Zero Punctuation: Dark

[Yahtzee Croshaw]

Dark

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Dark.

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[el_kabong]

Welp. Never eating eclairs again.

 

[geldonyetich]

Despite feeling about as favorably-inclined towards vampire games as zombie games (at least vampires are slightly less overused) I would have liked another game as good as Bloodlines. A pity Dark suffered in overall quality of the thing, but then the devil always is in the implementation.

Ah well, it's apparently not on the PC anyway, so I wouldn't have played it. Oh wait, yes it is [http://www.metacritic.com/game/pc/dark]. Sorry, I should have looked before I wrote that, but I assumed with a name like, "Dark" that googling it would have been impossible.

 

[The EatingOgre]

There's something really nice about these reviews of terrible games.

It's really kind of freeing to know that this game is just simply not something I will play. Takes a load off my mind (or pretends to)

 

[Canadamus Prime]

And I didn't even like Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines, so shitty version of that definitely doesn't appeal.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

 

[Deacon Cole]

Switches in gaming culture can't get much dimmer, Yahtzee old chap.

You know what would be brilliant? If they had the guy go to the vampire night club and they tell him he's a vampire and stuff but he keeps getting his ass kicked and then late in the game, he meets those vampires again and they say, "We were just messing with you. You're not really a vampire." That would be hilarious.

 

[Roofstone]

I had no idea this game even existed..

Having now found out about it, I want nothing further to do with it.

 

[HemalJB]

Hey Yahtzee
If you're reading this, how about you do one of them indie game roundup reviews you occasionally do. Would be a welcome change of pace from all these shitty AAA titles coming out these days.

 

[Mr. Omega]

Yes, one could talk like they are going through a dialogue tree. I prefer the Metal Gear method, where one takes up to two words mentioned in the previous sentence and repeats it, but as a question.

"I just bought a new entertainment system for my living room."
"Entertainment system?"

 

[Thaluikhain]

Heh, got some genuine laughs out of me that time.

Also, mentions of VTM:B, which was awesome...with the right mods.

Spoiler

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

Is that pic from the park? What good is the 38 sepcial there, I wonder?

 

[Eiv]

Played it, was ok, nothing special. £20 worth of game at a push.

 

[proghead]

Switches in gaming culture can't get much dimmer, Yahtzee old chap.

You know what would be brilliant? If they had the guy go to the vampire night club and they tell him he's a vampire and stuff but he keeps getting his ass kicked and then late in the game, he meets those vampires again and they say, "We were just messing with you. You're not really a vampire." That would be hilarious.

That could be hilarious indeed.

 

[Defeated Detective]

When are you going to do that retro review of VtmB, Yahtzee?

 

[TheUnbeholden]

ahhh VtmB.. I've always wondered why Yahtzee hasn't talked about it, he should do a retroreview at some point. It's a shame about Dark, I thought it had potential. Alas, it seems like a pretty rushed, unbalanced game trying to imitate a far superior one. I mean a vampire who's melee attack gets interrupt by the human enemy melee? You can't use guns? What kind of a pussy vampire do you play as.

If they called him Edward, that would have made more sense .

 

[luvd1]

Wow, you are having to sail the waves of shitstorm terribleness of late. Is this your punishment for making a lot of Last of Us fans cry? The gods are a petty and vindictive bunch.

 

[duchaked]

this was hilarious xD I was laughing so hard at the video game dialogue trees part cuz I've thought about that a lot after playing through the Mass Effect series
one of the better ones admittedly, but still applies haha

 

[Doom972]

I've been itching for a good vampire game ever since Bloodline, and had hopes for this one, but after looking at several reviews, I see that I should probably skip it.

Can anyone recommend good vampire games other than the Vampire: The Masquerade games and the Legacy of Kain games?

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

You just took the Deus Ex meme and changed it to Bloodlines. I do agree that there's a certain similarity between them. I love both of them very much.