Worst in-game advice

[SomeGuyNamedKy]

How to play as a Pyro

Hold W and Left Mouse button simultaneously.

 

[Davey Woo]

"You're henchmen may look cute in their skivvies, but please give them clothes or armor." OWTTE
Neverwinter Nights HotU

"Save Early, Save Often."
Neverwinter Nights 2

 

[Dark assassin for hire]

portal: the cake is a lie

woopdy f***in doo. The cake is a lie. What cake? The one in a room you don't need to go to and can die in an attempt to reach. Portal is a good game. 'The cake is a lie" is a funny line except the worst in game advice... almost ever.

 

[Merteg]

In Duels of the Planeswalkers, a card game on the X-Box, on the loading screens there are advice. One time the advice said: "Please, don't eat the cards!"

 

[AbuFace]

"The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

Everything Glados says is pure genuis.
Also, welcome to the Escapist!

Thanks. I'd browsed these forums for a while as a guest, but after seeing this thread go nearly 4 pages without something from glados, I had to do something.

 

[olee12343]

Worst advice from a game:

COD4: "Press (RS) to break the dog's neck"

It didn't work in real life...

 

[Stuwienl]

I don't know which one, but in one of the Guitar Hero games the loading screen says: "You need a mini-fridge in your practice-space, it's more important than a bassist." Kind of hurtful, because I play the bass.

But all the "press X to jump" 'advices' suck as well.

 

[lostclause]

I hate Rock, Paper, Scissors fighting in RTS games. It's so stupid and unrealistic.

It worked quite well in Dawn of war, mainly because the classes (infantry, vehicles etc) could be effective against different classes (i.e. rocket launchers help against vehicles, heavy bolters against infantry).
'Paint it red. That way it'll go faster.'

 

[Evil Tim]

Worst in-game advice...Hm...

Gotta be Dead Space's suit going 'USE RUN TO MOVE QUICKLY' as if running was new to Isaac or the function of a run button somehow beyond the average player's comprehension.

 

[LordGarbageMan]

Cod4 loading screens telling me to use my knife as i get ready for hardcore search. AND ALSO NO MATTER WHAT, IT SAYS HOLD LS TO STEADY MY SNIPER but luckily thats only in normal mode

 

[Okami24]

i was bored and reading through all the hints in case there was something i didnt know about the game, the last one said 'what your still here, AND you want more help. well take my uncles advice and stop being so crap' it made me laugh but its pretty useless

 

[TheSentinel]

Winning is good! Losing is Bad! Pro-tip: Don't get beat up by Andy Dick!

 

[Infernai]

At the beginning of every MGS game (with the exception of 4) where they call you up every 2 seconds to do the most simplest of actions.

Fuck off, Colonel! I know how to climb a fucking ladder!!!

Ow my ear!

Ow Jesus my ear
*Jesus shows up and fixes Snakes ear*
Thanks Jesus
Its cool

I was waiting for someone to get that!

All we needed, was for him to call up the second you came up the elevator at the beginning of the first game and say "What you are looking at is snow, snow is cold".

 

[Gingerman]

"Take this Jill since your the master of unlocking"

I mean really? I open a few doors and what happens? I get jumped by zombies. Damn advice made me never trust a man with a small beard. Hence why I failed physics...

 

[SplattererRoss]

"The cake is a lie."
That doesn't help me out one bit.

 

[Zefar]

In F.E.A.R 2, hey lets split up, AFTER the girl have seen her friend being brutally tore apart by a naked girl and hers tentacles. We were also powerless during this situation.

So yes SPLITTING up is such a good idea.

Also ANY game that add the basic tutorial into the SP. Specially with like, you run with this button and so on.
Like, Thank you Mr almighty god, I sure couldn't figure out this on my own. Got anymore useful hints like kill the enemies?

 

[NBSRDan]

God of War II: Showing the player the wrong quick-time instruction.