Would you be interested in having a thread where you could submit your writings for critique from fellow writers? Why don't we get a Writer's Workshop thread going, so we can share our experiences and offer each other advice?
How about I start, and hopefully we can get this rolling.
How about I start, and hopefully we can get this rolling.
Part of my Warhammer 40K fanfic. A company of Imperial Guardsmen are sent into the lower levels of a massive building complex to root out a horde of traitor guard who attacked the upper levels. We find the company traveling through a tight corridor in the pitch black underground.
Chapter 6: Duel in the Darkness
It was pitch black in the lower levels. Due to the constant conflict across Meridian, most of the power outside of the vital zones had been shut down or rerouted. The abandoned lower levels of the complex were deemed non vital. Elliah wished that they were. She felt like she was inside the Chimera again, trapped in the encroaching blackness, surrounded by people she couldn?t recognize. The only thing lighting their way were the flamers ahead. Their short bursts of promethium periodically illuminated the dark corridors, casting ominous shadows across the riveted walls.
?Keep close by. We haven?t encountered any Hounds yet, but the attack could come at any moment.? Hurst?s voice came over the vox bead. It was eerily quiet down here. Even the sound of two hundred guardsmen sounded muffled by the close air. Elliah wished that they had the night vision goggles distributed to the elite forces, but the munitorium had considered the expense too high for regular troops. So she was forced to wait on the flamer?s gouts for vision.
For nearly fifteen minutes, the Company slowly crept down the hallway before finally coming to a stop. ?Alright, I think we found it. Expect a welcome party for us further in.? That was Merrick?s voice this time, no doubt about it. The gruff persona shone through even a vox bead.
?We?ll move in first. File in after we secure the room.?
They waited for five minutes in total silence. Everyone was tense from the suspense. Finally, the Daredevils re-emerged from the black hole in the wall. ?Room?s clear, fall in and we?ll get started.? said Merrick. The 2nd Company slowly poured into the blackened room. It was far bigger than the narrow corridors, and the entire company easily fit inside. Merrick and Hurst were waiting there, their faces illuminated by their squad?s flamer.
?Okay, we?re going to split into two teams.? said Hurst. ?Half and half, one group goes with me, the other with Merrick. We?ll cover more ground that way without sacrificing firepower. Divide up into your groups.?
?Remer, Alek, you?re with me,? said Merrick. ?Kippler and Vornas are with Hurst. Everyone else, fall in.
?We?re gonna be doing this room by room.? He said, addressing the hundred men now following him. ?Flamers and Meltas to the front, grenades through the doors before we go in, got it? We?re gonna blast every traitor loving dog we see, take no prisoners. If you come across any of the Chaos Marines, fall back and then blast them with everything you?ve got. Got all that? Good, then let?s move out!?
It was pitch black in the lower levels. Due to the constant conflict across Meridian, most of the power outside of the vital zones had been shut down or rerouted. The abandoned lower levels of the complex were deemed non vital. Elliah wished that they were. She felt like she was inside the Chimera again, trapped in the encroaching blackness, surrounded by people she couldn?t recognize. The only thing lighting their way were the flamers ahead. Their short bursts of promethium periodically illuminated the dark corridors, casting ominous shadows across the riveted walls.
?Keep close by. We haven?t encountered any Hounds yet, but the attack could come at any moment.? Hurst?s voice came over the vox bead. It was eerily quiet down here. Even the sound of two hundred guardsmen sounded muffled by the close air. Elliah wished that they had the night vision goggles distributed to the elite forces, but the munitorium had considered the expense too high for regular troops. So she was forced to wait on the flamer?s gouts for vision.
For nearly fifteen minutes, the Company slowly crept down the hallway before finally coming to a stop. ?Alright, I think we found it. Expect a welcome party for us further in.? That was Merrick?s voice this time, no doubt about it. The gruff persona shone through even a vox bead.
?We?ll move in first. File in after we secure the room.?
They waited for five minutes in total silence. Everyone was tense from the suspense. Finally, the Daredevils re-emerged from the black hole in the wall. ?Room?s clear, fall in and we?ll get started.? said Merrick. The 2nd Company slowly poured into the blackened room. It was far bigger than the narrow corridors, and the entire company easily fit inside. Merrick and Hurst were waiting there, their faces illuminated by their squad?s flamer.
?Okay, we?re going to split into two teams.? said Hurst. ?Half and half, one group goes with me, the other with Merrick. We?ll cover more ground that way without sacrificing firepower. Divide up into your groups.?
?Remer, Alek, you?re with me,? said Merrick. ?Kippler and Vornas are with Hurst. Everyone else, fall in.
?We?re gonna be doing this room by room.? He said, addressing the hundred men now following him. ?Flamers and Meltas to the front, grenades through the doors before we go in, got it? We?re gonna blast every traitor loving dog we see, take no prisoners. If you come across any of the Chaos Marines, fall back and then blast them with everything you?ve got. Got all that? Good, then let?s move out!?
. I'm sure other people will post here but right now I don't feel entirely comfortable.
