Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

[Slangeveld]

One last thing, Escapsit. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE stop with that stupid Slim Jim commer... [Snip]

I agree. I had that with Doraleous and Asociates too. 30 seconds of listening to Sir Whatever. Dx Oh shit annoying.

 

[mr_rubino]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!"

No no, merely having such standards isn't trolling. What you are doing is trying to assert that your views are correct and being demeaning (or rather, trying and failing to be demeaning) towards those who disagree with you. That right there is either trolling or flaming (or both), take your pick.

See, I would have had no problem with you if you just said "meh personally I don't like Halo, I prefer my games to be deep and all that". What you are instead doing is trying to make enemies by saying "My personal standards mean I look down upon this pathetic excuse for a game from my godly perch and lol at those noobs who like it".

Sometimes I think "the Escapist" should be renamed "the Elitist".

(And by the way, quit with the insults, they don't do much for your credibility or your argument).

Blah blah meanie blah blah elitist blah blah subjectivity. Couldn't possibly care less; this bliss-mommy crap is old hat for people who can't actually defend their sainted franchise on its merits. Why don't you just start calling people hipsters and complete the "words that don't mean anything and just take up space" trifecta.

That or stop whining whenever someone points out the simple fact (c wut I did thar? lol, i luk 4wd to u wasting a paragraph going "Like... that's just... your opinion, man.") that every Halo game is more of the same. You can like better games where more care is put into them, and bad features are taken out instead of reinforced. All you have to do is learn to invest a little bit in what you spend your time doing.
You're allowed to care about what's happening on the screen.

 

[Netrigan]

I still question his refusal to acknowledge that multi-player can in fact be the "main part" of a game, and that he's essentially ignoring a very sizeable chunk of the product, but meh, he's yahtzee, he makes funny.

The one big problem with reviewing multiplayer is that, unless it's an established franchise, it's pretty much a crap-shoot as to whether or not it'll have any legs. If you're picking up a game six months down the line, based on a review that is heavily weighted for a MP scene that no longer really exists... then said review becomes useless.

And if it is an established franchise, the fans are going to make up their minds what is and isn't broken. The Quake series was always review proof, because the fans were going to support it no matter what, and make sure it supported every play mode known to man.

The only thing a reviewer can do is point out when a developer has completely dropped the ball (such as id not having any MP-only maps in the original release of Quake 2 or Epic removing Assault from UT 2003) or pointing out a newcomer that has put a lot of time and effort into their MP (such as Epic's launch for the original Unreal Tournament).

But the biggest reason of all for him not to bother with MP in his reviews is that he's flat-out stated that he doesn't give a toss about it. I think a good reviewer is one that makes an attempt to meet the subject of his review half-way. If a game reviewer dislikes racing games, then it's probably best that he refrain from giving his opinion on racing games. Since Halo: Reach has a single player campaign, and one that is highly regarded by fans and critics, then it's clearly there's lots of people who think Halo: Reach can stand solely on single player, and that's within his stated taste range. To have him comment on MP would most likely lead to completely hollow observations like "it has Capture The Flag" and "it seems to work okay".

 

[arconic]

I love how ODST was so shit he even forgot to put it in the line of all things halo. XD

 

[repeating integers]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!"

No no, merely having such standards isn't trolling. What you are doing is trying to assert that your views are correct and being demeaning (or rather, trying and failing to be demeaning) towards those who disagree with you. That right there is either trolling or flaming (or both), take your pick.

See, I would have had no problem with you if you just said "meh personally I don't like Halo, I prefer my games to be deep and all that". What you are instead doing is trying to make enemies by saying "My personal standards mean I look down upon this pathetic excuse for a game from my godly perch and lol at those noobs who like it".

Sometimes I think "the Escapist" should be renamed "the Elitist".

(And by the way, quit with the insults, they don't do much for your credibility or your argument).

Blah blah meanie blah blah elitist blah blah subjectivity. Couldn't possibly care less. This bliss-mommy crap is old hat. Why don't you just start calling people hipsters and complete the "words that don't mean anything and just take up space" trifecta.

That or stop whining whenever someone points out the simple fact (c wut I did thar? lol, i luk 4wd to u wasting a paragraph going "Like... that's just... your opinion, man.") that every Halo game is more of the same. You can like better games where more care is put into them, and bad features are taken out instead of reinforced. All you have to do is learn to invest a little bit in what you spend your time doing.
You're allowed to care about what's happening on the screen.

You have now crossed the line from infuriating to absolutely hilarious. I haven't got much to say to that really, so I'm not even gonna try. I'm glad you are, deep down, so unsatisfied with your life that you have to validate your continued existence by convincing yourself of the inferiority of all those who disagree with you.

Another shity review... I only watched this because it had the words halo and reach in the title... So you people say he enjoyed it? What is he like when he hates a game?

Watch his review of Kane and Lynch 2: dog days, or Metroid: Other M (preferably the latter). Then you will discover what he is like when he truly loathes a game. His style isn't for everyone, but generally you should pay attention to the jokes rather than the criticisms. He can be quite funny, you just need to get used to him.

 

[Netrigan]

Watch his review of Kane and Lynch 2: dog days, or Metroid: Other M (preferably the latter). Then you will discover what he is like when he truly loathes a game. His style isn't for everyone, but generally you should pay attention to the jokes rather than the criticisms. He can be quite funny, you just need to get used to him.

It's also his style to obsess over what's wrong with a game, although for positive reviews, he ends by pointing that his complaints don't distract from his enjoyment of the game.

In a strange way, his reviews are among the most informative I've come across. A lot of reviews tend to gloss over problems in games that they really like, which makes an informed decision a bit iffy. CoD: MW2 is a prime example. The single player campaign is praised to the heavens in most the reviews, but when you start checking out user reviews, you see a very different picture emerge... that the single player campaign is quite short and disjointed. If you're like me who picks up games for the single player experience, this is the kind of information that you want from a review and one that has me waiting until I can catch it cheap.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I have to say I've never been a massive Halo fan but Reach is a good game... the campaign is a little short once again- but apart from that I can't really fault it. I can't watch the review cos my computer is shite but Im glad he apparently quite enjoyed it.

 

[dmcc85]

ONI sequel???
never heared about it... that game is sooo old.
but so is starcraft.
i hope there will be some improvement in combo-abilities

 

[sumguitardude]

I really like the assassin move in Halo reach^_^
Also the story`s not that bad, not an award winning piece but nonetheless it got me through the game.
I think the strongest point Halo has and allways has been the multiplayer cuz its so fucking addicting^_^

 

[rddj623]

I do find it to be the strongest Halo game. I've had quite a bit of fun playing with my buddy who has a 360. Especially in the Firefight, game mode. It's a fun game in my book, glad to see Yahtzee enjoyed it a bit too.

 

[Xarhs Vrentas]

Another shity review... I only watched this because it had the words halo and reach in the title... So you people say he enjoyed it? What is he like when he hates a game?

Watch his review of Kane and Lynch 2: dog days, or Metroid: Other M (preferably the latter). Then you will discover what he is like when he truly loathes a game. His style isn't for everyone, but generally you should pay attention to the jokes rather than the criticisms. He can be quite funny, you just need to get used to him.

The thing is that I can't enjoy it when he seems to hate almost everything. At least this shouldn't be called a review. In reviews you point the good and bad parts of a game and in the end you say something like "buy it, it's good" or "don't buy it, it's bullshit"

 

[JPH330]

Repetitive gameplay? Are you kidding? Every headshot, every twitch kill is a completely new and different experience from the last. Like in the degrees you turn. And who you're killing. And stuff.

That has to be the most fanboyish thing I have ever heard. Yahtzee is right, the gameplay is somewhat repetative but the vehicle sections break it up quite nicely.
You were most likely blinded by expectation that you failed to see the games repetativeness, each mission contains at least one "defend this" type objective which did get somewhat annoying.

Also surprised Yahtzee didnt mention the forge, would have thought Yahtzee would have enjoyed building a giant metal penis or a giant version of one of his Imps. Ah well.

Firstly, I'm pretty sure nik3daz was being sarcastic, and secondly, if Yahtzee was against the user-made content feature in LittleBigPlanet I'm pretty sure he wouldn't care for Forge mode.

 

[Jzolr0708]

Am I the only one who feels that for once, Yahtzee should have been harsher? Seriously, if Reach didnt have Multiplayer that was as addictive as Meth I'd have sold it back to gamestop the day after I bought it!

 

[the_pleasure_is_mine]

The thing is that I can't enjoy it when he seems to hate almost everything. At least this shouldn't be called a review. In reviews you point the good and bad parts of a game and in the end you say something like "buy it, it's good" or "don't buy it, it's bullshit"

It's not a review. Yahtzee is a comedy writer and these are comedy shows.

If you want to see a review go watch the Escapist reviews because Yahtzee is a critic.

 

[xdiesp]

Now I won't buy the game because Yahtzee proved it sucks.

 

[repeating integers]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!"

No no, merely having such standards isn't trolling. What you are doing is trying to assert that your views are correct and being demeaning (or rather, trying and failing to be demeaning) towards those who disagree with you. That right there is either trolling or flaming (or both), take your pick.

See, I would have had no problem with you if you just said "meh personally I don't like Halo, I prefer my games to be deep and all that". What you are instead doing is trying to make enemies by saying "My personal standards mean I look down upon this pathetic excuse for a game from my godly perch and lol at those noobs who like it".

Sometimes I think "the Escapist" should be renamed "the Elitist".

(And by the way, quit with the insults, they don't do much for your credibility or your argument).

Blah blah meanie blah blah elitist blah blah subjectivity. Couldn't possibly care less. This bliss-mommy crap is old hat. Why don't you just start calling people hipsters and complete the "words that don't mean anything and just take up space" trifecta.

That or stop whining whenever someone points out the simple fact (c wut I did thar? lol, i luk 4wd to u wasting a paragraph going "Like... that's just... your opinion, man.") that every Halo game is more of the same. You can like better games where more care is put into them, and bad features are taken out instead of reinforced. All you have to do is learn to invest a little bit in what you spend your time doing.
You're allowed to care about what's happening on the screen.

You have now crossed the line from infuriating to absolutely hilarious. I haven't got much to say to that really, so I'm not even gonna try. I'm glad you are, deep down, so unsatisfied with your life that you have to validate your continued existence by convincing yourself of the inferiority of all those who disagree with you.

Oh, you're a chick. You shoulda said that in the first place so I wouldn't have pegged you as a teenage boy.
Actually, since my big words seem to have confused you, maybe I should just give you a Hercul- um... a challenge: Say something good about Halo Reach.

I know. That was unfair of me.
But now that you're in full thick-headed unphasable "Baaw opinions are subjective" (No duh, Captain) mode, I figured that for your own good, I should put you down with the one question that sends every Halo fan running for the exit. If it can't be answered by "Opinion! Opinion! Stop being mean!", you Halo fans can't answer it.

Say something good about Halo: Reach.

Ahahaha, accusing me of being a girl! Think up that one all by your lonesome did you?

You are one spectacular troll, you know that? If you're doing this unintentionally, it's a feat to remember.

Alright, I'll humour you for a while by taking the somewhat lateral way out.

One good thing about Halo: Reach is the Active Roster. If your friends are online and playing Reach, you can see this the moment you enter the main menu. You can queue to join them, so that when they finish their game you are partied up with them. When in the queue, you can also see details of their game, most usefully how long until it finishes. It's efficient. It's easy. It's a good feature, perhaps even an innovation.

Now I present a challenge to you:

When you try to rebut my point - as you inevitably will - don't try and redefine your parameters. You told me to "name one good thing about Halo: Reach", and I named something. I half expect you to say "lol I meant in gameplay, you stupid chimpanzee", but don't - the extent to which one enjoys the gameplay for any game at all is based around opinion, so "name one good thing about Reach's gameplay" is as impossible a question as "name one good thing about Metroid Fusion's gameplay" or "name one good thing about Homeworld's gameplay" - gameplay features I love, such as the 3D gameplay in the latter (an RTS), may be hated by someone else.

 

[Theninja'skatana]

Doesn't Load sunofvabitch

 

[HyperEffective]

Completely over-hyped franchise. Thank god there's someone sensible to tell it how it is

Yay Yahtzee

I've seen this phrase thrown around a bit too much. Is there any franchises out nowadays that aren't completely overhyped?

You're either completely unknown or overhyped these days

Now I won't buy the game because Yahtzee proved it sucks.

The view i've always had on Halo is they're not... bad but they're not brilliant either. They're a bit bland.

It could be worse, it could be MWF2, the issues I have with that game.

 

[Xarhs Vrentas]

Now I won't buy the game because Yahtzee proved it sucks.

Now there's a stupid way to think! Remind's me of all those haters who, when asked why they hate something, they answer "because somebody told me it sucks". Plus, yahtzee makes everything seem like it sucks, so you make an even less valid point. Grow up and think for yourself dude. At least rent the game before you turn it down. I like it, others liked it and you may like it too