Yet another girl trouble thread.

[TimbukTurnip]

My opinion is probably worth bugger all as despite having had two girlfriends I have very little experience with, or knowledge of women. With that in mind, it sounds to me like she was interested in you, but has now lost all interest. It sounds a bit like when or around the time she made the 'meh' comment, she was hoping for you to make a move, or direct the conversation in that direction. Because you supposedly didn't, shes come to the conclusion you're not interested in her and has now given up on you in that respect and so is looking for someone else and not paying much attention to you.

Or I could just be looking way too much into it and shes just having a mood swing or something.

 

[Imp Poster]

I just have to say wow, why haven't you made a move yet? What is that? 2 dinner dates and a luncheon, already. You came that far and you haven't tried to hold her hand atleast? That's hard to believe. Thus far, you have initiated pretty much everything, made her comfortable to tell you things she normally wouldn't to others and you STILL HAVEN'T TOUCHED HER YET IN AN INTIMATE FASHION?! She probably thinks you don't like her anymore after she told you those things or is frustrated you haven't continued the intimacy level any further as she seems to have brought closeness to you after you initiated it.

Man, when you can get a girl to open up where she is telling you something she normally doesn't tell anyone else, in being honest with her and yourself, if you still like her after what she has told you, you need to reward her with reassurance by a hug atleast that you still like her that way. I still think girls assume guys want to have sex with them when they initiate a relationship. So what happens to girls when guys don't go that way? Why do you think girls make you go through hoops and a rollercoaster ride, making it feel like you are on a japanese game show to get there?

Well, you going to need to try and continue bringing closeness back to your relationship. It is still somewhat new. I would try something like you missed her and was thinking about her in one her costumes when you guys come back from Thanksgiving break. Like let's say she was an elf, say something like you were watching Lord of the Rings, when Liv Tyler came up to save Frodo, she made you think of her saving you from unhappiness to happiness? (make something truthful up), that your girl made a better elf, something to that nature. Tell her things that you don't normally tell other people if you haven't. Who knows how
turned off she is right now.

Good Luck.

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Just ask her if you want to be more than friends. What's the worst that could come out of it? She sounds like she could be interested in you but you might be friend zoned.

If you are friend zoned then, she won't mind you asking.

Good luck buddy

Took the words right out of my mouth. Err... typed them right out of my hands... yeah.

Anyway, being open's the most important thing. It may be tough, but it's best to lay that on the table now, since this seems to be as far as you're getting without letting anything on. And whatever you do, don't look into it that much. At least with me, that does more harm than good.

 

[BonsaiK]

What do you guys think of this situation? Am I a friend? Am I being told to fuck off? Is she talking to that other dude to make me jealous? Am I reading into that waaaaaaaaay too much (I think I probably am)?

Not much, yes, no, no and yes, respectively. To clarify:

She likes being your friend, but she's a busy girl. Busy girls don't have a lot of time, so if you want to make this any more than a friendship, I'd suggest that you don't waste any more of her time and rather than trying to scheme some sort of elaborate set-up, next time you're together just come out and say what you want to say, and ask her if she's like to be more than friends (do this in person). Whether she says yes or no, she'll appreciate you cutting to the chase instead of beating around the bush, and you'll preserve the friendship either way.

 

[Seriphina]

Hm i wouldnt lay your feelings out to her cos if she doesnt feel the same you could be left feeling foolish.

She definately isn't being forward enough for me to think that she wants more from you. I think maybe just back off and explore other options. There is always the possibility she herself is keeping her options open and just enjoying the no strings dating game or using you to an extent.

I suppose it comes down to self esteem and confidence.
Low self esteem = hanging on in desperation that one day she will turn round and kiss you.
Higher self esteem = Chillax like you don't care and one day she may turn around and kiss you.

Take it easy, play it cool. Maybe find other girls to talk to in the meantime. GL <3

 

[Hollock]

I have almost no expirience with relationships, except this. I tried, I asked, got rejected, a few weeks later things sort of got back to normal (she won't hang out with me alone ((but that's not necissarily the reason why))). Go for it.

 

[PeePantz]

snip

You sir, are in a tough position. You're slightly screwed but not totally. There is a little hope, but you have to play it perfectly.

You have to find the balance between your interest in her and her interest in you. Initially, she had interest in you and I believe it was something more of intrigue and not necessarily a yearning as it appears you have. Out of curiosity, she has hung out with you a few times just to see if this intrigue could lead to anything further. This (unfairly) put her in a position where she would react instead of being the instigator. Due to your timidness (I don't blame you, you just wanted to feel out the situation and not screw it up), things have gone stale. After two dinners and one lunch (very neutral places), things have remained the same. This is turning her off. Staleness is the worst and she feels that the two of you aren't clicking if you both are still at the place where you started. You're at your last gasp, hopefully Thanksgiving gives you a little time.

You need to lay off. Don't talk to her on Monday. She'll think, "Well it's over. I'm actually relieved because this makes it less awkward when I slowly reject him."
This is when you throw her in a loop. On Tuesday, whether it be in class or in passing somehow, give her a small meaningful present. If she mentioned that she has cold feet, get her socks. If she has a favorite pen, get her a pack of five. Something not creepy, but it has to show you pay attention. Wrap it up too, you can make a joke that you found it funny wrapping up something so silly. Also write a note that while you saw it while you were out and remembered you might need it (or something along those lines). Make it short, and DO NOT express your feelings or be sappy.
After the gift, don't hang around. If she asks if you want to have lunch, say you wish you could but you're busy. Then hang low. Somewhat avoid her. Don't call, let her call you. If she hasn't called you by Friday or Saturday, find a party, invite her, "I got invited to some party but don't really want to go alone. I don't want to be stuck with a bunch of people I don't know."

By this time, you are either eating away at her mind and she's gushing over you, or she has no interest. If it's the latter, it never would have happened.

 

[hortez the champion of the frozen wastes]

snip snip snip

You are almost definitely in the friends zone.

The kinds of stuff she was saying to you (e.g. she uses her schedule to get away from people, shes a closet nerd) aren't the kinds of things girls normally say to people they are attracted to. When you made the "you know you want me here" it showed that she likes you, but really isn't attracted to you.

When shes talking to this other guy, does she talk differently? Does she giggle a lot and touch him unnecessarily? If so, there is a good chance shes attracted to him.

However, you can try to fix this.

I would say escalate physical contact between the two of you. Nothing big, maybe casually nudge her arm while gesturing, or put your hand on her shoulder when you point something out, etc. tiny things, like you could be doing it unconsciously. If she starts being cold or slightly put off, retreat.

But before you do this you need to do something that may be a bit harder; you need to stop talking to her as much. You need to not talk to her all that much in class anymore, and do what the person above me said, and reject any invites she gives, you, saying that you are busy. But never forget, don't be rude about it. Ever.

I hope that helps.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Seriously though......wall'o'text. I understand that its complicated and important, but perhaps consider bullet points next time. Its hard to concentrate reading all that.

And while I understand your confusion, I can't help you. Because when you got to the "talked to" part that didn't involve you being humilated, you got farther than I ever have. When you got to "date", you exceeded anything I've ever realisitically dreamed about.

 

[snowman6251]

I can't believe I'm saying this, as it would totally be what I'd be too afraid to do, but I really think you should ask her like you're asking us.

"Listen, I like you a lot and over the past few weeks I've been trying to gauge just how you feel about me, but I suck at reading people and now I'm at a loss for what to think. I would really appreciate it if you could please enlighten me."

Also, I can't believe this is the first "Girl trouble" thread I've read that was actually nice to read (like you're one of the rare people who have discovered the mystical writing technique known as proofreading) and interesting (like you're two people I can [gasp!]actually relate to[/gasp!] instead of "should I fuck her?" bullshit).

Not only to I get contradicting advice but I get contradicting opinions on my writing capabilities. Thanks for that.

Also I've done the blurt it all out thing in the past and seen mixed results. Its usually what I do when all else fails and I'm preparing myself for it as a plan B.

 

[Broady Brio]

With someone with NO experience in this field at all, I'd say you on her "Friend ladder" rather than the "Boyfriend ladder."

Once you're on there, you never go back.

 

[shootthebandit]

i say let your intentions be known, i think subtly can be a good thing but not when you are letting your feelings known. she might be hot but to be brutally honest she seems like she's abit of a *****. you take her out for dinner confide with her and treat her the way a woman deserves to be treated and all you get is a "meh". you can do better, you seem like a gentleman and there's not many guys like you left. find someone who appreciates you

either that or she's waiting for you to say how you feel and you are doing the same and you're stuck in a stalemate

 

[Lexodus]

What's worse than asking her and her saying no is not asking her and regretting it. Believe me.

[small]And that's as sincere as I'm ever going to be on one of these threads. Next time I shall return to making dick jokes.[/small]

I was wondering where they'd gone

OT: Ask her if she wants to go out, you may have missed your chance but try anyway. It's definitely worth it.

 

[LightningBanks]

Snipped for your pleasure.

Seems like you have similar traits to me

Highly optimistic (What I want to hear)
Reading into things too much (Getting upset over them)
Not a mind reader (A girl could kiss me and id still wouldnt be sure)

When a similar thing happened to me, My prevoius experience with girls, as well as my low self esteem, made me panic alot. I liked this girl for 5 months, and throughout I was convinced she liked me. But I didnt ask her out due to doubt, made by invisible evidence. It ended up being a really really bad 5 months.

She then Fell for another boy, about 4 or 5 days before I finally asked her out. The outcome was bad, which through me into a physho minded...physhco.

However, i bring tips to the table

1) Dont dawdle
2) Dont do the same things repeatedly, dont do the same thing 7 times
3) Be creative
4) Keep on top of your thoughts

As much as the situations are different, we have similar traits, your like the american version of me (I oplogize in advance if your not from the states

Also, Theses guys comments (on this thread) are all good advice (from the ones Ive read).

I wish you the best of luck, let me know how it works out.

 

[x EvilErmine x]

You my friend are in a nose dive into the 'Frend zone' with one engine on fire and half a wing missing. It's gonna be hard to pull up from this one i think.

Ok airplane metaphors aside then. What you need to do is to talk to her and not dance around the issue. You like her and you don't know if she likes you...welcome to the world of being a man my son, get accustomed to it. Woman is a strange and curious creature.
from what you have said i think she is confused about how you feel about her so she is being cautious and not letting her feelings about you show. She may like you and want to be more than friends or she may not but she wont risk making a choice ether way until she has a clearer idea of what you want. I think your lack of physical contact is the problem. You show interest in her by asking her to dinner et al... but you haven't even given her a hug yet? Now don't get me wrong i'm not saying be a creep but you need to initiate physical contact, from what you described of her then she never will be the first to and it's up to you.

And hey remember, don't stress out! It's not attractive. Be cool and tell her how you see it, try some thing along the lines of 'I like you (put your self on the line, she will respect your honesty even if she doesn't like you) and i think you may like me too but I'm not sure, so now you know where i stand...wanna go get a drink? *proceed to nearest pub/bar, order a round, DO NOT GET DRUNK AND DO SOMETHING STUPID, then be a gentleman and walk her home, give her a hug and say you had a good time (if that's the case) and that you will see her in school/around. If she doesn't respond to that then she's probably not that into you.

 

[Kouen]

Giant wall of text critted for over 9000 damage!

but seriously and on topic: Just chill about it I think Aylaine said it best mind you.

 

[Hiraeth]

I can't believe I'm saying this, as it would totally be what I'd be too afraid to do, but I really think you should ask her like you're asking us.

"Listen, I like you a lot and over the past few weeks I've been trying to gauge just how you feel about me, but I suck at reading people and now I'm at a loss for what to think. I would really appreciate it if you could please enlighten me."

Also, I can't believe this is the first "Girl trouble" thread I've read that was actually nice to read (like you're one of the rare people who have discovered the mystical writing technique known as proofreading) and interesting (like you're two people I can [gasp!]actually relate to[/gasp!] instead of "should I fuck her?" bullshit).

Not only to I get contradicting advice but I get contradicting opinions on my writing capabilities. Thanks for that.

Also I've done the blurt it all out thing in the past and seen mixed results. Its usually what I do when all else fails and I'm preparing myself for it as a plan B.

Three things
1) Perhaps try not blurting. I mean you probably don't mean you're actually going to blurt it out, but if you do, please try and be a little more smooth.
2) The longer you leave it to actually talk about this, the weirder it's going to be when you do.
3) She may have no idea that you're attracted to her. Maybe she can't read signals either, or perhaps yours are reading clearly as you wanting to be friends with her. She might not have even considered that you two could get together, and so unless you actually outright ask her out nothing may end up happening.

Also, you've said 'blurting' has mixed results, does your current strategy usually have a higher success rate?