would you humiliate your children?

[chinangel]

I don't mean showing off baby pictures, I meant as a disciplinary action. Would you willfully embarrass/humiliate one of your kids? if so, why or why not?

For me? No, oh hell no. Being a kid is hard enough with punishments that will linger and last like that, and may even make them resent me.

EDIT: the reason I ask is because I did some research and discovered (to my personal dismay) that this has become a 'thing'. Parents are using it with growing regularity, going as far as to spill personal secrets of their children on facebook, youtube, and media.

I thought 'this is wrong, who would do this!?' and then I wondered if my view was a minority: hence the question.

 

[Euryalus]

Yes! Absolutely! I... oh... willingly... no then.

You'd seem like a right dick if you did that. You don't need to do that to discipline someone.

 

[Phasmal]

No, that's fucked up.
You don't need to, to be an effective parent.

If you're that stressed at your kid, take some time out.

 

[MysticSlayer]

For a punishment? No. I'd want them to learn from their mistakes, not have a part of their lives, no matter how short it may be, completely ruined, especially when it is such a crucial time for their development.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I can't imagine anyone saying yes to this...

The only time I would ever slightly consider it if they had done something to humiliate someone else, to give them a taste of their medicine.
Even then, that would be a last resort.

My mum humiliates me all the time and it's pretty bad. I wouldn't want my kids going through the same.

 

[JoJo]

No I wouldn't, frankly it sounds like a dickish thing to do and I don't see what would be gained that would outweigh the risk of trauma or future social difficulties by humiliating your child. The most important part of discipline is being consistent so the child knows that you'll go through with what you say will happen if they misbehave, the content of the actual punishment is less important, as long as the punishment isn't ridiculously lenient or abuse of course.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

No, that's the worst kind of parenting you can go for.

I can't imagine anyone saying yes to this...

I used to think like you, but then I saw the majority of people here are OK with incest, so anything could go.

 

[Jamieson 90]

No never, not intentionally anyway. I remember what it was like being humiliated as a kid and I imagine that feeling would be 10x worse if it were one of my parents doing it, and it has to be one of the quickest ways for a kid to lose trust/respect with their parents.

 

[Scarim Coral]

No, I didn't like it when I was a kid and I sure as hell ain't doing to my kid(s) either and I don't consider doing that to be a good factor toward me growing up to be a polite and kind guy.

 

[Movitz]

From what I've read, publicly humliliating your kids is a very bad way of trying to discipline them. A good principle when it come to this sort of thing is "Give them praise for what they do good in front of other people, and if you have to scold them, do it in private".

 

[Batou667]

For fun? No.

If it served some relevant purpose, and the kid wasn't responding to being asked nicely to change their behaviour, then yeah, I could see myself using mild humiliation to bring them down a peg.

 

[Padwolf]

God no, I wouldn't ever do that to my kids. You shouldn't ever have to or want to. It would be the worst way to punish them. They have to learn from their mistakes, not be traumatised forever for it.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I mean, let it be said, I don't ever want to be a parent. Ever. I don't want that responsibility to raise a life.

That said... I don't know. I wouldn't do it as a punishment. I'd want it as a learning experience. Id want them to realize that people's perception of who you are DOESN'T MATTER to their self-esteem. "You are not your Khaki's" ya know? But at the same time, they need to realize that perception is the first step in manipulating others. Being honest is important, but not as important as number 1 and getting ahead. These are lessons I didn't realize until too late, and I'm unwilling to change I suppose.

It's like that father that made his kid do pushups in the snow in underware. Yeah, absolutely it's cruel but it's because the father wants his son to be tough. This world is a unbelievable cruel dark horrible place, so I understand we want to protect kids from it, but the fact is those kids grow up. It's important they learn kindness, but also that they learn to tuck their chin and take their bumps because the bumps WILL come.

TL;DR: I don't want my kids self-esteem tied to the their perception by others.

 

[Artina89]

No I wouldn't humiliate my child at all, let alone as a punishment. I would want my child to learn from their mistakes, and humiliating them wouldn't accomplish anything beyond destroying their self esteem and make them more likely to lash out in the long term.

 

[IndomitableSam]

You can humiliate them easily enough by telling them how disappointed in them you are.

When I was teaching and past angry, all I had to do was deflate, look at them, and quietly tell them how much they disappointed me. And exactly why. Usually it ended in tears on the kid's side, and whatever they did was never done again.

That said, every parent humiliates their kids. Willingly and not. The sandwich boards and online videos of today are going way too far, but if your kid is grounded and little Suzy wants to play, I have no issue with the parent saying "Sorry Suzy, Julie is grounded because she stole some candy from the store and lied to me about it. You can play with her next week."

The above is pretty cruel - she'd be taunted at school for months... but do you think the kid will ever steal again?

I treat kids today the way kids were treated when I was growing up. As people. I give them respect, and if they lose it, they have to work damn hard to get it back. I give them a lot of freedom, and if they overstep their bounds (and kids damn well know where those lines are), then they lose. They lose toys, internet, tv, etc. And they have responsibilities from day one. They clean up after themselves or they don't get to participate again.

When doing crafts, if they don't clean up, next time they just sit there and are not allowed to make anything and I will explain why they aren't joining in when anyone asks. They always clean up after that.

So, yes... shame is a good learning tool. If you don't overdo it.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I imagine, due to the wording of the title and the OP, most people will say no, not ever.

If I recall correctly, when there was a thread on that girl who was caught bullying and her parents put a photo of her on Reddit holding up a sign, quite a lot of people here supported that punishment.

Personally, I would call that humiliation.

As for myself, I don't think public humiliation should ever been used to discipline a child.

 

[Zef Otter]

Maybe if she or he did the same to someone else.... or stealing

 

[Someone Depressing]

...No.

Would I go into their room and beat them with a baseball bat, set all of their toys aflame, and hire a fat Manx to play Amazin' Fuckin' Grace as they cry into the ashes of their dead, false childhood?

Maybe on a monday.

But not on any other day.

captcha: of course

Oh, you abusive ****, I love you

 

[Lilikins]

To be fully honest, allthough Id like to tell myself yes just to be able to laugh at it down the line together with my child, no...I would never. Thing is, if your kid does something that would 'require' humiliating, its something you didnt do properly in my opinion, yes yes, people have a mind of their own but nevertheless it all stacks up to proper parenting. So if I put a sign on my kid saying 'blablabla I did this blablabla' to be fully honest, it may be humiliating the kid in other kid's eyes, but in other parents eyes all your doing is showing what a crappy parent you are. Now Im not saying smacking the crap out of a kid so hard that a field goal looks like throwing a paper roll into a bin is proper, but with all honesty, I've been brought up that if I did something 'stupid' my parents would sit down with me and go 'hey...that wasnt a good idea.' explain why, get a punishment in form of no access to certain objects (I was in the NES era so...no super mario bro's 3) and then be on my way.

Of course, I shall add that...as everyone here knows, no matter how hard you deny it but no form of punishment was as bad as 'Im not mad at you.......Im just dissapointed' <----you know you messed up bad when they brought out that one.

 

[thesilentman]

My children would have the right to keep their secrets. Not only do I not see the need to do such a thing, it's a prime example of hypocrisy should I do this for long. I would discipline them along the lines of "don't do that again" rather than straight up embarrassing them.