WTF NPC Conversations

[Jasper Jeffs]

The homeless people in Oblivion, sometimes they ask for change in a really frail old person's voice like "ye got any change for an old begga?", then they say "thank you kind sir" like Gollum, then when you ask for rumours they sound like every other citizen, then when you leave they speak Portuguese. I don't know if it's just my game but each one has like 5 different accents.

Also, on GTA IV I sometimes hear hotdog vendors shouting "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THESE?", it's fucking hilarious. You even hear it as you speed past on the sidewalk running everyone over whilst being chased by 4 police cars and a helicopter. They're some dedicated bastards.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

This was a little odd. I remember in GTA4 when I passed by a pedestrian they said "Um, it's called soap. S.O.P soap." which was pretty funny, but fastforward to when I played L.A. Noir and a civilian said "Haven't you ever heard of soap?"

Maybe it was the GTA4 NPC's great grandfather or something.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

What is this I don't even.

How did you even find this video? It's hilarious.

I found it on a thread here similar to this one a while ago. It was so... special I remembered it.

 

[Lullabye]

THE GODDAMEND ADORING FAN!
Every single assassination mission i brought him on he managed to distract the targets with the single most irrelevent discussions I've ever heard.
'Hi there! how was your day today?'-he says to a freaking cult leader.
'Did you hear about the recent tragedies that befell Kavatch?'-he says to a Kavatch resident.
'Would you care for some drink?'-he says to a dead body.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Pretty much anything uttered by the non-descript Trainers in any Pokemon game.
"I like shorts."
What...?

"My inner-tube looks like a big doughnut."
oooookaaaaaay...

Bear in mind that these utterly random lines are uttered right before initiating a Pokemon battle with you.

 

[MisterDyslexo]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

Its like the beating heart under the floorboards in the Edgar Allen Poe story. You just can't escape it.

 

[black_knight1337]

one of my faves is from sheogorath in the shivering isles. "looks like the cats out of the bag. why do people put cats in bags? they dont even like bags."

 

[sgt. soap mctavish]

i was playing the halo reach campaign and a random marine said: DON'T MAKE ME TEABAG YOU! (i forgot i had the IWBYD skull on)

 

[Smagmuck_]

Some of the Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 terrorist conversations were hilarious.

Conversation after poking a snake camera under a door to find four guys huddled behind it:
"Hey, you think they can see us?"
"Shut up, dude. The doors are locked."
"No, they might have like a tiny camera or something."
"What are you on, bro?"
"I'm just saying. They could blow the door open with C4 any minute now."
*I'm laughing because I had placed C4 on this particular door before using the camera*
"Whatever, man. You're fucking crazy."

BOOM!

I had the same thing happen to me too... I was playing online with a friend, and it was just stupid funny. Hell, my dad was laughing like a maniac in the other room. XD

 

[razelas]

The GTA series is usually very good for funny pedestrian banter like this. I can't remember anything specific but I know I enjoy it.

Most hilarious comment I ever heard:

In GTA: SA, I jumped in front of a car, and the guy screamed at me "NOT NOW!! I GOTTA TAKE A DUMP!"

 

[Geeky Anomaly]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

OH GAAAWWD He killed him, and he just keeps going!!!!!!!!!!

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEMEEEEEEEEE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

Zeno Clash. uhhh....pretty much the WHOLE FREAKING GAME

Really..made hardly any sense whatsoever.

 

[DustyDrB]

LA Noire has like 3 random NPC lines. I swear I heart a cop in one of the stations talk about how he's going to move up to the 45 caliber three times in less than a minute, and then I left the room and heard another cop say the same freaking thing.

It happens when you're just walking the street too.

"Hey, there's that guy from the newspaper. I hear he's an honest cop. Haha, there's an oxymoron."
Over and over and over.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

Max Payne 2 had some great ones. The new yorker accent makes them even better, where they're talking about "Max Hurt" and the other guy says "hurt? Who the hell is Max hurt? It's Payne you idiot!" or something like that. And another place where they scream at you "you think you can just come in here? Do ya? Do YA?!? Well you think wrong, motherfuckers!"

And this conversation is just fantastic:

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

Well they were supposed to be insane...

 

[the spud]

THE GODDAMEND ADORING FAN!
Every single assassination mission i brought him on he managed to distract the targets with the single most irrelevent discussions I've ever heard.
'Hi there! how was your day today?'-he says to a freaking cult leader.
'Did you hear about the recent tragedies that befell Kavatch?'-he says to a Kavatch resident.
'Would you care for some drink?'-he says to a dead body.

Heres something REALLY fun you can do to this character. Take him to dive rock and stand near the edge. Tell him to scram, and after a brief sigh on his part, he shall run back towards the city and go plunging thousands of feet to his death.

 

[AccessGranted]

The NPC's in Deus Ex are pretty funny. I especially liked the "I was walking here!" man. He was awesome.

 

[Solo-Wing]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

What the fuck did i just watch.

OT: There was this one bit in The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon that made me go WTF.

"So let me get this straight Meadow. You want us to go through dozens of enemies so that we can get a key that will open a store house, kill more enemies to reach that store house, get the EXTREMLY HEAVY weights that limit out flying and fighting abilities that are inside the store house that will let us open the gate blocking the boat, fight MORE enemies on the way to boat while being limited by the weights, then pull the Boat upstream, fighting enemies all the while, just because you broke your goddamn leg!? How about this. WE CARRY YOU ACROSS THE SMALL FIELD WITH NO ENEMIES WHAT SO EVER!?"

 

[Deadyawn]

"Hello, what is going on with you?" in the most generic, emotionless voice you could ever imagine, repeated 1000 times. I loved Oblivion, but the NPCs constantly saying the same emotionless line made me want to gouge my eyes out.

"Patroling the Mojave makes you wish for a nuclear winter"..."What the FUCK did you just say! AAAAAHHHHH!!" *goes on mudering rampage*

 

[Ghengis John]

Make sense of that. I dare you.

Everyone in the shivering isles is crazy. It's the realm of insanity.

Also the person who made that video is a fine one to talk about anyone's intelligence. Tea bagging? Clearly a moron.