Would you consider this cheating?

[PoliceBox63]

Forget semantics, why would you go off with someone else if you were interested in her?

 

[Shadowfaze]

Not cheating, but a very stupid move all the same.

 

[Bloodstain]

I think it was cheating, but that's just me. I take stuff like that very serious.

Forget semantics, why would you go off with someone else if you were interested in her?

Thanks, this exactly.

 

[Woodsey]

Not cheating, and I do have declare you a "PLAYAAA!".

HOWEVER, if she only gave a temporary "no" on the basis that you'd be together soon then it was a bit of a dick move, and it undermines you asking her out in the first place.

Still, player.

 

[Spacelord]

I guess it's not 'technically' cheating (whatever that means - have we devised a standard, really?) but I understand she feels upset.

 

[joshuaayt]

First girl said no. Second girl said yes. I see no problems.

Now, if you were planning on just checking out what the second girl was like, before heading back to the first after she had "Finished things", that's a different story. But you didn't really imply that, so I'll stick with my "It's ok" line.

I've never understood why it's expected of good people to pine after lost relationships for a certain amount of time before continuing on- what, so you were supposed to wait until she was certain she'd never get back with her ex, so she can pick you up afterwards? Fuck that. I don't even know you, and I know you deserve better than that.

 

[Dexiro]

Whether it was cheating or not it was a major dick move.

You can't have been that interested in either of those women if you're just going to run straight down the road and pick up your backup girlfriend the second one rejects you.

Are you dating because you really like them or are you just picking some boob out of a catalog?

 

[Jonluw]

Not cheating, and I do have declare you a "PLAYAAA!".

HOWEVER, if she only gave a temporary "no" on the basis that you'd be together soon then it was a bit of a dick move, and it undermines you asking her out in the first place.

Still, player.

The way I look at it, "playa" is an insult in the same way "slut" is towards a girl.

"Playa", in my mind, is another word for asshole.

 

[Woodsey]

Not cheating, and I do have declare you a "PLAYAAA!".

HOWEVER, if she only gave a temporary "no" on the basis that you'd be together soon then it was a bit of a dick move, and it undermines you asking her out in the first place.

Still, player.

The way I look at it, "playa" is an insult in the same way "slut" is towards a girl.

"Playa", in my mind, is another word for asshole.

That's nice.

You can have girls who are players and not sluts/slags though.

 

[Jonluw]

Not cheating, and I do have declare you a "PLAYAAA!".

HOWEVER, if she only gave a temporary "no" on the basis that you'd be together soon then it was a bit of a dick move, and it undermines you asking her out in the first place.

Still, player.

The way I look at it, "playa" is an insult in the same way "slut" is towards a girl.

"Playa", in my mind, is another word for asshole.

That's nice.

You can have girls who are players and not sluts/slags though.

I'm not saying they are completely synonomous.

As far as I'm concerned a player is someone who routinely hurts girls' feelings; and for that I can not respect them.

 

[Phoenixlight]

Well honestly it sounds like because you got blown off by one girl you just jumped on the next one. It may not be cheating, but it makes you look like a shameless dog that'll just go for the next girl, and the next, until she's available.
So no, maybe not cheating. But yeah, you should be slapping yourself in the head. Just because you "weren't official" isn't an excuse, especially if you were actually into her and she realized this.

So in my opinion, you owe her a major apology.

Yeah that's exactly what I thought as well.

 

[Sun Flash]

Not cheating but it was a bit of a dick move, seeing as (by your account) she only said no temporarily, until she got her ex out of the way, at which point you could date properly, so she was wanting a relationship. Plus it sounds like you immediately hooked up with the next girl you saw, which raises questions about your feelings towards either girl.

 

[Danzaivar]

In the UK that would be cheating. As I understand however Americans do it differently.

Bit of a dickish thing to do though. All it shows is that you don't really care about the first girl that much, if she has insecurity issues I sincrely doubt you've helped them much.

 

[MelziGurl]

You didn't cheat, but after asking her out I can understand her being upset that all of a sudden you've asked someone else. It would make me personally feel like asking me in the first place was a bit of a joke. I would be surprised if she even trusted you after that, unless of course there was a bit of time between girl 1 and girl 2.

 

[TheMann]

I've been seeing(1) this girl for about a month now and we really click. I was having a good time of it so I decided to ask her if she wanted to officially date.(2) She said no because she was dealing with a troublesome ex and wanted to completely end things with him(3) before she did anything involving commitment. I was cool with this and saw it as an opportunity to ask out this girl who lives down the road from me on a date. We had a pretty good time together and had some fun at my place afterwards. The girl who rejected me finds out about this and got really pissed at me for technically(4) cheating adn that she wanted to date me after she had cleared her other stuff up.(5) I'm telling her that because we weren't official it can't be considered cheating but when I think about it I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm not a fan of cheating and I really do like her.

So my question is this. In your opinions, would you call that cheating? Should I be mad with myself? Her? should I try to work things out?

Okay, what this needs, is to be deconstructed so I put in bold what I think are the important parts, with a number. I'll address this by number and try not to sound like a total raging dick, although I'll most likely fail in that endeavor.

1. You really need to define what "seeing" her was. It really be anything from holding hands at the pretzel stand in the mall, to a peck on the cheek after watching a movie, to a 5 hour marathon of hot monkey sex. If "seeing" her was more towards the latter one could see how she'd be pissed. You might feel like a bit of a douche for what you did, and that's only natural because you like her. But just remember: It was her that ultimately rejected your offer for a relationship. Remind her of this very firmly if she presses the subject.

2. If you want my advice then seriously never, ever, ever; never, never, ever ask a girl this. This is for two reasons. Firstly, if you're seeing her enough it'll be pretty self-evident when you two are an official couple. Secondly, this will give her an unbelievable amount of leverage over you. If she's not exactly the genuine type (and my spidey *****-sense started to tingle a little after reading your post) then she might very well have you bend over backwards for her, reminding you that you were the one that "wanted this in the first place". I've seen it happen; it's tragic. Also, good luck breaking up her if you are the one who then decides it isn't working out.

3. Okay, now we're getting to the real root of the problem. It's actually not you at all and no, I'm not just trying to make you feel better. I'm assuming you don't know her ex, and if that's the case and he's a complete stranger to you, then there is a good probability that this is what is happening: If she called her ex "troublesome" or something of that nature, she is trying you assure you that he's the 'asshole' and you're the 'nice guy'. In reality she still has feelings for him and may be using you as a test to see if he still wants her. Even worse, she may be using him to see if you're willing to put your life on hold for her. Either way she's not a very truthful person at best or a total ***** at worst. I've been on both ends of this scenario and brother, it ain't pretty.

4. Technically? Did she seriously actually use the word "technically" to describe your cheating? If she had to use the word "technically" to properly describe a level of infidelity then not only were you not cheating but she's probably just trying to find a reason for you feel like you need to be forgiven somehow.

5. The span of time between now and 'after she's cleared things up', could range anywhere from a few weeks, to after the heat death of the universe. If things didn't "clear up" after a month I'd just move on. I'm going to take a stab here and assume she didn't tell how long it'd take. You probably didn't talk to her about your ex-girlfriends, so if this guy really is her ex then why bring him up at all? So yeah, you might have asked the other girl out a bit too soon if you really wanted a relationship, but you didn't cheat on her, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Also your respective age matters quite a bit. If you're both older than 25-27, you're not dating girls anymore, you're dating women and in that case she's being a bit immature. Remember that W+Eb≠F, where W is women, Eb is Emotional baggage and F is fun. It's a real mathematical theorem. I've got the proof in a textbook somewhere but that's high level multi-variate calculus and I'm tired. See if the girl down the road is more fun in general to be around.

Off topic, I'm also hungry; time for microwave burritos...

 

[Ace of Spades]

'I'm not looking for a commitment right now' is usually code for 'I am not attracted to you, but I'm too scared of hurting your feelings', so no, that's not really cheating.