So my fiance and I have been batting around with the idea of an open relationship for a year or so (we've been together about 4 years now and known each other for about 12). It's not as though either of us are remarkably unfulfilled in any aspect of the relationship, but she's always been a hippy at heart.
I honestly have few reservations that specifically regard not being sexually exclusive. Sex is just a thing you do, and any meaning it has is ascribed by the individual and can change depending on the context. If my fiance wants to experiment or be emotionally intimate with different men and women while knowing she's very happy being in a committed long term relationship, then that's fine by me. I too could easily see myself going out and messing around with other people without it really changing how I feel about my current relationship.
I do have several issues with the general idea though, which I think many people can probably relate to who have been in this situation. The first is that I don't know if there is some deep seated emotional problem that my fiance has that compels her to be this way. She had a rough upbringing, and I know I have several habits which could be seen as innocuous, but in reality are very self-destructive because of how I was raised and how my brain utilizes them to pacify certain emotional deficiencies. I'm not trying to project, I'm just acknowledging that as a possibility. I've actually been trying to bargain with her that if we both get therapy first, then perhaps we can more seriously pursue the idea of an open relationship. Sort of like getting a clean bill of health before joining a sport.
The second issue is that I don't trust most people or their intentions. Despite her somewhat stark demeanor with people who aren't me, my fiance is a relatively fragile person, and she's also a very trusting one. I could see her easily getting taken advantage of or not taking the proper precautions with other people. She completely agrees with me on this and we're both not really sure what to do about it.
There's also the natural fear of "what if it turns into something more?". Introducing that level of complication to a relationship that I already have just enough time and emotional energy to properly maintain seems like it would kill it. Moreover, I simply don't like the idea of full on polygamy. It rubs me the wrong way.
Finally, while this is something I'd probably be okay with for a few years, I think it would grow tiresome as the relationship went on and we started to get older.
So yeah, I'm at a bit of a crossroads about the whole thing.
Anyway, I shared all that so it might give you all something to chew on when considering the topic as a whole. What are your feelings? How do you feel about it "morally"? Would you ever do it? Have you done it? How did it go? etc.
I honestly have few reservations that specifically regard not being sexually exclusive. Sex is just a thing you do, and any meaning it has is ascribed by the individual and can change depending on the context. If my fiance wants to experiment or be emotionally intimate with different men and women while knowing she's very happy being in a committed long term relationship, then that's fine by me. I too could easily see myself going out and messing around with other people without it really changing how I feel about my current relationship.
I do have several issues with the general idea though, which I think many people can probably relate to who have been in this situation. The first is that I don't know if there is some deep seated emotional problem that my fiance has that compels her to be this way. She had a rough upbringing, and I know I have several habits which could be seen as innocuous, but in reality are very self-destructive because of how I was raised and how my brain utilizes them to pacify certain emotional deficiencies. I'm not trying to project, I'm just acknowledging that as a possibility. I've actually been trying to bargain with her that if we both get therapy first, then perhaps we can more seriously pursue the idea of an open relationship. Sort of like getting a clean bill of health before joining a sport.
The second issue is that I don't trust most people or their intentions. Despite her somewhat stark demeanor with people who aren't me, my fiance is a relatively fragile person, and she's also a very trusting one. I could see her easily getting taken advantage of or not taking the proper precautions with other people. She completely agrees with me on this and we're both not really sure what to do about it.
There's also the natural fear of "what if it turns into something more?". Introducing that level of complication to a relationship that I already have just enough time and emotional energy to properly maintain seems like it would kill it. Moreover, I simply don't like the idea of full on polygamy. It rubs me the wrong way.
Finally, while this is something I'd probably be okay with for a few years, I think it would grow tiresome as the relationship went on and we started to get older.
So yeah, I'm at a bit of a crossroads about the whole thing.
Anyway, I shared all that so it might give you all something to chew on when considering the topic as a whole. What are your feelings? How do you feel about it "morally"? Would you ever do it? Have you done it? How did it go? etc.
