You are an ambassador for Earth

Recommended Videos

MercenaryCanary

New member
Mar 24, 2008
1,777
0
0
I think it is a tad disturbing that half of these responses are simply variations of hostilities towards aliens.
I, for one, welcome our alien overlords.
 

Left4Meds

New member
Jul 9, 2009
415
0
0
Enslave the aliens.
Release them in South Africa.
Huddle them into a district.
Make a movie about it.
 

coldshadow

New member
Mar 19, 2009
838
0
0
Im afraid we have to many idiots on this planet for the aliens to not see us as a threat and just kill us now
 

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
15,489
0
0
{1} "I've no idea. It's not like anyone cares in Australia. Some people are just so insecure about their flesh and voice. Of course, nudity is a bad idea in cold weather, but that's just common sense talking."

{2} "Mine or yours? Oh, you mean fear YOU GUYS. After seeing nothing but life on our planet for so long, humans aren't really use to seeing anything out from Earth. Some people react to new things with fear instead of wonder. It happens."

{3} "I believe there's an entire generation of people who will insist on 'explore new worlds and seek out new life and civilization', but those people are hooked on fictional stories. I think the leaders are all thinking 'Colonize and mine stuff in space', since you need resources and places to call your own out there. Know any good locales?
 

Aerodyamic

New member
Aug 14, 2009
1,205
0
0
I'd pull a Kirk, and start making subtle inquiries as to the relevant sexual characteristics of the females, and start making interstellar booty-calls.

Complete with a bad porno sound-track.
 

Pegghead

New member
Aug 4, 2009
4,017
0
0
Well if I'm going to be Earths ambassador I think I'd have to look the part first

Awesome

And In answer to the questions, I think it would go a little something like this:

Taboo on nudity and swearing------That's really only the old people, under intergalactic Xhjplafgjbl command I would have all old people thrown into space if they did not meet certain requirements of awesomeness

Racism------Believe me when I say this, here on Earth we hate racists as much as we hate Mexicans (If anyone takes offense at this, I am only joking and intend no racial upsets)

Need for space travel------So we can go off searching for Tattooine of course
 

Del-Toro

New member
Aug 6, 2008
1,154
0
0
1) The issue of nudity: Humans have evolved with no natural protection from the elements, natural hair is incredibly insufficient, so we've had to develop clothing, and a mindset in regards to that, considering that we are rather vulnerable nude. As for the Tabboo, it's likely a result of a natural fear that seeing others in this state will encourage others to follow. Also, culturally, historically at least, parading yourself around like a peacock (explain to him what a peacock is later)is unbecoming in a public place. As is sexual activity in public, and nudity is often associated with that so you can imagine where that would lead. As for swearing, it's probably the result of attempted enforcement of proper and formal language, where as the use of curses is informal and often an indicator of barbarism or stupidity, therefore most cultures look down on the use of curses, extensively at least.

2. If they mean that the humans hate them: This goes back to early human history, where something that was out of the ordinary or different generally WAS trying to kill you. This has stuck with us and has caused issues of racism throughout human history, a portion of the human population still hasn't overcome that racism amongst humans, so it's not hard to believe that this attitude would transfer over to you. As for those who fear you, if we keep relations good and give it time, the fear should pass, once they are used to you.Probably not completely, but I have a hard time your entire species is all uppity for mankind right now, hell, you guys even have nation states, just like us.
If they mean that humans hate humanity: Many humans like to overestimate their intelligence. Seeming surly and insightful is an easy way to get people to go along with this. Disliking humanity whilst not removing themselves from it is seen by some as deep and intellectual. This is common among the youth, chalk it up to hormonal changes and general insecurity.

3. Man is three things when it comes to space: Expansionist, Curious and Exploratory. We'll likely explore and learn what we can, and colonize where there is oppourtunity, and grow from there. Also, being a somewhat mercantile race, we'll likely use it for inter-planetary trade. Need some kitchen knives? Boy, I have a deal for you!

How's that?
 

RanD00M

New member
Oct 26, 2008
6,947
0
0
I would make them blow up earth.Were fucked anyway.Why try to prolong it?
 

UltraParanoia

New member
Oct 11, 2009
697
0
0
I'd explain everything, but first an innapropiate joke: "greetings aliens, take me to your ladies" *waggles eyebrows up and down*

1.Nudity: "I don't know about you, but I'd rather a bug didn't bite my goolies thank you very much." "Taboo? Not in a while, some people just need to be shamed into wearing clothes at all times, that's right Phillip, no one wants to see your flabby ass! Deal with it!"

2.Hatred/Fear: "Wait, do we hate and/or fear you, or other members of our race?" "Cause with you I think it's the eyes, the red's a bit off putting" "As for ourselves, I dunno about fear, but the hate is pretty easy, some people deserve it, others don't." "Hmm? How can you tell?" "Trust me, you'll know"

3.Our intentions: "Dunno, probably move into a few planets, give the nerds something to do, make a little cash while we're at it." "Hey, do you know anywhere I can get a decent sandwich out here?"


Damnit, I just noticed the "should they obtain it" in the op. I was going off the basis that we had interstellar capabilities already and met the aliens out and about. Ah well.
 

Kollega

New member
Jun 5, 2009
5,161
0
0
Why yes. Yes i am.

In seriousness:

Question 1 - because nudity is kind of distracting (Freud Was Right,you know?). And prancing around naked is a bad idea in -30C.

Q 1/2 - so you don't have taboo on swearing,huh? I don't believe that. Saying "FUCK" all the time is just distasteful and off-putting,you know?

Q 2 - it's fear of unknown,plain and simple. Especially if they bear resemblance to something dangerous - predators,venomous reptiles or insects. Plus,Humans Are Warriors - we are territorial creatures,and see them as competition.

Q 3 - i dunno,really. Just mess around? I would like to see countless new worlds,but can't say for the rest of humanity. They'll probably just plonk down a couple of colonies and build stuff. Humble beginnings and all that. But to quote one wise man -
Buchholz101 said:
Thomas Edison did not have gorgeous sight that is Las Vegas in mind when he made a lightbulb. Same goes for interstellar travel - it has more potential than we can ever imagine.
***

Also it's kind of disturbing how half of the people here propose genociding aliens.
 

Cole257

New member
Aug 12, 2008
62
0
0
StonkThis said:
"Dude, there's a reason hypocrite and human start with the same letter.
/facepalm A LOT OF WORDS START WITH THE SAME LETTER!!! lol, doesn't mean they're similar... remind me not to hire you to teach them English(yes, we will teach them English, no other language... why? Because we need to keep the official diplomatic language thing going).

Buchholz101 said:
I would say, and I quote...

"Our society is... complicated, to say the least. In the time we've occupied this planet, people have been trying to find a meaning to their existence, one such purpose, was to please our omnipotent "God", a being who is believed to have created us in the first place. Someone who punishes the "bad" and rewards the "good", in order to differentiate between the two, these religions created rules and commandments. Sex, was considered bad, unless the the two partners were married, and to remove temptation, people were required to wear clothes. Another rule, "Do not curse your God or offend him" led to the negative view on terms such as "Goddamnit".

The people of Earth are a fickle race, since the beginning, we had to learn to hunt, imagine if you will. A savage human being, basically me with a loincloth and a beard, looking over a frozen tundra looking for something to hunt, I am expecting deer or buffalo. But across the horizon I see something I do not recognize, it seems intelligent and civilized but I can't tell. My mind drifts to the "what-ifs" of it's nature. What if it is here to kill me? What if it plans to steal from me? I try to ignore it, but it comes back every day, after a while, I begin to believe those "what-ifs" and I decide it must be my enemy. It doesn't matter what it actually may be there for, some of the more stupid people of Earth will jump to conclusions, hopefully you'll be able to prove them wrong, if we can't convince the populous quickly enough, we will find a way to maintain negotiations between our planets until everyone has calmed down.

I wish I could tell you, many years ago, a man named Thomas Edison designed the lights we now stand beneath. The purpose in mind was to create something simpler than a candle for light. I don't think he ever believed his invention would create the amazing sight that is Las Vegas. Oh, right you've never seen Las Vegas, Budd grab my laptop! . I imagine our progress on interstellar travel would start fairly simple, eventually, we may create something unimaginable."

Huh, that took longer to type than I thought it would. That's the idea in a nutshell.
I can pretty much 100% agree with that, if I ever do have to become an ambassador to humanity you're coming with me...
 

ottenni

New member
Aug 13, 2009
2,996
0
0
"Say, have you ever tried bacon?"

And reap the benefits of intergalactic trade.
 
Apr 8, 2008
116
0
0
First off, I would have the Leader fix me a sandwich and get me a beer.
Then I'd start telling these clowns where they went wrong and how they ought to do things differently.I'd treat them like ignorant,helpless little fools who are just damn-lucky enough that my God felt like steering them toward us (their betters) on their headlong and heedless Snipe Hunt to the Stars.

I'd answer his most pressing questions at leisure(my leisure) while we drank and gambled.

On his questions of taboos: "Nothing is taboo unless you get caught doing it.Then you apologize,ask the Lord's forgiveness and cry,although not necessarily in that order."

On why we hate certain segments of our society: "Gotta hate something.The world needs Scapegoats,too."

On the subject of what we would do with Interplanetary Space Travel should we obtain it. "Buddy,now that you're here:we've got it."

And after all that they had seen and heard,they could pretty much guess what we're gonna do WITH it.
 

Deleted

New member
Jul 25, 2009
4,054
0
0
I would play one of those tapes with flashes of different human culture that you see in movies where someone wants to learn about Earth. Like in Rayman Raving rabbids.
 

StonkThis

New member
Aug 12, 2009
543
0
0
Cole257 said:
StonkThis said:
"Dude, there's a reason hypocrite and human start with the same letter.
/facepalm A LOT OF WORDS START WITH THE SAME LETTER!!! lol, doesn't mean they're similar... remind me not to hire you to teach them English(yes, we will teach them English, no other language... why? Because we need to keep the official diplomatic language thing going).
Yes, I know that other words start with the same letter and are totally irrelevant, like love and leprosy, hate and herpes (see my pattern? No reason why) I just meant to say, humans are hypocrites, in retrospect, I suppose what I said doesn't make sense, but you could see my point, and if you didn't, maybe your english is worse than you think mine is.
 

Jake0fTrades

New member
Jun 5, 2008
1,295
0
0
I'm sorry, I understand that you think humans are hypocrites, would you kindly explain why and in what manner?