Worst Pick-up lines

[shugo1226]

ok here we go.
my gf (at the time: i dare you to hit on her. say something really stupid too.
mek here goes (i did anything she said, sad i know)
*walks up to her friend* *looks her up and down slowly*
"so if your left leg is thanksgiving, and your right leg is christmas.. can i visit you in between the holidays."

her friend turned so red, we broke up shortly after.

 

[Mimssy]

I wish I was your derivative [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derivative] so I could like tangent to your curves.

I wonder what L'Hopital's rule has to say about limits of me over you...

 

[CrustyOatmeal]

i heard this one at a party from a drunk guys and i couldnt stop laughing after i heard this. i almost fell out of the chair i was in

(with a drunken slur) i'll bee honest with you, my dick is only 2 inches long but i got an 8 inch tongue and i can breath through my ears. want to head on up to my room?

 

[ChewyPizza]

my friend wanted to try

"hey girl, how about I get you pregnant or something?"

 

[Treefingers]

It's too the point, which I like but try this

Spoiler

I have a friend who actually goes up to chicks on a night out and asks "Will you have sex with me tonight?" If they say no, he moves on and repeats. He reckons about 1 in 100 girls will say yes, and that it's just a matter of time before you find her.

 

[fishy009er]

"You must be a Squirtle, cause you're makin' me wet!"

I got my brother to go around at a party and see how many girls he could say that to. They pretty much all slapped him in the face XD

 

[Logie--bear]

I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME

I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie

 

[Siegreich]

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put you and I together in a hot tub full of jello

 

[Mikeyfell]

I like my women like I like my coffee, in a plastic cup. -Eddie Izzard

Even Worse, I like my women like I like my coffee. Black and ground up in the freezer.

I like my women like I like my coffee:
hot
strong
black
Colombian
with whiskey in it
wet
inanimate
in a cup
instant
first thing in the morning (my personal favorite)

I like my women like I like my Whiskey; 12 years old and full of cocaine! (I'd never use that pickup line though)

 

[Pegghead]

I will kill you if you don't have sex with me.

 

[Death God]

"Let's be like bunnies and hop on to it."

I didn't use it but my friend did, and I laughed as he was slapped.

 

[MazzaTheFirst]

"Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you."

I now feel really really dirty for posting in this thread...

 

[Frasman]

Hey baby, wanna see something swell?

Lucky for you, I dig fat chicks.

You may not be pretty, but your my kind of not pretty. (one of my favourite Lexx quotes)

 

[CroutonsOfDeath]

Honest to god I have never used a pickup line. Well, in any actuality though. Never needed one; and I'd probably fail if I tried one.

Regardless, back in school there was this student who was rather... off in the head, and my gal came to me commenting on how he was freaking her out, and he walked in and tried a pickup line that literally consisted of:

"Hey baby, want to take a ride on the AIDS helicopter?"

I figured he was probably joking but he said it with a straight face and cried rather genuinely when the gut punch of rejection was administered. Plus he tried it on another girl later on.

I also saw a guy who commented "I'm blind, do you want to be my fold?"

 

[Spineyguy]

"Sorry, I think there's something on your foot." *Girl lifts foot to get a better look.* "No, the other one." *Girl tuts and looks at other foot.*

"No we're dancing!"

 

[MagnetoHydroDynamics]

"You are in all probability going to reject me, so I'm going to give you the pleasure right now... Go ahead ans say no."

 

[Bibliotekaren]

"Hey, wanna visit my basement? Because my good friend Joseph always told me that 'women are like fine wine, best matured in a cellar'"

Haven't used it, because it would most likely get me violently murdered by an angry mob of girls.

Also, if you do get laid, never sing GG Allin - I Kill Everything I Fuck when taking a shower afterwards.

 

[spookydom]

"Want to go halfs on a bastard?"

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

I wish I was your derivative [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derivative] so I could like tangent to your curves.

that would work on me. just saying...

OT: my only pickup line success has been in biology class.
me: "if i were an enzyme, i'd be helicase."
lab partner: "why?"
me: "so i could unzip your genes. "
lab partner (after thinking it over for a minute): "well, i have a free hour after this. care to experiment?"

nerd lines always work. my friend swears by, "i'm a sound engineer-i can excite your natural frequencies." but i assume it works better when you're actually a sound engineer.