Your fate is to be a villain in a horribly written story

[CorvusFerreum]

From an old book you find in a public bathroom you learn, that you are destined to become the villain in a horrific, clichéd videogame/comic/movie/novel etc. story of any genre you like. The world will fold after your needs to fulfill that fate (because of magic perhaps).

What do you do?

To take away one of the most obvious: I think I would found a PMC, and maybe invest some money in cloning Hitler or something. Then I would hire two tough guys to do some jobs, enhance their abilities with implants and something like that and them send some incompetend idiots to kill them. Maybe I would also burn down their hometown.

How about you?

(Captcha: "but tompon" oO)

 

[Sevre]

Crash the world economy by directing IMF funds towards a country investing in the stupidest market I can find.

"I'm telling you, these Betamax players are worth their weight in gold, they're making a comeback!"

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Hawhawhawhawhaw! The big brain am winning again! I am the greetest!

 

[Hero in a half shell]

I would dress up as a ghost and start haunting the local cricket club to lower its land prices so I could buy it over and build a nuclear power plant, and I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids!

 

[Harbinger_]

Take over the world, because you know that always works and is completely original.

 

[Lazy Kitty]

I take over the world with an army of robots.
Even if I fail, I'll be back in the sequel.
But first I've got to grow an oversized and iconic moustache which I wil base my logo on and and whch will be implemented in the design of all my creations.

Well, that's pretty much what I'd do even if it were in real life.
Except for the moustache part...
Probably.

 

[DannyJBeckett]

Hm, I'd probably just raise a Zombie army tbh.

 

[Jim Grim]

I would invest most of my time and resources in trying to eliminate one lone hero, losing sight of my original goals in my bizarre obsession.

 

[bulldogftw]

Grow a mustache and always wear a top hat and cloak.

 

[StormShaun]

Try to kill George Bush but in the process you become him, for example you actualy kill him but "No John...YOUR THE GEORGE BUSH!!

 

[William MacKay]

well, i obviously hire two men, one who is large and dimwitted, the other slightly smaller and cracks wise a lot. then, i create an army of robotic warriors and march on wales.

 

[z3rostr1fe]

I'll scheme an evil plan to hold the world for ransom for...

One Million Billion Gazillion... Dollars!

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

I'd follow that one Evil Overlord List [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilOverlordList] that was written a few years back.

I'd also be one of the most Genre Savvy villains ever, simply because of the fact that I lurk TVTropes. Just because the story is written badly does not mean I can't have a competent and effective plan.

 

[Ickorus]

I am an evil super-genius hell bent on destroying the world with my giant laser from space, I will catch the hero and whilst holding him captive in my secret moon-base will detail to him my entire plan and where the super-secret button to save the world is and how he will never be able to stop me, I will keep him alive to force him to watch his failure as the world is blown up but I will leave an inept guard on duty who the hero will manage to knock out and escape. I will be in my control room and hav a count-down to blowing up the planet which will be voiced by an angry man/woman. I will get into a fight with the hero who after I manage to gain the upper hand with my amazing fortitude and kung-fu skills which I magically just learnt the hero will see a large wrench nearby and knock me round the head with it thus defeating me, he will then turn off the laser and turn around to properly secure me and take me in to the authorities but I will have escaped and he will see me shoot off in my escape pod, he will then aim the laser at me and blow me up with it whilst making a witty one-liner.

*Roll Credits*

-Gasp! A post-credits sequence hinting at a possible sequel if the movie does well in the box office!-

At a crash site on earth a badly burnt hand shoots up out of the wreckage of the escape pod.[footnote]Because everyone knows being blown up by a laser capable of destroying the planet then being exposed to the vacuum of space and then re-entering the earths orbit without any sort of protection is totally survivable.[/footnote]

Directors note: I was considering adding a scene where the evil super-genius reveals his tragic history of being bullied at school and being an orphan but decided that might not be cliche enough.

 

[Slaanax]

I"d hire Russian terrorists to attack an airport, with undercover American agent. The Russians would kill the American making them think the Americans killed all those people. Then a large stream of unbelievable events where basically I slowly kill all the good guys, cause I am upset they let my men die in a previous conflict, launching WW3.

Spoiler

Damn my Idea already has been used.

 

[LaughingAtlas]

I figure I'd be a Batman villian or something, throwing together dastardly, yet rather pointless/roundabout plans like
"Intimidate the local drug lords into throwing a a big drug party near the city dam on a certain day, inviting as many junkies as possible. On that day, call the police to alert them of the illegal narcotics fest while simultaneously having cement trucks pour their contents into the dam and planting mythbusters-amounts of explosives at key structural points on it. When the fuzz shows up, detonate the bombs, breaking the dam, causing cement mix to pour over everyone, laugh as stoners get stoned and the cops are at least distracted, and rob a bank on the other side of town, using the money to fund an anti-drug (of all kinds) campaign in hopes of putting big pill companies out of business because their products never fucking work properly for me."

Why, no, I don't think any part of that plan would work as anticipated.

 

[ABLb0y]

Shoot the only guy with a brain in the whole story.

 

[Ickorus]

I figure I'd be a Batman villian or something, throwing together dastardly, yet rather pointless/roundabout plans like
"Intimidate the local drug lords into throwing a a big drug party near the city dam on a certain day, inviting as many junkies as possible. On that day, call the police to alert them of the illegal narcotics fest while simultaneously having cement trucks pour their contents into the dam and planting mythbusters-amounts of explosives at key structural points on it. When the fuzz shows up, detonate the bombs, breaking the dam, causing cement mix to pour over everyone, laugh as stoners get stoned and the cops are at least distracted, and rob a bank on the other side of town, using the money to fund an anti-drug (of all kinds) campaign in hopes of putting big pill companies out of business because their products never fucking work properly for me."

Why, no, I don't think any part of that plan would work as anticipated.

Really? Seems pretty solid to me.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

From an old book you find in a public bathroom you learn, that you are destined to become the villain in a horrific, clichéd videogame/comic/movie/novel etc. story of any genre you like.

How do you know about the book? I've never told anyone!