Your "One does not simply..." moments in videogames.

[Some_Jackass]

One does not simply waltz through Old Olney
(Fallout 3)

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY GET THE FUCKING CRYSTAL SHIP IN FTL.

another pain in my ass, dear fucking god, i've played through that game at least 40 different times now (beaten it only twice..fuck.) and only once have i ever gotten even CLOSE to getting the damn thing, i even stopped and looked through a step by step guide on how to get the bugger, and still couldn't happen.

Can't help but feel like they dropped the ball there.

You need to:

Find a correct sector where you can get the pod event (pirate, engi, rock, maybe civilian?)
Find the pod event in the sector
After that find a zoltan/engi sector
Find the research crew event in that sector
Find a rock homeworld (may not even spawn in your game even if you get the pod)
Find the unmarked portal in the rock sector

The amount of luck required is obscene. I wish there was just a cheat to get the damn thing.

very true, half the damn time their either isn't a rock homeworld or i've already passed one by the time i get the damn thing. it's just sad that even WITH a guide you still have to go balls to the wall in restarts to even have a chance at getting it.

 

[thesilentman]

One does not simply beat Brood Mother.

Well, that one's Dragon Age: Origins. That was a hell of a long boss fight. The best way for me was to just gradually whittle down its health with arrows and magic from too far away for it to get me with its tentacles; if I tried to fight it in melee it killed my guys in seconds.

In a similar vein: one does not simply get through Orzammar in a reasonable amount of time.

No, actually. I've never played Dragon Age Origins. Is it any good?

Ya i was thinking it was DOTA 2 bc of the above one does not...

DOTA 2 is one! My friend knows how to annoy the shit out of me using him. It drives me fricking crazy trying to even survive against him.

One does not simply beat the Four Kings.
One does not simply spam fireballs to defeat a butterfly.

I'm guessing these two are Dark Souls?

Four Kings is Dark Souls, but not the butterfly one. It's quite surprising what the game is once you give it some thought.

 

[Quesa]

In a similar vein: one does not simply get through Orzammar in a reasonable amount of time.

Too true, too true. Orzammar is the reason I've only put 243 hours into DA:O instead of something like 600.

 

[zidine100]

One does not simply bum rush the enemy in fire emblem.

seriously go hide in a bush.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

One does not simply pilot the Engi Cruiser without having the Drone Retrieval augment in FTL.

One does not simply use the hang glider while jumping off of small hills in Far Cry 3

One does not simply play "just one more day" in Persona 4.

 

[Zefyrix]

One does not simply play a Dota 2 game without playing with Russians who don't speak english.

 

[BleedingPride]

One does not simply kill a Dreamrunner on Dante Must Die in DmC

 

[Reaper195]

One does not simply play games to waste time...

One does not simply play a fighting game to relax. In fact, with a lot of games,
One does not simply relax by playing games.

 

[SweetLemonTea]

One does not simply try to take over a city-state with warriors only in Civ 5.

One does not simply infect madagascar.

One does not simply play fallout without the bloody mess perk.

 

[Lady Lucky]

One does not simply beat Dragon Age Origins in one sitting....
(Even if you run straight through all the main objectives, I think you'd be hard pressed.)

 

[SlaveNumber23]

One does not simply fight the Four Kings slowly and carefully.


(Skip to 14.10)

 

[HunterTheGypsyBard]

"One does not simply collect all 100 precursor power cells"
Jak and Daxter was an awesome game, but that is probably the crappiest mission I have ever received.

 

[Scarim Coral]

One does not simply craft high end armours and weapons in Guild Wars 2.

 

[King of Asgaard]

"One does not simply do one mission in XCOM."
"One does not simply complete one sector in FTL."

"One does not simply play one hand of Triple Triad"

I'd forgotten about this. Thanks for reminding me about one of my biggest time sinks.

 

[bafrali]

One does not simply leave any vital testing apparatus intact

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

One does not simply defeat the Elite Four without using a revive or hyper potion.

One does not simply just play Darksiders 2 without enjoying dat combat music!

One does not simply play through a Pokemon game without catching pokemons.

 

[Goofguy]

One does not simply farm The Warrior without a Bee shield!

How very true, too bad I have yet to get any good loot from said farming.

OT: One does not simply exit the sewers without being forced to fight 10 Drowners.