Your favorite Conspiracy Theory

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Firehopper

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If you want a real laugh then head to http://www.truthism.com/ and head down to the women section. It's funny shit :D I'll give you a preview
"Women are ultra-impressionable beings, and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so."

Awesome right?
 

Yosato

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Quaxar said:
Yosato said:
I heard a strange one before that the Queen and all the British royal family are actually a pack of alien-lizardlike creatures donning human skin. Not sure what the justification was I just remembering it making me laugh
That does sound somewhat similar to a certain episode of Dr. Who...

OT: I'll go with the US plot to create an earthquake in Haiti to send troops there. Because Haiti is like the strategically best point to have troops evar!
Yeah I think that episode was based on the same conspiracy theory, but yeah honestly it was on a conspiracy show I saw a few years ago going through the top ten, it was along with ghosts, the moon landing being faked and elvis being alive
 

Erja_Perttu

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Yosato said:
I heard a strange one before that the Queen and all the British royal family are actually a pack of alien-lizardlike creatures donning human skin. Not sure what the justification was I just remembering it making me laugh
Oh, I like this one. It is now my ultimate truth.

My favourite is that God is a giant octopus/kraken thing called Cthulu. Thats classic.
 

Billion Backs

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A lot of the especially "out there" conspiracy theories are AWESOME.

Hollow Earth, Flat Earth, Reptilians (they usually get tied in for Hollow Earth) and so on. Sometimes, when I have absolutely nothing to do I go conspiracy hunting and it's some of the funniest experiences one can have on the web.
 

PhunkyPhazon

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Go to Youtube and listen to gorilla199 [http://www.youtube.com/user/gorilla199]. According to him, every one out of five people is a Freemason, and 95% of all businesses are owned by an alien race called the Tares. Also, the letters O and X are signs of UFO's.
 

Billion Backs

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Erja_Perttu said:
Yosato said:
I heard a strange one before that the Queen and all the British royal family are actually a pack of alien-lizardlike creatures donning human skin. Not sure what the justification was I just remembering it making me laugh
Oh, I like this one. It is now my ultimate truth.

My favourite is that God is a giant octopus/kraken thing called Cthulu. Thats classic.
Uhh. First of all, Cthulhu is as valid as any other god as religion goes. There's no more proof for him than there's for Yahweh or Allah or whatever.

Second of all, it's not even a conspiracy theory. It's a mythical "old god" popularized by Lovecraft through some of his horror stories. Some of them are actually good, and Lovecraft is awesome. He was an alcoholic, a complete loser most of his life, and only got his fame after his death. He truly is a hero to all writers =p

[link]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%27thulhu[/link]
 

Ryokai

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9/11 was a plot cooked up by America and the Jews and the Mexicans, all to provide justification for a war to "steal oil".

Fake moon landing is good too.

http://roosterteeth.com/archive/episode.php?id=924 -- ultimate truth.
 

Chrono180

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A few more:

Sherlock Holmes was real, but got tired of publicity so he had the British government hide all records of his existence except for getting Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to write books about him as if he was fictional.

Princess Diana was trying to fake her death to run away with her husband (or fiancee or something) but something went horribly wrong and she died for real.

Elvis never died, but was instead turned into a vampire and now pretends to be a Elvis impersonator.

Kurt Cobain was shot and killed by Courtney Love (How she was able to do that and be interrogated by the police at the same time, I have no idea)

Jimi Hendrix was killed by the US government

Time Cube, Nuff said

The Antikythera mechanism was created by a time traveler.

Anything involving the Voynich Manuscript.

Atlantis existed and was even more advanced that modern day technology.

The pyramids were built by Aliens

Stonehenge acts a sort of planetary acupuncture needle that helps focus the magical energy in the area.

The creatures known as "Bigfoot" are actually workers used by aliens we call "Greys" to build some kind of sinister device.

John Titor was a real time traveler.
 

octafish

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epninja said:
I heard one that the Boy Scouts are a backup army. If my troop becomes the last line of defense then were all dead.
Lord Baden-Powell sort of did found the Scouts to that end, as has been said before, but I thought I should point out that Scouting's origins are in the seige of Mafeking where young boys were used to run messages from command to troops.

My favorite conspiracy theories are pretty much anything where the Government has managed to keep a secret, or carry out a complicated scheme. Conspiracy theorists have such faith in their governments. I do not share their faith.
 

SimuLord

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Aug 20, 2008
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I wrote one back in high school that I still trot out every once in awhile:

Magic Johnson doesn't have HIV. He never did. In 1991-92, AmFAR was trying to find a good way to raise a lot of money through donations but kept running into the problem of having the public think "AIDS only happens to gays or drug addicts or people in Africa." Meanwhile, Magic Johnson was having trouble at home---his wife had caught him sleeping around and was threatening divorce, so he had to find a way to convince her that he'd changed his ways.

Meanwhile, Magic was only making $2.5 million with the Lakers, making him only the 21st highest-paid player in the NBA that year and not even the highest-paid player on his own team (source [http://www.eskimo.com/~pbender/misc/salaries92.txt]). He was also in his 12th year in the league, he was 32 years old and suffering the effects of a knee injury that would keep him in limited action during the season and upcoming 1992 Olympics, and he was in a position where he'd be receptive to pursuing other avenues in life while still at the height of his popularity in Los Angeles.

Enter AmFAR. They knew they'd get so much in donations that they made a secret backroom deal with Johnson that would pay him a cut far in excess of his remaining salary potential in the league. All he had to do was take the fall and claim he'd contracted HIV from his many sexual conquests. Since he'd be radioactive to women, his wife would feel better about his fidelity, and since he could turn around and use his "status" to educate kids about the dangers of the disease, he'd be seen as a "hero" and "courageous" and all that other Oprah crap that was starting to become popular in the early 1990s.

Suspicious facts? Well, Magic must've had unprotected sex dozens of times with his wife Cookie, and she was pregnant with his child at the time of the announcement. The drug therapies that prevented transmission from mother to child were still in their infancy (no pun intended), so by all accounts mother and child alike should've contracted the disease, right? Except they didn't.

Meanwhile, in a later 1996 interview, Magic credited drug therapy with "curing" the disease when he had his viral load lowered. Anyone who's ever been around HIV-positive people knows that "Cure" is a word you NEVER hear them say. "Manage", yes. "The drugs are a miracle", sure. But "cure"? Never happens.

So therefore, Magic Johnson does not have HIV. He never had HIV. And the whole ruse continues, paid for by a combination of that upfront funding from AmFAR and the later need for Johnson to go along with the conspiracy because to reveal otherwise would cost him tens of millions of dollars in lost value in his personal investments when his reputation got murdered.

(note that I don't actually believe any of this. Wrote it to prove a point that some people will believe anything---hell, some people bit on that nuclear explosion Mythbusters thing I wrote for April Fool's Day!)
 

Erja_Perttu

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Billion Backs said:
Erja_Perttu said:
Yosato said:
I heard a strange one before that the Queen and all the British royal family are actually a pack of alien-lizardlike creatures donning human skin. Not sure what the justification was I just remembering it making me laugh
Oh, I like this one. It is now my ultimate truth.

My favourite is that God is a giant octopus/kraken thing called Cthulu. Thats classic.
Uhh. First of all, Cthulhu is as valid as any other god as religion goes. There's no more proof for him than there's for Yahweh or Allah or whatever.

Second of all, it's not even a conspiracy theory. It's a mythical "old god" popularized by Lovecraft through some of his horror stories. Some of them are actually good, and Lovecraft is awesome. He was an alcoholic, a complete loser most of his life, and only got his fame after his death. He truly is a hero to all writers =p

[link]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%27thulhu[/link]
Ok, looks like this backfired a bit. Whilst I wasn't aware Cthulu was a valid religious icon, I do know about Cthulu in Lovecraft's stories. I was trying for more of an amusing angle than seems to have actually happened. You have to admit though, the Necronomicon is a classic.
 

not_the_dm

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"Gravity is a CIA plot to keep us on the Earth" and "Countries are a little bit closer than you think. They're all in on it, map makers, airlines, goverments. You could walk from Manchester to Moscow in half an hour".

How can someone be this stupid. No, wait it's worse. How can multiple people be this stupid.
 

Billion Backs

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Erja_Perttu said:
Billion Backs said:
Erja_Perttu said:
Yosato said:
I heard a strange one before that the Queen and all the British royal family are actually a pack of alien-lizardlike creatures donning human skin. Not sure what the justification was I just remembering it making me laugh
Oh, I like this one. It is now my ultimate truth.

My favourite is that God is a giant octopus/kraken thing called Cthulu. Thats classic.
Uhh. First of all, Cthulhu is as valid as any other god as religion goes. There's no more proof for him than there's for Yahweh or Allah or whatever.

Second of all, it's not even a conspiracy theory. It's a mythical "old god" popularized by Lovecraft through some of his horror stories. Some of them are actually good, and Lovecraft is awesome. He was an alcoholic, a complete loser most of his life, and only got his fame after his death. He truly is a hero to all writers =p

[link]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%27thulhu[/link]
Ok, looks like this backfired a bit. Whilst I wasn't aware Cthulu was a valid religious icon, I do know about Cthulu in Lovecraft's stories. I was trying for more of an amusing angle than seems to have actually happened. You have to admit though, the Necronomicon is a classic.
I guess. I'm just a bit crabby when it comes to people pointing at something and calling it an invalid religious icon while holding something else equally as unlikely (and as religious say, it's all about faith and not proof) in high merits. I mean, equality for all, right?

And yes, Necronomicon is a classic. I haven't come across too many conspiracies that had anything to do with such well-known fictional characters, though. When I go out to laugh at some conspiracy, I tend to run into a lot of holocaust denying/"jews rule the world" type of conspiracies, with some reptilians and aliens thrown in for extra measure.
 

Pokenator

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I love (but it also scares me) how almost half of Australia believe that global warming is a conspiracy. Do these people actually use the squishy white thing in their heads?
 

Billion Backs

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not_the_dm said:
"Gravity is a CIA plot to keep us on the Earth" and "Countries are a little bit closer than you think. They're all in on it, map makers, airlines, goverments. You could walk from Manchester to Moscow in half an hour".

How can someone be this stupid. No, wait it's worse. How can multiple people be this stupid.
Well, I think the problem here is not entirely the nigh-impossibility of such plan working - I mean, you can physically get up and walk, say, from New York to Moscow, and run into the ocean pretty fucking quick. Unless it's also all the CIA/FBI/Guvment plot, and it's all an illuuuuusion.

Which could be a case if you believe that you're in the matrix, figuratively speaking, for which there's no real proof for or against. The main problem, as I see it, is, well, first of all, the sheer what-the-fuck unlikely factor of most of these theories (but that could be ignored in certain conditions) but the fact that many of the believers of such conspiracies actively believe that even though some nefarious organization controls each and every person out there, they're the only ones who know about it and somehow manage to avoid it. It's like some kind of self-centered messiah disorder.

I mean, realistically speaking, if someone had the ability to control you in such a way certain conspiracy theorists seem to believe we're, they wouldn't let us know about it. Anything as powerful and "evil" as organization many conspiracies seem to include would not find it a problem, morally or otherwise, to silence some nut just in case.

Which kinda makes you think, many conspiracies seem to be literal ejaculates of unwarranted self-importance by their writers, who probably have pretty shitty lives (but then again, don't we all if we get really deep about it) and try to compensate for a lot of things. Just a form of aggressive escapism, or something.

Meh.
 

Billion Backs

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Pokenator said:
I love (but it also scares me) how almost half of Australia believe that global warming is a conspiracy. Do these people actually use the squishy white thing in their heads?
Actually, it depends on what you mean by "global warming". Much of the news you hear about it is pretty sensationalist and doesn't necessarily reflect all the legitimate theories and opinions. It's been a few years since I've bothered to read up on any of new stuff, I kind of stopped caring about it, but I'm pretty sure that there's no complete proof that global warming is humanity's direct fault. Did we have a part in it? Sure, fuck yes. Does it necessarily mean that we've had such a major impact? Not really.

Of course, global climate change certainly exists, there are cycles that are clearly visible in the past - warming > cooling > warming and so on.

Much of what people might see and hear in most conventional media might be somewhat on the sensationalist side. The worst thing that could happen would be the masses picking up misinterpreted/unfinished research and following it religiously while the scientists still argue and try to uncover the truth. But than again, it already happened in relation to a LOT of things like modified crops and so on. Meh.
 

CrazyGeneral

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May 18, 2010
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my personal favorite is the Gemstone File, it is like the ultimate in stupid crazy conspiracy theories (link: http://www.carpenoctem.tv/cons/gemstone.html )
 

Reaper195

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My flatmates brother came up with a conspiracy on a radio show a few years ago about the moon not being real. It was destroyed when Nazi's tried to take it over, and the FBi covered it up by replacing the moon with a large piece of black metal, and then had a projector shine the moon onto it from the top of a tall mountain. And when there is no moon in the sky, that means the projector is in the wrong place to find the black metal.