You are proclaimed "Evil Overlord of Earth", what do you do first?

[marioandsonic]

Oh god, the possibilities...

First three things I would do/make:

Build my Giant Fortress of Doom
Assemble my own personal harem of only the most beautiful women
And of course...a tank of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

 

[Kahnmir]

A harem. Definitely a harem.


Not sure what I'd do with absolute power after that honestly. Righting the world's problems seems a bit out of the grasp of a single person.

 

[BlueMage]

Declare myself "Tyrant for Life, and Thereafter."

Institute a public healthcare system that makes you well, but not feel better. Your struggles WILL feed my industrial machine.

All taxes, from the populace's point of view, are scrapped. Prices for food, water and essentials like electricity are set by the government. All enterprise is state-owned, although not necessarily state-managed. Following from this, all R&D is state-funded and state-owned. The stock market is disbanded.

Forums are established for the people to make their point of view known. They will be given the sense that their concerns are listened to. Sometimes, they will be.

To engender loyalty, as all enterprise is state-owned, every person is a member of the public service. Every person is considered part of the government. If there are issues with government control, it's THEIR fault for not striving to make things better.

All organised religion is abolished - gatherings to worship outside of family units is outlawed, and will be dealt with harshly. Personal and family worship in private is permitted.

I'm getting all teared up thinking of how glorious such a place would be. Aren't you all lucky I'm generally benevolent?

 

[Svenparty]

I think I'd end up after all the celebration orgies and cocaine fests use it mainly for when I want a glass of orange juice or to be entertained. It's a fact that all evil overlords just end up caring more about promotional videos and possessions than doing anything remotely interesting.

 

[deleted_by_strongbad]

I would make the world's populous supply genetic material and some zygotes, then figure out ultra-positively compatible matchings that also cross "racial" borders. If this proposed couple got together and popped off a kid or two on their own after the suggestion and thus not requiring state management, they would be rewarded with extra but limited money/power, if they refused they'd be stricken from the record and my scientists would create some test tube/surrogate babies. This would continue for a few generations until race is pretty much eliminated, if any purists are really big on holding on after their philosophy is proven out-moded, well I'll have to implement some sort of final solution. People who are of a legacy race will not be punished for their pedigree, this is all about phasing those out over time not eliminating them.

 

[llubtoille]

Close off all oil pumping stations,
Ban all use of oil / petrol,
Laugh manically as the world slides back into the 18th century.

 

[Athol]

Step 1. Have giant tractor beam built (or if not feasable in my lifetime, lots giant harpoons with really long and super strong cables)

Step 2. Crash the Moon into the Earth...because I can.

 

[Chaos Inverse]

That depends on different things, but if we're talking total compliance from the masses.

I was going to make a whole list but to put it simply, I would make the world like The Federation of Star Trek, or at least put us on the path to it.

 

[oZode]

Why simple!

I personally would start in Act one: The Pruning. There are many things in this world that need to go, and in order for my grand plan to be carried out, I would need to get rid of a lot of things that just need to go.

The Great Pruning consists of:
-Absolute annihilation of japan and anything related to it, all records of its existence being erased.

-The outright banning of anything in the furry fandom, all records of its existence being erased.

-Every fast food like mc Donald's being shutdown, all records of its existence being erased.

-All Extremist organizations being shut down, all records of its existence being erased.

-All Gasoline companies being shutdown, demonized as a bad thing.

-Changing name 'Evil overlord of earth', to 'the benevolent paragon of humanity'

Now, with a clean slate lacking the nitpicks I have with this world gone, the fun can begin!

Act Two: The Renovations

-With my presumably limitless budget, I would have a mass economic shift in the way we collect energy; renewable energy would now be commonplace.

-I would have a massive amount of drones who are to quell any outbreaks in response to the mass prunings. These same drones would also be used as war machines for when invasions of worlds beyond take place.

-A much heavier investment in space programs to get resources from other planets like mars and the asteroid fields would be in place. Searching for earth like planets would be much more intensive then before.

-I, knowing my life will come to a end would try to figure out a way to make myself; and anyone else live as long as possible. 60-120 years is far too short for my grand plan. I may most likely make myself a giant mechanical construct I would become; something to demoralize the outlaws from their evil deeds knowing the person who controls the planet is actually a weird cyborg construct that keeps me immortal.

Act Three: Galactic Conquest!

-I would have many colony ships to go to various colony ships. By now mars would be terraformed and as we spread out prescence throughout the galaxy, we would indeed come across many alien races.

-If they are natives of a world; enslave them. If they are a race like us; be diplomatic, and if things go awry then my massive military would finally have something to shoot! However, if said aliens are resembling anthropomorphic animals; Introduce them to the WMDs instantly.

-Assuming we manage to successfully get all (if not most) of the milky way, then we keep on the defensive until we can go to futher out galaxies... And do the same there.

As you can see, I have the best intentions for humanity.

 

[Synthii Exelbirth]

Alright, first order of business would be to have a fortress built. Only I would have the passwords to the inner sanctum, as I would have everyone who programmed the passwords executed via grenade taped into their mouths.

Next, I would work on an outwardly good appearance by canning all the breast cancer awarness fundraising and redirect that money into breast cancer cure research fundraising. I would also spend enough time to replace every current politician with 4.0 gpa highschoolers, since they tend to be less greedy and corrupt than someone who is already a politician.

After all politicians are replaced, I would unite the world with severe laws against any sort of hate crime, with punishment being fine, second offense jail time, third offense limb removal. And all murderers will face firing squads.

After a year, I would drop my good act a bit by ordering the execution of the top richest 15% of the worlds population under the guise of treason, send half their wealth to research for curing diseases and planetary colonization, and the other half would be put in several large pits across the world for people to take from if they so pleased (which they likely would)

After a few more years, kill off one fifth of the world's population and pose a child limit of two children per couple with the exception of adoptions. And once a person has had two children with anyone, mandatory vasectomy to prevent further overpopulation. The only time the limit would be lifted is when we start to colonize planets.

When technology has advanced enough, I'd have a team of trusted scientists and doctors turn me into a cyborg with the potential to live forever, and offer the same benefit to my staff as a reward for complete loyalty to me. Once they accept, add a special package of data that ensures they can never turn against me.

Pretty much the theme of me being an evil overlord is be evil to save humanity (not that it deserves it, but it would be pointless to be the evil overlord when everyone's dead.)

Oh yes, and I would also make Wicca an official religion, because I'm not an ignorant fuck-tard like most religious zealots are!

And for the hell of it, any kind of sexuality is legalized.

 

[Synthii Exelbirth]

I wouldn't really say you have the -best- intentions for humanity, for one you immediately want an entire race and culture obliterated, along with anyone who is a furry (there's two types, btw) and any alien race who looks anthropomorphic in any way (which, if we go by popular alien archetypes, is all of them) So not really the best intentions for humanity as a whole, just what you wish the universe was, am I right?

 

[Benn_Walden]

"evil" overlord, huh? I would be insanely good for some years to get everyones guard down. Then i would have my scientists unleash a mind controlling chemical and recreate left for dead for reals, bro x] Preferably i would have secretly developed personal shields so they couldnt give me and i could start over but... i wouldnt be too upset dying my way

 

[spartandude]

I vote conservative

 

[George Barrow]

Firstly I would give this ***** a one way ticket to the sun
http://www.youtube.com/user/MeganSpeaks
Then the normal evil things impregnate a lot of women and then never call them again
kill tons of people just for the hell of it
build a giant fortress of doom with frikkin laser sharks
create a suit of space marine power armour and tear horses in half with my bare hands
write a series of memoirs about my life that are complete and utter bull shit
make it so that the westboro baptist church is forced to sodomise eachother and then given one scrap of food each before they revert to cannibalism
oh and find the head of PETA shave off his eyebrows pull out his teeth with pliers and then sow the teeth in the shape of eyebrows on his forehead and then round up all of their members and make them eat veal all day everyday
create an 1000 inch led T.V and play some games on it
make a series of super muntants and unleash them on the labour camps I set up for people that piss me off
and dragons lots and lots of dragons
3.????
4.PROFIT.

 

[oZode]

@synth
It is what I consider to be the best intentions of humanity; us ruling all and destroying or enslaving anything not human. Practices of people wanting to be things not human would be seen as outright taboo by this logic; thus the erasing of sub-cultures where people wanted to be such things. Also, I do indeed mean both types; and especially otherkins.

Evil overlords are evil you know, and look at everyone's posts. They rid the world of things they dislike; and I dislike those sub-cultures, so I rid the world of them.

And besides, if I didn't take horrifically extreme actions then I wouldn't be an evil overlord!

 

[GraveeKing]

I would order the construction of a satellite the size of Ireland built! It will be shaped and designed as a half oval - I will then send every single person I consider not worthy (Frances loses the vast majority of it's population - I know, I should be evil - sorry, I need to do one good deed right?) into metallic balls who will then fight to the death on the giant satellite - all while in space, everyone there only has 24 hours of oxygen, and barely enough time to knock each other off the satellite and kill everyone else off. The survivor(s) will then be shot at Mars, Jupiter and every other planet in our solar system and their moons (anyone unlucky gets shot at a planet in a different solar system!)

They will then be sent the tools and means of survival to start new life on that planet, they will create a master species on that planet, I would clone them, then let them build their civilization from scratch, in the meantime I would genetically freeze myself until they reach the ability to get into space and threaten my existence - and are therefore worthy opponents to take over on a brand whole new world! The process would then continue, with every planet until I control our entire solar system!

Once that happens I take a tea break while I wait for the oppressed masses to complain, shoot the planets into the sun one by one, then I'll live on the floating satellite for the rest of my evil long, life.

 

[Patrick Buck]

I'm actually scared at the amount of people that will outlaw religon...Most religious people are quiet, belivers, not bible-throwing maniacs.

Oh, and i would build a giant golden skull fortress, with lava flowing out of its eyes, and genrally just be a dick. >=D

 

[mariofan1000]

Grief Minecraft servers.

MUHAHAHAHA!

 

[Alphakirby]

Mayhem. I would be the most evil overlord I could be, crumbling cities, dead people, and me blowing everything up, yet I still would keep the internet up. Also first to die is Justin Bieber via slow painful death.