Writing How To Get Better

[alik44]

So yeah I did finally get out of the hospital and im doing well in the Rehabilitation blah blah blah... i'm doing all my stuff well and good but there is one thing im having with.

WRITING AND SUCH.

Yes out of all that's doing well. its my Story writing that i think its just off a bit. now im talking more about being an author personal stories and fan-fiction writing i work with. and i do want to start writing the more serious i was doing before the injury stuff but most of the times id started writing the stories and such and all gets more insignificant.

Here an example of some i worked with before

Spoiler: Before

The Invilio Expanse is a large Barren Waste land that makes up a large portion of the northern regions of Ludoa. It is nothing more than large and spiraling mountains that form along its southern boarder making travel to and from the Expanse exceedingly difficult and the rest is a barren desert with few specs of foliage around the oasis that are scattered throughout the barren deserts of the expanse. Many people make the Invilio expanse there home but the expanse is also home to creatures that dwell within the desert sands and the rocky mountains but none more ferocious and dangerous than the Canines that claims the entire northern expanse as there hunting grounds treating the creatures and humans as their prey.

Many towns and village throughout the expanse are built but our focus is on the Village of Noevern located to the far northern part of the Invilio Expanse. Far enough that it out of the main hunting grounds of the canines and other creatures but is also avoided by many people or at best people who are not native to Noevern do not stick around. Noevern is well known by many for its Strange and dangerous natural weather during the summers the average temperature is between 100-120 degrees on a regular basis while during the winter the temperature dipping below 5 degrees is counted as normal for many of Noeverns inhabitants. While many outsiders would think that the summer and winter seasons are the worst of the worst Natives of Noevern will quickly tell them they are very wrong on that point. While the summer and winter season may seem bad at least they are consistent. Summer can mean sweltering heat and heavy rains and winter can mean way below freezing temperatures and major snow storms but when it comes to spring and Fall seasons that can mean anyone?s guess. Spring and fall seasons can provide many erratic weather conditions such as combination freezing rain and snow in the middle fall or blizzards followed immediately by immediate heat waves during the spring. It is for this reason why many people and creatures a like tend to avoid Noevern since unlike the natives who have pretty much adapted to the harsh weather conditions many other have trouble dealing with the erratic seasons.

Noevern is large village built upon a large river that flows down from mountains to the ocean. Our story continues with the evening sun setting over the horizon turning the sky a golden orange across the horizon around it. With setting sun bringing with the cold night sky the usually busy streets Noevern still quite bustling as merchants moved to start closing up there shops for the evening and many villager quickly taking care of final sales before making their way home. all except one young villager who continued his job. He is a young boy of 14 he wore simple woven white cotton shirt and simple leather shorts he is a big for his age( more in the wide big) but it never bother him about his weight . his face plump and round his eyes was a deep green and he had a large scar vertical scar on his left eye. He sat there on the swing in front of the large face of the clock tower with a large mop and other cleaning utensils strapped to his back. He removed the mop and dipped it in a bucket also suspended in the air next to him by a rope and started to wash the face of the clock.

??he wielded his blade of steel and iron? the young boy sung very loud horribly off key that can heard throughout the town. The young boy continued to finish washing the face of the clock all while continuing to sing horribly loud and off key.

?...the beast It bears it Fangs and raises his claw and??

?Dotei will you please Shut the F#$% UP?

Dotei jumped as the booming loud and raspy voice caught him by surprise. He looked around to see where the voice came from he got himself proper seated back on the swing. He looked around again until he heard someone yelling again below. He looked down to see an old man standing at the foot of the clock tower waving a cane in the air yelling a slew of profanity at the child

?Oh hey mister mayor is everything ok? I?m done with the Cleaning the Clock tower!!? Dotei yelled down to old man as he reached up and carefully loosened the knot above him to slowly propel him down. Sadly he pulled the wrong knot on the rope and instead of slowly propelling down the side of the building he started to plummet like a lead weight.

Basic C to C- i know but i im still practicing until get up for C level writer.

Now here my wring After i got home and started practice this time on another

Spoiler: After

asking too?..?
?Do stupid things like the stupid idiots you are??
?Wait what??
?Oh I?m sorry Idiots. Please continue talking in an Idiot language with a stupid reason?
?What!?? said Cat as he started to grow both furious and then confused as to where that voice come from. He looked at the young woman who did not release a single voice to them.
?Oh they have Talking a Potato!?
?I AM NOT A POTATO, I AM GLADOS. A POWERFUL ADVANCE CACULOUS AND???
?Cool a Talking Potato Calculator? Cheered cat as he still looked hyper over ot as he stood at the potato.
All GLADOS got real quite while the woman was confused even more with the dog. All cat did was just lower and shock his head in annoyance .
?You know what Chell?.kill them. Don?t care how, don?t care why, do it.? Board Glados as Chell simple was about to ready to attack.
?WAIT are you really listening to the stupid potato calculator?!? yelled Cat as he pointed at Glados.
?I AM NOT A POTATO!! I AM GLA???
?oh oh are you a magic talking calculator in a potato? Asked Dog as Cat snickered slowly. Even Chell had a very very slight snicker but everyone knew she was doing it on the inside.
?Why?.you?I am not a calculator!!!?
?Oh well I don?t know I have a lot of calculate ?said Cat still slightly laughing at Glados.Ugly,
?Chell don?t even Start with the Dog. Kill the Idiotic, Stupid, moronic??
?Who are you calling a moron!!!?
?Why it?s the Moronic Cat. Don?t you know you?re a moronic? Here are some variety reasons why you?re a moron?.?
?I am not a MORAN you Cheap ass Potato and stupid Calculator? they yelled while he walk over to Glados not even paying attention to Chell.
?Coming from you. you making that dam moronic wheat seem like a genius compared to you?
All Cat And Glados did was Argue with each other for a while now leaving Chell and dog just stood there watching the others just argue and complain while they just stood and watch and looked at each other.
?THAT?S IT! Chell quick! get the portals up? Yelled Glados.
?Fire portal?? ?asked Cat
Suddenly Chell then hopped back from CatDog and quickly pointed his portal weapon straigt in the up in the top tree where the blue one formed up on. Then he aimed his portal at the ground at the ground where he followed.
?Hah not this time? Said Cat as he quickly jump out of the orange blast that formed the portal where they were. ?See Ya missed us!!?
?Umm Cat what about this one? Said Dog as he saw another Orange went right past u going toward the ground.
it quickly hit the ground that formed a orange portal on the ground. Right on the ground area that Cat with a shocking look on his face while he was right above landing in it.
?WAAAAAAA!? Cat Shrieked As he covered his eyes as he felt through the portal. He did feel him self fall through the portal but as he felled and odd stop he was just hanging. He slowly removes his fingers and then he saw he was hanging at the very top of one of those tall tree?s. ?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? As He Yelled some more
?Don?t Worry Cat I can Help? Yelled Dog as Cat looked up to see him Grapping to the edge of the portal from the top. ?Here We go? he said as he quickly using his arms he quickly hopped through the portal pulling dog back up and back flat on the ground.
?Awww is the Moronic Cat Still frighten? No worry its only for naturally for morons? Laughed Glados as she even put up the laugh clip from her as Chell put her portal weapon up.
?GRRR that?s It Dog Attack Them I?ll Join you? Yelled Cat as he hopped up and got Dog up as he shocke of the pieces of shapes in his mouth
?Dog Do you mean it. Do really want to join Battle contest?
?I don?t.t care all I want to do is get rid of that Stopped Calculator?
?IM NOT A CALCU??..?
?TELL ME WHILE IM CRUSHING YOU TWO? Yelled Cat as he let Dog charge to them for battle.

This one just seemed off to me and i think its worse than my original writing skill level. but i want to know other peoples opinions and such.

Is my writing getting worse or is it around the level as before? if so for worse is there any other ways to practice more so than then. i usually just read a lot and i do try to do writing practice on my works. is the anything else i need to do as well to improve my writing skills?

 

[Lionsfan]

Not gonna lie, that second example was really bad. Like middle school emo girl fanfiction bad.

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of injury did you have?

 

[alik44]

Not gonna lie, that second example was really bad. Like middle school emo girl fanfiction bad.

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of injury did you have?

small brain tumor but i got better in a few weeks, any recommendations on improving my writer skills.any ideas must be good to add on to my writing skills.

 

[staika]

There's a usergroup [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/The-Escapist-Creative-Society] for such a problem. You can go there and get feedback and give feedback.

OT: The first example was alright, the problem I had with it was the paragraphs were too long but that might've just been the spoiler that was doing that. Also you don't have to censor your swear words, censoring words in writing annoys me but that's just a personal pet peeve of mine.

The second one.......let's just say that it needs work. The spacing is pretty bad and it's hard to read since everything kind of blends together. The actual story itself was pretty bad as well. It seems that it was just a insult shouting match. While fine for a random parody story, I thought it was a little too crazy.

 

[alik44]

There's a usergroup [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/The-Escapist-Creative-Society] for such a problem. You can go there and get feedback and give feedback.

OT: The first example was alright, the problem I had with it was the paragraphs were too long but that might've just been the spoiler that was doing that. Also you don't have to censor your swear words, censoring words in writing annoys me but that's just a personal pet peeve of mine.

The second one.......let's just say that it needs work. The spacing is pretty bad and it's hard to read since everything kind of blends together. The actual story itself was pretty bad as well. It seems that it was just a insult shouting match. While fine for a random parody story, I thought it was a little too crazy.

Hmm never heard of that before but its a good place to start. thx

 

[Fox12]

Well, you're not in bad company. After getting hit by a car, Stephen King said he found it almost impossible to write. He almost considered retiring. His skill level plummeted, and it took him months to get back to where he was (keeping in mind his injuries were pretty significant). I think there's a mental block that some people suffer after an injury.

Now, I'm pulling the kiddie gloves off since you said you wanted to be a more serious writer, so I'll give you some constructive criticism.

First of all, you need to work on your grammar. I'm sure these were first drafts, but grammar is important. I would recommend getting a little book called the Elements of Style. A lot of professional writers use it, and it teaches you everything you really need to know in under a hundred pages. Don't waste your time with a six hundred page tome, get this book. It emphasizes cutting out all the fluff in your writing, streamlining your work while giving it added meaning. If you can say the same thing in a sentence as you can in a paragraph, say it in a sentence. Don't use adverbs if you don't have to.

You should also build your vocabulary, as you tend to rehash words a lot. Get a good thesaurus, keeping in mind that different words have different inflections, even if they mean the same thing. Retch is harsher than throw up. Smote carries more weight than hit.

Show, don't tell. Instead of dumping exposition onto the reader, try to insert the information into a conversation, or have the main character think about it. It feels more natural, and it's not a laborious to read. That way you're informing the audience without them having to think about it, and it gives you the opportunity to develop characters. It's always better to imply or show something to the audience than to tell them. Don't tell the audience Bob loses his temper, show him losing his temper while the other character sigh and shake their heads. "Not again..."

As for me, if I have trouble writing, I just have to force myself not to care. I get stressed, and if I'm stressed I can't write. If you can't enjoy it, what's the point? If you find yourself stressing about it, then just quit whatever your working on and work on something else. Write something fun and stupid, and if it's bad it's bad. No one has to see it. How would Wolverine survive in Jurassic Park? What would happen if you stuck Saints Row guy in Silent Hill with nothing but a penis bat? Pretty soon you'll have a few chuckles and you can move on to something more serious. If it's really bad then you may simply need to take a break from writing, then return to it feeling fresh.

Edit: Ha, criticized your grammar, then realized I misspelled a few words : P
No one's perfect.

 

[Fox12]

You could also get Stephen Kings book about how to write. It gives you writing advice while it simultaneously talks about his experience recovering from his injury, so it seems like the perfect book for your situation.

 

[Celtois]

For my own amusement I picked a paragraph to edit. I'm not a perfect writer but I think I cleaned things up a little. Anything is brackets is something I changed or added. Brackets with numbers means I removed something.

"Oh(,) hey mister mayor(,) is everything ok? I'm done (1) (c)leaning the (c)lock tower!!" Dotei yelled down to (the) old man as he reached up and carefully loosened the knot (2) to slowly propel him(self) down. Sadly(,) he pulled the wrong knot on the rope and instead of slowly propelling down the side of the building he started to plummet like a lead weight.

(,): I can't remember the name of the rule, but when you start a sentence with an exclamation a comma is sometimes appropriate.
(,): Each fragment is capable of standing as an independent clause. Thus an comma is appropriate.
(1): with the, is unnecessary in this case, and sounds clunky due to the repeated the.
(c)*2: Cleaning or Clock is a proper noun or the beginning of a sentence you don't need to capitalize it.
(the): It makes more sense with the addition of the "the", as old man is a title/description, as opposed to a name. The would be unnecessary and wrong.
(2): You already specified that he was reaching up. Above him is redundant.
(self): He is acting on himself. Which makes himself more appropriate than him.
(,): Another first word comma. If I could remember the name of the rule I'd tell you when they apply. In this case its appropriate because if you pull Sadly our of the sentence it still has the same meaning.

Now a completely rewritten version.

"Oh!" Dotei exclaimed, shocked by the mayor's brusqueness, before shouting down to the older man, "Is everything alright Mr. Mayor? I've finished cleaning the clock tower."
While he spoke Dotei carefully loosened the knot which would allow him to descend, unfortunately, distracted by the conversation, his hands found the wrong knot and suddenly he was falling, plummeting towards the ground like a lead weight.


Ah yes. The point. You've got some grammatical errors in there. Like other have said Elements of Style is good. I personally recommend reading samples of writing you want to emulate and practice editing your own and others work. (Largely why I did what I did above.)

My writing has improved dramatically in the last few years, but I still make loads of mistakes. The most effective things I have found to help eliminate those mistakes, is practice writing well, with a grammar guide open beside you.

 

[Dectomax]

-Snip-

Possibly the best advice anyone can give you is to read. Read lots. Read a variety of books, by a variety of Authors. Hop genres and styles. For one, this will introduce you to new books ( which is always good ) and two, your grasp of language will become so, so much better.

I'm starting my second year of University soon ( Studying Design for Games ) I took a creative writing course for my complimentary studies and the lecturer told us at the start: "If you want to get better at writing, read."

I'm hoping to go into narrative writing within the Games Industry, so I've got a vested interest in writing, to say the least. Other than read, I'd recommend writing. Everyday. Write a variety of things. Different types of texts, different scenarios and what really helped me; was just to find a busy place and sit and watch. Listen in on people and try and write a scene on what I saw.

At any rate, good luck! Writing is hard!

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I don't write much, but people consider me a pretty okay one. Many English teachers have told me this, but I don't know how many other people they've told. Take that as you will.

I just read a lot of books and look at what they did. Most every grammar rule I learned from books; rules of punctuation, including semicolons, hyphens, quotation marks, and periods, I only know them by writing them out and saying, 'but that doesn't sound right in my head'.

You really have to be reflective of each and every sentence you write. Stop, reread or reconsider a paragraph or sentence you just wrote. Why is it important to your paper, could the paper be improved by removing or rewriting it? Does this section flesh out the backstory, the setting, the characters, the situation? Can you better make use of "show, don't tell?" Is your entire paper in the same verb tense? Are you very often using the same noun or adjective when you could use an synonym to make it less dull? Nobody is engaged reading you constant say 'red blood' when you could instead write 'scarlet ichor' or 'maroon plasma'.

And for papers, a lot of the importance in a better paper is in method and not particularly in content. Do you have tons of credible sources for each sentence? Can sentences be taken out to make the paper more concise and to the point? Is every event a fact with many sources confirming it, or is the real fact that no source knows and they are not allowed to speculate? Then write that specific fact, try not to speculate unless your topic is about that speculation. Don't use conjugations like I'm or it's or there's: use I am or it is or there is. However, direct dialogue in quotation marks might be better analyzed if left in conjugated form. (Don't forget your [sic].) Keep it interesting, don't retread facts unless you're adding more details or input to the facts, make your language less stiff. Use introductory words like later, afterword, soon after, and however.

But a good one to do is to constantly be reading. Even better, read the books and informative papers that are bad, and see what you would do to make each one better.

 

[Lionsfan]

Not gonna lie, that second example was really bad. Like middle school emo girl fanfiction bad.

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of injury did you have?

small brain tumor but i got better in a few weeks, any recommendations on improving my writer skills.any ideas must be good to add on to my writing skills.

Other people chipped in, but I would say buy a style book, and read it, and practice practice practice.

Really the best way to get better is to write a lot, edit it, have other people edit it, and write some more

 

[alik44]

Thanks everyone for the info on my writing skills. and how I should improve my skills in the C - writing level and such. but about that book that is highly recommended.

First of all, you need to work on your grammar. I'm sure these were first drafts, but grammar is important. I would recommend getting a little book called the Elements of Style. A lot of professional writers use it, and it teaches you everything you really need to know in under a hundred pages. Don't waste your time with a six hundred page tome, get this book. It emphasizes cutting out all the fluff in your writing, streamlining your work while giving it added meaning. If you can say the same thing in a sentence as you can in a paragraph, say it in a sentence. Don't use adverbs if you don't have to.

its look like a good book I can use on my skills and such, but when i look to purchase it it has a lot of different books. is there a specific type i should be looking for?

 

[Korsgaard]

Glad to hear you recovered from a tumor.

As for writing, there are several ways to improve.

The first, like any craft or skill, is practice. The more you write, the better you'll get, the better your writing will get, and you'll discover a tone, pace and style you're comfortable with. To give a personal example, go look at my website - bear with me, I'm not just whoring it out, though I do have to pay rent - I've been writing online ever since 2010, and if you look at one of the early posts, one of the more recent posts, and any most in between, you'll notice there is a progression in style and skill the farther from that first post you go. Practice may not make perfect, but it does make you better!

The second, is get people who you know, and ideally whom you trust, to read what you write, and offer comments or critiques. Getting people's opinions is always important, and nothing makes a writer feel better than having readers, take it from me! Just be sure that the people who you go to for input are people who you can trust to be constructive with what they say - if they just gloss over and tell you you're retched out of spite or offer mindless and meaningless praise, it does you no good, and quite often will do you ill.

Third, judging by what you write, and what people say about what your write, adjust or improve accordingly, and be willing to experiment or try new things. Improve your grammar or increase your vocabulary. Write outside your comfortable genres or styles every now and then. Set new goals, and more importantly, do your damnedest to meet them.

Lastly, keep at it, and best of luck!

 

[Nuxxy]

You could also get Stephen Kings book about how to write. It gives you writing advice while it simultaneously talks about his experience recovering from his injury, so it seems like the perfect book for your situation.

It's called "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft". It is a really nice book. It has two sections. One is about his life, some selected memories about being a writer. The other is about language use and practical suggestions toward being a good/better writer.

 

[Fox12]

Thanks everyone for the info on my writing skills. and how I should improve my skills in the C - writing level and such. but about that book that is highly recommended.

First of all, you need to work on your grammar. I'm sure these were first drafts, but grammar is important. I would recommend getting a little book called the Elements of Style. A lot of professional writers use it, and it teaches you everything you really need to know in under a hundred pages. Don't waste your time with a six hundred page tome, get this book. It emphasizes cutting out all the fluff in your writing, streamlining your work while giving it added meaning. If you can say the same thing in a sentence as you can in a paragraph, say it in a sentence. Don't use adverbs if you don't have to.

its look like a good book I can use on my skills and such, but when i look to purchase it it has a lot of different books. is there a specific type i should be looking for?

It's written by Strunk & White. My copy is a black hard back cover edition, but I'm sure you can find a cheaper paper back copy. If you go to school you can ask a proffesor/teacher, and I promise you they will know the one I'm talking about. It's a very small book, my copy comes in at only eighty five pages, which makes it a good reference manual. I don't think it matters which version you get, and if you have difficulty finding it then a salesman should be able to help you. I got mine at Barnes and Noble, if that helps. I don't know what versions they apparently have, but I would just go with the normal small version. After all, if another writer tried to expand upon the book and add pages, then they missed the entire point of the book, which is to streamline your work.

Good luck with your writing, and I'm glad your operation went well

 

[Queen Michael]

Here's the best piece of adviece that i've ever heard on writing:

Be honest with yourself about what parts suck. Admit to yourself when something is bad and needs to go. For instance, your grammar... um... could be abit better. But I'm not only talking about grammar. I mean everything about a story. Parts that are boring, phrasings that don't work... Anything.

 

[RickyChinese]

Don't overdescribe or do infodumps. don't get a good thesaurus because if you're unfamiliar with a word and how it resonates with what's happening tonally or connotatively then you have no business using it.

 

[Nuxxy]

Here's the best piece of adviece that i've ever heard on writing:

Be honest with yourself about what parts suck. Admit to yourself when something is bad and needs to go. For instance, your grammar... um... could be abit better. But I'm not only talking about grammar. I mean everything about a story. Parts that are boring, phrasings that don't work... Anything.

As Stephen King puts it in On Writing, "kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler?s heart, kill your darlings".

 

[King of Asgaard]

As a student of English, and established grammar Nazi, I see your potential, but it needs quite a bit of work.
Fix up your grammar and spelling. Some mistakes come from a misunderstanding of grammatical rules, while others are simply due to reading too many crappy posts on the internet.

The first thing they told me vis-a-vis writing is to develop my own style. While I can't really teach you how to do that, I can tell you how to make some headway.

READ. This should go without saying, but you can't learn new words/expressions without reading regularly. I recommend authors like Alan Moore or Frank Miller.

In the same line of reasoning, play more games. Yes, seriously. I've been a gamer for close to 15 years now, and story heavy games, like Final Fantasy, taught me how to read and write properly. In that regard, try Planescape: Torment or Legacy of Kain for some excellent examples of writing.

Whenever you come across a turn of phrase or a particular word that is unfamiliar to you, write it down and look it up, either in a dictionary or just google it.

Practice makes perfect, and don't hesitate to ask someone to give you an honest opinion about your work.

Finally, I've rewritten some parts of your first example, to give you some constructive criticism and to give you a good idea of what I've been babbling about for the last few lines.

Good luck, and well done beating that tumour.

Spoiler

The Invilio Expanse is a large barren wasteland that makes up a large portion of the northern regions of Ludoa. It's surrounded on all sides by towering mountains that form along its southern border, making travel to and from the Expanse a trying experience, to say the least. The rest is desert, with a few specks of foliage around the oases that can be found throughout the area. Many have settled in the Expanse, but it is home to creatures, as well, which dwell within the sands and the rocky mountains. None are more ferocious than the Canines, that claim the entire northern Expanse as their hunting grounds, treating the various fauna, as well as humans, as their prey.

The Expanse is vast, containing innumerable settlements. One such settlement is the Village of Noevern, located in the northernmost part of the Invilio Expanse, far enough that it is outside of the Canines' main hunting grounds, along with other creatures'. It was built upon a large river that flows down from the mountains to the ocean. Yet, it is given a wide berth by the inhabitants of the Expanse, and those who are foreign to Noevern make themselves scarce. The Village is well known for its strange and hazardous climate. During the summers, the temperature has been known to peak at a sweltering 120 degrees Fahrenheit, though it tends to even out at 100, while winters would see the temperature dropping below 5 degrees. Many would not be able to cope in such harsh environs on a daily basis, yet Noevern's inhabitants call it an ordinary week. Those not acclimatised to the town's seasons believe the area is on the brink of being uninhabitable, but natives would quickly assuage their fears. While summer and winter may seem harsh, at the very least they are consistent. Summer is prone to drought and heavy rain at season's end, while winter is more inclined towards snow storms. However the same cannot be said about spring and autumn, as their temperament is anyone's guess. They provide several uncommon weather conditions, such as freezing rain and snow, or blizzards followed immediately by heat waves. With all its problems, it comes as no surprise that Noevern is avoided at all costs, by humans and animals alike.

It was evening. The sun was setting, turning the sky a golden orange hue. With the sun's warmth fading, the cold night signalled the closing up of shops, and all villagers made their final purchase for the day before heading home. All, that is, except for one young lad who carried on working. A boy of 14, he wore a simply woven white cotton shirt and leather shorts. He was rather portly for his age, but he doesn't let his weight get to him. His face is plump and round, with deep green eyes, and a vertical scar on his left eye. He sat on the swing in front of the face of the clock tower with a large mop and other cleaning tools strapped to his back. He grasped the mop and dipped it in a bucket which was suspended in the air next to him by a rope, and started to wash the face of the clock.

"...he wielded his blade of steel and iron..." The boy sang loudly, and ultimately, off-key, and could be heard throughout town.

"...the beast, it bears its fangs and raises its claws and..."

"Dotei, would you kindly shut the fuck up?"

Dotei jumped as the booming, yet raspy voice caught him by surprise. He looked around to see where the voice came from, and properly seated himself on the swing, seeing nothing at first. He kept on looking until he heard the same voice yell at him from below. He looked down, and saw an old man standing at the foot of the clock tower, waving a cane in the air and yelling a slew of profanity at him.

"Oh, hey mister Mayor, is everything okay? I've finished cleaning the Clock tower!"

Dotei yelled down to the old man as he reached up and carefully loosened the knot above him to slowly lower the swing. However, the Mayor's yelling had distracted him somewhat, and he pulled the wrong knot on the rope, without realising his error. Instead of safely descending, the swing, and everything on it, dropped with a sickening speed. In an instant, the Mayor's expression shifted from annoyed and aggravated to that of horror, as Dotei, along with his equipment, made earsplitting contact with the ground, sending cleaning supplies scattering along the streets, and leaving Dotei in a crumpled mess on the floor, entangled in the broken swing.

 

[Shymer]

There is no objective measure of writing skill and it would be difficult to compare a passage of description, with one of dialogue. The first seems less rushed (fewer mistakes of punctuation - particularly capital letters). They both have issues.

I would echo the suggestion that you spend time reading. Not just casual reading either - challenging reading. Read like a writer. Sprinkle your reading list, which should mostly be in the same genre and at the same level you aspire to, with books on how to write better fiction.

Then add to that writing. Keep writing. Just do it. Don't fret about mistakes, grammar spelling, punctuation, over-using certain words and phrases. Just do it. Maybe join up to NanoWriMo and challenge yourself to completing 50,000 words in a month (November). It's a good kick start.

Once you have some work, read it out. Aloud. You will notice as you read it out that some of it doesn't work. Some of it sounds clunky. You will notice repeated words, cliches and awkwardness. Correct those.

Then I would suggest finding a regular group of other writers to share work with and criticize each other's work. I would not rely on friends and family for this because they have reasons to not be harsh with you. I would also avoid Internet forums (no offence to anyone) unless they are specifically designed to facilitate sharing writing with other writers.

Best of luck