Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

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Jun 11, 2008
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Suskie said:
OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

More on topic: This was easily one of my favorite Yahtzee reviews in recent memory. I kinda like the game, sort of, but then I'd totally understand why anyone would hate it. The old "it gets better later" excuse from two weeks ago gets pulled right back into play (although, to its credit, it really does get better later).

Edit: Oh, and WHAT I WOULD DO to see Yahtzee review Final Fantasy VII.
Why it would just be same as every other game he criticizes for nothing more than his fan base? The one time he tried to do a good "review" people hated it and it never really happened ever again.

OT: Not surprising really nothing I didn't expect from Yahtzee who not only hates JRPGs but also has to hate nearly everything. Ah well what are you gonna do?
 

Xshu

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Jan 1, 2009
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Right: on the subject of the review, this is probably the single most disappointing review Yahtzee has ever done. I've been waiting to see Yahtzee tear this game to pieces almost as long as I've been waiting to play it myself, and he phones in a "yeah mana bar opening sorry first five hours no good"? Tsk. This was supposed to be the grand JRPG teardown, not some...some...I don't know... *sigh*
 

Chris Finn

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Mar 31, 2010
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Can I just say, thank you. I'm sick of people talking about how good the game is, when really, it's complete utter crap. An absolute disappointment that I only continue to play due to some masochistic form of brand loyalty. I'm around hour 32, and the game doesn't get better. Sure, the story starts to try to be told, but even at this point in the game, I still find myself more confused then actually knowing what's going on. And from what part of the story I do follow, it doesn't make sense, because the story is fucking retarded. Then there is the whole issue of the new battle system, and let me just say, I'm slightly disappointed you didn't get that far in the game - around 10 hours in before you are able to control the battle more extensively - because you would have ripped Square a new asshole for the absolute stupidity and inefficiency of the how it is set up. The whole game is just one big pretty waste of time, that I've equated to chewing on rocks, because that's the closest thing I can describe it's enjoyability. Though, I did like your oven metaphor, that is probably more accurate. It's nothing but linear corridor after linear corridor, which no grand scope of the world it's trying so desperately for you to like, that you just hate every moment you play and just want it to be over. But the achievement whore in me continues to solider on for absolute no other reason than I'm that asshole.
 

snow

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Jan 14, 2010
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Dragonrhonin said:
snowfox said:
I'm seeing a lot of "It gets good after 5-6 hours and gets AWESOME after 12-13 hours" on here...


Really?? If a game takes 5 hours to become entertaining then who in their right mind is gonna sit there and play it if they aren't enjoying it? I give Yahtzee credit for lasting as long as he did...
I hate JRPGs but I'd just like to point out that percentage is everything.
Yes but I feel that percentage is balanced out by the fact that you're talking to some one who usually doesn't mind JRPGS... :p
 

Amtracker1

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Feb 24, 2010
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Yahtzee hates all games (except GOW) equally but the reviews are entertaining and thats the point eh?
 

chaos666

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Jan 20, 2009
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Funny review as always. Overall I like FF13 but I can agree with Yahtzee on some of the issues the game has the main one being how the game TAKES FOREVER, to get going. I'm guessing God of War 3 next followed by Just Cause 2 (two very fun games).
 

clammy

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Mar 10, 2010
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snowfox said:
I'm seeing a lot of "It gets good after 5-6 hours and gets AWESOME after 12-13 hours" on here...
From someone who's played for 40 hours (chapter 12) - waiting for it to ACTUALLY get good.. I can assure you it doesn't.
 

DeASplode

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Nov 26, 2009
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Pendragon9 said:
Man, this was exactly what I expected.

Good review. I had a feeling this game would slam face first into mediocrity. Too bad you didn't play the PS3 version. At least there would've been less disks for you. :/
Less disks?
Surely only playing 5 hours he was still on disk 1.

I don't blame him for only playing 5 hours. It's the amount of time it took me to finish MW2 Campaign on Advanced so surely by playing for 5 hours someone would be able to tell whether or not the game is good or going to get better for them.
 

Sash'Rahaal

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Feb 12, 2010
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I really appreciate the abuse of Vanille. I tolerated the things that came out of her mouth on the grounds that she seemed to honestly have some kind of mental disability.
And, the erotic fanart? Out already? It was out BEFORE the game was released. The perv is nothing if not punctual.
 

Zodiac_A17

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Feb 2, 2010
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I think Yahtzee criticized the points of the game that got it off slow. I think this FF started slow because it's Square Enix first HD game and they had lot they wanted to work with and they ended up drawing out the games' story and story telling system. I haven't beaten the game yet but I'm at the point where the story is telling itself (not through Datalogs) just after or under and hour of gameplay. And with a game this large and it being a FF that's pretty good intervals.
 

shadoworc01

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Feb 22, 2010
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Nothing about how there's a chocobo in the black guy's hair? Also, why did you waste your time with FFXIII? We all know you hate JRPGs, so why not take this week to review God of War III? I'm still waiting for that review. Or maybe you don't want to because you actually like it. Don't think that I'm one of those people who bugs you to review my favorite game, I find the God of War series to be very blah, but I want to hear you hate on the plot. ITS LUDICROUS! Kratos killing gods? C'mon Yahtzee! Let's get a review of that!