You Are Ultrajoe: A Choose Your Own Adventure Where Anyone Can 'Help'.
- Thread starter Ultrajoe
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[img_inline caption="I hate you all, so much." align='right' src='http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/6301/fallinmon.jpg']Fire Daemon said:
"I hate you all, so much" Ultrajoe uttered as he plunged from the window towards the very real ground below. "I have time to count the ways in which I hate you, in fact. I got to a very high numb-hnghgn". He was interrupted by the ground driving his lungs into his collarbones. "It's ok, really, Trolls come with racial regeneration. I'll be... just fine... in... a few minutes."
Blood spurted from his protruding shinbones. It attracted the attention of the nearby taruen druid.
"Help?" He asked the druid 'Hey, beefcakes, I'm currently three foot hight and could use some of that healing magic you got there. That or some ribs."
"Hang on man, this takes some time. Druid healing is a hard and focused process, requiring concentration and dedi- ok all done." Said the druid, idly scratching his ass as he got back on his kodo. "Is that all?"
"I wish" Said Ultrajoe "I really do"
NuclearPenguin said:
Uszi said:
Said the voices in his head. You sure are funny folk.wordsmith said:
"Listen buddy" Ultrajoe said, while stuffing his trousers into an awful concoction of mess and dirt not seen since the before pictures from 'Queer Eye For The Lich Guy'. "The fact is that that kodo of yours is a sweet ride"
"Why yeah, thanks man" Said the druid, patting his sweet ride. "Picked it up cheap from some paladin in Mulgore, said he was giving up the game and then took off. Bubblehearthed even. Been with me ever since. I sure love him"
"Yeah..." Said Ultrajoe "About that..."
"Uh, yeah" UJ said, pausing mid-stuff "I was just going to shove it into my Hammy Mojo, but if it would save me trying to wrestle 600 pounds of minotaur that would be sweet"
"Uh... listen..." Said the Tauren shakily "Uh... don't spread this around man... but... [small]I'm feral[/small]". Ultrajoe's hand collided with his palm as the druid continued. "The guards took down my last hookup... but... c-cmon', man, you trolls know how to party... just... just give me the fix and I'll do anything. Anything."
"Anything?" Ultrajoe replied slyly.
"Anything" Said the Tauren, rubbing his nipples oddly "Mailbox dancing, goldshire inn, just... just hand me that goddamn catnip"
...
Eventually, the druid was persuaded to hand over his [Sweet Kodo Ride] to Ultrajoe, in exchange for the [Catnip]. The druid ran off to some unknown location to debase the temple that was his body. Ultrajoe really didn't care.
[img_inline caption="Did... did he just offer me hot bovine love?" align='left' src='http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/2180/catmon.jpg']
Loot Gained: [Sweet Kodo Ride]
Game Server: Error: [Stale Mojo] Is Already In [Pants], And While I Always Knew UJ Was A Dirty Pusher, He Has No More Catnip With Which To Tempt The DruidContinuum said:
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Jubbsy said:
Game Server: Error: I Do Not Know Of An Item '[Bacon Bra]', However, I Will Damn Sure Be Looking Into Them Now
Input Command: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Thanks to Alator of Forgotten Temple for his chilling portrayal of a Junkie in the harsh cultural wastes of Orgrimmar. Oscar material, for sure.
I may add more tonight, or catch up tomorrow. I hope you're all having as much fun as me.
I may add more tonight, or catch up tomorrow. I hope you're all having as much fun as me.
Ultrajoe walked back up the stairs to find the questgiver, who's infected head had sprouted punctuation. Now that he was actually in the world of warcraft, that looked really freaky. The dude didn't seem to notice it, he just stood there bopping his head, making the damn thing wave around. He was a troll, and according to the rules of inter-troll relationships there were certain protocols to follow.SFJ said:
"Hey dere mon" Ultrajoe said, nodding slightly.
"Sod off gnomehole" Replied the troll. This was not part of protocol. "You think just because I'm a troll I speak like that? I was born in Silvermoon, I haven't even seen a palm tree in my life!"
"There's one outside the window" Ultrajoe said, indicating the tree.
"I don't get out much, mon" Said the quest giver. "Do you want this quest or not?"
"Actually, I was thinking I could trade you this lint for a large hadron collider. I don't know why I would think this, but I did. So here it is. Make with the particle accelerator."
"I just do the quests, dude" He said to Ultrajoe.
"Thanks man, now if you don't mind I have to attempt murder"Quest: The Secret Quest said:
As he rode towards where he had spotted the Undead Rogue, Ultrajoe considered what would happen once he had tossed his knife into the poor fellows back. Possibly he would be mad, although zombies couldn't really get mad, could they? I mean, they were already dead. Maybe he could say it was a gift, yeah, a gift. He leaped from his Kodo and drew his totally sweet throwing knife in one slick move like he had seen the spetznaz do. He then hit the ground very hard.wordsmith said:
After he had gotten up, he threw the knife, it was a sweet shot.
And with a second flying leap, he landed astride his [Sweet Kodo Ride] and rode south into the Cleft of Shadow knowing his job was a job well done. And he knew, in his heart, that this would never, ever, never, ever, never, ever come back to haunt him for all time forever, ever.
"Oh dear" Said the scary undead rogue "It appears that I have to choke a *****"
_____________________________________________________________________
Ultrajoe Is At: Cleft Of Shadows Entrance
Ultrajoe Is Carrying:
- Some spare throwing knives
- A Rope
- Pocket Lint
Ultrajoe Is Carrying In His Pants:
- Some Mojo Covered Hams
Ultrajoe Sees
- The Rogue Trainers He Used To Go To
- Ragefire Chasm
- A Poison Salesman
- The Exit To The Drag
- The Exit To The Valley Of Strength
Ultrajoe's Filthy Compass
North - The Way To 'The Valley Of Strength'
East - The Way To 'Ragefire Chasm', A very Low Level Instance
West - The Poison Vendor
South - The Way To 'The Drag' And His Old Trainers
Ultrajoe Suggests End it. Before things get worse
Before collapsing for the night, one final command crept into his mind, and he was unable to resist its compulsion. He dragged his injured, scared body to the Orgrimmar bank and one by one removed all the items of clothing he had with him, stuffing them into a bag before summoning his best showbiz face. "One, and a two..."
"Actually, madam, this is very cooling"
Ultrajoe then passed out for the night, dreaming only of the bloody vengeance he would wreak on all who had caused this.
Thanks to Lexanger of Forgotten Temple for his help in offering to choke a *****
INPUT COMMAND: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Now Taking Commands For Tomorrow's Posts
- Love, The Game Server
Good Morning Escapists, Ultrajoe Has Just Woken Up And Is Trying To Beg For Food From Gamon. In About Six Hours All Of Your Commands Will Arrive And Infiltrate His Brain, It Will Be Very Funny. Have Fun, We Appreciate Every Command And Whim.
- Love, The Game Server
- Love, The Game Server
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Let's see if Inform7[footnote]Interactive Fiction programming language based on natural language. Caution: usage may result in stabbing things[/footnote] syntax is accepted[footnote]Not 100% syntactically correct. I'm not in the mood for stabbing[/footnote]:
Let's see if Inform7[footnote]Interactive Fiction programming language based on natural language. Caution: usage may result in stabbing things[/footnote] syntax is accepted[footnote]Not 100% syntactically correct. I'm not in the mood for stabbing[/footnote]:
Include Complete Treatise On Water by Another Author.
Include Comprehensive Fish Module by Someother Author.
Fishing is an action applying to one thing.
Check fishing:
if the noun is not a kind of Water, say "How I mine for fish?".
Carry out fishing:
[use fishing pole] on [noun].
When Ultrajoe sees [Fishing Supplier] for the first time:
[buy fishing pole].
When Ultrajoe sees [Fishing Trainer] for the first time:
[learn fishing].
Every turn while Ultrajoe has [fishing pole] and Water is visible:
if Ultrajoe has not fished today:
begin [Fishing] [Water];
say "Here, fishy fishy!".
otherwise:
say "Yippie kai yay, fishy water!".
If fising ends in success:
say "Now I have a fish! Ho Ho Ho";
otherwise:
begin [Fishing] [Water].
Include Comprehensive Fish Module by Someother Author.
Fishing is an action applying to one thing.
Check fishing:
if the noun is not a kind of Water, say "How I mine for fish?".
Carry out fishing:
[use fishing pole] on [noun].
When Ultrajoe sees [Fishing Supplier] for the first time:
[buy fishing pole].
When Ultrajoe sees [Fishing Trainer] for the first time:
[learn fishing].
Every turn while Ultrajoe has [fishing pole] and Water is visible:
if Ultrajoe has not fished today:
begin [Fishing] [Water];
say "Here, fishy fishy!".
otherwise:
say "Yippie kai yay, fishy water!".
If fising ends in success:
say "Now I have a fish! Ho Ho Ho";
otherwise:
begin [Fishing] [Water].
Give an [Insulting statement about huge orc's mother], then remove [trousers] and await a [spanking]
Go to [Poison Vendor] steal [Poison]. Use [Poison] on one [Mojo Covered Ham], give [Posioned Mojo Covered Ham] to [Poison Salesman] to trade for [More Poison].
Yes I did report UltraJoe.Zeeky_Santos said:
ColdStorage equips boots of escaping
rolls 6...
I'M ESCAPING I'M ESCAPING!
she was also a man.ace_of_something said:
She rolls 20's.
Seriously though, no I didn't report UltraJoe, I wouldn't report him/her for such a minor infraction especially when he/she looks like their having so much fun.