You're starting up your own cult...

[pppppppppppppppppp]

As the title says, you're starting up your own cult and a large group of people are ready to follow you. What would you call your cult? Who/what would you worship? What ridiculous rules and rituals would you mandate? How would you deal with the nonbelievers?

NOTE: ONE and ONLY ONE person is allowed to take a stab at an existing religion. Beyond that, it WON'T. BE. FUNNY! >:0

 

[Stall]

-Insert cult obviously meant to be Christianity, but grossly extrapolate the concept of Jesus of Nazareth to make him into a cosmic zombie programmer ninja to show "wit" and "edginess" here-

SATIRE. I AM SO CLEVER.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

-Insert cult obviously meant to be Christianity, but extrapolate the concept of Jesus of Nazareth to a cosmic zombie programmer ninja to show "wit" and "edginess" here-

SATIRE. I AM SO CLEVER.

You forgot to imply that, having found been told about logical flaws in major world religions you have grasped a fundamental understanding of the universe and need never be introspective about your beliefs again.

 

[enzilewulf]

I would start the Hats cult. We would worship fedoras since they were the coolest hat ever. if you buy enough hats then when you die you get to go to the hat galaxy and live on one of many hat shaped planets. We accept all people, weather it be flat bills to those tropical fruit hats. In life you have to wear a hat every day for at least a hour alone and meditate about thinking of hat designs. Yet if you wear crocks or aviators with said hats you burn in the hat sun for all of eternity for mixing the fashion and fucking it up. Said hats would also need to be worn with a appropriate piece of clothing. Flat bills for teams would have to have a corresponding jersey. Fedoras would be worn by the high ranking members of the cult and you would need a suit and tie to go along with it.

Non believers would have to wear those hats with the bill but only a strap that expose your head and a crappy Hawaii shirt.

oh and +5 hat points for people who make their own hats.

 

[Aris Khandr]

Shun the nonbeliever! Shun! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnn!

If I'm starting a cult, may as well worship me.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

My Cult... The mind busters.
We belive that a strong mind is the best mind.
Joining the cult will have the new member manually inject himself with sleeping medice. After that, he must cut off the roof of his skull so the others can take a chunk of the brain to examine.

Every Thursday, which will be pasta night in the cult, every member will open an alcoholic beverage of their choice and pour it all over their pasta. After the member is done eating the pasta, they must do rigorous calculus for 24 hours straight to see if there is any change of I.Q. caused by the tainted pasta. If there is, the member must allow others to observe the failed member in a concealed chamber and watch his brain deteriorate affecting his attitude, movements, etc.

We will shun the non-belivers by throwing text books at them.

 

[Just_A_Glitch]

Obviously, we would worship the heartagram.

Though I'm not sure what I'd call it...

 

[Nicolairigel]

Well, we would worship the downfall of John Mayer.

 

[Radoh]

The Colt of Our Ladies of Six.
I've already made it, and there are several people involved, so this was easy.

 

[Mr.Numbers]

The one trick that gets people to believe in you is to show them your powers

Hand readings are a good way, but too cliche.

One of my mates made a lot of cash by adding his personal twist to proving his cult powers: He gave out vagina readings, I kid you not.

Genius.

 

[Fbuh]

You know, it's funny that you should bring this subject up...

Actually, I could just claim that I am the new Messiah. Then I would write a book about my personal beliefs, throw in some arbitrary lingo that could apply to balancing your checkbook, and then just do a radio/television show each week. And then Jason Statham and Ben Foster kill me.

 

[boondoggler23]

well If i had a cult we wouldn't worship a specific person. My cult would be the cult of insanity. My cultists would all be insane and develop strange obsessions and manias, With me as the Puppeteer of sorts. since we have no real belief system beside our insanity and removal from reality, Non-believers would basically be normal "Sane" people. So i guess we would all do our own thing and either not notice the person at all, or one of our more violent cultists would ravage and destroy them it would just matter which of the many would see him first.

 

[The Lugz]

the cult of cereal chompers

that one guy / girl you know that eats so loud it sounds like a dinosaur crunching stuff? yah they're one of mine.

 

[Phantomess]

My cult? The Church of Rock 'n' Roll, of course!

Sunday hymns would include Stairway to Heaven and Lay Your Hands on Me and Freddie Mercury would be named the Messiah.

 

[mcpop9]

"The cult of per-son-ality"
Silly references out of the way.
The elder dragon flame
We worship gods of other religions but always carry our flame with us, calling upon it in times of need for the energy to keep us going, we accept others for who they are. if you feel like you have a flame in you you're welcomed in and if you have a dragon you talk to in your head bonus points are given.

 

[Grell Sutcliff]

SINTROAL we would worship Guu, Excel, lord doviculous, Edward, Greed, Father, and Cell.
The rules are be smart, strong, and except all things as possible.
All failures will be sacrificed so the rest can gain power.

 

[TheNaut131]

I would start the Hats cult. We would worship fedoras since they were the coolest hat ever. if you buy enough hats then when you die you get to go to the hat galaxy and live on one of many hat shaped planets. We accept all people, weather it be flat bills to those tropical fruit hats. In life you have to wear a hat every day for at least a hour alone and meditate about thinking of hat designs. Yet if you wear crocks or aviators with said hats you burn in the hat sun for all of eternity for mixing the fashion and fucking it up. Said hats would also need to be worn with a appropriate piece of clothing. Flat bills for teams would have to have a corresponding jersey. Fedoras would be worn by the high ranking members of the cult and you would need a suit and tie to go along with it.

Non believers would have to wear those hats with the bill but only a strap that expose your head and a crappy Hawaii shirt.

oh and +5 hat points for people who make their own hats.

...can we play Team Fortress 2 all day?

 

[Infernai]

I'd start up a cult devoted to the worship of Pie: What kind? All of them from Apple through to cheese and bacon...not the numerical pi though.

It will be called Pieology.

Obviously, we would worship the heartagram.

Though I'm not sure what I'd call it...

Heartopharians?

 

[LikeTheReaper]

The name would be "The Fur Underground"
We would worship the furry characters
and your not allowed in if you don't have any fandom related items.

Haters gonna hate.

 

[Drakmeire]

Happy Happyism.
We shall worship me and also paint a lot of stuff
BLUE BLUE!