Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[maninahat]

Are people REALLY complaining that Yahtzee isn't reviewing the game correctly by playing only the first 5 hours? The fact that any of you care about his skills as a reviewer baffles me.

Isn't he more a parody of a reviewer? He almost always gives negative reviews, even of good games. I take his stuff as entertainment, not as a compass informing me about what not to buy (otherwise...the compass would be the type that avoided pointing north unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY).

I mean, yes, as a reviewer he does tend to make valid points, but so does Jon Stewart with regards to the news.

He did his job fine. His review convinced me that the first five hours of the game are unenjoyable, and so I won't be buying it. As a consumer and a gamer, that is all I really needed to know. I'm not going to lay good money on the table for five hours of hundrum. Even if he played the game from beginning to end, nothing would change those deal-breaking, crappy first five hours.

This was a successful review that did its job.

 

[Artowis]

Also, the story is NOT going to make sense in 5 hours. The characters need 20 hours to become likeable as you see their personalities unfold.

This is ridiculous, to say the very least. Movies make you interested in the first 5-15 minutes. Books often have a reason for you to CARE ABOUT THE CHARACTER in the first few chapters. Only in video game land do people excuse absolutely horrific character development, or enjoyment in general, with 'it gets better later' and then ***** at the people who don't want to wait until later. No More Heroes is a 10 hour long game that had you giving a shit about the main character and even THE BOSSES whose only non-gameplay interaction you had was a 2 minute conversation / OP sequence and a few final words.

But yeah, everyone is awful for not wasting 20 hours for the characters to have some personality consistency. Well played.

 

[Snipingkid]

I didn't see the hype in MW2, and I didn't see the hype in this game either, although the only FF game I've ever played was Dirge of Cerberus.
Funny review nonetheless.

 

[maninahat]

That wasn't even a review. If he was a hooker he didn't even get to bend over. Hey let's play 5 hours of a story based game and rag on it. If a book critic was told to review a book and quite 20 pages in and wrote a review they'd be fired.

Not true. You know what a publisher does when he is given a brand new manuscript? He reads only the first ten pages. He will not touch that manuscript if the first 10 pages fail to sell the book. If those 10 pages are good, he will only then read through the rest of it. Professionals don't have to commit time to something which has already clearly failed to impress them. If something doesn't create a good first impression with them, it is unlikely to create a good first impression on the reader. Seeing as how a reader has no obligation to finish any book, why should a professional waste his valuable time when he could be using it to find a better manuscript?

 

[Gladi]

I also find JRPGs to be cheesy and cocky. Nice review ,same opinion about the game

 

[Gustertote]

he's so right, with regards to linearity and such. It just felt like going down endless coridoors designed by Laurence Llewelyn Bowen.

 

[Henriksen]

The best thing about this review is reading all the whining from the fanboys on here. I hope he does a mailbag showdown for this one too.

 

[Zepren]

Couldn't care less about final fantasy, nice to see it get a good ripping.

I was hoping for Pokemon HeartGold/SoulSilver. So far when I've really wanted you to say nice things about a game, the 2 i've hoped for, one you bent over for (saints row 2, yay) and the other you hated (Red faction.

So maybe, it being the third one i've really wanted you to review and be nice about, you'll be praise it and then i can throw your review at my mates who think i'm a kid for being nostalgic and buying it?

Go on, for me. I have an "I'm an assassin hoodie". Don't you just love that i'm actually contributing to your pocket unlike these sponges on here lol.

Pretty please.

Love

Zepren

Ps. I'm not a fanboy, just a general fan

 

[Atomic Skull]

FFXI didn't have the same plot, it was an MMO it didn't *have* a plot.

 

[UnSeEn60]

Erm...seems pretty clear to me that if you only play the first 5 hours of a 50+ hour game, it is A) not going to make much sense story-wise and B) not going to introduce the finer points of combat/gameplay/etc.

I always take Yahtzee's reviews with a grain of salt - ie. I don't believe they have any significance other than a good laugh. BUT, must say that for this review, he was lazy. Then again, I didn't expect him to like it anyway - I'm beginning to wonder if he has ADD, aka, the attention span of a goldfish.

 

[Wounded Melody]

No comment on the Australian accents? XD

 

[tomvw]

You know, I was enjoying FF13, untill my favorite character shot himself... I didn't take it as a good sign.

 

[SirPumpkinLongshanks]

Erm...seems pretty clear to me that if you only play the first 5 hours of a 50+ hour game, it is A) not going to make much sense story-wise and B) not going to introduce the finer points of combat/gameplay/etc.

I always take Yahtzee's reviews with a grain of salt - ie. I don't believe they have any significance other than a good laugh. BUT, must say that for this review, he was lazy. Then again, I didn't expect him to like it anyway - I'm beginning to wonder if he has ADD, aka, the attention span of a goldfish.

As it's been said many times before, if there's nothing compelling within the first few hours it's not worthy playing.

Take a look at old JRPGs on the SNES. Chrono Trigger had some interesting twists right at the start and the battle system was nice and brisk for a turn based affair. Yes, it got more complex as the game wore on, but the basic system was enjoyable even when your only option was "Attack."

If it takes 20 hours for a game to get good then it has taken a huge step back from its predecessors, flash be damned. A step back from the 16-bit era on our modern consoles isn't worth my time or money and a review of the first five hours is all I need because I wouldn't make it any further than that in a game like this.