with that.

As for your problem, no, you can not "be friends" so soon after a relationship. Maybe in a couple of months but make sure you leave a definite cooling off period if it truly ends.

My advice would be: Give some space but do not break of contact (still ask her how her day was etc and maintain a caring presence but don't go in for "deep" conversations unless SHE really needs to). It is cliched to say but if it really is love then why not give it a chance, regrets are a *****. Also try and get her to think about this "personalities not meshing" stuff. Sounds like it came out of some rubbish $2 self help book or Oprah/Dr. Phil to me, try and get her thinking more about if she truly enjoys being with you sharing in each others lives. A true relationship is something that transcends petty "oooo he likes rock but I like pop" stuff. After all that if she decides to give it a miss... well bad luck my friend, I'll raise a glass to your future good fortunes.

Yeah, birthdays are starting to look like lightning rods for trouble...

-snip-

Well granted i wasnt ditched on my birthday, but was only a month away. After a 7 month rocky relationship it was ended.

My mum died in January, his gran died not long later, i was running a house on my own and trying to persuade him to get away from his stressful life and family by living with me. I needed someone close to me, and since my family arnt very close-knit anymore, meant he was the only one i could rely on and trust. He was bitter and sour and cold over his own problems and wouldnt even let me try to help, or even to just tell me the problem (whether id understand them or not at least it would be off his chest)... anyway, he came in to college late, said we needed to talk, and at break, told me he felt it best to stay friends, yet he also said "im not saying completely split up, just taking a break." Yet it became clear through the rest of the day that the relationship WAS split up "until a future time maybe".
That night i sent him an email saying that we didnt have to break up, but that maybe we needed space, so a few days appart might help, opposite ends of the classroom, no calls/txts unless needed etc.... Well of course, the email was ignored and i told him fine, we'd break up...OK, we are still friends although he can still drive me up the wall and p**S me off but thats life and i guess its better this way then living in misery with a failing relationship.

So i guess, yes it wasnt on my birthday, but seeing as id just lost the closest person to me, was still pretty vunerable with noone to turn to... I felt like id been kicked in the face,stabbed in the chest, then left out on the street to die. Might sound extreme but its true. Granted, with the help of a new person in my life, ive moved on happily and am now coming up to the 6month mark without ANY hasstle, and we are due to be married in 2012.

Yes it hurts, worse that it was on your birthday... forget the "intimate relationship" part because your not the first for that and realise that maybe its best to stay friends. She's obviously unhappy, and you cant force her to stay with you if she doesnt want to, you have to support her and show you still care but from a distance. If you play your cards right, you could well be her BEST friend.

The thing that gets me, is that this wasn't a rocky relationship. It was going very well. Until maybe a month or so ago. Something happened in her life, that I think kinda shock her up a little. Long story short, she was married (no kids) and the divorce was finally finalized recently. I know it was very emotional for her, but she refused to talk to me about it. This seems to be one of those "not meshing well" things she was talking about. I want to be there, but she's indepent and wants to deal with these things on her own (which I don't think is very healthy).

Anyway, glad that everything has worked out for you. Just sucks that you had to endure some bad times.

Dont remain friends cut of all contact.

If you dont, it will get a lot worse emotionally and you will do something you regret.

Ex's that dump you, can't be friends.

Sorry to be a dick mate, but i have learned.

I hate to say it, but this is one of those things on my mind. It's very hard to become friends after a relationship. One of the most frightening concepts is, what happens if she starts dating someone else? I can't say how I will react.

My birthday was yesterday. I spent four hours of it waiting to get tested for HIV. Then I got lost on the subway. (It wasn't so terrible, actually.)

Anyway, sorry to hear about the girlfriend, but if she has different ideas about your relationship then they were going to come out sooner or later. A guy I know recently got dumped while he was on holiday with his girlfriend in Italy; he'd just got a job in London and was planning on moving in with her. If there's a moral, I guess it's that life isn't overly concerned about good timing.

Yikes. I hope the test results come back negative.
On that line (but funny) a buddy of mine went to get some tests done to be safe. He came out and said to the people waiting on him "I had AIDS." They start freaking! He continues "test done." Apparently, he was so messed up from all the testing, he didn't even realize that he had a pause there. Kinda funny after the fact.

 

[Soylent Dave]

Did she know it was your birthday? If she did, she knew fully how much this would hurt you, otherwise she wouldn't have done it.

Or the arrival of his birthday made her think "Do I want to spend another year with this guy? Do I want to be the person who buys him birthday presents?" etc. - events like anniversaries and birthdays tend to trigger those kind of 'state of play' and 'where do I want to be next anniversary?' thoughts.

It doesn't make it any nicer to experience, obviously - but it probably wasn't vindictive.

-

Do I remain friends and hope things work out? Do I just accept friendship?

No.

Being that close to someone you can't have would tear you apart. Especially if you still hoped that one day it might actually work out.

If you're going to be in a friendship or a relationship with someone, you need to both be on the same page - that is, you have to both want just a friendship, or both want a relationship.

Unrequited love hurts like a ************.

and you both need time and space to think about why the relationship ended (and whether you each really wanted it to end) - that's something you can't really talk to each other about properly until you've got your individual heads sorted out. Especially if hers is a bit up her arse at the moment.

-

Oh and just so you have another 'good timing' story, my first really serious girlfriend - of several years - broke up with me, by 'phone, the day after my grandmother went into hospital with heart failure and the day before my mum went into hospital to have a mastectomy (due to having breast cancer). Her reason for ending the relationship being that I wasn't really putting much effort into the relationship (which was true enough - I was 21 and my mum had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer; I had other things on my mind)

(She did apologise about her oh-so-shitty timing a couple of years later)

 

[Jezzeh]

I rolled into this thread thinking 'yeah, I got attacked by a dog on one of my birthdays and haven't actually celebrated mine since I moved out of my parents' place when I was 17' but reading your post just kinda... Killed any humor I'd hoped to drop.

Anybody that has thus far told you to walk away is giving you the best advice. I'm not going to say that I have a better view on this because I'm female, and because I've told guys this before (just recently, in fact), but I know fairly well by now how things like this usually wind up going down. I've seen similar situations with a few of my friends, and they're always uncomfortable.

The truth is that, as a few others have mentioned, trying to be "just friends" with the person that you had your heart set on is not only difficult, but essentially never works out. To be fair, I'm sure there are exceptions, but I can't think of any examples of my own. When one person feels so strongly for another, it results in some really stupid actions - Actions that you'll very likely just wind up regretting. It's actually rather selfish of her to tell you that she still wants to be your friend, and I know it's true because I've said the same thing. She doesn't want to lose you, she still has a connection to you, but she isn't thinking about how a friendship would affect you or what you would have to go through. She isn't considering how difficult it would be for you, given your strong feelings.

It'll be best to just tell her how you feel about it all, and pull the plug. I know it will be a struggle, and you'll likely regret it for a while, but the choice to walk away will turn out to be for the best later on down the road. Don't focus on right now, because as it is, either decision you make is going to seem like it sucks. But moving on with your life will ultimately benefit you far more than struggling to be "just friends."

 

[Saltyk]

I rolled into this thread thinking 'yeah, I got attacked by a dog on one of my birthdays and haven't actually celebrated mine since I moved out of my parents' place when I was 17' but reading your post just kinda... Killed any humor I'd hoped to drop.

Anybody that has thus far told you to walk away is giving you the best advice. I'm not going to say that I have a better view on this because I'm female, and because I've told guys this before (just recently, in fact), but I know fairly well by now how things like this usually wind up going down. I've seen similar situations with a few of my friends, and they're always uncomfortable.

The truth is that, as a few others have mentioned, trying to be "just friends" with the person that you had your heart set on is not only difficult, but essentially never works out. To be fair, I'm sure there are exceptions, but I can't think of any examples of my own. When one person feels so strongly for another, it results in some really stupid actions - Actions that you'll very likely just wind up regretting. It's actually rather selfish of her to tell you that she still wants to be your friend, and I know it's true because I've said the same thing. She doesn't want to lose you, she still has a connection to you, but she isn't thinking about how a friendship would affect you or what you would have to go through. She isn't considering how difficult it would be for you, given your strong feelings.

It'll be best to just tell her how you feel about it all, and pull the plug. I know it will be a struggle, and you'll likely regret it for a while, but the choice to walk away will turn out to be for the best later on down the road. Don't focus on right now, because as it is, either decision you make is going to seem like it sucks. But moving on with your life will ultimately benefit you far more than struggling to be "just friends."

Yeah, it was a fun post. Think I just needed to get it out there. Still not sure how I feel...

The thing is, I know that it will probably be best to walk away. Part of me just wants to go on, but part of me doesn't want to. There's still a lingering doubt. Plus she seemed really upset when I said, upon getting out of the car that night, "I can't be just freinds". It's a no win situation and I know that.

As far as exs being friends, I know of one case from high school. These two people, that I didn't actually know, but knew of (most popular people is school types). They were apparently best freinds after breaking up. To this day, I don't see how they did it, but it apparently happened. I'm not sure about after that, but it is an example.

And, there is one thing that I want to ask, but don't know if I really want to answer. Pretty sure you can guess what it is...

Anyway, thanks for the advice! I appreciate it.

 

[Jezzeh]

I rolled into this thread thinking 'yeah, I got attacked by a dog on one of my birthdays and haven't actually celebrated mine since I moved out of my parents' place when I was 17' but reading your post just kinda... Killed any humor I'd hoped to drop.

Anybody that has thus far told you to walk away is giving you the best advice. I'm not going to say that I have a better view on this because I'm female, and because I've told guys this before (just recently, in fact), but I know fairly well by now how things like this usually wind up going down. I've seen similar situations with a few of my friends, and they're always uncomfortable.

The truth is that, as a few others have mentioned, trying to be "just friends" with the person that you had your heart set on is not only difficult, but essentially never works out. To be fair, I'm sure there are exceptions, but I can't think of any examples of my own. When one person feels so strongly for another, it results in some really stupid actions - Actions that you'll very likely just wind up regretting. It's actually rather selfish of her to tell you that she still wants to be your friend, and I know it's true because I've said the same thing. She doesn't want to lose you, she still has a connection to you, but she isn't thinking about how a friendship would affect you or what you would have to go through. She isn't considering how difficult it would be for you, given your strong feelings.

It'll be best to just tell her how you feel about it all, and pull the plug. I know it will be a struggle, and you'll likely regret it for a while, but the choice to walk away will turn out to be for the best later on down the road. Don't focus on right now, because as it is, either decision you make is going to seem like it sucks. But moving on with your life will ultimately benefit you far more than struggling to be "just friends."

Yeah, it was a fun post. Think I just needed to get it out there. Still not sure how I feel...

The thing is, I know that it will probably be best to walk away. Part of me just wants to go on, but part of me doesn't want to. There's still a lingering doubt. Plus she seemed really upset when I said, upon getting out of the car that night, "I can't be just freinds". It's a no win situation and I know that.

As far as exs being friends, I know of one case from high school. These two people, that I didn't actually know, but knew of (most popular people is school types). They were apparently best freinds after breaking up. To this day, I don't see how they did it, but it apparently happened. I'm not sure about after that, but it is an example.

And, there is one thing that I want to ask, but don't know if I really want to answer. Pretty sure you can guess what it is...

Anyway, thanks for the advice! I appreciate it.

Yeah, the shit of it is that you'll be split like that no matter what. Regardless of which road you choose to walk down, you'll wind up questioning the "what ifs" of the other option. Neither is going to seem like the best one to you, and you'll have some regrets and second-thoughts regardless of where you go from here. It really is a no-win situation at this point - You just have to hope that things later on will get better.

 

[Saltyk]

I rolled into this thread thinking 'yeah, I got attacked by a dog on one of my birthdays and haven't actually celebrated mine since I moved out of my parents' place when I was 17' but reading your post just kinda... Killed any humor I'd hoped to drop.

Anybody that has thus far told you to walk away is giving you the best advice. I'm not going to say that I have a better view on this because I'm female, and because I've told guys this before (just recently, in fact), but I know fairly well by now how things like this usually wind up going down. I've seen similar situations with a few of my friends, and they're always uncomfortable.

The truth is that, as a few others have mentioned, trying to be "just friends" with the person that you had your heart set on is not only difficult, but essentially never works out. To be fair, I'm sure there are exceptions, but I can't think of any examples of my own. When one person feels so strongly for another, it results in some really stupid actions - Actions that you'll very likely just wind up regretting. It's actually rather selfish of her to tell you that she still wants to be your friend, and I know it's true because I've said the same thing. She doesn't want to lose you, she still has a connection to you, but she isn't thinking about how a friendship would affect you or what you would have to go through. She isn't considering how difficult it would be for you, given your strong feelings.

It'll be best to just tell her how you feel about it all, and pull the plug. I know it will be a struggle, and you'll likely regret it for a while, but the choice to walk away will turn out to be for the best later on down the road. Don't focus on right now, because as it is, either decision you make is going to seem like it sucks. But moving on with your life will ultimately benefit you far more than struggling to be "just friends."

Yeah, it was a fun post. Think I just needed to get it out there. Still not sure how I feel...

The thing is, I know that it will probably be best to walk away. Part of me just wants to go on, but part of me doesn't want to. There's still a lingering doubt. Plus she seemed really upset when I said, upon getting out of the car that night, "I can't be just freinds". It's a no win situation and I know that.

As far as exs being friends, I know of one case from high school. These two people, that I didn't actually know, but knew of (most popular people is school types). They were apparently best freinds after breaking up. To this day, I don't see how they did it, but it apparently happened. I'm not sure about after that, but it is an example.

And, there is one thing that I want to ask, but don't know if I really want to answer. Pretty sure you can guess what it is...

Anyway, thanks for the advice! I appreciate it.

Yeah, the shit of it is that you'll be split like that no matter what. Regardless of which road you choose to walk down, you'll wind up questioning the "what ifs" of the other option. Neither is going to seem like the best one to you, and you'll have some regrets and second-thoughts regardless of where you go from here. It really is a no-win situation at this point - You just have to hope that things later on will get better.

Go ahead and ask your question. I have a suspicion what it may be, but I'd rather you just put it out there so that I don't assume the wrong thing and look like a jackass.

Yeah. It's really a no win situation.

Actually, I was talking about asking HER a question. Not you. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Canid117]

Sounds like an inconsiderate ***** to me. Seriously she cant even wait one fucking day?

 

[THE_SEAN]

Man this sucks dude and I hope you can find a way to be happy with her again, in friendship or partnership. All I can say is that the same thing happened to me, only that my ex broke up with me on my birthday after 4 and a half years relationship.

So as you can see your not the only one with these kinds of birthdays.

 

[Death God]

Trust me when I say friendship is better than nothing and if that's all she's willing to give, then give it s shot and see where things go from there man.