WTF NPC Conversations

[triggrhappy94]

I'm amazed no one's said this... POSTAL 2
Most of The Dudes lines are supposed to be parodies of Duke Nukem's though.

"I'm an equal opprotuinity maniac"
"I know what you're thinking, but the funny thing is, I don't even LIKE video games."
"The gene pool is stagnent, and I am the minister of chlorine."
"You probably think I'm not a nice person."
"I suppose it would have been politically correct to kill the women and the minorities first."
"[after finding out that its the apocolypse from a newspaper] Hmm... Normally, I'd expect a fancy cinematic to explain a such crucial story element. The font is nice, though."
"[after shooting someone while you're dressed as a cop] Someone stole my donuts, and now you're all gonna pay!"
"Bless me, father, for I have sinned. No, really! I'm not kidding here! *Big* sinner. Yup!"
"I was pretty hungover yesterday, but I think I remember where I work."
"That one's for your mother!... That one's for the Pope!... That one's for Bobo the space-monkey!... That one's cause I have ammo left in my gun!... That one's 'cause I can!"

 

[AndrewF022]

Not really a 'WTF' conversation, but it made me laugh.. so much that I stayed for the next showing.

 

[Taddy]

I remember one time in Oblivion while i was at the Waterfront where two guards ran up to each other and both at the exact same time asked "Have you seen the Gray Fox? Goodbye."

 

[Netrigan]

LA Noire

I was walking around and Heard a Random chick walking by HERSELF say "Sister I was so tight I could barely walk..."

WTF this has happened 2-3 times

tight = drunk

 

[CRAVE CASE 55]

LA Noire

I was walking around and Heard a Random chick walking by HERSELF say "Sister I was so tight I could barely walk..."

WTF this has happened 2-3 times

tight = drunk

Makes since but you.just know rockstar did that on purpose lol.

 

[SnowyGamester]

The GTA series is usually very good for funny pedestrian banter like this. I can't remember anything specific but I know I enjoy it.

"My mother's my sister!" comes to mind.

 

[2xDouble]

"Hey, guess what! I'm a 'her' too"
"Really? I didn't realize..."

Skritt are so funny.

 

[Jimmy T. Malice]

"I saw a mudcrab today."
"Horrible creatures, I try to avoid them."
"Goodbye."
"I'm done talking with you."
-Any two NPCs in Oblivion (of course)

In Fallout: New Vegas, pretty much any generic NCR soldier will randomly come out with "Patrolling the Mojave makes me wish for a nuclear winter." Totally immersion-breaking.

EDIT: In Half-Life 2: Episode 2, the rebel welder at the start of Under The Radar who suggests that you and him should run off to Hawaii together. And the radio operator who claims to have killed Hunters with his bare hands in Our Mutual Fiend.

 

[Hekateras]

The conversations you can overhear in the Thief series are always nothing short of hilarious. Particularly when they talk about you, as in Garrett. I can't remember any specific examples at the moment, though...

 

[Cazza]

The Jedi Knight series had great stormtropper conversations.

Stormtrooper 1: "That Bith was really getting on my nerves so I shot him. How was I supposed to know he was a friend of the Admiral?"
Stormtrooper 2: "You'll be executed for sure."
Stormtrooper 1: "No way. They don't know it was me."
Stormtrooper 2: "Sure they do. Your pistol has a tracking device in it. The higher-ups can trace when your weapon was fired and where."
Stormtrooper 1: "You're kidding? Ummm?I have to go check on something."

 

[LordDarkPhantom]

THE GODDAMEND ADORING FAN!
Every single assassination mission i brought him on he managed to distract the targets with the single most irrelevent discussions I've ever heard.
'Hi there! how was your day today?'-he says to a freaking cult leader.
'Did you hear about the recent tragedies that befell Kavatch?'-he says to a Kavatch resident.
'Would you care for some drink?'-he says to a dead body.

It's spelt Kvatch. Sorry, it just made me cringe slightly.

 

[TPiddy]

Dragon Age: Origins party banter is epic.... especially the stuff between Oghren and Wynne

 

[nbamaniac]

"I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate you!"

"Son of a submariner!"

-brought to you by Kefka

"Uwee hee hee! Don't tease the octopus, kids!"

-brought to you by Ultros of the octopus royalty

Yeah technically not banter..

 

[Scizophrenic Llama]

Honestly the entire ending of Metal Gear Solid 2 makes you question what drugs the developers were on, but this part pretty much wins.

 

[TheKruzdawg]

Not really a 'WTF' conversation, but it made me laugh.. so much that I stayed for the next showing. SNIP

snip
Make sense of that. I dare you.

Both of those are great. I love the Argonian who just yells no matter what you do. And that is one of my favorite conversations in Mass Effect. I've definitely stayed for that one a few times whenever I play.

Also, any conversation between henchmen in Timepslitters: Future Perfect. The dialog is half the reason that I love that game so much.

 

[badgersprite]

In Saints Row 2, while hijacking this NPC's car: "NO! I LEFT MY HYDROGEN TANK IN THERE!"

That explains why all the cars blow up in these games.

 

[Aidinthel]

In Morrowind I had just finished killing all the customers in a tavern for being members of the local crime syndicate, leaving their corpses strewn all around the room. On my way out the door the bartender cheerfully called out "Tell your friends!"

 

[mornal]

LA Noire

I was walking around and Heard a Random chick walking by HERSELF say "Sister I was so tight I could barely walk..."

WTF this has happened 2-3 times

tight = drunk

Thank you for clarifying that, it helps to put things in perspective.

OT: Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?

 

[Terminate421]

Yeah well, the Death Star isn't in this game. And I doubt it'd make it any better.