Worst loading screen-tip

[elitecrewer]

Zenonia for the Iphone helpfully informed me that:

'Excessive gaming may result in loss of social life' (can't remember exact wording)

I lolled.

 

[SsilverR]

"slow attacks leave you open because they take longer to strike the opponent, try stunning first"

........ -_-

 

[johnman]

Fire is effective on human enemies- Dark Messiah

No really? I though people loved slowly burning to ashes

 

[Sparrow]

"Press the R button before the banzai soldier stabs you"

I'M FUCKING TRYING. YOU JUST HAPPENED TO PUT IT IN THE MOST AWKWARD PLACE FOR A BUTTON, EVER. Sorry I don't have the ninja skills of Neo COD.

What the hell was up with the little death message in that that reads "War in never right. Only left."

"War does not determine who is right. Only who is left."


And it's pretty damn self explanitory.

Could be many things. Left or right wing politics maybe? It could mean that it's not the people who we're correct (right), but the ones that survived (left).

Or it could just be a joke.

 

[Kajt]

This would be a epic loading screen tip:

"GO FOR THE EYES, BOO! THE EYES!"

 

[Hamster at Dawn]

Generally the ones explaining the controls, because they don't change if you remap them. If it doesn't change, then it isn't specific enough to be helpful anyway. (e.g. Press the shoot button to shoot.)

I hate it when they write stuff like "to jump, press the jump button". Well no shit, do you mind telling me where the jump button is? A lot of console games don't let you change the controls but they say stuff like this anyway.

 

[BlindTom]

I played a Flash game once where it said "Stealing loading messages from The Sims"

 

[AngloDoom]

"Hiding behind cover will make you less vulnerable to open fire."

Holy shit, that's where I was going wrong!

 

[Arbitrary Imposition]

"Oncoming fire has the right-away."
No shit?! Really!?

Right OF way.
And that's a quote, not a tip.

 

[Mad Maniac with axe-firing chainsaw]

"When your health is low, you should use a potion" (Forget the game)

... By god, so that's how you heal your health?!

That reminds me of the infamous Fable pestering: "Hero, your health is low, watch that." I really loathe game developers some times.

Also, when your health is REALLY low...

"Your health is critical!" in Fable 1. No shit, I didn't notice there that my health guage has around 2 centimetres on it and I'm about to get mauled to death by balverines in the arena (after foolishly trying to complete it with no experience upgrades or potions, difficulty whore that I am, upon realising that in the lost chapters your dodge no longer renders you mysteriously invincible to every attack, and you can't draw your bow in mid roll anymore :'(.)

Fable 2's one makes up for it "It is rumoured that the hero who killed Jack of Blades also murdered the guildmaster. It was said the words "your health is low" were carved into his forehead."

 

[PauL o_O]

In Jak 2 I believe:
"enemies may wish to harm you!"

 

[Christemo]

2 from WoW:

"you can turn of these tips in the interface"

"bring friends into world of warcraft, but dont forget to bring them outside too.

and the call of duty grenade warning.

 

[MrSnugglesworth]

I loved fable 2's tips.

I am probably misquoting this

"Years ago, when there was a Hero's Guild, a great hero slew the Guildmaster. Etched in his skull was "Your health is low"


I laughed SO loud when I read that.

 

[SultanP]

"Press the R button before the banzai soldier stabs you"

I'M FUCKING TRYING. YOU JUST HAPPENED TO PUT IT IN THE MOST AWKWARD PLACE FOR A BUTTON, EVER. Sorry I don't have the ninja skills of Neo COD.

What the hell was up with the little death message in that that reads "War in never right. Only left."

"War does not determine who is right. Only who is left."


And it's pretty damn self explanitory.

Could be many things. Left or right wing politics maybe? It could mean that it's not the people who we're correct (right), but the ones that survived (left).

Or it could just be a joke.

Well, it could be rephrased to "War does not determine who is correct, only who survives."

 

[CyberAkuma]

 

[Strong Intelligent]

Get your melons out for the monkeys!

 

[Baneat]

"Smoking is a danger to you and and all around you, be sure to use an ashtray"

(Solid Snake flicking the tip of the cigarette on the floor)

OMG I hated that loading screen. Having snake enjoy his Lucky strike for several minutes whilst trying to quit is no fun at all.

 

[WorldCritic]

Press A to jump, I think that one is kinda obvious!