Your least believable (but true) excuses

[Scorekeeper]

Yesterday, I sprained my ankle before work but completed my 8-hr shift, subtly limping the whole day but telling no one what happened. This morning, it's swollen and virtually immobile. I call work to report that I can't walk and to confirm that I'm taking my vacation next week...starting three days from now. Because that's not suspicious or anything.

What are your least believable (but true) excuses?

 

[JochemHippie]

The dog ate my homework.
Then again my fault for laying a cheese sandwich on it.

 

[NegaWiki]

My cat got stuck on the roof.
We left a ladder up there and apparently Wade climbed it and proceeded to push it down. Took about an hour to get him without him falling off.

 

[Erja_Perttu]

I forgot!

People who've jut met me never believe just how forgetful I am, because it borders on the mind-boggling. I sometimes forget what I'm talking about mid sentence. It's pain in the arse.

 

[Lionsfan]

I left my notebook on vacation. Which was true, in like 7th grade I took a trip to Niagra Falls with my friends family, and I left my writers notebook in the hotel when we left

 

[teqrevisited]

I was looking after my nan's house and her dog for a week while her and my grandad were on holiday. On the morning of the day that I had to go to college that week the dog suddenly bolted headfirst into the glass patio doors and died.

It might not be the most absurd thing to happen but I couldn't fucking believe it. You can bet if anyone else was there it would've been fine.

 

[CODE-D]

I swear it was on fire before I even got there.

 

[Number-14]

I get late for school and the real reason is because of the FREAKIN' TRAFFIC. But seriously it's always packed with cars.

 

[Harley Q]

I was late for school years ago, because we had to stop to let a family of ducks cross the road. I live in the rural backass of nowhere by the way.

 

[isometry]

Had a boring party I was supposed to go to, but all the buses headed out that way that night were full and couldn't stop to take more passengers.

 

[Shivarage]

I just could not be bothered

... but seriously, the bus just didn't stop

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

The bus was late.

Half an hour at least, I have witnesses and fellow victims.

 

[Queen Michael]

I was several hours late for work because I touched a bathroom mirror and had to take several showers.

Neurotic? Me?

 

[Chanel Tompkins]

I can't participate in the all-school relay race because I tripped down the stairs and sprained my ankle. Considering my stairs are five feet off the ground...yeah...

 

[krazykidd]

We weren't having sex , she just fell on my dick , i swear!

Seriously though, a girl sent me a text message saying she loves me ,and my girlfriend at the time saw it , and thought i was cheating on her . The thing is , the girl was the time for girl that says i love you to everyone , everytime sometime good happens . Yeah we broke up , i learned to never be friends with a gorl that throws out i love you in every other sentence .

 

[Kae]

"Sorry ma'am, I was late because I saw a parrot flying in the street and tried to catch it to take it home because I don't think it could survive in the summer heat".
And the professor said in an annoyed voice "And how do you arrive 2 hours late because of that?"
"Well catching a parrot is not easy and even when you catch it, it escapes of you're hands really easily not mention he doesn't want to be caught so it pecks at you"
And then she said in a sarcastic tone "Did you at least catch it?"
"Nope it pecked my hands and flew to the top of a building"
And then she sighed and told me that I could enter.

But seriously catching parrots with your hand is hard.

[sub]Captcha said Yeah right, I don't think it believes me.[/sub]

 

[Kae]

Sorry accidental double post due to that sarcastic captcha error.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I came into class 45 minutes late (on a hour long class). When I came up to my professor after class and asked what I had missed she asked me why I was late with a displeased look on her face.

I told her I'd been stabbed and came to class after a visit to the emergency room and that the reason I was late was because I couldn't drive myself to school hopped up on painkillers so I had to get a ride from a friend of mine.

She didn't believe me until I showed her the bloody bandages on my back.

 

[KimiJay]

My dog mangled the paper part of my driving license so when i went to the test centre to do my theory test i got a funny look from the receptionist when i handed it over and told her what happened..

..My dog is a monster!!

 

[Saladfork]

This was back when I was in High school.

"I'm sorry, I saw this terrible movie (Eragon, for the record) and was so pissed off I completely forgot to do my math assignment."

I offered to show him the movie because then he'd see what I meant but my teacher at the time didnt really care, so I guess it didn't really matter.