"Another day" Said Ultrajoe with disappointment. He had hoped that sleeping in the middle of the street would get him stomped on by a Kodo, a Kodo had indeed passed over him but it had done something other than stomp. Being in Orgrimmar was cool for about ten minutes, and then the smell got through his mask and started to sexually assault his olfactory capacities. Now with the gift of Kodo covering him, he was truly a local.
"Get a job, you dirty Troll" Called a passing Blood Elf, flicking his blonde locks in disgust.
Blood Elves...
Ultrajoe was about to attempt a one-mon genocide of everything lithe and elfin, but he was instead drawn to the glowing cave known to the locals as Ragefire Chasm. It was home, they said, to a clan of evil and treacherous demon-spawn that sought to bring about the end of the world. Orgrimmar council, like all councils everywhere, had done nothing about this threat.
Worst. Approval Committee. Ever.
Well, now that he was here, Ultrajoe had a sudden desire to cleanse the city of this taint. And not just clease it, but cleanse it in a way that would show those filthy Blood Elves that Trolls were twice as sexy and thirty times as powerful as any mana-sucking silvermoon preppy. For one thing, damn Blood Elves weren't smart enough to use poison.
Zeeky_Santos said:
Trade [rope] with [some kind of poison] at "poison trader".
"Hello, stout poison verdorman" I called to the stout poison vendorman "Would you be interested in this wonderful and only slightly ham-tainted rope? In exchange for some of yon delicious poison?"
"Stout?" Said the Orc mournfully "W-why would you say that?"
Hubilub said:
Give an [Insulting statement about huge orc's mother], then remove [trousers] and await a [spanking]
"Well, I suppose you're not quite as fat as your mother" Ultrajoe added "I mean seriously, I hear she got killed in Nagrand because Hemet Nesignwary thought she was a clefthoof"
The vendor-orc (Vendorc?) burst into tears "It was her first vacation in years! How do you know all this!? What's wrong with you!?"
"On second throught" Said Ultrajoe, putting back on his ham-filled pants "Just give me some of that disgusting, foul, odorous poison you have cooking in that vile pot".
The Orc hung his head even lower "I was just trying to make pasta..." he cried.
"That works" Said Ultrajoe, taking a vial of the [Poisonous Pasta Of Pain].
"So, can I have that rope you have there?" The depressed Orc said hopefully.
Magnatek said:
Ride to [The Poison Vendor]. Steal [poison] from vendor.
"No" Said Ultrajoe.
_________________________________
And now to show the world that none could best the might of the Trollish empire by cleansing the dark halls of Ragefire chasm.
Asturiel said:
Ride to [Ragefire Chasm] [unequip all items on] [Gather all foes and fist fight them all]
Naked.
Game Server Note: You Can't See Them All Because Of Stacking, But That Is Every Enemy And Trogg From The First Half Of Ragefire Chasm. Without Gear, Ultrajoe Could Not Survive Past This Point To Gather More. He Tried Though. It Was Quite Funny.
Ultrajoe screamed in pain as yet another lightning bolt slammed into his back and made his nervous system twitch in agony. This had seemed like such a good idea only moments ago. Ultrajoe knew there was only one way he would survive to complete his awesome mission, and that was to activate the one move that every rogue knew as god and savior. 'Vanish'. A reliable and safe move that never, ever failed to grant a rogue escape and sanctuary.
Oh, wow, it actually
did work this time.
Creeping stealthily through the caverns, Ultrajoe realized that he would need to cut the head from the beast in one move if he wanted any chance of defeating the corruption. Naked, anyway. And it had to be naked... for... some reason... it all made sense before, but he knew it was vital that he tackle this threat while naked in order to... something. Yeah.
Skulking along a rocky outcrop, he came to a wide and towering cave. In which he could see cultists and sexy demons loitering about being passively malevolent. Beneath the rocky bridges and searing stalagmites lava flowed and bubbled in a manner that said 'Screw you'. This had to be one hell of a health code violation.
And in the middle was possibly the most metal SOB Ultrajoe had ever seen. This had to be the guy.
"By the might of Orgrimmar, for the Trolls of Sen'Jin! For glory! For honor! I Strike you down, Taragamansamanamagganaman, with this.... with this..."
Zeeky_Santos said:
Perform "Ragefire chasm" using [poisoned lint] in main hand.
"Poisoned lint..." Ultrajoe finished lamely. Well, it had a certain aura of badassery about it, true, but the gigantic eight foot slab of death that Trommogonaggonomanag was rocking had so much more.
"IS THIS ABOUT RENT!?" The Hungerer demanded
"TARAGAMAN ALREADY TALK TO OTHER ORC ABOUT RENT. TARAGAMAN PAY RENT. TARAGAMAN NOT PLAY LOUD MUSIC LIKE LITTLE POISONS ORC SAYS. TARAGAMAN SAID HE WOULD CLEAN UP OLD BICYCLE PARTS. GO AWAY LITTLE TROLL!"
"Uh..." Said the little troll "What?"
"RRRAAAAARRRGHHH!!!!" Screamed Taragagagagaramanny.
"That's better, I guess" Said Ultrajoe, ducking a sword obviously borrowed from a final fantasy character with chronic back pain, and not the back pain Tifa has, because that girl had to have some serious spinal issues. The other kind of back pain, the kind that comes from owning a sword you could use to cross canyons. In a semitrailer. Ultrajoe squealed a little and rolled to one side.
With a mighty leap, Ultrajoe threw himself towards the Demon with his [Poisoned Pasta Lint Of Agony] held high, and he plunged it into the chest of Taggy with a thunderous punch of troll power.
He bounced off.
"GOT OTHER PLAN?" Asked Taragaman, before adding
"HEY, YOU SPELL TARAGAMAN NAME RIGHT THAT TIME"
At that moment another plan arrived in Ultrajoe's head like a cancer in your colon. As in, it was a bad idea.
Uszi said:
Allow [MOJO COVERED HAMS] to finish fermenting in [TROUSERS].
Remove [MOJO COVERED HAMS] from [TROUSERS].
Eat [MOJO COVERED HAMS] to induce [HALLUCINOGENIC-PSYCHEDELIC HP REGENERATION].
"YOU EAT THAT?" Asked Taragaman, taken back for long enough for Ultrajoe to scoff the rest of the sweaty meats
"THAT NASTY"
"Actshually" Said Ultrajoe, chewing his rubbery crotch-ham "It'sh not that ba-" And then he passed out.
______________________________
Ultrajoe awoke, for the second time in as many days, in a world that was both strange and terrible.
"Oh mon" Said Ultrajoe "This place is just
made of unhappy..."
GAME SERVER said:
Ultrajoe Is At: A Place Of Seemingly Endless Badness
Ultrajoe Is Carrying:
- His Gear
- The Poisonous Pasta Of Agony
- Some Spare Throwing Knives
Ultrajoe Has Quests:
Quest: The Secret Quest said:
The rude Troll in Orgrimmar wants you to travel to burning planes of Hellfire Peninsula and obtain a Fel Reaver's crotch plate. As a Fel Reaver is a 50 foot robot of the aplocalypse, you are not eager to do this. You will have little choice, you expect.
For Completing This Quest You May Choose One Of The Following
- More Pocket Lint
- An Odd Key
- New Pants
- A Dragon
Ultrajoe Sees
- Endless Badness
- Demons
- Some Floating Islands, Probably Bad
Ultrajoe's Filthy Compass
North - Endless Badness
East - Endless Badness
West - Endless Badness
South - Endless Badness And In The Distance, A City
Ultrajoe Suggests Cower.
