Zero Punctuation: Killzone 3

[Madara XIII]

It sounds like they tried to rip off Halo Reach... badly.

Halo Jetpack: Badass Jetpack
K3 Jet Pack: Boosted jump.
Halo Reach Space Section: Motherfucking awesome space section.
K3 Space: Rail Shooter.

Meh much better shooting than Halo I'll say that. And at least the enemy RESPONDS TO A F*CKING BULLET WHEN APPROPRIATE unlike the damn Covenant. Also the enemy A.I. is at least a bit more responsive and tactical other than the "CHARGE!!! Noble Team can't take us all out at once"

If I shoot a brute in the leg he should be affected as such...not still running towards me preparing to smear my brain jam against the wall as if it were titanium toast.

The Jetpack was indeed gimmicky and the Space Section was something I was disappointed about. But unlike most FPS's, Killzone 3 actually incorporated Stealth pretty damn well and if you tried to run in there like freaking Leeroy Jenkins you'd get annihilated for pulling such a ridiculous manuever.

Not saying KZ3 is better seeing as how both games have HUGE flaws, but the Helghasts kind of stand a bit stronger than the Covenant. Honestly the Religiously devout maniacs are getting to become as cliche as having an overpowered hero who doesn't play by the rules and comes out on top in the end.....I'm looking at you Sevchencko (KZ3) and Master Chief (Halo)

 

[Kilbeam99]

It was made by the Dutch?

It really is.

 

[Madara XIII]

Does Yahtzee hate the original Star Wars trillogy because all the bad guys have English accents too?

Wait? You mean the storm troopers with the British accents? I mean I know Vader aka Anakin had a british accent, but wasn't noticeable until you the new trilogy. And the Emperor. meh

Either way I think I see your point.

 

[Madara XIII]

I don't mind R1 being used for firing in PS3 games because Sony put the worst "triggers" ever on the Dualshock 3. But I didn't have to worry about it anyway because I got used to the Move and now it's awesome. I've never had the red light reflected on the screen, at least not during gameplay. I also guess that's why they made all the menus and loading screens red.

Anyway, thanks for not hoping on board the troll bandwagon and saying that everyone is multiplayer is playing marksman infiltrator medic whatever class is up next on the troll of the day calendar like so many stupid forum goers do, while also complaining that the non-silenced M82 is overpowered which doesn't make sense because the only class that gets one is the infiltrator, which means they should never get shot by one because everyone is playing marksman infiltrator medic shut up already, trolls!
Yes, successful trolls are obviously successful seeing as I want to choke them all, and that means they win, but oh well. I'll just kill them online with my SMG as a tactician and then they can go whine about how everyone is a tactician with an OP SMG because that's what killed them last.

Huh? Oh right, review. Yeah, that bit at the start about Americans begging for help was a bit silly this time, because as has been stated many times, we didn't make this game. Oh well. We've done enough of them for the joke to still be funny. I also liked the little censor bar at the sausage slicer machine that read "Could be wurst".

Also I'm surprised there weren't any comments about the stupid stealth section, where you go and hide in a dark cave to wait to ambush some enemies, which would be normal except that the ISA all have stupid blue lights on their uniforms. So you have a giant "HERE I AM" lit sign on you. It would be fine if your attempt at stealth failed because of them, but then the Helghast will look right into that cave at you, with your big blue lights turned on full blast, and not see you. The fuck? That whole part made no sense.

I'll give you the part about the Stealth considering even my little 12 year old sister pointed that out about the whole blue light sticking out. Kinda made me laugh. Don't worry though it just shows that the Helghast have caught the Metal Gear Solid Syndrome and wont react unless you do something REALLY OBVIOUS!!!
Hehehe at least they prove more intelligent than the Covenant.

 

[Madara XIII]

It sounds like they tried to rip off Halo Reach... badly.

Halo Jetpack: Badass Jetpack
K3 Jet Pack: Boosted jump.
Halo Reach Space Section: Motherfucking awesome space section.
K3 Space: Rail Shooter.

Meh much better shooting than Halo I'll say that. And at least the enemy RESPONDS TO A F*CKING BULLET WHEN APPROPRIATE unlike the damn Covenant. Also the enemy A.I. is at least a bit more responsive and tactical other than the "CHARGE!!! Noble Team can't take us all out at once"

If I shoot a brute in the leg he should be affected as such...not still running towards me preparing to smear my brain jam against the wall as if it were titanium toast.

The Jetpack was indeed gimmicky and the Space Section was something I was disappointed about. But unlike most FPS's, Killzone 3 actually incorporated Stealth pretty damn well and if you tried to run in there like freaking Leeroy Jenkins you'd get annihilated for pulling such a ridiculous manuever.

Not saying KZ3 is better seeing as how both games have HUGE flaws, but the Helghasts kind of stand a bit stronger than the Covenant. Honestly the Religiously devout maniacs are getting to become as cliche as having an overpowered hero who doesn't play by the rules and comes out on top in the end.....I'm looking at you Sevchencko (KZ3) and Master Chief (Halo)

Chief is floating in space, Six is dead and the Rookie wasn't seen in 3, now was he? Besides, Halo put a bunch of twists on it, and did it at the start of the century.

I didn't really address 6 or the rookie for that matter. Like I said. Overpowered Main Character who's probably still alive somewhere considering you'd need an entire galaxy to kill him.

 

[almostgold]

Uh, bad guys needed an accent. But I guess it wouldn't be a problem if it was an American accent right?

Calm down.

 

[TheSorrow1145]

I've seen a few promoters for comments like this, but again, Guerrilla Games isn't based in the United States, they're base in Amsterdam, Netherlands.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guerilla_Games

 

[Geekmaster]

Did you remember to set the controls to alternative and adjust sensitivity Yathzee? That's kinda important and is a huge difference at least for me. Just a friednly advice if you're interested in enjoying the game.

 

[theultimateend]

I don't know if someone has already quoted this very appropriate joke or not yet but:

"All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." - Nigel Powers

 

[Rich Robinson]

"Switched to a proper heterosexual controller"

This kind of homophobia is beneath this publication. I come here to watch reviews of games I might play, not to be insulted and hear someone else's social commentary.

 

[mb16]

lol the british helped win the US win the war? When one of your most successful and celebrated military actions is an evacuation, then you've got problems

Aside from a few british planes successfully defending London from being obliterated, the UK had negligible impact on the outcome of the war.

oh im sorry we were just fighting from the start of the war.
also you haven't read much into the African campaign have you

 

[beema]

fuck cutting edge technology

I never understood why the Helghast are portrayed as the villains. I mean, the story is that the ISA people kicked the Helghast off their homeworld and deported them to some shithole planet where they had to slave away in death mines, essentially. So then the Helghast (understandably) revolted. Sounds like ISA are the bag guys to me.

 

[Drexlor]

How many mistakes did Yahtzee make here?
R1 is almost always the shooting button in fps games
The game is Dutch, not American
The United States saved Britain in WWII, not the other way around. Although it was actually the Soviets that defeated Germany
crouch is usually circle, not R3
Aim is usually L1

 

[Swordfish08]

Without the US we would have lost.
Without the UK we would have lost.
Without the Russians we would have lost.

This. A Million times, this. If any one of these pieces had been missing, the whole lot of us would be speaking German. I get so sick of these "The US/UK/USSR did all the work and the others were non-factors," arguments. If any one of those nations hadn't fought in the war, then they all would have lost.

Uh, bad guys needed an accent. But I guess it wouldn't be a problem if it was an American accent right?

Also, this. If the Brits are allowed to rant against a game where all the antagonists have British accents, are the American's allowed to rant against about 60% of all the other games ever made where the antagonists have American accents?

 

[Jack Phoenix]

I like most of your reviews and the hate comedy on them but if america is so fucking stupid and gay then why do more people move from their countries to ours? The only reason why its hard to get a green card is because we want productive people who can actually help other people in this country and because so many people are flooding toward us faster then a Tsunami in Japan.

I think you're taking his reviews too seriously. He is after-all only reviewing a silly game, and not launching a polemic dissertation against the US.

I'm sorry but I came here to watch a game review and not a fuck America speech. I normally let it go like a fart in the wind but he just keeps farting so much that it is stinking the whole room up. I know he doesn't care about appealing to his fans but insulting a whole fucking country all the fucking time is just god damned annoying. I like to watch his reviews but America has nothing to do with reviewing video games unless it comes out of Activisions ass and then he can insult there interpretation of America all he wants. what ever it's not like he is going to listen to this anyway.

 

[maninahat]

I like most of your reviews and the hate comedy on them but if america is so fucking stupid and gay then why do more people move from their countries to ours? The only reason why its hard to get a green card is because we want productive people who can actually help other people in this country and because so many people are flooding toward us faster then a Tsunami in Japan.

I think you're taking his reviews too seriously. He is after-all only reviewing a silly game, and not launching a polemic dissertation against the US.

I'm sorry but I came here to watch a game review and not a fuck America speech. I normally let it go like a fart in the wind but he just keeps farting so much that it is stinking the whole room up. I know he doesn't care about appealing to his fans but insulting a whole fucking country all the fucking time is just god damned annoying. I like to watch his reviews but America has nothing to do with reviewing video games unless it comes out of Activisions ass and then he can insult there interpretation of America all he wants. what ever it's not like he is going to listen to this anyway.

He didn't actually insult America all that much in this review. He complained about the lengths the company went to to characterise all the villains as British (despite the baddies being nazi stand ins). It comes back to America because this game was made to specifically appeal to Americans and American based stereotypes. Hence why the villains are English, and the heroes are generic, rugged, white Americans. That comes off as a little obnoxious after a while if you happen to be British.

As I said, they're only cheap jokes, he isn't actually writing an essay about how America itself sucks. But he is criticising something that Americans often get wrong and which features prominently in the game he is reviewing.

 

[maninahat]

Without the US we would have lost.
Without the UK we would have lost.
Without the Russians we would have lost.

This. A Million times, this. If any one of these pieces had been missing, the whole lot of us would be speaking German. I get so sick of these "The US/UK/USSR did all the work and the others were non-factors," arguments. If any one of those nations hadn't fought in the war, then they all would have lost.

Uh, bad guys needed an accent. But I guess it wouldn't be a problem if it was an American accent right?

Also, this. If the Brits are allowed to rant against a game where all the antagonists have British accents, are the American's allowed to rant against about 60% of all the other games ever made where the antagonists have American accents?

No, because Americans also play the hero 100% of the time (give or take 0.1%), so it doesn't matter if they have Americans occasionally playing villains because you get a sense that Americans can play more than one role. Saying that, in most games that portray Americans as villains, they are usually corporate boss stereotypes or axe crazy soldiers. If you were a CEO of a company or a Colonel then you might have a reason to complain at being cast as the baddie.

 

[Rayansaki]

For some reason I have the feeling that he knew that the game was made by the Dutch and managed by SCEE. He just wanted to take another crack at Americans, and hoped people wouldn't notice.

Also R1 is best for shooting on the PS3 because that is where the curvature of the controller naturally positions your index finger. The "trigger" buttons aren't triggers. They just have more range on them and a badly placed pivot. Forcing the player to use R2 to shoot is reason enough to sell the game without finishing it.

Thankfully I can't remember any game that forced you to use R2 for shooting on the PS3.

 

[oblivion328]

I think he means how every single Imperial officer is British.