"You should get a Facebook."...

[deletethisone]

...is something that 90% of my so-called friends tell me whenever I talk to them.

Make the effort to call to say hello? "You should get a Facebook, so we don't have awkward conversations!"
Drive over half-an-hour for a visit, or to give them a birthday present? "You should get a Facebook, so we can talk more often."

I feel like not associating with these people anymore, because to me my efforts to even connect with them isn't appreciated. All my friends have enough means to contact me, but choose to continuously demand an outlet that seems more convenient to them. One friend is even withholding her progress in Fashion School from me until I get a Facebook account.

Before you go, "lol, Slow, get with the times, DO EEEET", I have a perfectly good reason as to why I'll never create a Facebook account:

There are at least one-hundred people I knew in the past that I never want to even hear mentioned again. Countless "classmates" and so on that I don't want to talk to ever again. The idea of any of them sending me a friend request sends me into a cold sweat. It actually happening? Well, depending on the person, most likely a panic attack.

So, I guess I'm asking:
- How should I deal with these friends of mine, when I've told them countless times "No." and the reason behind my answer?
- Is it silly to want to stop contacting said friends over such a petty thing?

 

[MammothBlade]

I think your friends are being moronic. Don't they prefer personal contact? You don't need to "get with the times" at all. It's they who need to stop being obsessed with Facebook.

That's one of the reasons I quit facebook. You can keep in contact with friends by other means. What is the point in keeping in daily contact with everyone who you hated at school? IMO, Facebook devalues friendships.

 

[dimensional]

I gave in to peer pressure and put myself on facebook and I will just say it was a very bad decision its just bloody tedious and pointless plus I hardly ever check it because I am usually studying or exercising or practicing guitar or playing video games or reading a book or out drinking or any other slightly more productive/enjoyable activity.

The only people I ever talk to on there are the people I talk to in real life anyway and I ignore everyone else who tries to add me. Facebook has its uses but it is not worth it to be honest and if youre so called friends seriously cant accept you because you are not on facebook well they seem like idiots to be honest do they have no sense of individuality anymore?

But I am pretty anti-social I suppose in that I like my own space and isolation most of the time so all this social crap all the time really erks me.

 

[Uncleblaze]

Get a fucking facebook like everyone else. your making such a big fucking deal out of nothing. you dont have to be on it all the time, but it will help you keep track of friends and even help you find people you may be looking for. Get one and make your friends happy, its as easy and takes about as long as it did to make an escapist account.

 

[deletethisone]

Get a fucking facebook like everyone else. your making such a big fucking deal out of nothing. you dont have to be on it all the time, but it will help you keep track of friends and even help you find people you may be looking for. Get one and make your friends happy, its as easy and takes about as long as it did to make an escapist account.

Yeah, that's what I've gotten in response from one of them too. And I'm not buying it, I'm sorry. The (perhaps irrational) risk of associating with people I don't want to is way too high.

 

[Clobbertron]

Honestly guy just get an account. It is actually pretty useful for organizing events. Also you can just deny requests from people you don't want so your one argument against having a facebook account isn't very good.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

- How should I deal with these friends of mine, when I've told them countless times "No." and the reason behind my answer?

Tell them that social networking is a cancer on the internet and to pick up a fucking phone if they want to talk... or to send an email if actual speech is too much effort for them.

People have stopped bothering me about facebook because I always tell them the same thing - I'm not interested in wading through their assinine drivel on the extremely-fucking-remote chance they had something important to tell me. They can tell me directly or they can get fucked.

 

[deletethisone]

Honestly guy just get an account. It is actually pretty useful for organizing events. Also you can just deny requests from people you don't want so your one argument against having a facebook account isn't very good.

The whole event-organising function is something going for Facebook. Then again, a phone call works wonders too. :/

I know I can deny requests but like I said, even the thought of getting a request makes me panic. Y'see, I have a paralysing fear of coming across some of these people again. Sometimes so much so that I won't go to certain places just in case it does happen. It's that bad, and I think Facebook would just make things worse. I'd feel incredibly vulnerable. D:

 

[deletethisone]

- How should I deal with these friends of mine, when I've told them countless times "No." and the reason behind my answer?

Tell them that social networking is a cancer on the internet and to pick up a fucking phone if they want to talk... or to send an email if actual speech is too much effort for them.

People have stopped bothering me about facebook because I always tell them the same thing - I'm not interested in wading through their assinine drivel on the extremely-fucking-remote chance they had something important to tell me. They can tell me directly or they can get fucked.

Your assertiveness, can I have some? ...Please? XD

Right, I'll try being much more assertive about it from now on and see if that changes anything.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

- How should I deal with these friends of mine, when I've told them countless times "No." and the reason behind my answer?

Tell them that social networking is a cancer on the internet and to pick up a fucking phone if they want to talk... or to send an email if actual speech is too much effort for them.

People have stopped bothering me about facebook because I always tell them the same thing - I'm not interested in wading through their assinine drivel on the extremely-fucking-remote chance they had something important to tell me. They can tell me directly or they can get fucked.

Your assertiveness, can I have some? ...Please? XD

Right, I'll try being much more assertive about it from now on and see if that changes anything.

It's not about being assertive it's about being uncomprising on something that's important to you. If these people won't respect your choices on something obviously important to you then I'd question just how much they actually respect you.

 

[deletethisone]

Captain slow you have mental issues. but i forgive you.

...okay. :3

 

[tharglet]

I have a facebook account, and all the people I had on it just basically upload pointless drivel so I de-friended everyone and now leave the account dormant.

If you wanted to, you could sign up under a pseudonym, so people can't find you easily (also make sure to use an email account people don't know - think you can turn off the "allow people to find me by mail address", but fb doesn't have a good track record in keeping settings as they are). There is a threat that Facebook may close your account, as they have a policy against people doing so, but in practice, my account was never closed, and the friends I had on there under pseudonyms never did have their accounts closed (they weren't even passable as real names).

I think your friends are being rather petty, and it's up to you what you do. Yeah, it'll make it easier to talk to people, but I suggest if you do open one to never ever to read your feed (or block the worst offenders off it), and just use the private messaging system.

 

[Doclector]

I think your friends are being moronic. Don't they prefer personal contact? You don't need to "get with the times" at all. It's they who need to stop being obsessed with Facebook.

That's one of the reasons I quit facebook. You can keep in contact with friends by other means. What is the point in keeping in daily contact with everyone who you hated at school? IMO, Facebook devalues friendships.

Agreed, I eventually caved to pressure and got back into facebook because of a lot of university societies only making announcements via facebook/strongly recommending that I join the facebook group, and although it is nice to keep in contact with people, and it's an unendingly useful communications tool, I still much prefer phone/face to face communications, and I only ever add people I know and don't hate.

 

[Rin Little]

Just get the account dude. Yea its stupid of them to refuse to be your friend if you won't get one, but I honestly find that it helps me keep in contact with some of my friends. And why the hell are you so worried about the people who you don't want to associate with? You click ignore and leave it at that. I never accept friend requests over Facebook unless I know the person, and if I don't like them then I don't accept it. It's that easy. You seriously need to chill.

 

[aretelio]

Open a Facebook account and immediately search for those ten people you don't want to be annoyed by and block them. That way you never have to even know they exist in the same online community as you. They won't see you and you won't see them.

There are about a million ways to make yourself private to just about anyone you don't want to interact with on the site.

And just to piss your friends off who insist you get one, set your profile up so that people have to message you for friendship, rather than clicking a button.

 

[Girl With One Eye]

I manage to survive perfectly well without facebook but I know it can be annoying when people can't seem to understand why you don't use it. Just tell them that you brought a phone for a reason and prefer to actually talk to and see your friends.

 

[gazumped]

Open a Facebook account and immediately search for those ten people you don't want to be annoyed by and block them. That way you never have to even know they exist in the same online community as you. They won't see you and you won't see them.

Yup, and you can use a fake name and not put your picture up so that people will only find you if you tell them what your Facebook is. (I know a girl who did this.)

- Is it silly to want to stop contacting said friends over such a petty thing?

I don't think you should get pressurised into using Facebook, but certainly don't be annoyed at your friends just because they want to be able to stay in contact with you more easily. Real face time is all very well and good but being able to organise events or just calling out "anyone want to do anything tonight?" and getting instant replies from people also alone and bored on their computers can mean you get even more real contact with friends.
After all, if a friend of yours who lived in another town didn't have a telephone so you never got to talk to them unless one of you had the money and time to go visit them, wouldn't you wish they had a phone, even if the reason was that they were scared that someone they didn't want to talk to would look for their number and call them? Up the scale of technology and contact time and it's pretty much the same scenario, except that people would be more likely to find his phone number by dialing randomly than someone is when you've blocked them on Facebook.

 

[deletethisone]

Thanks for all the responses, everyone. Get ready for a massive reply. D:

/snip

I guess a pseudonym might work. I do have a friend, though, who's a repeat offender of connecting the wrong people (e.g Guest A of a birthday party Friend B went to added B on Facebook through this friend, even though Friend B made it loud and clear to this friend that they hated Guest A). This friend also knows a good portion of the people I've been desperately trying to avoid. Maybe I shouldn't add this friend just in case... but that's somewhat defeating the purpose...

/snip

I know I'm making mountains out of molehills, but even the thought of some of these people even trying to connect with me again makes me really anxious. (That is actually the same argument my mother put up, hehe)

/snip

Ha ha, I like the message idea. But at the same time, if it's one of the people I've been trying to avoid, that makes things even worse! It's the same as if I saw them in the street again and they try to make conversation and

Okay, I over-thought that. D:

/snip

Another vote for a pseudonym, huh.

I guess you've got a point about how easy it can be to contact people, especially the kind of people that stare at screens more often than they pick up a phone.

And your analogy(?) is quite sound, too. But then again, I'm the kind of person that happily makes sacrifices like that to appease people unless it causes friction between my own stubborn views / phobias - this being one of the cases where I feel I can't make the push to appease someone. You do make a very good point, don't doubt that.

 

[tharglet]

I know I'm making mountains out of molehills, but even the thought of some of these people even trying to connect with me again makes me really anxious. (That is actually the same argument my mother put up, hehe)

Tbh, I think you prolly need to get over this social anxiety. There are some instances where the anxiety should happen - if they're gonna do things like talk shit about you to your friends or do you harm, based upon previous evidence - then that's the sort of people it's understandable to be wary of, but if they're just moronic, annoying or similar, then maybe something like facebook can give you a limited exposure to get over that. If it's a failure, abandon the account. Mine remains abandoned, but for very different reasons (I know noone worthwhile on fb).

I know getting over social anxiety is very difficult... but imo... from my experiences... well worth doing if you can.