YOU NEED TO GROW UP!

[Griffolion]

-snip-

It's kind of one of those "stock things" that get's bandied in an argument. The first party to say it usually has it most advantageously as a retort with the same phrase often isn't as "powerful" as it can be construed that the retorting party is just copying what the initiating party said. The only exception to this is if the retort is substantiated with reason and groundwork as to why the initiating party is indeed "the one who really needs to grow up".

But I know what you mean, it's cheap, and often not even necessary or true. Like any other thing in conflict, it's just an assertion of dominance. "I'm the adult here, because I've just told you to grow up, implying you're child like compared to me, and thus inferior". I'm not normally one for Freudian psych, but it can have its uses in places, but it's usually some sort of projection on the initiating party's end, that stems out of some sort of insecurity about their own maturity.

There are some times when "grow up" does need to be used in a serious, sober way. Like if someone is literally acting like a petulant child, then it's appropriate. But simply using it against someone who merely disagrees with you on the internet is just ridiculous.

 

[Bestival]

I'm pushing 26 and have recently started rewatching the older Disney animated movies. You know, the ones full of lovely songs and happy endings. (The slightly less great type of happy endings that is.)
I revel in my ability to stay connected to my inner child. People that 'grow up' are missing out on a fundamental part of life in my opinion.

 

[AWAR]

I have the exact opposite problem. People have always been saying that I'm way too mature for my age and I should loosen up a bit. Whenever I reveal my age people go nuts hehe. Was really useful for buying alcohol...

 

[Smeatza]

]I'm confused. Are we saying that the whole being alone and indoors AND obsessed with products predominantly marketed to children during your mid-thirties is an enviable state of being?

You say it right there "enviable." Your preference of being has nothing to do with someone else's success.

I'll give you an example. Sugar Ray Robinson is often said to have been the best boxer of all time. He still tops "top boxer" lists today and his name and achievements will be remembered for centuries.
Yet his career inevitably went into decline, as did his health. His family life was troubled and he died in poverty.
Was he a success?

The point being that success is relative to one's goals. You might think that getting lots of money and possessions is the height of success, but not everybody has the same goals as you.
If somebody wishes to make their life goal to be the worlds biggest pokemon fan, then "being alone and indoors AND obsessed with products predominantly marketed to children" is well on the way to success for them.

It's quite similar in a way to how people call others immature based on their own personal prejudice. You might look at someone in their mid-to-late 20's who still lives with their parents and deem them immature. Regardless of the economic or cultural factors that might be in play.

 

[Jamieson 90]

From a sociology point of view I think I can quite confidently say that the notion of childhood, at least in western countries, has been extending and has been extending over the last 200 years; we've seen children moving from work to school, with the school leaving age going up from 11 to 14 and 16, and 18 in UK through college, with laws to protect children too. In fact as people are now living longer and it's becoming more normal and expected for people to go to university, then it isn't so strange that 'school' ends in the early twenties now rather than in the mid teens, with people being 'children' longer.

Additionally growing up doesn't seem that pleasant from a purely logical standpoint. Sure there is more freedom and independence, but tones more responsibility, stress, obligations, and much less time for yourself to do the things you enjoy, which is why most people (those fortunate to have had a good childhood) remember being a child with fondness; it was a time of no responsibility, obligations and very little stress in comparison, so for people to hold onto some of their childlike habits or likes isn't that strange or illogical; growing older is inevitable but growing up isn't, and if growing up means being a boring sod who has no fun in life then it's not hard to understand why people don't.

I personally have this mantra "Stop giving a fuck what other people think of you and then and only then will you ever be truly happy with yourself."

 

[Jamous]

Ugh. It's a stupid statement that doesn't actually mean anything. More often than not people use it to tell you to stop enjoying the things you find enjoyable. Sometimes people use it as it ought to be used; by pointing out that you're being kind of nasty and a bit of a dick, but it's almost always used to belittle you for being yourself.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

I typically reply to comments like that with "And become a boring person who murdered their inner child, like you? Nah, I think I'll keep having fun and not being boring, thanks".

I sometimes have to say stuff like that to my dad, who has no imagination, IMO. He has no suspension of disbelief, and outright refuses to treat anything animated/cartoon like a "real movie". And even stuff with actual actors he has issues with. When we watched "The Dark knight", his comment was "WOW, the graphics on that blue ray were AWESOME!", and when I asked him what about the actual movie was good he was like "uhh........Yeah the acting was good too I guess". >_<

And when he heard me and my bro talking about how we REALLY want to buy Wreck it Ralph to watch again, he rolled his eyes and said "It's a CARTOOOON, let it gooooo!". So yeah. I think he's pretty boring. Except at making puns. THEN he shows some creativity.

My girlfriend's dad, on the other hand is super awesome. He get my GF into all kinds of kickass anime. XD

 

[Darken12]

Too be fair from what I've seen in various threads fun and joy do seem to be things you hate. I don't mean that as a knock against you as much as an observation from extremely half assed evidence.

That is exactly why I hate them: because I was told I had to have them (and enjoy them), or else I was an incomplete human being.

If you were told the same about French fries, you'd hate French fries too.

Perhaps it would would help if you listed some of the things you do think are fun. Everyone's gotta have some and I'd be extremely interested to hear yours.

I was going to list a few examples, but then I realised I had to append a lot of conditionals to every single one of them, so it's not that I have fun while doing X specifically, but I have fun when the conditions are right, and the activity itself is not really the centrepiece but another condition on the list. So I could theoretically enjoy anything traditionally considered fun provided the total sum of positive factors outweighs the negative ones.

 

[Scarim Coral]

To my parent eyes, they see most form of animation is for kids including shows like Family Guy. Granted the only one they never used the whole "it's for kids" is Studio Ghibli films. That doesn't really change my view toward them as they really are behind the times.

 

[Catrixa]

This is... the story of my life. I'm too old for everything I enjoy doing (not reading books, watching approved TV shows and movies, or listening to extremely specific kinds of music). Playing video games is bad, because it's for children, and people who aren't children who play them are serial murderers or hopeless addicts wasting their lives in their parents' basement. Also, not knowing or being interested in specific topics is a waste of time, and I should feel bad for not knowing these things.

There is not enough room in my life to be a carbon copy of my parents while still being myself. I feel as though they'd prefer I give up me to be them. I also feel this is not an issue unique to them, either. I guess this is what happens when you're forced to coexist in a world with people who don't share your exact concerns or interests. It's been my long-time goal to move to the moon and start a moon base with internet and video games. Anyone else want to come?

 

[Genericjim101]

I'm capable of holding a job and (somewhat) stable longterm relationships. I can't drive though, but I can maintain a clean household and cook well. I also have penchant for making nonsensical noises in frustration.

There's always different opinions of being mature and grown up depending on your gender,class, race. Some in the UK would say you aren't grown up until you have your own place ( fair enough), but would extend that to not living with friends but by yourself or a partner. This may be taken further to also including a full time job, and maybe a mortgage instead of rented accommodation. Then would come that you have to have a family by your 30's or you're just living singledom and a re a frivolous waste.

 

[ToastiestZombie]

STOP BEING HAPPY!"

I was thinking about this the other night while playing No no Kuni. I was smiling madly going through Ding Dong Dell. If I was 'grown up' I'd be watching people be mean to other people on xfactor or some shit instead.

Seems like great fun >_>

Or you could watch shows in which over-privileged white 50 year olds with a ton of cash shoot down houses some of us could only dream about in one of the thousands of "Home" shows out there. Or maybe watch a show where a bunch of boring people do anagrams and number problems for half an hour. That's what real adults do, they don't go on exciting adventures through floating cities, or bring down government conspiracies as an augmented bad-ass.

OT: My philosophy is, if it makes you happy and isn't hurting anyone/annoying anyone then I don't give a shit if you like it. But, if someone decides to make someone else's life worse with what they like then they're pretty damn childish. I don't give a damn if someone listens to say, heavy metal music in their spare time, but if they start playing it really loud right next to me then they should grow up and get some manners.

 

[Mordekaien]

I HATE THIS STATEMENT!

With a burning passion, growing up? What does that even mean? The people who tell me to do this, are the kind of people who take a bunch of millionaires playing children's ball games so seriously they punch each other over simply the colour of their shirts.

Let me back track a little, I work in a pub, a sports pub to be exact, now I'm not a great lover of sports, I like watching a handful of them (Ice Hockey, Moto GP, Tennis) and I like playing them in general even if I suck at them. But I make no secret of my love for all things, well, escapist and fantastical, often during quiet periods, if I have no bar cleaning or stocking up to do, I'll whip out a pad or a book and draw/read something, which as anyone who's ever done either activity in public knows; draws a crowd.

But it does seem to me that many people take offence to this, with comments regularly coming in the form of; "What are you reading that for?", "Aren't you a bit old to be drawing Pokémon?" and "Don't you think it's time you grew out of that crap?" apparently being in your mid 20's and having an imagination is some kind of affront to these people. But typically, despite the burning rage it fills me with, the assertion, that somehow I'm childish for reading a book, but they aren't for jumping up and down when their favourite team scores is ridiculous to me. I however just brush it off with this simple comment; "What's the point of being an adult, with disposable income, if I'm not going to do all the childish things I ever wanted to do? So long as my bills are paid and food's in the fridge, why do you care?" Which usually shuts them up.

Then there was the time I wore my MLP;FiM shirt to work... but lets not get into that.

So my question to you guys is; How do you handle being called childish for enjoying things in realms many older people still see as the exclusive realm of children?

I handle it pretty well;
Typically people who could tell me something like that don't tend to need the subject so I can just play shit with their minds, like saying that pokemon is a clever propaganda for satanism.
Or I say: Better to be childish than watching burly man doing their impression of dog ball chase sequence. Repeatedly.

Seriously, people who have no understanding for you hobbies won't understand, even if you tried to tell them, so I usually just ignore them.

Forgive any errors, I'm quite drunk tonight.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

It may have start to become a little ubiquitous in these kinds of threads but that CS Lewis quote really is a gem. I'm largely unconcerned with the way in which other people perceive and appraise just how mature I am, as maturity is a relative concept and in my personal opinion those who feel they can accurately extrapolate how mature a person is based solely on the media they consume as apposed to anything behavioural are exposing a sign of their own immaturity. To me, maturity at a basic level is about upholding a certain degree of professionalism and civility in your day to day life provided the same is afforded to you, but outside of that I think the way we tend to assess other people's maturity (apologies for the repetition, I can't think of a suitable synonym) is incredibly arbitrary. At any rate, the idea of maturing is an unending process in my eyes; the notion that one can reach a point where they become fully mature is rather silly, I don't think anyone can reach a point in their life where they have nothing left to learn and no room to grow.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Fuck that shit. Childhood was the best years of my life. Why wouldn?t I want to cling on to them in some way or another? Holden Caulfield had the right idea, you know.

Or maybe I?m just being ?immature? and should start listening to politicians more than I already do to make myself feel smart and ?adult?. If you have to force yourself to act adult by saying stuff like, ?I?m going to stop watching cartoons and buy a car, ?cos that?s what every other upstanding manly citizen my age does!?, then you?re not really an adult. You?re a lamb (translation = ?kid sheep?).

Telling someone to ?grow up? is essentially a meaningless way of trying to validate your own manufactured maturity over theirs, when you probably meet just as much of a low standard of ?immaturity? as them, precisely because you?re using the oft-repeated phrase ?grow up?.

 

[Xiroh86]

I can deal with people outside the "gaming community" talking down to me, because I just view it as "ok, I'm immature in one way and your immature in another." But, when I get told to "grow the fuck up" by "gamers" at conventions. Let me give you a short example:

I was at a convention a few years ago and I was chatting with a guy about the ins and outs of the Metal Gear Solid story-lines and themes. The conversation was going quite well and then we decided to find out what other games we may enjoy in common. I mentioned Final Fantasy 8 as one of my all time favorites, and his response was "So, did you just cliff note the Metal Gear series? Because, anyone who claims Final Fantasy 8 as one of their favorite games, does not have the mental capacity to understand the Metal Gear series on an adult level."

Needless to say it pissed me right the fuck off!

I HATE THIS STATEMENT!

With a burning passion, growing up? What does that even mean? The people who tell me to do this, are the kind of people who take a bunch of millionaires playing children's ball games so seriously they punch each other over simply the colour of their shirts.

Let me back track a little, I work in a pub, a sports pub to be exact, now I'm not a great lover of sports, I like watching a handful of them (Ice Hockey, Moto GP, Tennis) and I like playing them in general even if I suck at them. But I make no secret of my love for all things, well, escapist and fantastical, often during quiet periods, if I have no bar cleaning or stocking up to do, I'll whip out a pad or a book and draw/read something, which as anyone who's ever done either activity in public knows; draws a crowd.

But it does seem to me that many people take offence to this, with comments regularly coming in the form of; "What are you reading that for?", "Aren't you a bit old to be drawing Pokémon?" and "Don't you think it's time you grew out of that crap?" apparently being in your mid 20's and having an imagination is some kind of affront to these people. But typically, despite the burning rage it fills me with, the assertion, that somehow I'm childish for reading a book, but they aren't for jumping up and down when their favourite team scores is ridiculous to me. I however just brush it off with this simple comment; "What's the point of being an adult, with disposable income, if I'm not going to do all the childish things I ever wanted to do? So long as my bills are paid and food's in the fridge, why do you care?" Which usually shuts them up.

Then there was the time I wore my MLP;FiM shirt to work... but lets not get into that.

So my question to you guys is; How do you handle being called childish for enjoying things in realms many older people still see as the exclusive realm of children?

I personally don't understand the MLP and personally think its odd for someone over the age of 10 to like MLP, but for fuck sakes, if its what you like, tell them to fuck off. I would recommend never wearing that shirt to work again, but that's purely on a professionalism angle. But, from as far as I can tell, your clientele is a bunch of closed minded people who refuse to look at the world outside their own little bubble, so just leaugh at them and keep telling yourself that they're just being silly.

 

[Lieju]

There's a difference in being childish and enjoying things aimed at kids.
But if you only enjoy things that in no way challenge you, I can't say that's a good thing. (it's your bussiness, though)

And something like MLP; fim is way more intellectually challenging than 90% of reality tv.

From a sociology point of view I think I can quite confidently say that the notion of childhood, at least in western countries, has been extending and has been extending over the last 200 years; we've seen children moving from work to school, with the school leaving age going up from 11 to 14 and 16, and 18 in UK through college, with laws to protect children too. In fact as people are now living longer and it's becoming more normal and expected for people to go to university, then it isn't so strange that 'school' ends in the early twenties now rather than in the mid teens, with people being 'children' longer.

But, on other hand, parts of the population (like women or certain minorities) were never really accepted as adults with all the same rights and responsibilities as white (or other majority ethnicity)men in history.

There's the whole thing of the husband taking the place of the father in the woman's life, after all. And the arguments about how the negroes just can't take care of themselves without the white man telling them what to do. Quite a bit of rhetoric like that spoke of black people as they were children.

Even white men were, in many cultures, not free to make decisions we take for granted today, like choosing their career, or moving to other town, having a say in the politics, or even choosing their wife or having sex.
Thing we now consider signs of adulthood.

 

[Jamieson 90]

There's a difference in being childish and enjoying things aimed at kids.
But if you only enjoy things that in no way challenge you, I can't say that's a good thing. (it's your bussiness, though)

And something like MLP; fim is way more intellectually challenging than 90% of reality tv.

From a sociology point of view I think I can quite confidently say that the notion of childhood, at least in western countries, has been extending and has been extending over the last 200 years; we've seen children moving from work to school, with the school leaving age going up from 11 to 14 and 16, and 18 in UK through college, with laws to protect children too. In fact as people are now living longer and it's becoming more normal and expected for people to go to university, then it isn't so strange that 'school' ends in the early twenties now rather than in the mid teens, with people being 'children' longer.

But, on other hand, parts of the population (like women or certain minorities) were never really accepted as adults with all the same rights and responsibilities as white (or other majority ethnicity)men in history.

There's the whole thing of the husband taking the place of the father in the woman's life, after all. And the arguments about how the negroes just can't take care of themselves without the white man telling them what to do. Quite a bit of rhetoric like that spoke of black people as they were children.

Even white men were, in many cultures, not free to make decisions we take for granted today, like choosing their career, or moving to other town, having a say in the politics, or even choosing their wife or having sex.
Thing we now consider signs of adulthood.

A concept or idea changing over time doesn't at all surprise me as we've seen drastic turnabouts throughout history and more gradual ones like the struggle of the English man getting the vote from 1830's onwards with the struggle for woman coming later. As for the examples though I do believe at their current times they would have still been regarded as adults, although with less rights than adults today, but for the most part the concept of childhood is a relitvely new thing brought about mainly by Victorian philanthropists who campaigned for better conditions, at least in the UK anyway; I'm less knowledgeable in regards to other countries.

 

[PeterMerkin69]

Maturity and childishness are normative qualities defined by society, which is transient, or something like that. The point is, there are no paranormal bogeymen to away with you in the night if you don't adhere to the ideals of others. The worst that will happen to you is that it might become harder for you to get what you want from them(or perhaps easier from others yet, provided you're sufficiently pitiable) if they learn of your behaviour. Immaturity is an otherwise fairly meaningless charge, like hypocrisy or immorality or any other number of things, provided you don't get caught or don't care what certain people think of you.

I've never had that problem myself. Wheeee, Pokemon, Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Chemical Alia]

No one ever tells me this, like at all. Though I live far away from my family and old life, and am mostly surrounded by my work peers out here.

But if someone were to tell me to grow up, I would inform them that I probably make more money per year with my TF2 hats than their full-time salary, so if I do nothing draw pictures of Bowser Koopa with massive man tits and work on perfecting my Altered Beast speed run in my spare time, I'm probably entitled to that. c:

Spoiler

ok, that's Luigi.