worst things to do/say during a lecture

[Bravo Company]

When they ask a question reply back with 'your mom; Or 'your face'.

Had to fill out one of those "getting to know you better things", question asked 'what do you like to do in your free time? Replied back "your mom", the teacher didn't like me very well that year.

 

[Eumersian]

When the professor asks a question, reply "Is it because you have no friends?"

I, of course, would never do that.

 

[Jasper Jeffs]

I've thought about what would happen if someone just stood up in a lecture and started masturbating, it'd be so weird. I want someone to do it, not because I'm some kind of fucked up perv, but because I want to see the reactions on people's faces. It'd be a maaaaajor what the fuck.

EDIT: Or something as equally strange, like trying to suck his own dick, or spreading his ass cheeks and just shitting on the desk. It'd just be like, wut.

 

[Pegghead]

You could just start copying them word for word at the top of your lungs in a mocking attempt at their accent.

Or try to start a Mexican wave, then keep trying.

Or bat around one of those big inflatable beach balls.

Or play a vuvuzela.

Or get naked and start smearing vegemite all over your body.

Or if it's a philosophy lecture yell "Philosophise this!" then start pissing on the floor.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I was in a lecture the other day and two students asked a question simulteaneously and she said "I've never had two people jump in at same time before" Entire lecture hall burst into laughter

 

[FallenProject]

1) Be making notes, then suddenly stop, quickly lean away from whoever is next to you and stare at them with a terrified look on your face.

2) Rock back and forth, repeating "Violence is not the answer, violence is not the answer..."

 

[FallenProject]

When the professor asks a question, reply "Is it because you have no friends?"

I lolled.

 

[Cowabungaa]

I had a lecture once about product marketing and how important brand symbols are. The teacher showed us the Apple logo and asked us; "And what does tell you?"

The class, as always, was rather silent, until I simply said; "Evil."

Lulz were had.

 

[PeePantz]

"Dad? Why did you leave us? Do you not love us anymore?"

 

[Chechosaurus]

Be sick... I think that tops the list. I've come close a few times with early lectures after big nights out. I had double lecture at 10am after a big social the night before and I ended up getting penned in the middle of the row and I was so nearly sick. I mean, what do you do in a situation like that? The lecturer is in full swing about the European Enlightenment and you need to be sick but you're stuck between a fat kid and staunch alcohol abstainer.

 

[Bellvedere]

I once fell asleep in the middle of one lecture and woke up in the following one.

It was particularly awkward on account of the fact it turned out the lecturer was one of those one that questioned you if tried to leave the theatre in the middle of her speaking...

 

[esplode]

I think this is the best thing to do in a lecture.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

After the teacher has just proven something to the class ,just shout really loudly: "WRONG!"

Or in the middle of the lecture, whip out some sort of music player with some techno in it, shout "DANCE PARTY", and then just start dancing no matter who joins in.

Act like you are in the wrong place. "Wait, Psychology? I thought this was an AA meeting!"

"This is boring, Im gonna go masturbate"
"Shut the FUCK UP!!!"
"No I will not make-out with you!"
"Fuck......"
"Damn my testicles itch something fierce!!!"
"Chlorophyl? More like borophyl."
"Why the hell is he/she still talking?"
"SNORE! SNORE! SNORE!"
"This comedian fucking blows."
"My penis is on fire!!!!"
"(gibberish)!"
"Help! There is a tornado in my ass!" (then promptly take off all your clothes and run out of the room)

LOL! That truely was some laugh out loud funny stuff there. "My penis is on fire" and "Help! There is a tornado in my ass" struck me as particularly hilarious.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Things not to Do:

Paper airplane.
Spitballs at the lecturer.
Masturbation. Just cuz they might not notice doesn't make it appropriate.
Faking seizures.
Start a fire.
Texting your friend/roomate/dormmate who isn't in class to fake a bomb threat from a payphone to get you out of the class. (extremely inappropriate)
Set your phone's ringtone to go off then answer it and talk about how boring the lecture you're at is, all the while staring at the lecturer.

Thigns not to say/yell:

The obvious one, "FIRE", because y'know, you might get arrested.
"I'm pregnant!" when you're a male.
"Hey! Does anyone else have crabs?"

 

[Kukakkau]

Couple from my course:

We had a lecturer who said if we came in late we had to bring her a wine bottle (she was joking). "You're late. Where's my bottle of wine?" "Bit early to be getting pissed isn't it?"

Also we had a girl pass out during a lecture but she fell forward so the loud thud as her head hit the wooden desk made everyone spin around as she slid to the floor. I saw her bounce off the desk and was pissing myself laughing...I was the only one

Seeing the person in front of me was playing pokemon I said loudly "Use fire blast!!!" Got a ton of judging stares and the lecturer heard me and smiled - closet pokemon geek

Introduction lecture for my first year had an entertainer who was going to escape from a straight jacket by himself. At this moment the fire alarm went off...we all left him in the building with the jacket on

 

[Kukakkau]

I once fell asleep in the middle of one lecture and woke up in the following one.

Oh you reminded me - I accidentally walked into my lecture room during the lecture before thinking I was late. Everything went quiet and people were staring - I looked around and realised I'd walked into the Asian (not sure what nationality) students induction lecture. Literally the only white person with a sea of Asian students staring at me in disbelief

 

[Mechsoap]

I think this is the best thing to do in a lecture.

that gave me trouble breathing XD