To be abrasively blunt; if anyone believes that both sexes cannot be friends, they are arseholes of the obscene primal variety. I have the displeasure of knowing a few. And I can honestly say it is projection. Painfully obvious projection.
I have a lot better time and trust with girl friends than guys, it is rare that I can even fully trust a guy now, but that's probably a more personal thing. So this whole line of thought is beyond outdated.
You don't have to answer my question if you don't want to, but I'm a little curious, why does it so often ruin a friendship when two people have slept together?
Probably because of the awkwardness that follows. It almost only happened after nights of drinking and was never spoken of again after sobering up. Sometimes it led to regular drunken adventures in the hay, but then it always went messy as someone eventually wanted it to be more than that.
I think that if I had talked to these girls it might've worked out fine, however because it felt like such a taboo subject I never knew where I stood with them. Instead we kept going like normal while I got increasingly annoyed and aggressive while they tended to get quieter and colder.
the concept that men and women can't be just friends is BS. I started out friends with my best friend, we dated for years, broke up, and we're still friends. When she broke up with me it was pretty bad (mostly for me. She was back to normal after a few months.) and people were swearing, SWEARING that I HAD to cut off ALL contact with her out of principle.
I decided not to because piss on that. I'm already not normal in a lot of other ways, this one is at least one way I can choose to be not normal. I've worked ever since to move on and still keep her as a friend.
I know quite a few women at my job that I enjoy talking to that I don't look at them as girlfriend material or sex objects. They're nice, just...not the kind of people I'd date. It's really not that difficult to understand. Maybe it's because gaming and being a geek/nerd is such a big part of my life that 90% of the women I meet sadly don't have those interests thus we don't mesh too much otherwise. I can imagine people with more 'normal' pursuits might have issues (oddly the people I know who have 'normal pursuits' don't actually have hobbies by their own admission, but eh.) but I guess for once in this case my oddness is an advantage.
Eh, I think it's a well-established load of crap, to be honest.
As a girl who is into a lot of stereotypically male interests, I ended up with quite a lot of male friends.
I'm not so vain to assume that they all secretly want to shag me, and I don't want to shag any of them either, so yeah, I think they can be just friends.
blackrave said:
One thing though- sex and friendship doesn't mix.
It is simpler to avoid it.
HAHA, but if something will ever go wrong with your relationship, there is decent chance you WILL.
I dare you to claim that sex aside you treat your boyfriend same way you treat your male friends.
HAHA, but if something will ever go wrong with your relationship, there is decent chance you WILL.
I dare you to claim that sex aside you treat your boyfriend same way you treat your male friends.
Uh, apart from romance stuff, I kinda do?
I mean... how do you think I met him? We were friends first, and then started going out. It's not uncommon, so I've heard.
So, not apart from sex, but definitely apart from romance. Because I don't love my friends. Well I do. But not like that.
To be abrasively blunt; if anyone believes that both sexes cannot be friends, they are arseholes of the obscene primal variety. I have the displeasure of knowing a few. And I can honestly say it is projection. Painfully obvious projection.
Lots of people have said it, but I'll go with quoting this person and their guitar wielding bear. If you honestly believe that men and women can't be friends, you're either one of those people who sees the opposite sex as nothing more than potential sexual encounters, or have ignorant views on the sexes (there's some overlap).
Well, let's say you're a pretty girl and every time you've tried to just be friends with guys they've always tried to turn it into something more.
I would understand this person's personal experience leading them to believe that guys and girls can't just be friends without also believing that they're automatically a dick.
That said, I have to wonder what these kinds of people think of bisexuals. Like, do bisexuals just have absolutely no friends and are constantly trying to fuck everyone they see? You know what, I wouldn't actually be surprised if these idiots believed that.
People saying that it's just men who want to have sex all the time with their female friends can't just be friends. Why? Wanting to have sex with them is just another layer of the dyanmic. I have female friends who I consider extremely attractive. Why can't you be friends with someone but also think they are hot?
HAHA, but if something will ever go wrong with your relationship, there is decent chance you WILL.
I dare you to claim that sex aside you treat your boyfriend same way you treat your male friends.
Uh, apart from romance stuff, I kinda do?
I mean... how do you think I met him? We were friends first, and then started going out. It's not uncommon, so I've heard.
So, not apart from sex, but definitely apart from romance. Because I don't love my friends. Well I do. But not like that.
This "romance" is exactly what eventually starts fucking up relationship.
Friendship and romance are 2 different things.
For example
If you're my friend and ask for help, but I know you can deal with problem on your own, I will refuse and allow you to fight your own battles.
If you're my girlfriend it isn't really an option (I mean, I could do so, but what would your reaction would be?)
And there is metric crapton of such tiny differences that at first glance people can't really tell, but they add up.
Eventually things turn from simple, stable friendship into something messy, complicated and fragile (I think this is what you humans call "romantic relationship")
But hey, just because I observed how such relationship crash and burn 4 times, doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Maybe that's just anecdotal evidence and I'm wrong, and if I'm not, maybe you are the exception.
Either way I hope things like that won't happen to you.
This "romance" is exactly what eventually starts fucking up relationship.
Friendship and romance are 2 different things.
For example
If you're my friend and ask for help, but I know you can deal with problem on your own, I will refuse and allow you to fight your own battles.
If you're my girlfriend it isn't really an option (I mean, I could do so, but what would your reaction would be?)
And there is metric crapton of such tiny differences that at first glance people can't really tell, but they add up.
Eventually things turn from simple, stable friendship into something messy, complicated and fragile (I think this is what you humans call "romantic relationship")
But hey, just because I observed how such relationship crash and burn 4 times, doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Maybe that's just anecdotal evidence and I'm wrong, and if I'm not, maybe you are the exception.
Either way I hope things like that won't happen to you.
Well, you can't really have a relationship without romance, that's... a friendship, really.
I dunno, if I ask for something stupid, my boyfriend is perfectly happy to tell me no, and the other way around.
Ah, well, we'll keep it in mind as we venture into the future towards our inevitable romantic destruction.
Obviously many relationships don't work out, it's sad.
But we've gotten to six years so far, so here's hoping.
HAHA, but if something will ever go wrong with your relationship, there is decent chance you WILL.
I dare you to claim that sex aside you treat your boyfriend same way you treat your male friends.
Uh, apart from romance stuff, I kinda do?
I mean... how do you think I met him? We were friends first, and then started going out. It's not uncommon, so I've heard.
So, not apart from sex, but definitely apart from romance. Because I don't love my friends. Well I do. But not like that.
This "romance" is exactly what eventually starts fucking up relationship.
Friendship and romance are 2 different things.
For example
If you're my friend and ask for help, but I know you can deal with problem on your own, I will refuse and allow you to fight your own battles.
If you're my girlfriend it isn't really an option (I mean, I could do so, but what would your reaction would be?)
And there is metric crapton of such tiny differences that at first glance people can't really tell, but they add up.
Eventually things turn from simple, stable friendship into something messy, complicated and fragile (I think this is what you humans call "romantic relationship")
But hey, just because I observed how such relationship crash and burn 4 times, doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Maybe that's just anecdotal evidence and I'm wrong, and if I'm not, maybe you are the exception.
Either way I hope things like that won't happen to you.
What you have observed fail is immature, 'petty' romance, where love is measured purely in how far someone is willing to go to please their partner.
Most healthy people, in healthy romances, are perfectly fine telling their opposite what they can bite if they start acting up or asking for dumb things, or start having unreasonable expectations.
More often than not it's an assumption that men are unable to ignore their base instincts, and will try to get into the pants of any reasonably attractive women they spend time around, and will reject them completely (to protect fragile male egos) if they refuse.
@eclipsedragon. I think your simplifying it too much, bisexual people aren't particularly sexually attracted to everyone in the world any more than i'm overwhelmingly attracted to every single woman in the world. There's more to attraction then just gender compatability.
I think you may have misinterpreted my post, that is probably my fault for not being clear enough. I do not believe bisexual people are sexually attracted to everyone, I was pointing at the silliness of the notion. That's why I said "potentially sexually attracted to everyone"
I don't know... After re-watching School Days, I don't think you can become friends with anyone without [REDACTED] happening and shit...
But seriously, it's too weird of a phrase to take seriously... Besides, if I learned anything from Haganai, it's that its better to hang out with others who have the same goal of "making friends" than having "no friends" in general...
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was the only brother growing up with three sisters, but I've never had trouble having platonic friendships.
When I was in high school I think it would have been difficult being friends with someone I was also attracted to because in retrospect I was way too needy back then and I didn't really understand until I was older that terms like "relationship" aren't that strictly defined and that being attracted to someone on its own isn't a good enough reason to start a serious relationship with them. I have a lot of female friends, and some of them I'm attracted to, and some of them I slept with on a regular basis before I started dating someone more seriously. I've never had all this drama that's supposed to come with going from friends to dating and then back to friends when it doesn't work.
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
