You know you're British when...

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

When you pronounce vowels properly.

Wait, do you mean properly or Southernly?

Is it a long A or a short A?

OT: You know you're English when you have everyone in the world think you have a Home Counties accent, drink tea, wear a top hat, twirl a cane and that everyone inside Britain is English.

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

Actually, thats Japan.

We dont talk about it much on this forum when there is good old America bashing to do but as far as I can tell British newspapers are like an openly racist version of FOX news. Is this true or have I been lied to?

Only slightly true. Some tabloid newspapers are notorious for having very narrow-minded views, particularly when it comes to immigration... but "openly racist" is a bit of a stretch. We don't currently have anything as ludicrous as Fox News, in any medium.*

British journalists are the scum of the earth [http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/jul/04/milly-dowler-voicemail-hacked-news-of-world], though, make no mistake. Just not for the reasons implied.



*Sky News is trying really hard, though.

Oh my god, thats terrible! And that was found out yesterday? Christ.

The lengths people will go to get an interesting story... If they don't outright make it up, or manipulate what they do know to make it to their liking, then they're being outright illegal... This is why I don't read papers.

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

Thanks for the generalization there, although i realise that's a rather pointless thing to say in this thread.
But you do realise that xenophobia isn't just a British thing right?
It's all around the world!
And Britain is a pretty equal place to live.

But you know when your british when you begin defending Britain over stupid points.

AHA! You are an American spy, good sir! I see that American English spelling there! You shall be imprisoned in the Tower of London within the hour!

Sadly, you are wrong my friend.
For i didn't know how to spell it, so i looked it up, it not crossing my mind that the Americans, for whatever reason, had mutated another one of our lovely words.
Damn you wikipedia!!!

Your excuses may fool a Frenchman, but not a tea=blooded Brit! All true Brits are fed the Oxford Dictionary as their first meal!

*sigh*
THERE IS ENGLISH BLOOD PUMPING THROUGH THESE VEINS!
I am english, i live in the south of england, i have lived in the same house my ENTIRE LIFE!

 

[TheKmanofAwesometon]

When you make a thread about how british you are

 

[Pariah87]

You know you're British when you can ask someone if you can have a fag and they don't punch you in the face or look at you in disgust. (In Boston I forgot and asked a builder who was smoking if I could buy a fag off him...the look of pure bewilderment on his face haha)

You know you're British when you go to America and a few people take guesses at where you're from, naming many countries, none of which form the British Isles. (Some people thought I was German, some South African and a fair few assumed I was Australian. I can only apolgise for having an Anglian accent and not sounding like Alan Rickman or Orlando Bloom.)

You know you're British when you see people like these everyday, talking the same, dressing the same.



The second is a piss take (I hope) and is actually quite funny.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

When you wake up with overcast, shout,"What a lovely day it is!" and go to the beach to get a tan.

This is one of the few consistent ones throughout all of Britain, well done, you have made me chuckle myself into a hardy laugh.

 

[Febel]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

never heard that one before but I'm not British either

Verb: To hit someone or something with a glass/tumbler, usually when drunk and/or angry with someone.
: "I fully glassed the wanker last night!"
Not to be confused with "Bottle", verb, To hit someone or something with a bottle.

OT:
When you can pick up on sarcasm and irony through any medium, including text.

When you know that all the Welsh shag sheep, and that ginger is a race, and inferior to every other race.

When you look at your former colonies in the same manner as a parent does a wayward child, a mixture of pride and disgust, in equal measure.

I already knew that about the welsh and...well...
GINGER'S HAVE SOULS!

 

[William MacKay]

well I'm British and I drink coffee (three pints a day) - so their.

You must all be wrong.

you measure coffee in PINTS?
dear god i hope you like it black, or theres a bunch of cows near your local Tesco with VERY sore udders.

 

[Lukeje]

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

Thanks for the generalization there, although i realise that's a rather pointless thing to say in this thread.
But you do realise that xenophobia isn't just a British thing right?
It's all around the world!
And Britain is a pretty equal place to live.

But you know when your british when you begin defending Britain over stupid points.

AHA! You are an American spy, good sir! I see that American English spelling there! You shall be imprisoned in the Tower of London within the hour!

That's the correct English spelling[footnote]According to the OED.[/footnote]. The s spellings arise from hypercorrective English, and should only properly be applied to words derived from French. And as a Brit I'm sure you share a hatred of them.

 

[LuckyClover95]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

Yup! Yarmouth fo sho.

You know you're British when you GET FREE HEALTHCARE
You know you're British when you have your friends, and your pub crew friends. (I'm 16 so this isn't entirely true yet, however I do have a few pub friends and I know my family certainly have friends and pub friends. )
You know you're British when EVERYTHING can be done with tea.
You know you're British when you've complained about the weather every month of the year.
You know you're British when (true story, saw it on the news) everyone is trying to get a holiday to Libya because 'it's cheap right now.'
You know you're British when at least 2 female teenage acquaintances are pregnant.
You know you're British when you've been drunk in a park multiple times (a young British tradition, classy aren't we.)
You know you're British when every city has one, infamous, knifing and violence road.
You know you're British when you're taking the piss out of the French ;D KIDDING GUYS

 

[Camaranth]

When Bloody is a frequently used word in your vocabulary, often in the place of curse words, or supporting them,

I use it atleast xD

Bloody is not a bloody curse. It's a bloody useful adjective!

when you can't stomach 'tea' from another country (I get mine shipped to me)

You go to spain on holiday and eat in a British cafe, and expect everyone to speak english

you don't tip

and can imitate 6 different accents all of them british.

Oh and it's painful to your ears to hear people mispronounce words and places despite the spelling of the word in question making no bloody sense. eg Greenwich, pronounce Gren-itch not Green-witch grrr

 

[Caveworm]

That you spell centre and colour correctly. ^_^

 

[omega 616]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

Or "bottle".

When you say scone like "soone".

When you extend your pinky while drinking a brew.

When you like to que.

when you like to complain.

When you don't want the greatest sporting event in the world in your country ... till you hear France are going to get it, then you want it out spite.

When if you don't have children at 20 your a freak.

When you know what a bif/bifta is.

 

[Jazoni89]

You know your british when this kinda music isn't alien to you.


Fat tune by the way

 

[karamazovnew]

You know you're British when...
you know all of the English history, museums, music bands, painters, writers and really really want to be a British citizen? Pretty please? No? Damn you sir and your tidy customs office! I shall return!

 

[socialmenace42]

When you ask a French man who spilled red and blue paint on his flag.

WIN

When you manage to be condescending without even realising it.

Also important, you sneer at the spell-checker when it tells you globalisation is spelled with a z.
If you see the word 'colour' spelled without a 'u' in it, you throw a fit.
And you know how to pronounce (and spell) aluminium

(I'm not a grammar Nazi, i swear. I'm just British)

-EDIT- Also, when you always try your very best to avoid making a scene...

 

[Da Orky Man]

When the words 'Balderdash', 'Poppycock', 'Scallywag', 'Shenanigans', 'Cad', 'Bounder', 'Egads', 'Haberdasher', 'Nincompoop', and 'Rapscallion' are all used as exclamations/insults in your daily vocabulary.

Well, mine anyway.

Add embuggereance to that list.

 

[NikolaiK]

When you refuse to define yourself as British and instead refer to the country in which you live. Or in my case, the best part of the country in which you live (Southern England)
Also when you drink PG tips

 

[Hawkmoon269]

When you feel the overwhelming desire to defend the NHS when another nationality tries to criticise it.

Also, if when you can quote Shaun of the Dead