Your Greatest Witticisms / Responses

[rhyno435]

During Art class in Grade 10, I replied to my friend during a kind of pointless and dumb conversation that went like this:

Girl: How many Londons are there?

Boy: Two...One in England, and one in Ontario.

Girl: No, there are three, London is a girl's name.

Me: I've been in London...

I said it so calmly and kind of quietly, it was perfect.

 

[Vimbert]

During Art class in Grade 10, I replied to my friend during a kind of pointless and dumb conversation that went like this:

Girl: How many Londons are there?

Boy: Two...One in England, and one in Ontario.

Girl: No, there are three, London is a girl's name.

Me: I've been in London...

I said it so calmly and kind of quietly, it was perfect.

I approve, and wish I could've been the one to say that. ...London is a girl's name? Perhaps it's more common elsewhere, but I don't think I've heard of anyone having that name.

 

[Ultra_Caboose]

I had an argument with a co-worker today, and managed to quote Lewis Black...

"Where could I find a drug that could make me so delusional?"

 

[Drakmeire]

When ever someone asks why I don't do drugs I always say, "I'm already extremely mellow, I zone out and stare into space every so often, I get fascinated by my own hands, I get random idea I never follow though on, and I laugh at inappropriate times.
PEOPLE TAKE DRUGS SO THEY CAN BE LIKE ME!!!!!

 

[pompom8volt]

My favorite got me banned on the Halo 3 forums at Bungie.net.

*Ahem*

"Might I recommend this [http://www.hookedonphonics.com/]?"

This was in reply to a fully unintelligible wall of text having to do with the battle rifle change from Halo 2 to Halo 3.

Gxas, mind if i use that? I'd hate to take such a genius response with out asking.

 

[deleted_scifidownbeat]

DELETED

 

[KampfVerein]

Two coworkers of mine were discussing superpowers, so I joined in.
"You know, I can see 15 years into the future."
"Really?" said a coworker in between sips from his water bottle.
"Yeah. Like you, for instance. You're still drinking from that same water bottle, 15 years later."
"I hate you so much."

I WISH I COULD HATE YOU TO DEATH [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/04/09/]

 

[RebootBlue]

What do I think of your post? BOLT 2 MUTHA FUGGA!

Quoting Black Mage. A nice change of pace for me.

 

[Hexenwolf]

I notice some people seem to think quoting someone else is witty... why is that?

 

[Vimbert]

I notice some people seem to think quoting someone else is witty... why is that?

Well, it is witty in a way. You're reminding others of the wit the originator displayed. In my opinion it's sometimes not as witty as coming up with something original, but it can work.

 

[KampfVerein]

I notice some people seem to think quoting someone else is witty... why is that?

The act itself isn't innovative at all, but the words can be quite apropos.

"The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting." - Amanda Cross

I believe you can see what I did there.

 

[hungoverbear]

"I dont fear God, God fears me" to a born again christian. She shut up and stopped talking to me after that.

 

[The Shrubbery Demander]

Hmm... I guess it's time for more Yahtzee

"As the exasperated Chinese zookeeper said the last male panda on Earth: FUCK THAT!"

A friend of mine was playing a game of Team Fortress Classic some years back, 2Fort I believe. An enemy Heavy Weapons Guy just starts dominating his team, wiping out everyone and being a dick about it, spamming "I AM A GOD HERE!" repeatedly in the chat.
My friend is playing an engineer, so he sets up a trap: a breadcrumb trail of dropped ammo packs, which the HWG picks up and follows around the corner, where he's waiting with an EMP grenade. One lob later and the HWG blows up like a Roman candle. He gives this a couple seconds to sink in, then types:
"You've just met an atheist."

Audience: *claps wildly* WOO!!! *whistles*

 

[Puzzles]

Eh... Last night I guess I had a little one at work. One the the waitresses (who had recently died her hair dark brown from platinum blonde) had what you would call a typical "blonde moment" by folding a pizza box inside out.

My co-worker pointed at the box looking annoyed and a little amused, I laughed and said "Well, hair dye can only do so much, aye?"

Which isn't that funny in itself, but what I found funny was that she was standing there the whole time and wasn't bright enough to notice we were burning her, and kept on folding boxes, thereby validating any blonde jokes I felt like making.

 

[SebZero]

I'm kinda proud of this.

Friend: Have you ever just considered writing "Insert generic sarcastic remark here?"

Me: Yes I have.

He has no idea if that reply was sarcastic.

 

[Vimbert]

I'm kinda proud of this.

Friend: Have you ever just considered writing "Insert generic sarcastic remark here?"

I think I've actually done this before.

 

[KampfVerein]

I'm kinda proud of this.

Friend: Have you ever just considered writing "Insert generic sarcastic remark here?"

I think I've actually done this before.

It saves time!

 

[Vimbert]

I'm kinda proud of this.

Friend: Have you ever just considered writing "Insert generic sarcastic remark here?"

I think I've actually done this before.

It saves time!

*insert generic agreement here*