Your human survival guide

[SUPA FRANKY]

My guidelines for living.

"Don't count on anyone. Its only a matter of time before they bite you in the ass. And its almost always when you truly need them."

" You've only got one life to life, so make the most of it."

"No item or anything of the sort will make you happy. Happiness is something you have to get of your ass and find."

" Everyone has feelings. No matter how tough or hardened someone looks. Think to yourself. If you were in their situation, how would you feel? That is most likely what they're feeling."

" Never forget your roots. Never forget the people you've touched, the people you loved and who loved you back. Because without your roots, you'll fall."

" Everyone's a bit of a douchebag. I am, you are, your mom, dad, brother. Some are just filled with more shit than others."

" Your going to die. Albeit sooner or later. Most likely it will happen when your not prepared for it. You might think then whats the point of living. You will die, but the things you've done and the people you have touched. The feelings you have created will be everlasting."


Most important rule: "If it can heal itself, your fucked."

 

[Xaknm]

1. Always keep your zombie survival guide handy on you.

2. Never forget your zombie escape route(s)

 

[The Austin]

I really liked your "Rule #2".
I fucking hate emos', all they do is whine about how they can't afford the new Aytreu CD.

Yeah, I suppose I have my rules. Number one being "You are alone, even when you are not."

Kinda hard to explain.

 

[Unesh52]

Always carry a small blade and a zippo lighter with you.

Good luck getting on a plane.

OT: I'll contribute one rule -- "Don't be afraid of hard work, it makes your reward even sweeter; but DON'T do shit just to stay busy. There's enough productive shit for you to do that you should be slapped for wasting away on busy work."

That's what I hate about public school. Large spans of my life wasted on "fun-sheets" and fucking cross-word puzzles.

 

[Daenthos]

1 Be professional
2 Be polite
3 Have a plan to kill everybody you meet
34 If it exists, there is porn of it

Memento Mori

 

[demoman_chaos]

If you must hurt another, hurt them to the point they cannot retaliate. If you leave them with strength, that strength will be used against you.

It is easy to burn a fool who plays with fire.

 

[Irradiated Tiger]

-Stay alert. Be wary of everything

-Have confidence in what you do, but too much

-Stay quiet and listen in on things

-Learn people's personalities and mindsets. Learn to manipulate them to your needs

-Live free from morals and ethics and you shall live a free life

-If needed, lie about the important things

-When telling the truth, sometimes it's best to leave the "unnecessary" details to get your way

-You only get one life. Have as much fun as you can

 

[The Night Shade]

-Always carry a chainsaw,a lighter and a sawed shotgun
-Don't panic even at hard times
-People are the worse things in the world never fully trust them
-Stay in crowed areas and go on routes with lots of lighthing
-Don't be a pussy have courage
-Take risks

 

[Joe Matsuda]

Have faith in people, but make plans for if[when] they let you down

Delete everything saved on electronic devices i.e. private text messages...the FBI could still get them, but your dumb ass friends won't

If you become good at cheating, you never need to become good at anything else

 

[alittlepepper]

I have one simple statement that defines my life.

"Shit Happens. Deal with it."

It's short, simple and to the point.

Pretty much this. This and always carry a good strong knife and a lighter or book of matches with you. Familiarize yourself with your local military survival manual and grow a strong stomach.

A few other simple guidelines I live by:

Trust no other driver, whether you are in a vehicle or on foot, to have any cognizance of driving law until they demonstrate otherwise (like, never assume that just because the light is red, that that car speeding up to the intersection on the cross street will actually stop)

Be polite but wary in dealing with others; be courteous but always assume that the other person wants something. It's often true.

To be alone is to invite disaster, always travel with a friend or in the open (in a populated area). However, avoid large, dense crowds as they encourage pickpockets.

Following that rule, keep your real valuables someplace unusual so that if your wallet/purse/whatever gets stolen from you, you won't really lose much that can't be easily recovered. Money can be easily recovered; in a mugging, give it up without a fight. 20 bucks is not worth your life.

Never give up your dream, your desire, your wishes. Work hard enough and one day you will get them. One way or another.

Thievery is the way of the weak or the desperate, so be smart enough in your planning ahead of time to avoid both.

Other than that I just tend to try and stay out of the way, do my job as well as I can, put away what I can, and hope that in the end all of my preparations pay off.

Oh, one last one: The past is in the past. Remember it, but never, never dwell on it, for it leads to ruin.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Anyone else catch the sense that we're dealing with an abnormally high percentage of paranoid loners here?

My rule: sweat the small stuff and let the big stuff slide. Life is a lot funnier when the important things go to shit while you fixate on minute details that mean absolutely nothing to everyone else. Really, just fucking hilarious.

 

[The87Italians]

Rule 2: The Double Tap.

But seriously, this:

Spoiler

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights: a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
" BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

 

[__Anarchy__]

Be confident
Dont be a pussy
Take most oppertunitys
No regrets, ever

 

[Mordreich]

Watch the first 15 minutes of the pilot episode of Dead Like Me, life will suddenly make a lot more sense.

 

[Girl With One Eye]

Don't let people walk all over you, good friend or not people take advantage of those with a kind heart unless you put a stop to it.

No-one can be trusted completely, at some point in your life someone you trusted will make you never trust again.

Nothing is forever, "I love you" has no real substance unless it proven, even then its most likely BS.

Always have a backup plan, because nothing ever goes the way you want it to.

Good friends are hard to come by, so if you find one keep in touch with them. Or when you really need a friend you'll realise you have no-one.

 

[EightGaugeHippo]

"People = Shit:
Learn to live with the smell"

 

[Secret world leader (shhh)]

"Whatever the problem may be, don't worry. just remember that when measured up against the grand scale of life, the universe and everything. it really doesn't matter."

basically there is always something more deserving of your attention than your problems.